words in movies
[Scene: Rachels New Office, shes interviewing a potential new assistant, Hilda.]
Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) Im sorry, its for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?
Chandler: (angrily) Did she call? You-you told her I was sick right? Always tell her I am sick!
[Scene: Rachels office, shes there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]
(Ross and Chandler move closer to her and she starts laughing again.)
Phoebe: HeyOoh, hows Hilda? Is she working out?
Joey: Was she happy you gave her the job?
Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box shed made.
Ross: Monica couldnt tell time til she was 13!
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.]
Rachel: (grabbing Phoebe) Okay. Well be right back. (They go into her office and she closes the door.)
(Kathy enters (Because shes listed in the credits).)
[Scene: Rachels office, shes looking at a picture of Tag when he knocks and enters.]
Rachel: (Pause) Yeah, shes gay.
Phoebe: Its fine. I mean, this is something that youve been thinking about since you were what, 14? (Shes referring to the Halloween picture.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
(She opens the door to reveal Ross with a pencil mark from his forehead to his chin.)
Ross: BecDid you not hear me?! Shes an assistant professor in the Linguistics department, okay? Theyre wild! Why do you want to come anyway?
Rachel: Come on Phoebe, look at that! They are not breaking up, look at them. Okay thats, you know what that is? That is a, that is a second date, thats what that is! Look at that, she just put her hand on his thigh...
Ross: Monica had such a crush on him. Yeah, she used to kiss his poster every night before she went to bed.
Ross: I dont know. I mean I-I guess I could. Its just that we didnt really end things such good terms. And if I go over there Id be ignoring the one thing she asked me to do when we broke up, jump up my own ass and die. (Walks away.)
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Rachel: Okay. Thank you! Thank you! BecauseI'm sorry, all right. Because y'know what? She didn't want menot important. The point is, I was right. Your decision. Okay? I was right. (She starts for the door.) (Stops) Your decision.
Rachel: Yeah, so what is she, like a... like a spokesmodel, or an aerobics instructor, what?
Monica: Hey! (She jumps up and throws Emilys wedding dress into Rachels room.)
RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
Phoebe: Regular Celery! (Starts to write that on her list) Oh, I already have that. (She gets up and heads for her room)
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
Ross: Seven years. I mean weve been together seven years, shes the only woman whos ever loved me, and the only woman Ive-Ive ever....
Rachel: Oh, that was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane, because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left Philange.
Rachel: Ohh... (Ross mouths HA-HA at Monica and takes two cookies and she looks at him angrily)
(Rachel opens the trash chute, winces at the smell, and throws the garbage bag in. She then tries to throw the pizza box in, but since its so big she jams it into the opening and it prevents the door from closing. She then turns around too see Mr. Treeger watching her.)
Ross: Oh, thats not true! Ive got her lots of stuff she never took back.
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
Chandler: Yeah, shes dying Of a cough apparently.
Ross: Here they come, here they come. Oh-ho, if she kisses him goodnight, Im gonna kill myself, I swear. I cant, I cant watch this. (turns away, then quickly turns to look again) Come on, date over! Date over! Uh-oh, here we go, shes going in.
Monica: Oh, she was a cruel, cranky, old bitch! (Ross gives her a look) (to Ross) And Im sorry she died. Did Dad say I get the dollhouse?
(She exits and as Chandler picks up his coat, the phone rings and the answering machine gets it.)
(she knees him in the crotch. He jumps up a bit)
Monica: Uh, good hands. (she holds Chandler hands) Healing hands.
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, she obviously has some kind of unfinished business. [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Sit up!
Phoebe: Oh I do! (She grabs her huge purse and starts rummaging through it and taking out various items in a futile search for the gum.) Oh, yknow what? No. (Pause) Wait a second. (She removes a bag filled with water that has a goldfish swimming in it.) I know its in here somewhere.
Phoebe: All right. Hold on. (She starts digging in the chair.) I got it. Nickel! (Donates it.) How much more do we need?
The Museum Official: Yes. Were very popular. Theres a two-year waiting list. Sorry! (She kinda storms out with the couple.)
Phoebe: Look, look! (She lifts up the roof, and the front panel falls revealing the interior.)
Pete: Her names Ann, shes a journalist. Ahh, we met on the plane. She asked me if she could finish off my peanuts, I thought she said something else, we had a big laugh. Yeah, I just, I mean I got, I got tired of waiting.
Rachel: Aww, Joey, come here. (She takes his hand.) Look honey, I know this must be really, really difficult for you and I--Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting you?
RACHEL: (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, tonight, all I really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would..."
Phoebe: (Trying to get up.) Wait!! Where are you going?! What are you doing?! No!! Wait!! (Not able to get up.) God!! Why am I always pregnant when she does that?!
Ross: Oh, oh, ok, great. You know what, while you're at it she said another word the other day, why don't you, why don't you look up: pbbqqt....
CHANDLER: They were huge. When she sneezed, bats flew out of them.
Charlie: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this. Excuse me. (she cuts herself off for a moment)
Chandler: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.)
(As Joey goes to the bathroom, Corporate Phoebe enters. Shes wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase.)
Rachel: (entering) You guys, youre never gonna believe what I just found tacked up on a telephone pole! (Shes holding a flyer.) Look kinda familiar?
Joey: Uh, why, it’s a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) “Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression” eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) “Love you forever”. Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”. (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”.
Phoebe: (coming back from the bathroom) What's up? (she sees the gift certificate in Rachel's hands) Hey, Rachel!!
Rachel: Oh, okay. Hey, can I ask you a question? Was it me, or-or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute? Yknow who Im talking about, bald haircut, hairy fingers (Stops when she realizes it was her.)
The Presenter: in the category of Favorite Returning Male Character the nominees are: John Wheeler from General Hospital (Applause), Gavin Grant from The Young and the Restless (Applause), Dunkin Harrington from Passions (Applause), and Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives (Applause). And the Soapie goes to (She opens the envelope) Gavin Grant from The Young and the Restless!
Ross: Look guys, when Im with her its-its-its like she brings this-this-this great side out of me. I mean I-I-I love her, yknow?
Monica: Umm, I'd love too! (She goes over and picks up the box and decides to follow Rachel's advice and holds the box up to her cheek.) Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese. I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek.
Ross: Oh, God. I forgot how hot she was!
Phoebe: Enchanté (she holds out her hand, and they shake hands)
Ross: You did so. I swear, I swear(noticing Kristin's absence) How long has she been in the bathroom?
Monica: Well, maybe she thought that with all of your history it could be, you know, implicit.
Phoebe: That's fun. (She exits disappointedly.)
Mike: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
(She heads to the bathroom and Joey sits back down.)
Monica: On three, 1 2 3! (Rachel turns her head on three to avoid the drops.) Now my pillow's all wet! (She was trying to fool Rachel and squeezed the eyedropper.)
Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his, smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his glass.)
Rachel: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (Shes holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That cant be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?
Rachel: Hey-hey, yknow what? I dont care! Im not ashamed of my book. Theres nothing with a woman enjoying a little erotica. Its just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.)
Monica: But the minute we start to lie to each other (Pauses after she realizes what she's saying.) And by 'we' I mean society.
Rachel: (pauses as she thinks and exhales loudly) We We are not going to let it be a problem.
Ross: Rach, she’s got like three hairs!
Rachel: Okay! (She picks up the phone, Joeys phone number, and starts to dial.) Here we go! Okay! (On phone.) Hi, Joey! Its Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.
Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do.
(Rachel shows Ross the definition on the dictionary, giving him a smug look; then she squints at the dictionary, as though unsure what to make out of it)
Janice: Although, maybe just... one last moment of weakness... (she kisses Chandler flat on the mouth. Chandler squirms. When she's finished, he looks at her lovingly but uneasily.) Goodbye Chandler Bing. (She leaves)
Rachel: Theyre in Vermont!! How could this happen?! (She waves her arms franticly and hits Chandler.)
Chandler: (excited) Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess what Joey: Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?! Monica: (shocked) Really? (She looks around, suddenly embarrassed) Let's get past the moment. Phoebe: What's your news? Chandler: Thank you. I got a job in advertising. (Everybody cheers) Monica: (hugging Chandler) Oh, honey, that's incredible! Phoebe: (inquisitive) Gosh, what's the pay like? (Everybody stares at her indignantly) Oh, come on people (defending) come on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most! (She looks at Joey) Hey Joey! (Joey winks at her) Chandler: Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship. Joey: Oh, that's cool. We have interns at 'Days Of Our Lives'. Chandler: Right. So, it'll be the same except less sex with you. (Joey nods) Ross: So, uh, what kinda stuff do you think they'll have you do there? Chandler: Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like. Phoebe: (enthusiastic) That's great. Chandler: Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating (At the same time, Gunther puts down a cup of coffee in front of Chandler) Chandler: (grinning awkwardly) Humiliating and noble! (Gunther shoots a nasty look at him while leaving) Ross: You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising. Monica: Ross, you did not come up with "got milk?" Ross: Yes, I did, I did! (He turns to Joey, disappointed) I should have written it down!
RACHEL: Ya know, I mean this is supposed to be a joyous occasion. My sister's graduating from college, nobody thought she would. It's a true testament to what a girl from long island would do for a Celica.
Rachel: (stopping him) Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I (He tries to interrupt and tell her about the ink), hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir. (She storms out of his office.)
Rachel: (pause as she realizes her lame attempt to shift the blame has failed) I am so hot for you right now.
Phoebe: Because patience is the road to understanding (she thinks) which ... is the key... to a happy heart.
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Katie: Aww, like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun of me because of my size! (She punches him again and almost knocks him off the arm of the couch.)
Charlie: Me too. (she and Benjamin are hugging for very long and Ross starts pretending to clear his throat, until they stop)
Monica: Fridays perfect...She cant wait.
Rachel: Oh, no problem. Im so glad I could help. Happy for you. (She playfully punches him.)
Mrs. Potter: Oh really? Well, then youd better tell his other wife, cause she called three times asking where he is.
Phoebe: Well, shes out of town so, theres gotta be something in her house that tells me where my Father is.
Amy: She did? Who got her condo in Boca?
Rachel: Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.
Sarah: Could you pull open the curtains for me? The astronauts from the space shuttle are gonna be on the news, and since we dont have a TV, the lady across the alley said shed push hers up to a window, so I could watch it.
(She frowns.� Chandler picks up the hand set.)
Rachel: Oh, well, she’s asleep now. Stop forcing that thing on her.
Phoebe: Oh God, this is turning into the worst wedding day ever! The bride is pregnant. The groom is missing. And Im still holding this. (She throws the test back into the trash.)
Richard: Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.
Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)
Phoebe: Potato, Potaato. (Shes pronounces potato with the both the short and long As.)
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck as The King's (Elvis Presley to the yougin's) Viva, Las Vegas begins to play. Sing along with me now, "Viva! Las Vegas! Vivaaaaaa! Vivaaaaa! Las Vegassssss!!" Fade to Black.)
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)
Rachel: Well when I talk to her I almost feel like she understands what I'm saying.
Ross: Ok, fine, but I don't want them bonding to much. I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job.
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon. (Pats his leg. She lies down and rests her head in his lap)
Rachel: Oh. Im sorry. Im very sorry. Sorry. (She hums and sighs happily.) Its just, Im ahh, Im kinda excited. Im, ahh, going to London to ahh, tell this guy that I love him and... (He puts his headphones on to ignore her.)
Phoebe: Well, maybe she didn't hear! Ok I'm gonna go into that dressing room, you stay in here and I'll talk and see if you can hear me.
PHOEBE: OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, OK. [singing] Now, grandma's a person who everyone likes, she bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike. But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner, And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner. Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, but the truth is she died and some day you will too. La-la-la la la-la-la la la-la-la la...
Ross: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but then she found one of Richard's cigar butts out on the terrace, so.