words in movies
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Ross is cleaning out the fridge. Joey walks from his room. He looks like he just woke up.]
Ross: I...reorganized the fridge. See, bottom shelf: meats and dairy. (Theres nothing on the shelf.) Middle shelf: fruits and vegetables. (Theres one lone tomato.) And top shelf: expired products. (The shelf is jammed packed.)
Ross: Because I am bored...Out of my mind. Ive already been to the bank, post office, and the dry cleaners.
Joey: Hey, dont get religious on me, ok. (Ross looks a little confused.) A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here sit down. (Ross sits down.) Ready? (Joey flips the foot rest up.) Ahh!! (He reclines the chair fully.) Ohh, yeah!! Huh?!
Joey: Ohh, no, no. Were not going to just sit. (Joey sits down and hits the speed dial button on the phone.) Shhh. (It begins to ring.)
Chandler: (Answering the phone at work) Hello, Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! (Joey hangs up.)
Chandler: The British are coming?
Phoebe: Ohh, you and your ways. (She shakes the bell at him and sits down.) Since its Christmastime. Im going to be one of those people collection donations.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, Im going to be out there spreading joy to the people. I mean, last year, I spread a little joy but not really enough. So this year, Im going to do the whole city.
Phoebe: Ohh, they gave me a great spot. Right by Macys. Yeah, they hardly ever give such a good spot to a rookie, but Im the only one who can sing "Merry Christmas" in 25 languages. (She smirks.) I lied.
Rachel: Oh my god. Ok you guys, theres Danny. Watch. Just watch this. (He walks past the couch to the counter.) See?! Still pretending hes not interested. Ohh, hes coming over. Just pretend like we dont know him. Weve forgotten who he is.
Danny: (To Monica) On the date, I will be able to talk to her directly? (To Rachel) See ya Friday. (He walks out.)
Rachel: (Somewhat angrily) Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Dont answer me. (Giggling) I have a date with Danny.
Joey: How could I not get the part? The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens.
Monica: Yeah. I guess. (She puts more money in the bucket.)
Monica: Yes Phoebe, but this is all I have. Okay? (She pours out the rest of her change purse into the bucket.)
(The man starts to take some change out.)
Phoebe: Wait, you can't take the money out.
The Man: I'm making change. I need change for the bus.
Phoebe: But, can't you leave the dollar? This money is for the poor.
The Man: I'm poor! I gotta take the bus!
The Man: Bite me, blondie! (The man storms off.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is telling Ross how he didn't get the part.]
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
Joey: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it.
Ross: (grabbing a notepad and sitting down) All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character.
Rachel: I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her.
Rachel: No, but I was doing my thing and everything was going according to the plan!
Monica: Oh God, stop with the plan! So what, so what you saw him with a girl? Who cares?! That doesn't mean anything! Now look, you're going to go out on a date with Danny and you're going to be so charming he's gonna forget all about that stupid subway girl.
Rachel: She was kinda stupid. You're right. All right, I'm just gonna go on the date. I'm gonna go on the date. That is the new plan.
(Rachel goes into her room and closes the door. Which allows Monica to let Chandler out of her room.)
(Chandler runs out the door and closes it behind him. After a short pause the door opens and Chandler comes rushing back through, grabs Monica, kisses her good-bye, and heads back out.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is trying to write his movie, Chandler is playing a game on the counter by trying to flip a ping pong ball with a spoon into a nearby bowl.]
(Chandler makes it into the bowl.)
Joey: Dont stop! Move the bowl further away! Ross could make that shot!
(Chandler slides the bowl to the far end of the counter. He tries again, but he hits the spoon to hard and the ball goes flying away.)
Chandler: Well, so, play for the next 30 minutes and then write until he gets home.
Chandler: Do you even remember which part of the wall is not spackle?
Joey: Uh yeah, right here. (He punches his fist through the wall next to the door.)
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe is still ringing her bell. A guy puts some change into the bucket.]
(Another woman walks up and throws something into the bucket.)
Phoebe: Now, that's trash. Young lady, you can't (The lady ignores her and walks off.) Hey! Stop that young lady, she donated trash!
(Another guy walks by and throws his light cigarette butt in the bucket.)
Phoebe: Hey!! (The bucket starts smoking.) The charity's on fire! Help! (Yet another guy walks by carrying a cup, which Phoebe grabs.) Oh good! Thank you, I need that. (She throws onto the smoldering fire. Suddenly the bucket erupts in flames.) Whoa! What is that?! (She sniffs the cup.) (To the guy.) It's nine o'clock in the morning!
Ross: All right. (Reading.) A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. (Stops reading a flips the page to find the next one is blank.) That's it? (Joey shrugs.) Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! (Flipping through the rest of the pad.) And what is, and what is all this?! (Reading.) The official rulebook of Fireball.
Joey: Yeah, that's the uh, game we were playing.
Ross: This is helping your career?! Huh? I thought you wanted to be an actor not the creator of crazy lawsuit game!
(He tries to fire a burnt tennis ball into the bowl Chandler is standing by, but Ross grabs the ball away from him.)
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
Danny: I'd love to ask you in, but uh, my sister's visiting and I think she's asleep on the couch.
Rachel: You're sister? You're sister's asleep on the couch? (Danny nods, "Yes.") Ohhh! I saw her with you on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch!
Danny's Sister: (opening the door) Oh, I thought I heard you.
(He starts chasing her around Rachel a couple of times before she runs into the living room and he tackles her on the couch where he starts tickling her.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is complaining to Ross and Monica about the bucket.]
Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Monica: Eww!! (Throws the bucket down.)
Monica: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets.
Monica: All the time. In fact, I was undefeated.
Rachel: Well, I met Danny's sister yesterday, and uh that was actually the girl on the subway.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
Chandler: (entering from his bedroom) Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!
Chandler: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.
Ross: And the reason I'm doing this is because I am Joey's friend. And if you were a good friend, you'd be doing the same thing.
Joey: Hey-hey guys, hey! How about we settle this over a friendly game of Fireball? Huh? I'll go unhook the smoke detectors!
Ross: How about we settle this right now! (He rips up the tickets.) There! Now, no one's going to the game. Ha-ha-ha!
Danny: so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here (His sister) forgets the camera!
Joey: Oh, y'know the same thing happened to me one time.
Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a pictureI didn't have my camera!
Chandler: Oh yeah. First off all, chasing the Churo guy isn't jogging.
Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.)
Krista: Here, I'll get it. (She grabs a napkin and tries to wipe it up. The thing that gets the rest of the gang going is that she's whipping awfully close to his crotch. In fact, she is whipping his crotch. Chandler's about to come out of his chair.)
Chandler: Okay, bye! (To the gang.) Oh my God!!
Phoebe: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait a minute, open up your hand; let me take a look. (The lady opens up her hand.) Quarter. Dime. Lint? Not interested in that. (She throws the lint away.) What's this? A Canadian coin? Get outta here! (The lady walks away.)
Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa! No drinks near the bucket! Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution! (The guy starts to walk away with a hurt look on his face.) And you can leave the hurt bunny look over there too! (Her boss and a co-worker walk up.) Hi Bob! (The same old lady from before walks bye.) (To the old lady.) I thought I told you to get outta here!
Phoebe: Fine. (She hands her bell to Ginger and starts to take down her signs.) (The same old lady walks by again.) All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch. (The old lady.)
[Scene: Danny's apartment, there's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
Danny: Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister?
Danny: Okay, listen, I really like you. Okay? I think this can go somewhere. So what if I'm close to my family, are you gonna let that stand in the way of us?
Krista: (calling from the bathroom) Danny! Hurry up! The bath is getting cold!
Rachel: Yeah, okay, I'll see you later. (Gets up and runs from the apartment.)
Chandler: Oh hey! There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day?
Joey: (entering) Hey guys! I was at the library all morning and I already finished my five pages for today!
Chandler: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! (Pause) Last night!
Joey: No dude, Ross tore up the tickets!
Chandler: Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!!
Joey: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me?
Joey: Oh no! No-no, keep reading! The good part's coming up. Keep going.
Ross: (reading from the script.) I am sorry, Chandler.
Joey: A handsome man enters. (Playing the part of the handsome man.) Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, (Ross) you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you (Chandler) well you co-created Fireball. The end.
Joey: No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. (Takes out a bowling ball and a propane torch.) Ha-ha!
Joey: (Reading the scene set up.) Okay, it's a typical New York City apartment. Two girls are just hanging out.
(Monica and Rachel begin to read from the script.)
(They both throw the scripts in his face.)
Joey: What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!
Rachel: We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys.
Joey: Well, they go into the chipper.
(Rachel tries to stop mid-swing, and the swing starts to turn from side to side)
Chandler: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and theres nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Phoebe: Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person of Francis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later.
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Phoebe is talking at the phone, Monica is listening amused.]
Joey: Is it the shampoo? Its guava.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are there. Chandler and Joey are looking through the paper.]
Rachel: All right let me see. (grabs the card) Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurely, Michelle Pfieffer, and Dorothy Hammel?
Chandler: Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? (she's not amused) No? Divorce?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Yeah, Rachel. And this (points to Monica) is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving. (looks around the room as if searching for something more interesting to do).
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
The Interviewer: So, lets talk about women. Im sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.
Monica: What are you the memory woman?
Monica: Oh, I was thinking about having people over for the game.
Phoebe: No, not the used wax.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
(They start to look around seeing that the living room is undamaged.)
Phoebe: (to Rachel) I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
{Transcibers note: In case youre wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show }
[Scene: The street down the block from Central Perk, Joey has found the Porsche and is writing the note.]
Ross: Ok ... (they leave the room, long pause) Well, uh, Joey, I guess we have no problem.
Chandler: (Sees the picture) Oh no! No! No! No! (Monica gasps as well.)
Joey: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.
Chandler: I think its great. Its great. Yknow, theyre thinking of changing the name of this place.
MONICA: [sings] They won't take you to the vet.
CAROL: Nothing. Ok, everything. I think we're calling off the wedding.
Ross: So um...Thanksgiving. The holiday season is upon us, hm?
[There's a bang at the door.]
Phoebe: But ifno look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!
(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)
Stage Manager: Look, we held the curtain for you buddy. Come on, lets go! Lets go!
[Cut to later, they are finishing up the pizza, theres one piece left.]
JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, it is later in the party. The Spin the Bottle game is over and Chandler is making a sandwich as Phoebe watches.]
Ross: (entering) Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is too difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate. (He holds up and starts shaking a )
[Scene: The Geller household, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner. The doorbell rings.]
Joey: What? What the hell am I doing? You just broke my fridge!
PHOEBE: No, only the three of you, any more than that and she'll get suspicious.
Ross: Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me, about your Mom, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?
Joey: Okay, all right, whew! What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? (Ross turns and glares at him.) Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he-he's the one doing your sister.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Chandler: (laughs) Well, don�t believe everything you hear, Ken. (both turning away to files) But yeah, that�s true. Alright, let�s get started, by take a look at last quarter�s figures. (The female next to Chandler starts smoking, towards her:) Ah, Claudia, aren�t you supposed to blow smoke up the bosses� ass?
Joey: (reacting first by jumping up) Dude! What the hell are you doing?! God! (Heads for his room leaving Ross.)
(Monica answers the door)
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Judge: So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.
Chandler: He was asking all these questions about you, me, and London. And, of course the glue that holds this all together, the rules.
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Emily: I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her!
Monica: Come on, no peeking! (They are leading the gang out with there hands over their eyes.)
Monica: Thats because he wasnt invited because of the way he behaved at our engagement party.
Ross: Great, actually. I'm thinking tonight, maybe the night. Yeah, I mean ah, the kids are gonna play together and then when they're asleep, I'm thinking Amanda and I break open a bottle of wine, and do a little "playing" ourselves.
Monica: Fine! If you want me to wear the boots, Ill wear the boots. In fact, Ill go into my room right now and yknow try the outfit on.
Rachel: Oh well, the woman I interviewed with was pretty tough, but y'know thank God Mark coached me, because once I started talking about the fall line, she got all happy and wouldnt shut up.
(Ross wakes up with a start and startles Rachel. The guy next to him starts laughing, which starts Ross laughing, Rachel gives him a look and he stops.)
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Phoebe: What? What are you just gonna walk up to her at the gate? Have you never chased anyone through the airport before?
(The phone rings and Joey answers it.)
Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is (Goes and picks up the sandwich) the greatest sandwich in the world!
Ross: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?
(Just as they are about to pull away, a big, fat, bald guy pulls up in the exact same car as Ross and stops next to him.)
Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.)
Joey: Im the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!
The Guys:
Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?
Rachel: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) Hes the head of my department.
Rachel: Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
(The man jumps out, obviously a little scared. Phoebe drives off.)
Phoebe: Yes. We're here to make a rather sizeable donation to the children.
Joey: Oh man, pizza? I like pizza. (makes like he is trying to send a telepathic message to Rachel) Put olives on the pizza.
Joey: Well y'know, Ive been walking the same way since high school. Y'know, y'know how some guys they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a take notice walk.
[Monica slams the door back shut]
Rachel: (moves the stool out of the way) Yeah! Ohh, Ive been waitin so long to get on that body!
PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the bathroom]
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
[Three slow knocks on the door.]
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass without Monica noticing. It doesnt work.) Oh thats-thats actually how the French drink it.
Phoebe: I guess so. (See, the brief possession didn't affect her at all, like we could really tell.)
Chandler: The bath salts! Theyre starting to effervesce! Its different. (Pause) Its interesting.
[Later, in the living room, Rachel is sitting on the couch, Ross is on the chair.]
The Fan: I have no idea what youre talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffays autograph!
Woman: I can dial 9-1-1 at the touch of a button, y'know. Now, go away!
Rachel: Oh my God! (Notices the boots) Oh Monica! Those boots are amazing!
Jill: That he wouldnt pay for my lawyer! Then he told me to come here and learn about the value of money from the one daughter hes actually proud off.
JOEY: Yeah.� Maybe Michael Jordon will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
Rachel: Summer catalogue! (hands him the catalogue)
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, the scene is continued from earlier, only Ross has dismissed the class and is now talking to Monica and Rachel.]
PHOEBE: Hey.� I'll be right back.� I've got to go to the bathroom.� (She rises and exits.)
Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, Im running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where theres no future? Either theyre too old, or theyre too young, and then theres Pete whos-whos crazy about me, and whos absolutely perfect for me, and theres like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like somethings wrong with me?!
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
ROSS: Well, I uh, I can't seem to find the monkey I donated last year. He's a capuchan, answers to the name Marcel.
Ross: About the yelling.
MONICA: Do you not remember the puppet guy?