words in movies
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
(The guy walks past them)
(The guy walks on)
Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo!
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
[Scene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are visiting.]
Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
Monica: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!
Phoebe: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked.
Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
Rachel: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! (Turns on the TV)
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)
Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
(The gang turn to look at Chandler)
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.]
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking.
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
(She kisses him on the cheek)
(...Then full on the mouth)
Joey: Uhhhh.... I'll just pee in the street.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gownit's Ross.]
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door)
Joey: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code!
(Chandler opens the door and startles them. He picks up the paper)
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. (Goes back inside and shuts the door)
Ross: Well... not in the same way...
Ross: He didn't get the goggles!
(She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall)
Phoebe: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?
Monica: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me?
Phoebe: No. (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the other direction) No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
Phoebe: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!
Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?
Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door)
Chandler: You gotta let me slam the door! (Leaves; slams the door)
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door)
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?
Phoebe: Going to the hospital tonight?
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
You don't have to be awake to be my man, As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day, There's something I have got to say...
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand)
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
[Scene: The Coma Guy's Room, Monica bursts in, closely followed by Phoebe. There is no sign of Coma Guy. His bed is empty.]
(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges from the bathroom)
Coma Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?
Monica: I got you the foot massager.
Phoebe: Y'know what? We thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma.
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Ross: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
Joey: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything.
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the spyhole)
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
(She walks down the hall)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is handing out copies of her book to the gang.]
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
Joey: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Gary: Okay, I'll see you at the station later.
Bonnie: So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?
Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?
CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.
Joey: Im gonna miss you, youre the hottest roommate I ever had.
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.)
Rachel: (grabbing the star) What the hell is that?
Chandler: Trust me, you dont want him there either. Okay? Nobody is gonna be staring at the bride when the father of the groom is wearing a back-less dress.
Cynthia: Oh, candles! (Notices something.) What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! (As she storms out, Rachel returns and overhears the conversation.)
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
Ross: Green. To the green.
Chandler: No-no-no-no! That was the joke!
Joey: What the?! (Joey pounds the table and starts yelling at Rachel, and which is drowned out by applause. Rachel is desperately trying to tell Joey that hes on TV right now. He finally notices and he does his gracious loser face.)
[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. The shot pans back until we see Marcel sitting on the window ledge.]
Monica: You bought the beach house when I was 23!
Chandler: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy were gonna have all the sex.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee at the counter. Chandler walks in.]
Joey: Hey-hey dancer girl! Can I go to the bathroom? I just.. (The girl starts dancing really close to him, so he picks her up, twirls her round, and puts her against a platform) Here we go. (He walks away to find Monica and Ross doing a really out of place dance) Looking good Gellers!
Phoebe: Oh no! No-no! I understand the pain! Dont-dont hurt the puppy.
Charlton Heston: Who in the hell are you?
Rachel: Alright, come on... (starts to knock on the door) Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.
Rachel: (bursts into the room) Joey! Joey!
Phoebe: (to the director) Merci. Au revoir. (Translation: Thanks, goodbye.)
Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. (holds up two cards) Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. (Joey is unamused) Alright babe, deal the cards.
Mr. Geller: And we kinda figured about the porch swing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in one of the black chairs, and turns to face the other one.]
Monica: And the musicians, look, they can go over here (Points to a little alcove), okay? And the chairs can face this way (Points), and (Points to Ross) You go.
Chandler: I dont even know the man. Okay? Were not the close. I havent seen him in years.
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think Ive ever heard.
Monica: Yeah-yeah, yknow what? Yeah, thats it-thats it, everything will be mine! Nothing will be yours! Thats-thats what I said! Oh come on, Chandler! Im talking about the barca lounger! It just, it doesnt match! Where is it gonna go?!
Monica: (coming) Are you still crying about your damn baby? Pheebs, you gotta keep the line moving, remember, 20 seconds per person. Your see these clowns all the time! (she takes off)
(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)
Mrs. Geller: (to Ross on the stairs) I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Joey: Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?
Rachel: Okay, wow, wow, wow. Watch the tongue people, we've got a baby over here.
Monica: Yeah, yknow, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldnt have to worry about the salmonella. (Ross pushes her.) So, I cant wait to see this place youre getting married!
Ross: Oh, no! The MET! The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
[The next flashback is from The One With Rachel's Crush.]
Chandler: Yeah, she couldn't live without the Chan Love. (They start kissing.)
Ross: Dude, it's just "Days of Our Lives"... there's no the.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. The others are still there.]
Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.
Phoebe: For 99 cents, I'd eat you. (Sees the casino) Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! (Points to Joey in his gladiator suit posing for a picture with two old ladies.) Oh! Look! Hi!
Monica: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!
Rachel: Ross, I'm telling you, she's giving up getting her eyebrows (points at her own to emphasize the word) shaped to do this alright? Do you understand how important that is in our world?
Joey: Arg... Alright, I'll take care of it. <throws hands out in the air>
RACHEL: What, so you go over there, you tell him you think he's cute, what's the worst that could happen?
Rachel: Yes! Id love to! Have her come by the office.
Ross: and the miracle was that that little bit of oil that shouldve just lasted just one day, burned for
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.]
Phoebe: Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So
Joey: Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?
Rachel: Ross, what's the matter?
The Dry Cleaner: He went out with my wife!
Supervisor: Im the supply manager.
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]
The Casting Director: Well, the director thinks youre really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
Ross: (noticing a beautiful woman moving in down the street) Well hello! Shes cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her?
Phoebe: No, no, Im fine, and yknow why? Cause of all the riboflavin.
The Waitress: She says its to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Phoebe: If she says no, can I have the ring?
(Janice returns from the bathroom.)
[Cut to a close-up of Rachel, eagerly awaiting Ross's arrival... not knowing he is getting off the plane with another woman.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)
PHOEBE: Oh. Mine does. (singing) Stephanie knows all the chords. (makes a face)
Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some breath spray)
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!
Joey: When have I ever done that?! (And does the sound again.)
[Scene: The Department Store, Joey and the Hombre man are facing off in Joey's section.]
LIPSON: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.
Rachel: (running into the living room) Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pheebs.
Chandler: (excitedly) Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year?
(they sit down and Roy plays "You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester on his boom box, and starts... With his back towards the girls, he starts waving his hands, then backs towards the girls slapping his butt, then swings it around, and makes thrusting pelvic movements in front of Phoebe. He dances around the tables in between all the girls, and gets back into the kitchen part of the room. He then tears off one of his sleeves and throws it towards Monica and Rachel, who fight over who gets it. He then tears off his other sleeve and moves it back and forth between his legs, getting closer to Phoebe.)
Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him whats on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani, with a huge picture of him.)
(Ross, urged on by his team-mates, jumps on top of the scrum and falls headfirst into the middle, leaving his feet sticking straight up.)
[Time lapse. The gang is around the table, eating grilled cheese sandwiches.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. Youre telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didnt want you back?!
Doug: Oh yeah-yeah-yeah, yknow I did it and I felt a hell of a lot better and if you whip it just right you might hit a seagull in the head.
Chandler: I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that I'm seeing casually.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Monica: (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
(The lights dim.)
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse. Phoebe is now looking at the covers of two different books.]
Ross: Okay, okay, we were on the ride along with Gary, right?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. David is still there. Mike closes the door.]
(They all decay into massive bickering as Phoebe returns from the bathroom.)
Ross: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, but then the coffee table won't be centered in the seating area.
Ross: (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) Im sorry?