words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is recapping last season, and as she talks we see a montague of scenes from Ross and Rachel.]
Phoebe: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
[Scene, The Airport, continued from last season, Rachel is waiting for Ross to come of the plane, when she sees he's coming off with another woman.]
Rachel: Oh my god. Oh my god. (She decides to make a break for it.) Excuse me. Move! Move! Emergency! Excuse me! (She tries climbing over a bench and falls down.)
Rachel: Oh, there you are! Hi! Oh, so, so, how was China, you? (Hits him with the flowers.)
Rachel: What?
Rachel: I am? Oh, look at that, yes I am. Enough about me, enough about me, Mr. Back from the Orient. Come on. I wanna hear everything! Everything. (Looks at Julie)
Ross: Well, where do I start? This is Julie. Julie, this is Rachel.
Rachel: These are, these aren't for you. (to Julie) These are for you. (Loudly, thinking she can't speak English.) Welcome to our country.
Rachel: Ok, well, not a problem. We'll just use them to stop the bleeding. Ok. Baggage claim? Ok.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
Rachel: (entering, out of breath) Airport, airport. Ross, not alone, Julie, arm around her. Cramp, cramp.
Rachel: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me. (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!
Rachel: (out of breath) Julie.
Rachel: And the chicken pooped in her lap. Oh, I'm so sorry. I just gave away the ending, didn't I? Oh! It's just, I just heard this story in the cab, and it is all I can think about.
Rachel: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
Rachel: Bye. (She closes the door and everyone tries to sympathize with her.)
Rachel: Yeah, sure.
Rachel: Did you talk to him?
Rachel: Then, no.
Rachel: (To Ross) Here's your lemonade.
Rachel: Oh. Well then, you better go take that back because they're gonna charge you for that.
Rachel: Go-go-go-go, come on! (Ross goes over to the counte) (to Chandler) So uh, what did you find out?
Rachel: How is that the silver lining?
Ross: (on phone) Ok, ok, sweetheart, I'll see you later. Ok, bye. What? (Sits down next to Rachel) Oh, that is so sweet. No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three. (Doesn't hang up and motions for Rachel to be quiet) Well you didn't hang up either.
Rachel: She didn't hang up either!
Rachel: (taking the phone and hanging it up) Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
Ross: Rachel! I'll just call her back.
Rachel: Okay!
Rachel: (to Monica) Ok, ok, ok. How did this happen to me? How did this happen to me? A week ago, two weeks ago, I was fine. Ross was just Ross, just this guy. Now he's Rrrooossss, oh, this really great guy that I can't have.
Rachel: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out of here. (Exits)
Rachel: (poking her head in from her bedroom) Uh, morning. Do you guys think you could close your eyes for just a sec?
Rachel: Well, I sorta did a stupid thing last night.
Rachel: Ok, Paulo, why don't you just go get dressed, and then you be on your way, ok, bye-bye. (Paulo goes into his room.)
Monica: Rachel, how did this happen?
Rachel: I don't know, I just kinda ran into him last night.
Rachel: At his apartment. Is this juice?
Rachel: Oh God, I know I'm a pathetic loser.
Ross: (to Rachel) So, uh, he's back.
Rachel: Yeah, he's back. Is that a problem?
Rachel: Good! I'm glad it's not a problem.
Rachel: How is she?
(They go into the bedroom leaving Joey and Rachel alone.)
Rachel: I'm okay.
Rachel: What?
Rachel: When I saw him get off that plane with her, I really thought I hit rock bottom. But today, it's like there's rock bottom, 50 feet of crap, then me.
Rachel: Come on. How can I just tell him? What about Julie?
Rachel: I don't know, I don't know.
Rachel: (sticking her head in from the balcony) Wait, are you leaving?
Rachel: Well, can I talk to you for a sec?
Rachel: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all (Ross is laughing), what?
Rachel: No. No-no-no-no.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. (Rachel has moved closer, but hearing that she starts to back up.) Was there a second of all?
Rachel: No, I think that was the whole all.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
Rachel: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney McDowell. Andie McDowell is the guy from Planet of the Apes.
Rachel: You're welcome.
(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point.)
RACHEL: Two, two babies?
RACHEL AND MONICA: Yeah.
Rachel: Wait! No, that's ridiculous. Come on, he lives three blocks away!
RACHEL: Oh, you know what, we haven't even looked yet.
Rachel: Well, Ive been up since six. Thanks to somebodys dumb-ass rooster.
RACHEL: Oh my God.
Rachel: Good, you guys are all here!
Rachel: I do. I really do. I dont know anything.
RACHEL: Uh-huh.
Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
RACHEL: Well, so what're you gonna do?
RACHEL: Well, people missed you in there. And in fact, there was actually a request for "Smelly Cat".
RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]
Ross: Emily is incredible. I mean there-there are no words to describe it, I mean the whole weekend was like a dream. (Sees Rachel coming back from the bathroom.) Oh! And you! Rach!
Joey: Monica-Monica-Monica-Monica, listen-listen, listen, listen, would-would it make you feel better if we all stop talking about Ross and Rachel.
RACHEL: You're kidding.
PHOEBE: OK, Rachel, I'm ready.
RACHEL: OK.
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
RACHEL: What what what what?
Rachel: Hi. (He helps her up.) Umm, I think theres something that we really need to talk about.
RACHEL: Wow, so why don't you go talk to him?
[cut to Monica and Rachel walking through the set]
Rachel: Well Chandler, what is this very weird, metal A Z thing?
RACHEL: Ya think?
Rachel: (opening it) A scooter! (Shes not happy.)
RACHEL: Excuse me. Hi.
[back to Rachel and Monica]
RACHEL: Jean-Claude she said yes, I'll see you tonight. Thank you.
Chandler: Im sorry. Im-Im-Im sorry that I said I was going to when Im not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isnt Rachels fault. Its me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And Im really sorry, its just that this is not, this isnt going to work out.
RACHEL: Wow. Wow, that's great. Great. Ok, wow, you know what.
RACHEL: That is so unfair.
Rachel: (deadpan) Oh honey thank God youre home, I was getting worried.
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
Rachel: Oh... Italy, I think.
Rachel: No seriously, yknow the contracts I gave you, did you overnight them?
Rachel: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
RACHEL: That is the most ridiculous.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He's prying open the drawer with a crowbar to no avail. Monica, Rachel and Chandler enter.]
RACHEL: Oh that's what you want.
RACHEL: Fine.
[Rachel runs to the sink to spit it out.]
Rachel: Yeah, this is Tag. Tag, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, can I see you for a second? (Goes into office.)
RACHEL: I'll help you throw out your purse.
MONICA: Rachel, you say you're sorry or your sweater gets it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
[Monica and Rachel start yelling at the same time]
Rachel: (looks around for the camera) Okay. Umm, well, first I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and uh, for yelling at you.
Rachel: (yelling and jumping like a child) OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! (realizing how she's behaving) And it's out of my system!
Rachel: Oh yknow what? Yknow what? Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinmans and get it half off. This place is so overpriced.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Rachel enters, happily.]
Rachel: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man. Ooo, I have a penis. Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women. (hands over her money)
MONICA AND RACHEL: Oh, no no no no no.
RACHEL: OK, well, bye. [kisses him]
Rachel: What are you guys doing here?
MONICA AND RACHEL: No no no no.
RACHEL: Oh yeah.
RACHEL: Impressive.
Monica (as Rachel): Hi.
Rachel: That's what I said! Thank you for being so nice. (They hug.)
Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)
Rachel: Ok, Ross, what�s going on here, are we just bringing strange women back to the apartment now?
Rachel: You know what, we just say that she said it was 5 o'clock. We'll just act casual. We're not late, we're right on time. (When she finishes talking, a note is pushed from under Monica's and Chandler's door, into the hall. Ross picks it up and reads it out loud)
Rachel: (still can't find him) How are you doing this?
Rachel: Well yknow what? I hope Monica forgives you after you throw her, her vegetarian, voodoo, goddess circley shower! (Runs out.)
RACHEL: I think it's sexy.
(Monica glares triumphantly across the room, scaring Rachel who also stands up.)
RACHEL: Oh, it was so much fun.� It felt so good to be out.
Rachel: No Phoebe, I am not letting you put makeup on my baby!
Rachel: No-n-n-n-no! I am finally thinking clearly. My lucky dress wasnt working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed.
Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this?
RACHEL: Oh! What's new in sex?
Rachel: That-that is your make out buddy. Dont you recognize him? (Holding up the magazine in front of her face.) Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please.
RACHEL: Hi.
RACHEL: No. [hitting each other]
MRS. GELLER: Oh, hi Rachel.
Rachel: (upset) All right, well, if you must know... I had a traumatic... swing incident... when I was little.
Rachel: Well theres yore. And uh, yknow, yesteryear.
Rachel: Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat?
RACHEL: What?
RACHEL: What?
RACHEL: What?
RACHEL: NO but Ross. We are never gonna happen, OK. Accept that.
RACHEL: Ross, there is no us, OK.
Julie: Rachel, do you have any muffins left?
Rachel: The earring? No. But look, I found my sunglasses under the couch! I've been looking for these since like last summer. (Puts 'em on.)
Rachel: Well, last time I almost got fired. You must end it, you must end it now!
Rachel: No. What do you do if I say we are coming about?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the couch as Rachel returns carrying a bunch of shopping bags.]
Rachel: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.
RACHEL: No, no, ACC-cept that.
Rachel: Oh yeah! Yeah please, you guys have fun.
RACHEL: What, what incident?
Rachel: (to Monica): Really? (out loud): Sure, we have scones left! (to Monica): OK, read them to me.
ROSS: [Rachel enters] Oh.
RACHEL: Oh.
RACHEL: Hi.