words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still looking out the window as Joey enters.]
Joey: (sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh Oh wait, I dont have to lie to you, you dont live here anymore. Uh, Im eating their food. What are you doing?
Rachel: Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago.
Monica: (To Rachel) Oh, are the drapes still closed hon?
Rachel: Yeah. And yknow who shouldve shut their drapes? Is that perverted old couple two doors over.
Rachel: Oh dont even ask!
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch reading as Rachel enters. Its the next day.]
Rachel: Oh Ross, hi! Hey, how are ya? There you are!
Rachel: (to Gunther) Ill take a coffee. (To Ross) So how was your big date last night?
Rachel: Yeah fun? Great! So uh, so did you guys hit it off?
Rachel: So uh, so did anything happen? Because rumor has it you guys shut the drapes!
Rachel: Oh, slides. (Laughs.) So really nothing happened.
Rachel: Right. Was it the, "Please dont show me another picture of a trilobite vibe?"
Rachel: She asked-asked you out again?
Rachel: Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I cant! I cant! I cant! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just cant. Its just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I cant do it! I cant do it.
Ross: (while Rachel is finishing her rant) Okay! Okay! Okay! Its okay. (Rachel stops.) Its okay. Hey, its too weird for you, I wont see her again.
Rachel: Thank you. I yeah.
Rachel: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I cant! I cant do it! (Starts to freak out.) Its just gonna freak me out!!!
Rachel: Ross thanks.
Rachel: Oh no! No! No-no-no-no! No, I mean come on thats-thats crazyI mean thats crazy. So whats-whats going on with you? What is going on with you?
Rachel: Yeah do it now, call right now.
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse, Rachel is at the counter as Jill enters.]
Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Rachel: Its not random, its Bob.
Rachel: No honey, okay, okay, you wanna know why Ross canceled the date? Because I asked him to.
Rachel: Hm-mmm.
Rachel: Because you are my sister and Ross and I have this huge history
Rachel: No.
Rachel: (changing the subject) Yknow Bob in Human Resources
Rachel: Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just dont date Ross! Theres a million other guys out there, you just
Rachel: Im not telling you what to do! I am telling you what not to do!
Rachel: Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you cant have!
Rachel: All right, all right, well you just blew your chances at dating Bob!
Rachel: In Human Resources!!!!!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is ranting about Jill to Chandler and Monica.]
Rachel: I am jealous of her?! I mean who does she think she is?! Princess Caroline?!
Rachel: Do I have my own castle?
Rachel: No.
Rachel: Oh my God!
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Rachel: Absolutely not.
Rachel: Probably just the first half.
Rachel: Well its hard to tell (Rachel gets up to get a closer look, only shes having some trouble.) Oh God, if she would just stop moving.
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Jill: Rachel and I had a really big fight, can I come in? I-I mean I know were not supposed to see each other anymore and Im okay with that, its just that I dont know anybody in the city and I really need somebody to talk to about it.
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
Rachel: Hey! Have you guys seen Jill? I cant find her anywhere.
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
Rachel: (on phone) What is my sister doing there?! And why are the drapes shut?!
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
Rachel: Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
Ross: (To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.
Rachel: Oh! I knew it! What happened?
Rachel: What?! You kissed!
Rachel: Well, it doesnt sound like it! I mean, its pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just dont kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
Rachel: Yeah thats right you werent thinking! Yknow what? Let me give you something to think about! (She pulls up her sleeves and steps towards him.)
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: Wow. I, I dont even know what to say. Thank you. (Gently kicks him.)
Jill: All right, Im leaving! Because Im not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. Thats you Rachel!
Rachel: Yeah, I got that.
Rachel: Bye-bye-e!
[Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter on stage.]
Rachel: (sexily) Hi officer, was I going a little too fast?
Ross: Oh, thanks Gunther. (He takes it, hands the plate it's on to Rachel, sets it down on the table, and proceeds to pound it into oblivion while saying.) STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!!
Rachel: Are-are you saying hes a geek?
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Rachel: ...the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much youve grown. Y'know? I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, Once a cheater, always a cheater. Ooh, I just wish we hadnt lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...
Rachel: (she enters wearing a bath-robe) Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play.
Rachel: What are you ever gonna use that for?!
Rachel: Okay, you hard worker! Ill remember to put that in your evaluation.
Rachel: Oh, oh no. Do you think she walked in, saw you and left?
Phoebe: Okay, so... allright... Which dress? (she holds up two 'Phoebe' dresses, Rachel and Monica look at them... taking their time, don't wanting to hurt Phoebe) You can say "neither".
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Rachel: Im so not impressed. Everybody snacks when they shop.
Rachel: Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now?
Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...
Ross: Youre right. Thats very different. So lets, lets just sign the papers. All right? (Sits down and Rachel keeps standing there.) What?
Phoebe: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
Rachel: Chandler, arent you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
Rachel: Oh but you could. You can. Absolutely! We can help each other out! We can get--what are those--those patches! We could be like the Patch Sisters!
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]
Rachel: Okay, see now, what I just heard: blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah.
Rachel: Yeah, I feel kinda bad for them, but Im also really psyched cause I dont have to move in here!
RACHEL: OK, well, bye-bye again. [kisses him again]
Rachel: Joey, get Amy's bags, she is moving out!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: Noooooo!! (Phoebe lifts up the sheet to discover the exact same apothecary table they have.)
Rachel: I thought I was making him filet mignon?
Rachel: Then we took a walk down to Bendall's, and I told him not to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel...
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Rachel: Well, yknow what? Thanks to you Im half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I dont think I have ever been this angry!
Ross: I I do, I do not love Rachel. Im gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?
Big Nosed Rachel: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, Im glad. Rachel, Id like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin?
Rachel: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you dont think thats just a little funny?!
Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.
Rachel: Alright... (shuffles cards expertly, all the guys stare in amazement)
RACHEL: Hey, Mon, you want some help?
ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, anything. MONICA: No, I will not cave. RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon. ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50 bucks, merry Christmas. [Gives him the cash.]
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Rachel: We've got to find a new pediatrician. Ross was getting sick last night, and I think Emma may have caught it.
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Rachel: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!
(Rachel picks up their phone and the ringing stops. As she talks on the phone, an elaborate visual gag is spun out which is too difficult to describe in words.)
RACHEL: It's just this thing. Every year we would go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks. Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big. My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side and my dad would be upset becasue nobody was helping and then when we did help he would scream at us for doing it wrong. But then when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up, you know, and it'd get really cold, and we would all just sort of smush under this one blanket. It never occured to anybody to bring another one. And now it's just...
(Gunther tries to swoop in to ask Rachel out.)
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Rachel: (holding Ben) Look Benny, spoon. (moves it back and forth) Spoon. Come on! All right, y'know what I think hes bored.
Rachel: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance!
Rachel: Ohhh!!!! (looking at something behind Ross)
Rachel: Hey-hey, yknow what? I dont care! Im not ashamed of my book. Theres nothing with a woman enjoying a little erotica. Its just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.)
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
Mr. Thompson: Well, I hope youre gonna bid on some things Rachel.
Rachel: ...And so then I realized. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldnt come to the wedding. Was all just a way of...
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
(He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)
Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Rosss new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I dont know what happened there either...
Ross: You even have to ask?! (He grabs a lollypop out of a jar) (Sees Rachel) (To Rachel) He is alive!
Rachel: Yeah, well Bettys kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. (Holding up the box of chocolates.) Now, while I distract her, you get in the office.
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Phoebe: (grabs and shakes Rachel) Just calm down woman!
Rachel: I know. I know, but yknow condoms only work like 97% of the time.
Monica: (on phone) Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? (Listens) Yes, hold on. (To Rachel) Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Oh.. yeah? Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, <shakes head no> not the same thing.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is walking from the bathroom to his bedroom and walks past a pile of Rachels laundry, which just happens to include a selection of panties. He stops, goes back to the basket, looks for Rachel, picks up a lavender thong, and heads for his bedroom. However, he decides he doesnt like his selection and goes back this time picking up a red low-cut silk brief and heads for his room, flexing along the way to prove his masculinity.]
Rachel: Oh, it is so unfair. It's like that time they promoted Sandra over me at work.
Rachel: Theyre not!! Ross, theyre just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
RACHEL: Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachels trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.]
Rachel: Me? Oh, no, I am not an actress.
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Rachel: (to the gang) Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I dont think I have the energy for this.
Rachel: That sounds like a plan. Umm, is there a place I can go freshen up?
Rachel: Oh, I probably shouldntso I will! (Joey starts making her refill and Rachel notices that rain thing Joey has.) Oh! Wow! Its like its raining!
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?
Rachel: What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?!
Rachel: Oh. Im sorry. Im very sorry. Sorry. (She hums and sighs happily.) Its just, Im ahh, Im kinda excited. Im, ahh, going to London to ahh, tell this guy that I love him and... (He puts his headphones on to ignore her.)
Rachel: Dont just say yes! This isnt a game, Joey you can really get hurt out here. Okay, so do you want to pay attention or do you want to die?!
(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)
Rachel: You have not worn that T-shirt since you were 15!! It doesnt even fit you anymore!
Rachel: But, theyre across the hall! I mean thats two doors away, it would take them a long time to peck their way back over here.
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
Rachel: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
Rachel: Oh, that would be great! (Sandy leaves for Emma's room) I love him, I love him, I love him...
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
Rachel: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe theres a like league we could join or something.
Rachel: Okay-okay that-that's amazing. How did you know that?
RACHEL: I, I don't know, um, do you think you're cute? OK, we're kinda gettin' off the track here. Um, I was supposed to come here and tell you my friend thinks you're cute. So what should I tell her?
Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
Rachel: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours.