words in movies
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
Gunther: Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit. (hands Chandler back the cigarette.)
Chandler: Okay, thats like the least fun game ever.
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
Rachel: Oh right, cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.
Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.
Ross: Sorry. (To remedy that, Ross scoops the cinnamon off of the top with his hand.)
Frank: Oh, well y'know, I wouldve called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldnt find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...
Frank: Ah, oh, the ah, vandalism.
Frank: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. (to Joey) Im gonna, Im gonna get my ah, my fianc�e man!
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Monica is working, Rachel is having lunch.]
Monica: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year Ive only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game.
Monica: Aww, the only reason you want to go out with me because my blond wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.
Pete: Well, if that were true, Id dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with me, dont you?
Rachel: (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that aint a pretty picture in the morning, yknow what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.
Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Franks life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I dont want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, its sick and wrong!
Ross: Pheebs, what, is it the age thing?
Phoebe: No-no, oh, Im fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking its tongue down my little brothers throat!
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think hes gonna enjoy it when hes up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-its not fair to the babies, and y'know what, its not good home economics.
Joey: So, were walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, Hey, lets go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes, remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, Nah, lets just hang out at your place. Well, that was a nice move dumb ass.
Chandler: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so Id call him.
Chandler: (reading the check) Pete Becker. Pete (quickly grabs a magazine and opens it up to show her a picture) (pointing to the picture) Is this him?
Chandler: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What?
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
Ross: No the mans right, thats what I had with Rachel.
Ross: Im the ring bearer.
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe is opening the door.]
Phoebe: Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. Im so glad you could come, cause Ive got a real umm, Home Ec emergency. (Points to the table cloth, which has a huge mustard stain on it.)
Alice: Oh no-no, never say that. If we cant get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.
Pete: Okay, thats great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: What the hell is this? (holding up the check)
Pete: Hang on a second. (to the employees) Ill-Ill talk to you in the morning. (turns two of the three off) Im sorry what?
Monica: Youre supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, whats-whats the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?
Pete: (turns off the TV) Youre taking this all wrong. Because, if I didnt leave you that tip, you wouldnt of come down here, we wouldnt be having this argument, and there wouldnt be this ah, heat between us.
Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now were like this-this couple that fights.
Pete: Look, forget the check, okay. (rips up the check) I like you. I think youre great. Come on, what do you say?
[Scene: Phoebes, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]
Frank: (hiding under a pile of clothes) Hi. (She jumps up screaming.) Wait, no! Just put the mail down. Its-its me!
Phoebe: Okay. Whoa, sorry. Why were you just like all in the dark?
Frank: Oh, well just probably the worst one since Ive been alive.
Frank: Uh, no, not really, just that I was too young, y'know, but I dont see how I could all of the sudden be too young, cause Im older than I was when we first got together.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I dont, I dont know. But, y'know what, maybe its just all for the best?
Frank: Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain!
Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, its still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now its, and now its gone and I dont know why!
Frank: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didnt want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Monica ready for her date. The guys are also there. The door buzzes.]
Rachel: Oh my God! The millionaires here!
Chandler: Okay, then get the lobster!
Monica: (opening the door) (to Pete) Hey!
Monica: (in the hallway) So, where do you want to go?
[Cut to a shot of the coliseum in Rome, Italy.]
[Scene: A restaurant in Rome, Monica is paying for the pizza.]
Pete: Youre, hey, youre not paying for the pizza!
Monica: Oh come on, its only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its the middle of the night. Joey is walking into the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.]
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandlers bedroom.)
Alice: Phoebes right Frank. I know its hard to hear, but it wouldve been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?
Alice: Right, not just that. Umm, even though we love each other as much as we do, none the less
Phoebe: None the less.
Alice: None the less. Umm, youre too young to, to really know what you want. (They embrace in a passionate kiss.)
Phoebe: Thats right, exactly. (sees them) All right, its a good bye kiss, thats good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what Im saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, Ive decided Im gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves).
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, hes listening to the hypnosis tape again.]
Joey: (Hes recorded his voice on the tape) Joeys your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)
Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
Kate: That info-mercial! For the milk carton spout thing! Youre-youre-youre the guy that doesnt know how to pour milk!!
Monica: This would be a beautiful place to get married, yeah, but I wouldnt put the aisle there and I would never have the ceremony there! (Points to both places.) I mean youd have the ceremony under this big beautiful arch. (The arch at the entrance to the room.)
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, so what? (On phone) Look, I live across the street, (walking to the window) and I know all about you and your little telescope, and I don't appreciate it, okay? (Listens) Yeah, I can see you right now! (Listens) Hello! (Listens) If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear, I shouldn't have to feel like(Listens)Thank you, but... that's not really the point... (Listens) The point is that... (Listens) Mostly free weights, but occasionally..
Monica: Because I know that you think the lottery is "boohaki" but we're all here and gonna watch the numbers and have fun. And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this.
Rachel: Yeah, okay, I'll see you later. (Gets up and runs from the apartment.)
Joey: That thing was a hazard! (To the potential roommate) Im very safety conscious.
Mike: Phoebe writes lots of great songs. Wha... What was that one you sang the other night that everybody just loved?
Monica: What?! Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn't the ideal way to something....
Larry: I'll check the kitchen floors.
Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.
Monica: Yeah. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around:) Don't do the dance.
Ross: Hey Joe, while youre over there how about another beer for the Ross-A-Tron?
Phoebe: I know! (Phoebe picks up a little packet of sugar, shakes it, and then realises she can't open it with one hand, but doesn't want to let go of Mike's hand. She tries to tear open the packet with one hand.)
RICHARD: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?
(Joey takes the ice-bucket with the champagne bottle in it and puts it on his sore spot)
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.]
(Her side of the tree looks a complete mess)
Rachel: Ahh, I dont believe you. I think you dont want them to see you begging me. (Goes to put the tape in the VCR)
Joey: Thats horrible! Well, you did the right thing man.
Rachel: (she's finished reliving the fridge of its entire alcohol content.) Macadamia nut?
Monica: It needs to go about 20 blocks to the left!
Monica: Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ross: (looks like in heaven) Lighter than air... (changes back to serious) But that's not the point. (Joey now also enters)
Rachel: Well, she-she ob-obviously saw the tire tracks that were leading up to the closed garage.
Chandler: I didnt mean that. I just meant that the apartment is worth so much more.
Joey: Oh and (Ross begins to open the door and Joey says some gibberish word to indicate to Ross that hes not done yet. Ross closes the door again.) Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach (Rubs his stomach) or uh, or saying mmm and uh, oh oh! And smiling (Smiles while pretending to stir a bowl), okay?
Ross: Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know Ill help you out.
Phoebe: No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and well call that pulling a Monica.
Monica: God! If youre gonna cry about it! (She grabs the box and goes to through it out.]
Ross: Yknow what I think it is? I think youve made such a nice home for her over the last nine months that she just doesnt want to leave.
Monica: Yeah, two hours, a lifetime thats the same.
Monica: You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do! Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. What do you do in humidity? (Mike hangs up the phone) Damnit!
PHOEBE: Listen to you two. It's so sad. Looks like I'm gonna be going to the goddess meetings alone.
Ross: (catching the ball) Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same team!
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
Chandler: Okay, bye! (To the gang.) Oh my God!!
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
(Joey is bent over at the waist and is looking for something under Monica's bed.)
Chandler: First of the month.
Rachel: Yeah, but he waited until the last minute! So if I said yes, he would know I had nothing better to do than wait around for an invitation to his stupid party. I said, "No!" Which puts me right back in the driver seat.
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule all!
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) Ok.
Guy All the Way in the Back: Yeah, I heard it.
Rachel: How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse, to the point where we cant even be in the same room with each other?!
(They walk to the table, but Rachel suddenly gasps. Sitting there is mr Zellner, her boss from her current job at Ralph Lauren.)
Rachel: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories (stops and tries to change directions) about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
JOEY: [as they're walking out, Dr. Greene questioningly gestures at the Happy Birthday sign over the door] This is clearly in the wrong apartment. [they all walk across the hall]
[Cut to London, Chandlers hotel room. He is getting ready for bed by doing push-ups. One push-up. Just as he gets under the covers, theres a knock on the door.]
Rachel: Now wait a minute. You just took all the words!
Monica: I dont know. I guess the other people just dont care enough.
Rachel: I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag.
Kim: Nancy and I were talking about the fall collection.
Rachel: Ughhhh!! Forget it! (Sits down heavily on the bed.) This is, this is not how this is supposed to happen.
Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) So um, who was she?
Rachel: Yeah, I cant live with Joey once the baby comes. I dont want my childs first words to be, (in a babys voice) "How you doin?"
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Ross is cleaning out the fridge. Joey walks from his room. He looks like he just woke up.]
Monica: He had to go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.
Joey: (jumps out of the box) I Gotcha!!
Chandler: They thought it was very smart of us to have a child write the recommendation letter.
Chandler: Thanks. (He grabs the sandwich.)
(They both hug, and Rachel, who was in the back of the plane, sees this and smiles.)
(They break the embrace.)
RACHEL: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the blind date guy again?
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.
Chandler: Okay. (He picks the 9 of Spades)
Chandler: Thats a bad duck!!! (to Ross) Howd the thing go tonight, Ross?
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Chandler: Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him!
Doctor: Oh my. Were gonna need to take you straight to the delivery room.
Ross: I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
Monica: Sounds like shes got the ah, whole package.
Monica: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?
Rachel: Monica, you dont even have a bed, you sleep in a ball on the floor!
Rachel: Yeah, it'll be fun. We'll run in the park. It'll be like our first yknow roommate bonding thing.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Thats the creep that youre with at the Statue of Liberty.
Rachel: Oh yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought wed lost you forever. Pheebs, you lie down?
(They storm out into the street.)
Rachel: Maybe its not as bad as I think. Yknow, maybe they didnt take it the way I meant it.
Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!
(Back in the chapel. The parents are still fighting over the bill. Ross is refereeing.)
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch, Rachel is on the chair.]
Monica: I know! Hey, you havent been practising the routine, have you?
Ross: All right, it's time for the story of Hanukkah. Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees.
Phoebe: Yeah? (Checking the final diaper) Well this is not what I ordered.
Rachel: (spinning the bottle) So, Spin the Bottle works like this: I spin the bottle, it lands on Gunther, so I would have to kiss Gunther. (She crawls over to where Gunther is sitting and sees the look of anticipation on Gunthers face and decides not to kiss him.) All right. Who wants to go first?
Ross: Before the snap!
Monica: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse.
Pete: Oh, believe me, I dont want to get hurt either. Im being smart about this. See these guys? Theyre the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. (Hoshi yells at him in Chinese) A house painter! He used to be a house painter.
Ross: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!
Phoebe: You'd better get back in that kitchen Monica, the garlic is not gonna overuse itself.
Caitlin: I'm gonna try. (Walks away and Ross closes the door.)
Rachel: Well, let�s see. The first one is: I don�t want to. And, you know, I�m not going.
Joey: (Looking around the room.) It is???