words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for Rachels baby shower.]
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
Rachel: So whats the final head count on my baby shower?
Rachel: What?! You mean theyre not coming to a social event where theres no men and theres no booze?! Thats shocking! I dont care, as long as my moms here.
Rachel: What?! My moms not gonna be here?!
Rachel: My God!
Rachel: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!
Rachel: Please, make sure she comes. Its really important to me, I mean its my mom!
Rachel: I dont know.
Monica: Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If youre in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call herHello Mrs. Green! Hi, its Monica Geller.
Monica: (on phone) Hi, umm I know this is last minute, but weve decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachels baby shower is underway. Monica and Phoebe are working in the kitchen.]
Mrs. Green: Try. Theres my little girl. (Goes over to Rachel.)
[Cut to Rachel and Mrs. Green.]
Rachel: Okay. (Mrs. Green helps her up and they walk over and get some tea.)
Rachel: Oh well actually gonna use a nanny and uh, I dont even have a housekeeper.
Mrs. Green: Its like youre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You dont know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
Rachel: Mrs. Kay! Oh yeah, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. I actually think I remember some of it, tu madre es loca. (I think thats your mothers crazy.)
Rachel: Well, however great she was I just cant afford that.
Mrs. Green: Oh Rachel!
Rachel: What?
Rachel: Wh-wh-what? What?
Rachel: Yes. Yes I do.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.]
Rachel: Why did you invite my mother?!
Rachel: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.
Rachel: Eight weeks. I mean I love my mother, but my God, a long lunch with her is taxing.
Rachel: What? You guys, come on! What am I going to do?
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Rachel: Okay. (She goes over to tell her mother.)
Monica: (To Phoebe) This is great! Now shes gonna be mad at Rachel! Yknow what? And Im just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.
Monica: Yes! Yes! And I think that the first gift that Rachel opens should be from the grandmother of the baby, because youre the most important person in this room. And in the world!
(Mrs. Green goes into the kitchen and Rachel follows her.)
Rachel: Mom thats okay that you didnt get you a gift!
Rachel: Oh yeah. Okay, see mom, the truth is I can do this on my own.
Rachel: But mom, I really know what Im doing. I can handle this.
Rachel: He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby!
Rachel: Wow!
Rachel: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (Shes holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That cant be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?
Rachel: Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! Whats this?
Rachel: Oh, it dispenses clean diapers!
Rachel: Well thats gross, why dont you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Rachel: What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?!
Monica: Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.
Rachel: I dont know, Id leave it on the changing table? (Everyone gasps.) What?! Whatd I do? Whatd I do?!
Rachel: Oh come(Stutters)Of course I know that. I mean of course you never leave a baby alone! I mean who wouldshe wouldnt be safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God, okay. Yknow what? I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, Im just gonna maybe open them a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful.
Rachel: Okay mommy, dont ever leave me. (Hugs her.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.]
Rachel: So umm, youre gonna stay with me as long as I need you?
Rachel: Oh mom, I swear Im not an idiot. Ive read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didnt think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The babys coming and I dont know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?
Rachel: Wait-wait where are you going? Where are you going?
Rachel: Okay.
Mrs. Green: Now dont worry! Everythings gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)
Rachel: Oh we did, but my mom got us the greatest gift of all.
Rachel: No. Shes going to live with us for eight weeks.
Rachel: Yes! Shes gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isnt happy.)
Ross: Hi roomie! (Hugs her and looks at Rachel.)
Mrs. Green: Well Rachel needs help with the baby.
Rachel: I do. I really do. I dont know anything.
Rachel: Oh no? Pheebs? Monica? Do I know anything about babies?
Rachel: Hello?! I still dont know what the hell Im doing!
Ross: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. Youllyoure gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesnt believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, yknow when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddys credit card. Do you remember?
Rachel: I hope youre going somewhere with this.
Rachel: Really?
Rachel: Thank you. (Hugs him.)
Ross: Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.]
Rachel: (closing a book) Okay! Im ready.
Rachel: Yes, Ive done my studying and I really know my stuff.
Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcers voice) Rachel Green! Lets play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the babys bath water?
Rachel: Uh, put your elbow in it.
Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.
Rachel: Check if its wet, check if its hungry, burp it!
Rachel: A card! A card! I pick a card!
Ross: Oh, Im sorry youve been Bamboozled! Youre gonna be a terrible mother! (Rachel stares at him agape.) Ive lost sight of why were doing this! (Rachel gets up and walks away.)
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe, I’m sorry! Phoebe has prepared something as well.
Rachel: Is that it?
Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.
Rachel: Oh, well, (looks at her box and chair) you're not catching me on my best day.
Rachel: Oh! See just Im right back where I started! Aww, this sucks! Being alone, sucks! (She sits down heavily in one of the new chairs)
Rachel: Oh no. I mean it. After what just happened, I�m never leaving her again.
Woman: Hi, is Rachel here? Im her sister.
[Monica grabs Rachel by the sweater. Rachel squirms out of it]
Rachel: Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... (Turns towards the cake and sees Joey trying to take a piece and yells at him) Joey, don't touch it!!
Rachel: Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, moving on, moving on, next question. Ok number 29, have you ever betrayed another goddess for a lightning bearer? Ok, number 30.
Rachel: (simultaneously as Ross) No, I dont think well be doing that.
Rachel: No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all is!
Ross: RACHEL!
Rachel: OOH! God! Sorry!
Rachel: Emma's awake.
Rachel: Hey, you know, before you said that nothing could happen between us? What changed?
Rachel: What?
Rachel: I dunno. Yknow to me hell always be Jack Geller, walks in while youre changing.
Chandler: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
Rachel: Well, there is one thing that we havent tried, but someone thinks that, (mimicking Ross) "That will open up a can of worms."
Rachel: Well, I'm very impressed.
Phoebe: Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?
Rachel: Well, well, well, look what mommy found!!
Rachel: What?
(Ross and Rachel enter.)
Joey: (to Ross and Rachel) I've been here the whole time!
(Rachel wipes away some tears.)
Rachel: Okay.
Rachel: Yeah.
Rachel: Oh! Emma, that's right! You're that many!
Rachel: Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...
Rachel: (angrily) NO, no science camp!
Rachel: Wait, but theres no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center!
Rachel: You know, I'm thinking about letting Emma have her first cookie.
Rachel: Oh yeah, nothing! These are happy tears! This is just what I wanted.
RACHEL: So do you uh, think we can get you one of those uh, uniform things?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters as Rachel enters.]
Charlie: (to Rachel) So, you know what, I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads on them. Where do you think those would be?
Rachel: Oh, I have to pee. If I dont come out in five minutes its because Ive choked to death on the potpourri stink. (Goes into the bathroom.)
Amy: You're not Rachel.
Chandler: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.
Rachel: So now, what are you doing here?
Rachel: God!
Rachel: What? Oh my God! To who?
Rachel: Oh wow! That deserves another piece of candy.
Rachel: Thank you doctor. (Dr. Long exits.) (To Joey) Oh thank you for being so nice and calm.
Rachel: Oh, I know, isn't she?
Rachel: Yeah.
Rachel: A-And??
Rachel: All right. What's your news, Amy?
Rachel: No, what's he like?
Rachel: Huh... wow, so he's gotta be...
Rachel: Ok.
Rachel: Ok, let’s keep talking.
RACHEL: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
Rachel: Look! This is ridiculous. We should be packing you!! (She knocks over Monica, grabs a box, and runs into the kitchen.)
Rachel: Oh, good for you!
Rachel: Amy, hi!
Rachel: Joey, I can’t do that!
Rachel: (walking in hurriedly) Open your drapes! Open your drapes!
Rachel: (Sees Phoebe's slippers through the hole) Wow... I really love your... (startled as she realizes those are Phoebe's slippers)
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
Rachel: Amy, that’s what I was supposed to wear today, that’s why I hung it on the door.
Rachel: Wow, Ikea... what a rich culture. Uhm, you know what? I have a friend who is a masseuse.
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
Rachel: Well, what happened?
Rachel: I cannot believe you guys! He was really nice and he left because of you!
Rachel: Phoebe, that’s huge!
Rachel: Then what's that big lump under your covers?
Rachel: I think it could be kind of great!
Phoebe: (To Rachel and Ross) Well, do you think I should propose?
Rachel: Yeah.
Rachel: (Takes the phone) Oh! That's interesting, since she died seven years ago!!
Rachel: (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down) HI!! Hi!
Rachel: Why not?
Rachel: (Shocked) Wha... the next one?
Rachel: Absolutely.
(Rachel looks at Ross and her agrees silently)
Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.)
Monica: (visibly upset) She picked Rachel. I mean, she tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel.
Rachel: All right, yknow what, come on, do we really have to watch this while we eat? (She makes a move for the remote.)
(Rachel looks very shocked)
Rachel: (sounds excited) Yeah!
(Rachel looks at Emma)
Rachel: Nothing.
(Rachel looks worried)
Phoebe: Rachel, listenI mean, if you let me have him then I will really owe you one.
Rachel: Nah, I don't really want her to see.
Rachel: Oh, they're real!
Rachel: Oh yeah? Since when?
Rachel: No, Im just kidding I would never do that to you! Okay, everybody, its trifle time!
Ross: (sees how strangely Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What?
Rachel: (shouting) Babies don't care if they're slim.
Rachel: (looks at Ross and then at Amy again in disbelief) What?
(Rachel and Amy enter)
Rachel: Excuse me?
Rachel: Hips or thighs?
Rachel: (doesn't believe what she's hearing) Seriously?
Rachel: (yelling) Joey, where are those bags?