words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Rachel and Monica are sitting at the dinner table and Phoebe enters, knocking on the door.]
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe: Listen! You have to help me pick a dress 'cause I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight! (Rachel gasps)
Phoebe: (sarcastically) Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
Phoebe: They live on the upper east side on Park Avenue!
Phoebe: Okay, so... allright... Which dress? (she holds up two 'Phoebe' dresses, Rachel and Monica look at them... taking their time, don't wanting to hurt Phoebe) You can say "neither".
Phoebe: So... now... What about with Mike's mom?
Phoebe: (speaking louder and articulating) That's she's like the daughter she never had. (Phoebe points at her ears) Listen! (Monica looks at Phoebe in a duh! way)
Rachel: I just finished getting Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents. She's so nervous, it's so sweet!
[Scene: Mike's parents building. Phoebe gets out of the classy elevator, looking all dressed up like an older woman, and very un-Phoebe. She walks to the door and rings the doorbell.]
Phoebe: I'm wearing pantyhose!
Phoebe: Oh, thank you! Oh... Oh my God, you're RICH!
Phoebe: Yeah, so... They gotta die someday. (Mike's parents walk in) HELLO!
Mike: Mom, dad, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, these are my parents: Theodore and Bitsy.
Phoebe: (in a very posh accent) Theodore... Bitsy... What a delight!
Phoebe: And you... Your home is lovely.
Phoebe: Holy crap!
Bitsy: Phoebe, why don't you come in the living room and meet our friends?
Phoebe: Oh, try and stop me!
Phoebe: (no accent) I'm trying to get your parents to like me.
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this... I'm wanting them to get to know Phoebe, not (accent) Phoebe...
Phoebe: (accent) Got it! It... It's hard to stop...
Theodore: Phoebe, these are our friends, Tom and Sue Angle.
Bitsy: Phoebe, come sit. Tell us a little bit about yourself... So where are you from?
Phoebe: (no accent) Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... (frowns are received) which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... (everyone in the room finds it a bit surreal, which Phoebe realises and starts to talk in the accent again) So... where does everyone summer?
Phoebe: God! God! This is not going well.
Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay, okay... Still sure about me being myself?
Phoebe: So Theodore... I uhm... I can see where Mike gets his good looks from...
Phoebe: Yeah... And that physique! You must work out all the time...
Phoebe: Yeah I bet! Look out! (Phoebe punches Theodore right in the stomach)
Phoebe: Oh my God, are you okay?
Phoebe: I'm so sorry!
Phoebe: I really, really am sorry.
Theodore: How could you know. Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach? (Theodore walks out... Mike walks towards Phoebe)
Phoebe: Yes... I'm sorry, I've never met a boyfriends parents before...
Phoebe: Yeah okay... yeah, your mom... okay... She looks nice, I can talk to her.
Phoebe: Yeah... Oh Bitsy, hi. Uhm... listen I just wanted to thank you again for having me here tonight.
Phoebe: Also uhm... I just want you to know what a wonderful man your son is.
Phoebe: Well, and you know, it really is a testament to how he was raised. Especially to you. Because he's very respectful of women.
Phoebe: Are you kidding. He is so considerate of my feelings and... you know I think... you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.
Phoebe: (Mike now enters and stands behind Phoebe) Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...
[Scene: Mike's parents house, the dining room. Mike, Phoebe, Mike's parents and the Angles are there.]
Phoebe: ...and then it goes back to the chorus... Smelly cat, Sme-lly ca-t / I-t's not your fau-lt. And that's the end of the song... I realise that you didn't ask to hear it, but uhm... no-one had spoken in seventeen minutes.
Mike: Phoebe writes lots of great songs. Wha... What was that one you sang the other night that everybody just loved?
Phoebe: Oh, Pervert Parade?
Phoebe: Oh, Ode To A Pubic Hair?
Phoebe: Oh God! Is that veal?
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, no... That's okay, that's okay... I mean, I'm... I am a vegetarian... except for veal... Yeah no, veal I love...
Mike: Phoebe you don't have to eat...
Phoebe: No, no, no, I actually it's any baby animals: kittens, fish babies... You know... especially veal... and this, this nice vein of fat running through it... (she cuts the meat, picks it up with her fork and holds it in front of her mouth, which she keeps closed, trying to overcome her vegetarian thoughts... and... puts it in her mouth... Clearly not enjoying the meat...) Hmmm... yummy (everybody seems okay with it, except Mike. He's making a hmmmm.... face... Then Phoebe swallows it) Hmmm... (at first she likes it, but then, in an instant puts her hand in front of her mouth and runs from the table. You hear a door slamming.)
[Scene: Mike's parents house. Dining room again. Both Mike and Phoebe are not at the table, but the others still are.]
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Bitsy: Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth! (Phoebe almost enters the room, but she hears the discussion and waits and evesdrops next to the door-opening.)
Bitsy: The woman you what? (Phoebe overheard what Michael said and now enters the room)
Phoebe: Yeah... The woman you what?
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...
Phoebe: I love you too...
Phoebe: YEAH...! How great is this...? (they kiss)
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: I had a great time. (accent) It was really top drawer. And here's something rich: thirteen bathrooms in this place... I threw up in the coat closet... Ta taaa...
Rachel: Shake it! (Phoebe, Mike, Chandler, Monica and Joey step in)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Is that him? (She points at someone.)
Phoebe: I hope its you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe enters to find Rachel still packing.]
Phoebe: Yes!!! Oh!!
Phoebe: Still.
Phoebe: Hey Rachel?
Phoebe: Uh-hmm.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is bringing Rachel some coffee.]
Rachel: Yeah but Phoebe
Phoebe: (gets up and starts to leave) We want the last six years back!!
Phoebe: Oh! Well, if thats what you want
Rachel: Ohh! No way Phoebe! I want to be Monicas!
Phoebe: Oh I know.
Phoebe: You dont play the oboe!
Phoebe: Oh, thank you so much! (They hug.) Okay.
Phoebe: No, youre too late!!! She already took out the trash!!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Phoebe: Happy Holidays. Feliz Navidad. Allo, and Merry Christmas. (A man put some change in her bucket.) Ohh thank you sir. Here's some joy. (She waves her hand up and down as if she is spreading joy.)
Phoebe: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: See? This is exactly why you shouldnt lie!
Joey: Okay, Phoebe
Phoebe: No! Coins hate me!
Joey: What?! Noooo (Phoebe gasps.)
Phoebe: Yes! Your honor?
Phoebe: Oh!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are watching ET.]
Phoebe: Oh he knows! (Quietly) For the most part.
Phoebe: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!! (they both kick up the foot rests like an old fashioned gun fight.)
Phoebe: I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha. (She removes this large ceramic dog that comes up to the second floor and places it next to the house.)
Phoebe: Really?! I won!
Phoebe: (running after her) Rach, its gonna be okay! (To Ross and Joey) You guys are the best!
Phoebe: Well I'm sorry Rachel, but I'm not like you, ok? Not everyone can afford help. (she and Mike leave)
Phoebe: WellButNow, if-if you can achieve positronic distillation of sub-atomic particles yknow before he does, then he can come back. (They hug again.)
(Monica gasps and holds her forehead. Phoebe, Rachel and Ross pull back their heads)
Phoebe: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss.
Monica: Phoebe, that's how it starts. I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing... why don't I just eat a little sliver, or, okay, just a slice or two. And next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide. Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard. Look, if you talk to him, you're going to wanna see him. And if you see him, you're going to want to get back together with him. I know that's not what you want. (pause) Give me your phone.
Phoebe: Oh my god! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working.
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe: Oh yeah!
Phoebe: Oh thats so sweet thanks.
Phoebe: This stuff is great!
Phoebe: Ohh.
Phoebe: Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor.
Phoebe: Yknow Rach, I think that, I think you should be Monicas made of honor.
Phoebe: Because I think it means more to you.
Phoebe: Wow! Well, if you nail the interview, you'll get it!
Rachel: Yeah okay, you laugh now, but shes gonna be yours. (Phoebe gets suddenly scared.)
Phoebe: Ahh, his work is done.
Phoebe: (looking at the picture again) Man alive!
Phoebe: Hey you guys, I dont mean to make things worse, but umm, I dont want to live with Rachel anymore.
Phoebe: (gasps) My God! What did you order?!
Phoebe: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about?
Phoebe and Rachel: Hey!
PHOEBE: Ooh, look at you fancy lads. What's the occasion?
Phoebe: Okay!
Phoebe: Oh really. Okay. let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffee house, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone-who took it?
(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
Phoebe: I am definitely gonna watch that!
Phoebe: The coins have finally forgiven me!
Phoebe: We want you to marry her!
Phoebe: Whatever.
Rachel: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Yeah, but you always say that.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are drinking coffee and Phoebe notices a cute guy checking them out.]
Phoebe: Oh no.
Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldnt you date him?
Phoebe and Rachel: A birthday party.
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, we forgot that party we have to go to.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Didnt you sleep together?
Phoebe: Then change it back!
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence?
Phoebe: Well, yknow I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: So how was, how was your date?
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here. (She turns around, about to leave)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is still investigating the smoke detector trying to figure out how to stop the beeping.]
Phoebe: Oh really? She said she wants to go away with you?
Phoebe and Rachel: Oh no, yeah.
Phoebe: We found your test in the trash, if youre not pregnant(She sees Rachel shaking her head)Its because I am.
Phoebe: You guys, what was the Powerball number again?
Carol: (running over and grabbing the phone away from Ross) (on phone) Phoebe, hang on a second. (Hands Ross her keys) Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.
Phoebe: Hey you guys I'm gonna go out and take a walk.
Phoebe: Oh, it's not!
Ross: Phoebe, why is your bag moving?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, who's this?
Phoebe: No, there's no dog here?
[Scene: Phoebes office, she is arriving without the knowledge that shes been fired.]
Monica: Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch!
Monica: Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?
Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe: Shhhh!
Monica: (walks to Phoebe's door) Phoebe! Phoebe, open up!
Rachel: Phoebe you cant have both of them! You have to pick one!
Monica and Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe: Are you crazy?
Phoebe: Oh right, because youre so capable of change.
Rachel: Okay Phoebe calm down, theres no need to place blame. Okay? (To the fireman) I warned her about those candles.
[Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.]