words in movies
Frank: Yeah, and they-and they say that our-that our only chance to have a baby is that if they take my sperm, her egg and put it together in a dish and then put it into another girl. So we were wondering if you could be the girl that we could put it into.
Phoebe: (shocked) Thats a really nice gift. I was thinking of like a gravy boat.
Chandler, Monica, and Rachel: Great!! Thats great!
Phoebe: Well, they said that I had to think about it first, but what is there to think about? Im gonna be giving them the greatest gift you can possibly give.
Rachel: Wow! I dont know if I could ever do that. I always figured the first time I had a baby was with somebody I love and that baby would be a keeper.
Rachel: Oh, Chandler that is so nice.
Ross: That is really nice lying! No way is that the reason!
Rachel: Why? Just because youre not mature enough to understand something like that?!
Phoebe Sr: Oh, thats okay, it gave me time to finish glazing my nipples.
Phoebe: Oh! Ooh! Oh, I didnt know that you did pot.
Phoebe Sr: Well, because youd be giving up a baby, and I-I really dontI dont know if theres anything I can say that could make you understand the pain of giving up a baby. So, umm, (Picks up a puppy in the box next to the couch.)
Phoebe Sr: I realise I dont have any right to start get all parenty on you and everything now, but umm, (Sees that Phoebe isnt paying attention and is busy mimicking the puppy.) uhh Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy, its very important.
Phoebe Sr: I mean, I know what Im talking about. I gave up two babies, and I only wish I had someone there that had given up babies, that could tell me how terrible it is to give up babies. I just think that, it would be something you will regret every single day for the rest of your life. So, how ever hard it is to give up this puppy, it would be like a million times harder to give up a child. (Phoebe is playing with the puppy again, and not listening) I really shouldnt have given you the puppy first.
Tour Guide: Thats just the way it is.
Joey: Thats crazy.
Tour Guide: Maybe its crazy in a perfect world, a world without lab coats and blazers, but you not in a perfect world, you in a museum now. See that scientist in the classes, he and I used to play together all the time in grade school, but now (Turns around) Peter! Hey, Peter! Its me Rhonda! From PS-129! I shared my puddin which you man! I gave you my Snack Pack! (to Joey) See, he pretend he dont even here me!
Ross: Thats okay, Im cool over here. Ill catch up with you later, Joey. (Joey is shocked.)
Ross: Its like that everywhere, Joey! Okay, Mon, back me up here. Where you work the uh, waiters eat with the waiters, right? And the chefs eat with the other chefs, right?
Joey: Look, Ross, really its-its no big deal. Yknow you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we cant be friends at work, then so be it. Yknow, hey I understand. Yknow? Hey, when Im in a play and youre in the audience, I dont talk to you, right? So its yknow, its uh, its cool. Ill see you tomorrow. (Leaves)
Rachel: Yeah, not girls anyway, guys agree (snaps her fingers) like that.
Monica: All right, Im gonna show you something a lot of guys dont know. Rach, give me that pad, please? (She does so and Monica starts drawing on it) All right. Now
Rachel: Let me see that. (Monica shows her) Oh, yeah.
Chandler: (Points to one) Thats one?
Rachel: Well, yknow, sometimes that helps. (She realises what that couldve meant.)
Ross: Y'know, we work in a museum of natural history, and yet there is something unnatural about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and yknow what I see, I see-I see division. Division, between people in white coats and people in blue blazers, and I ask myself, "My God why?!" Now, I say we shed these-these coats that separate us, and we get to know the people underneath. (He takes off his coat and throws it down.) Im Ross! Im divorced, and I have a kid!
Monica: Yknow, I never saw that.
Phoebe: No, Im really okay with this. Yknow why? Cause look at them, and I made that, so I know its gonna be like a million times harder to give up a baby but, oh my God, its gonna feel like a million times better, right? I wanna do this. (To Frank and Alice) I wanna carry your baby.
Phoebe: Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided Im gonna carry their baby.
Phoebe: No-no-no, I know, but you and I are different people though, and this is a totally different situation, and I know that I am not gonna regret this.
Phoebe Sr: Oh, I-I-I understand all that, but its justthat was my puppy.
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
PHOEBE: Well you said that he's paying the people who are playing.
Phoebe: Umm, look we dont, we dont really know each other so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but there seems to be something between us. And I dont know about you but that doesnt happen to me a lot.
Chandler: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called wait until the last moment before I burst and die.
Joey: You got all that from the back of her head?
Joey: Well, not that its any of your business, but, no, we havent, okay?
Ross: Well, so, you-youll get a job here! I mean, Im always hearing about uh, them foreigners coming in here and stealing American jobs; that could be you!
Ross: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. Youllyoure gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesnt believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, yknow when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddys credit card. Do you remember?
Leslie: Well, I y'know, I was just, umm, I was just thinking and hoping, that umm, maybe youd want to get back together?
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
PHOEBE: I can do that.
Monica: Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.
ROB: That was great, the kids loved you.
ROSS: That guy Lipson?
Monica: I don't know. Rachel I'm-I'm sorry that I hurt your ankles.
Chandler: Monica says that her Maitre D. is the funniest guy she's ever met.
Joey: Anyway, it uh look itll just take me a while to get over her, thats all. Im not even sure how to do that, I mean Ive never been in love before so
Monica: Hes in a different room! Hes really that loud?
Chandler: Because youre the only one that can be fair.
Chandler: Thats funny, this conversations how I got the bullet hole in my head.
JOEY: It's not what you think, that was...
Ross: (imitating Parker) This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! (He backs into someone.) Ooh sorry (He looks behind him then notices its Phoebe then stops his impression.)
Joey: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade!
Rachel: You know the book says that whenever shes sleeping I should be sleeping so (She gives Monica thumbs and goes to lay down)
Phoebe: Huh, well, the girls in the satin nighties on the commercial dont seem to think its that bad.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah thats too bad. I really want to go to his concert Friday night, but its totally sold out. I know! Why dont you meet him and get tickets?! If you get two Ill take you.
Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!
Chandler: How... exactly are you pursuing that? Y'know other than sending out resumes like what, two years ago?
Monica: Hey, see that snippy guy over there? Hes the one who decides who gets up on the platform. We should go dance by him.
Rachel: Did-did you come up here to work on that term paper or something?
Monica: Pick a number! That is your only job!
Monica: Please... honey, leave the details to me. Now I wanna make this day as special for you as I can. Now, ok, I was thinking that the harpist should wear white.
Chandler: Lets not do that any more.
Rachel: So. I just thought the two of us should hang out for a bit. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us, though, right?
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Ben: (mimicking her) Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Monica: Thats right. Thats right. And that is why you cant stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldnt come to the wedding.
ROSS: Rach, hey look, I remember that, it wasn't so bad.
RTST: Aren't you going to swallow that?
CHANDLER: Takin' that with you, huh?
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Cecilia: Well, you certainly own that room.
Joey: Wow! Can I get a copy of that?
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Really?! (listens) Really?!
Gary: Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire. (Joey slowly moves off of Ross.) Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. You see that? You see what he did?
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldnt, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, theres none of that in here.
Joey: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) Were gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Bens head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
Chandler: Okay, I'll give them back. (Exhales strongly through his nose and Joey just glares at him.) Look! What is so great about that sandwich?
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Ross: Come on Pheebs, its not that bad! Yknow most people would be excited if they didnt have to work for a couple of weeks.
PHOEBE: It's not that bad.
Monica: Joey, you dont have to finish that.
Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first well start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesnt work we can go back to
Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.
Joey: Okay umm, I just came by to tell you that I want to have dinner with you tonight. Thats all.
Ross: That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for like five years so that gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now he had the trampoline.
Ross: Well thats different! Okay? Because he, he was actually in love with me!
Ross: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? (He opens the freezer and smells inside and recoils in disgust.) That has been broken for a while.
JOEY: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him cause he made that list about you?
Chandler: You know, I always feel that way after an interview. I'll bet it went better than you think.
Monica: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible?
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?
Chandler: See Joe, not that thats not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Yknow, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!
Chandler: (grabbing the phone) Of course he has this big huge dog! That uh, barks into the night. (Listens.) Well, who doesn't love dogs? (Thinks.) Ah, he's a tap dancer! (Listens.) Yes, some would say that is a lost art. (Thinks.) He's a pimp! (Listens.) There you go! Yes, he's a pimp. He's a big, tap dancing pimp! (Pause.) Hello?
Ross: And thats Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)
Ross: I like this one. (Points to it.) It seems to say, "I love you and thats why I have to kill you."
Richard: Is that my ass? (Hes looking at Joeys.)
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
ROSS: Yeah. And you should hold out for something bigger. I can't tell you how much respect I have for you not going to that stupid cab driver audition.
Ross: (slowly) Yeah. But you know what? I think you should give Joey a chance. I mean, he's a great guy, and sure he doesn't know that much about art but you know, you can always talk about that with someone else.
Joey: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker.
Ross: Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because its my sister. But, uh, uh yknow actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.
Chandler: I know what you meant!! (pause) You notice that ever since we got this chick, weve been fighting a lot more than we used too?
Rachel: I cant say that Im surprised.
Ross: Hey, yknow what and if youre looking for a place? I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Chandler: That is funny, maybe for my birthday shell murder someone.
Phoebe: Well, Frank has to quit college because his super fertile sister is having three babies! I need to make a lot of money really fast, and I had an idea that I want to talk to you (Points to Chandler) about, cause you work for a big company. Okay, insider trading, what information is there that you can give me.
Monica: Do you wanna live outside?! Because its gettin cold! (To Phoebe) She gets tons of catalogs and umm, shell fold down the pages of the things she thinks that Id like.
Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]
Rachel: All right. Look. Gavin...I...I guess I felt guilty that you were here, which I shouldn't. You know Ross and I are not inany relationship but...he is the father of my child, and you know we do live together and plus there is just so muchhistory...you know it's just...I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm just all over the place.
Charlie: God, Rachel, what Ross just said that is just so..
Mark: Ive kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. (Rachel is shocked) But since you were with Ross, I-I didnt do anything about it. But, now that youre not, Id really like to ask you out sometime. So-so thats-thats what Im doing, now.
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, yknow no commitment.
MONICA: Ross, that is gorgeous!
Joey: All right now remember, something this big and long is going to be difficult to manuver, fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area.
(Joey turns and is angry that Chandler didnt come up with the answer.)
Phoebe: I am definitely gonna watch that!
Joey: Great. (He doesnt like it.) You got anything thats not Ralph Lauren?
Chandler: Yes! See you and I have always been like(motions that they think the same.)
Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!"
Chandler: Yeah, he thinks thats my name.
MONICA: Are we still on that?
MONICA: Finger cramp. Oh God, sorry. Here, let me get that mom.