words in movies
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch in Central Perk]
Phoebe: (Clears Throat) Rach, so, that guy there. Straight or gay?
Phoebe: Yeah? Why?
Phoebe: Oh no not that guy there. That guy right there. (Pointing to an attractive man sitting at a table behind them.)
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
Phoebe: Ohh, he left his cell phone.
Phoebe: Or we could use it to call China. See how those guys are doing.
Phoebe: Yeah That does sound great. I'm going to get the phone. (They both get up.)
Phoebe: I don't know. I haven't been out on a date in so long.
Rachel: Phoebe, you had a date three days ago.
Phoebe: That wasnt a date! That was, that was just friends getting together (quietly) having sex.
Phoebe: No way! No way! You just broke with Tag a week ago.
Phoebe: Nice try.
Phoebe: I dont know.
(She holds the phone out and starts taunting Phoebe. Phoebe calming knocks the phone out of Rachels hand and catches it.)
Phoebe: Ah-ha! Too cocky!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still arguing over the phone.]
Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; thats not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why dont we, why dont we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone.
Phoebe: Or, we can decide by whose ever name is closer to the word phone.
Phoebe: (handing Rachel the phone) Fine all right, but Id bet youd be singing another tune if we were fighting over a ratchet.
Phoebe: Ohh, I lost my mom to suicide.
Phoebe: Did I use that already today? Im sorry.
Phoebe: Okay, a meat eater. Fine, thats one for you.
Phoebe: So you dont know thats Barneys the store! That can be yknow his friends house, or a bar. Who has Barneys the store on their speed dial?
Rachel: (showing Phoebe her phone) His new girlfriend!
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is putting out some Sunflower seeds as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe: Good.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Yeah!
Phoebe: Ooh, now you lost me.
Phoebe: No I didnt!
Phoebe: No.
Rachel: Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. (Rachel dials her phone and Phoebes bag starts to ring.) Oh, it does work! (Rachel grabs the phone and takes it out of Phoebes handbag.)
Rachel: Phoebe!
Phoebe: That is a different phone.
Rachel: Oh is it?! (She answers the cute guys phone.) Uhh, hello? (On her phone) Yes hi, is Rachel there? (On the other phone) Yes she is, just one moment please. (To Phoebe, holding out both phones.) Its for me!
Phoebe: That is damning evidence.
Rachel: Oh my God! I bet thats him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh (In a sexy voice) Hello? Or should I be (Happily) Hi! Its Rach (Phoebe knocks the phone out of Rachels hand, catches it, and answers it.) Would you stop doing that?!
Phoebe: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yes, Im the one who found your phone.
Rachel: Phoebe! You cant do th
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Shhh! Im on a call! (On phone) Umm well yeah, you can pick it up tonight, say 8:30? At-at my apartment. Its umm, its umm 5 Morton Street, Apartment 14, umm and then maybe yknow after we can grab a bite to eat or whatever. (Listens) Okay, well okay Ill see you then. (Listens) Bye. (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: Oh? And how will you know what time to come over?
Phoebe: Oh. Okay, well I-I was kinda hoping that I would just be alone yknow to think about my mom and her suicide.
Rachel: Oh Phoebe!
Phoebe: What?! Thats the first time today!
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for the cute guy to show up for his cell phone. Rachel is putting on perfume by spraying it ahead of her face, and moving into it. Phoebe tries to steal some.]
Phoebe and Rachel: (simultaneously) Who is it?
Phoebe: Whoa! Why do you get to answer the door?
Phoebe: Because its my apartment!
Phoebe: Okay. All right. (Hands her the phone.) Good luck explaining all the calls to China.
(Phoebe opens the door and Tom, an older gentleman with white hair, enters.)
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Wow! How long were we arguing for?
Phoebe: Could you-could you umm, give us one second?
Phoebe: Wh-what do we do?
Phoebe: Can you believe this? (Rachel exhales in amazement.) We were waiting for a hot guy and then an even hotter one shows up!
Rachel: I know! (Realizes what Phoebe said.) What?!
Phoebe: Hmm, they just dont make em like that anymore!
Phoebe: Rachel, listenI mean, if you let me have him then I will really owe you one.
Rachel: (fake disappointment) All right. All right Phoebe I will let you have him, but you owe me; you owe me big!
Phoebe: Yeah! Youre such a great friend!
Phoebe: Oh thatd be me. Sir. (Hands him the cell phone.) After you.
Tom: Okay. Okay. (Exits and Phoebe checks him out.)
Phoebe: (whispering) Nice!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.]
(He starts. And well, Celebration was never meant to be played on the bagpipe, so even the best bag pipe players in the world would have trouble with that particular song. So of course, for a beginner like Ross, it sounds absolutely dreadful. The assembled audience minus Phoebe, are horrified. Phoebe, immune to bad music, seems to enjoy it.)
(Ross resumes playing, this time accompanied by Phoebe screeching out Es in tune with Ross. While Phoebe is singing along, Rachel is having a very difficult time keeping a straight face. Thankfully, Ross gives up after a little while.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe. Yes, I typed that earlier. Were seeing this again, only this time Ross as already started playing.]
Phoebe: Eeee!!! Eee!! Eee!!
Phoebe: You can't put your cigarette out on a tree!
PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that ones actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Phoebe: Its Phoebe! Phoebe!
Phoebe: Youre making one right now!
Phoebe: (returning from the bathroom) Rach, youre in my seat.
Phoebe: What?!
Another Mans Voice: Lets go Phoebe!
Same Mans Voice: Phoebe, come on!
Phoebe: Look, Im talking right now! Youreyou mean her.
Phoebe: Hey!
[Outside with Phoebe and Ryan.]
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Phoebe: No (tucks it in her pants)
Phoebe: Wow!
PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Phoebe: Which time?
Phoebe: Oh, Pervert Parade?
PHOEBE: [enters with the three people she got out] Ok, welcome to the fu-oh.
Phoebe: By the way, its a costume party.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, so you can walk around naked.
Phoebe: How'd you know I was coming?
Phoebe: What?
Monica: Hey Phoebe! Guess what?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Watch, watch. (She turns a strand of Christmas lights strung around the house.)
Phoebe: Oh no, Ross doesnt know anything.
Phoebe: Hi!
Ross: And thats Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)
Phoebe: Hey, how are you guys doing?
Phoebe: (yelling from Monicas room) No-no!! No!!
Phoebe: Well, what am I going to tell Monica? She wants to wear them tonight!
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
[Phoebe walks from the living room to the kitchen and talks quietly to Rachel.]
Phoebe: Most people dont like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and Im already going crazy. I miss Joan.
Phoebe: That is.
Phoebe: Oh thats not so bad.
Monica: Yeah! Shes right in there! (Points to Phoebes room.)
Joey: (entering with Phoebe) Come on Pheebs! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
Phoebe: Oh God! Is that veal?
Monica: Oh, Phoebe, she couldn't stop crying! With those thick glasses, her tears looked giant.
Phoebe: Fine! Then you tell Roger because he was really looking forward to this! (Phoebe exits.)
Phoebe: ( in a soothing voice) Relax every muscle in your body. Listen to the plinky-plunky music. Okay, now close you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your happy place.
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
(the Charity guy smiles wanting to take the check, but Phoebe pulls it back again. His smile fades.)
Monica: Phoebe, why is smoke coming out of the bathroom?!
Phoebe: Oh, give it to me.
(Rachel and Phoebe exchange looks.)
Monica: Phoebe! Put that cigarette out!
Phoebe: Thank God.
Phoebe: Give it!
PHOEBE: Oh, I couldn't go in.
Joey: Sure, sure. Ok, (clears his throat and starts to read from his script. He starts talking in a fake French accent, making gestures with his hands) "Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu" (Phoebe looks astonished, annoyed and disgusted, Joey seems very proud though) See?
Phoebe: Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?!
Phoebe: I wa-I wa-I wa
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: Umm, a flea market?
Phoebe: Oh Ross, calm down, Ill give you the 80 cents. (Ross glares at Rachel)
Phoebe: Ameri-can.
Phoebe: Uh huh! If its a girl, Phoebe, and if its a boy, Phoebo!
Phoebe: Well thats great! Congratulations!! (She hugs Rachel.)
Phoebe: Yeah well, in America you're just an "ass".
Phoebe: No kind. He just makes it up.
Phoebe: You don't like ice cream?
Phoebe: (Monica is yanking on her bra strap) Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.
(Phoebe mocks what Monica just said. Ross pulls Chandler aside.)
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Phoebe: Listen, Roberts gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him?
[Pan to Monica and Phoebe having the same conversation.]
Phoebe: Uh, I dont think so!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Thanks! Y'know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off!
Jack: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Jack!! Hey!
Phoebe: You guys!! Come on!
Phoebe: Bread, so you never go hungry.
Phoebe: Surprise! Look whos back!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Hey! (Chandler looks up, startled) Why isnt it Spiderman? Yknow like Goldman, Silverman...
Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt?
Phoebe: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.
Phoebe: (singing)
Phoebe: (entering, carrying her massage table) Hi!
Phoebe: Ohh! We went to a self-defense class today!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah, I did. I think it sounds y'know big sistery, y'know, Franks always late.
Phoebe: So, did shopping make you feel any better about Ross?
Phoebe: No.
Phoebe: Oh, you're no ordinary roommate are you?
Phoebe: What is that?
Phoebe: You guys!
Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.
(they go into Monica and Rachels, and see Phoebe hopping around.)
Phoebe: Ross!!!
Past Life Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying(She is cut off by an exploding shell just outside the tent. When the smoke clears, she's missing an arm and the blood is pumping out like you'd see in a horror movie. And upon seeing her condition, she says ) Oh no.
Phoebe: Ohh, youre a freak!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isnt perfect? Everything isnt magical? Everything isnt a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker!
Jill: No! They did! (Points to Phoebe and Ross)
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!