words in movies
[Scene: The Buildings Roof, the entire gang plus Tag are there to look for a comet. Theyre looking for a comet on a roof of a New York apartment building. Yeah, thats realistic. You might as well look for the moon on a bright sunny day.]
Monica: (looking up) Ross, whens this comet thing start?
Ross: Okay! Okay! Fine, Ill stop! No teaching, okay? Well just watch the pretty light streaking across the sky. (Comets dont streak across the sky, meteors do.) Okay? Whos official name is Bapstein-King.
Chandler: (looking up with her) Thats a plane!
Phoebe: Well, all right. 1700 bags of peanuts flying that high, thats pretty amazing too.
Monica: Okay, weve been out here for two hours and we havent seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandlers getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.)
Joey: Then why are you wearing Monicas jacket?
Chandler: Because its flattering! (Shivers harder) Come on Monica! Come on Monica! (He goes inside.)
Ross: What? Is it the comet? (Runs over to where Joeys standing.)
Joey: No! No-no. Look, theres a bug stuck in tar right here. (Bends down to get a closer look.)
Ross: Joey comeI cant believeI bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of natures most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman!
Joey: (standing up) Yknow, theres two women dude.
Ross: (noticing the pipe and looking at the door) Joey wheres the pipe that was holding the door open?
Ross: Its called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, Monica is sleeping and Chandlers sitting in bed, wide awake.]
Monica: Shes sleeping.
Monica: Deep Impact was the one with Robert Duval, Armageddon is whats going to happen to you if you wake me up.
Phoebe: (crossing her fingers and closing her eyes) Please dont be a space ship. Please dont be a space ship. (She turns on the light and looks around and finds that its the smoke detector thats beeping.) Oh thank God! (She moves a chair over and starts to investigate how to make the beeping turn off, in frustration she yanks the thing off of the wall. She sets it down and heads for bed, just as she gets there it beeps again. She opens the cover and removes the battery, but it still beeps.) How could you be beeping?! I just disconnected you! I took out your battery! How can
(Ross gets fed up with Joeys banging and stops him by pulling him away from the door.)
Monica: With a wok? (Chandlers holding a wok.) I thought you were going to read my boring book to put you asleep.
Chandler: Thats correct.
Rachel: You wanna go in the bedroom? Its a little more comfortable.
Tag: If this is your idea of sexy talk? (Shakes his head that its not working.)
Joey: All right, it wont go down any further. Its stuck.
Ross: Well, Im gonna lie to you Joey, its a possibility.
Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I dont know Ross! I-I tell you what, lets flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?
Monica: Okay, heres your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, Tag and her are arriving.]
Tag: Its my sister.
[Scene: Rachels outer office, Tag has finished searching his desk and Rachel comes out to try to plant the folder on the desk.]
Tag: Its not here.
Rachel: I dont know Tag! How can your genitals make phone calls? Okay? Its not a perfect world! Just go please.
Ross: (looking in the window behind them) Yknow, yknow Im lookin and I dont think anyones home here. I say we just break the window, crawl through, and-and yknow explain later.
Joey: Yeah? Really? No ones home?
[Scene: Phoebes apartment building, in desperation she has wrapped up the smoke detector in a blanket and is going to throw it into the trash chute.]
Monica: Nooo! No, thats not true. No, best time ever! Yeah, you rocked me world! (She turns out the light to go back to sleep.)
Chandler: Yeah! (Monica falls asleep) No! No! No! Dont fall asleep! Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. (Monica doesnt move as he gets out of bed and as hes heading for the door.) And I probably wont spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.
[Scene: Rachels outer office, shes returning with two coffee cups in hand to find Tag sitting there.]
Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no its not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesnt see the folder she planted and bends over to check.)
Tag: Well, its not out here. Is there any chance it could be in your office?
Tag: (entering) Yeah? (She holds up the folder) You found them!! (Rachel is not amused, because shes still going to try to blame him for her mistake like every good boss.) Yknow what? Im not even going to gloat. Im just really relived this whole thing is over.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, there is someone pounding on the door and Phoebe sleepily walks over and answers it. As she nears the door, the pounding stops and she can hear the smoke detectors wail.]
Phoebe: Thats not mine.
The Fireman: Please reattach this, its against the law to disconnect them.
The Fireman: Theres a reset button under the plastic cover.
Phoebe: Theres a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! (He exits and she goes to shut it off.) Theres a reset button! My God! Why didnt I see that! (She takes off the plastic cover and looks for the button.) Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? (Finds it.) Oh here it is! (Picks it up off of the floor.) Oh! (She presses it hard, but of course it would help if the button was still attached to the detector. In frustration she presses it so hard it causes pain in her thumb.) Ohh, God!
(Ross steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder and then steps on Joeys chest.)
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Ross: Its still looks pretty far!
Joey: Its not that far! Just drop!
(Ross continues south and his now wrapped around Joeys legs.)
Rachel: I love it at Joeys!
Rachel: Its not dumb. But, maybe its okay that youre not a part of it. Y'know what I mean? (Ross looks confused) I mean its like, I-I-I like that youre not involved in that part of my life.
Phoebe: Now, its you little bunny friend. (She sticks it in Rachels face and they both laugh.)
Rachel: Hes got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...
Phoebe Sr: Oh, thats okay, it gave me time to finish glazing my nipples.
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is bent over getting some water as his boss approaches.]
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
Monica: Whats the charity?
Phoebe: Cause thats just your taste.
Chandler: And yet, shes still not hanging up the phone.
Ross: Well I-I-I dont care how hot it is its-its uh, its wrong.
Phoebe: Have you seen your guys body?
Chandler: Thats still in there?!
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Phoebe (doing Estelle): Joey, it’s Estelle.
Joshua: Youre into hardcore S&M right?
[Scene: Rosss office, hes opening the door to Elizabeth.]
Rachel: Well Joey, uhm look, I know that she’s difficult, but I think it’s really good that she’s here.
Ross: That! Lets talk about that.
Ross: Whats-whats the difference?
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)
Rachel: I know isnt it? Its like Im right there with Joshua.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, "I cant wait to hear your first words," I thought, "Theres a trick."
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and its a horrible shade of green.)
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, lets talk it out.
Chandler: Was his question whats more boring than him?
Joey: Yeah that really calms me down. And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if were ever to have kids, well thats a
Monica: Hes great! I mean we have such a good time together! Hes so funny, and sooo sweet, and Im not attracted to him at all!!
Joey: Thats right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars!
Joey: Come on man theres gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh oh, what if you saw a three-legged puppy?
Chandler: Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? Im going to go over to Joeys.
Chandler: (To Joey) So uh, whats this thing youre auditioning for?
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that shes in her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. Its bad luck.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are both getting undressed.]
Chandler: Oh thats great!
Ross: Its your turn.
Joey: Well, there are so many things, its hard to pick just one.
Phoebe: Eh, better her than me! Hey, lets bake cookies!
[Scene: Dr. Burkes office, Rachel and Monica are waiting as the doctor arrives.]
Rachel: I mean thats unbelievable.
[Scene: Rachels Old Bedroom, Continued from earlier. Monica enters the room.]
Chandler: Well, stuff like whered we live, yknow? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Yknow, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, wed have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
Joey: What?!! Thats even worse!!
Rachel: (seeing Ross and Bonnie inside Central Perk) Oh my God! Phoebe look, its Ross and that girl.
[Cut back to Joey and Rachels apartment.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its the middle of the night. Joey is walking into the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.]
Ross: Well, you shouldve seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, hes like Joe Rugby.
Rachel: Already? Thats pretty bad what you did.
Rachel: Im sure he will forgive you. Look, we have all been there! Yknow, you fight, you make up, its just the way it works.
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Ross: Thats okay. Shes still in there enjoying her fake party and uh, its too late to do any of the things I had planned, so
Dina: Joey, I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it, Im just gonna need some help. And Bobbys gonna be here the whole time.
Monica: Oh, hes catching up to her!
Joey: What?! Its 6 oclock!
Chandler: Yeah, but Sebastian? What is that? A cats name?
Monica: Hey! Hows it goin?
Phoebe: Stop it! Stop it no! Thats not fair! Yknow I cant resist that beautiful voice!
Chandler: Whos number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Rachel: Ooh, lets open them!
Phoebe: (yelling from Monicas room) No-no!! No!!
Janine: Its a curling iron.
Joey: Thats great. Thanks Rach.
Chandler: Yes, but in Rosss case, they both know in two weeks thats it.
Chandler: Oh! (Puts his hand on her belly.) Shes growing inside you.
Ross: It-its great to meet you Paul.
Ross: Thats funny. Umm . (Pause, then serious) Its not funny.
Chandler: Theres a Mr. Bing!
Joey: (hes just picked up their bill) Hey! So, whats with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?
Mrs. Geller: Can we talk to you for just a yknow Its just a little thing. Well we think its absolutely marvelous that youre having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why weve told them all that youre married.
Joey: All right look man, I didnt want to bring this up, but Chandler, is the stupidest name I ever heard in my life! Its not even a name; its barely even a word. Okay? Its kinda like chandelier, but its not! All right? Its a stupid, stupid non-name!
Monica: Its Chandlers way of pretending he didnt take mime.
Rachel: Ross, its okay. You can come out.
Monica: Yeah! Thats why Im sleeping with him on the side.
Chandler: Thats the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe.
[Jack and Judy exit to Monicas room.]
Chandler: Hes taking off her coat!
Tag: Its just not really who I am. Y'know, Ive always been happier when Why am I telling you this? You dont care about this stuff.
Phoebe: Thats right.
Chandler: (To Monica) I told you I should not wear this color. (Hes wearing a reddish-orange sweater.)
Rachel: All right Joey! That is enough! (Grabs him and pulls him away from Bobby and Dina) Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, its not legal. Okay? They-they dont have a marriage license, they dont have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe!
"We thought Phoebe would leave, but she just stayed and stayed. Thats right, Im here all night, and Chandler will never get l "
Rachel: You went shopping?! What, and then you just came in here and paraded it right under Jills nose when you know shes trying to quit. Wow, you guys are terrible!
Chandler: No, no no no. Youll be fine. (turning to Monica) Hillarys bind, right?
Ross: Come on, would you grow up? Its no big deal.
Rachel: Whats the matter?
Monica: Oh thats great!
Monica: No, but someones really not going to get over that idea, are they?
Phoebe: Great! Okay then its just us girls!
Ross: Really? That okay, thats great.
Joey: Oh well, its not on TV yet.
The Dry Cleaner: Well, then its not on the wall yet.
[Cut back to the present, they are still in each others embrace.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler and Rachel are there, and Phoebe enters with the Chick and the Duck.]
Joey: Oh you should, its great.
Elizabeth: Are you okay? Whats wrong?
Rachel: Hi! Phoebe. (Both Monica and her try to move out of Phoebes way.)
Phoebe: Like okay I-I-I, I havent met any Portuguese people! I, I havent had the perfect kiss! And I havent been to snipers school!
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job.]