words in movies
Rachel: I don't wanna stand in the way of true love or anything, but I think a cantaloupe might hurt less.
Joey: Oh, ehm...I'm...I'm rehearsing my lines.They gave me a big romantic story on Days Of Our Lives. It's the first time my character's got one. I'm so nervous, you know, I really want it to be good!
Joey: Yeah, that was a disappointment...(pause) Oh, hey!D'you want to come down to the set and tell me if I'm doing ok?
Joey: Right!(he starts to ape her)"Oh my God, is this the men's room? Oh, I feel so foolish, have you always known you wanted to be an actor?" (he inclines his head as if to look at a man's private parts)
Monica: So, do you guys wanna come and eat dinner at the restaurant sometime in the next few weeks?
Monica: Well you can't! We're booked solid for the next month!
Phoebe: Well, it was an accident...You know, it's a lot of oil and sometimes the hand just slips!
Phoebe: Oh, good!Ok, good for you!Try to recapture the magic!
Monica: Oh, honey!I can't. I was just telling these guys that things are crazy at the restaurant!
Chandler: Oh, that's ok.I'll just try and reschedule. (on the phone) "Hi, this is Chandler Bing. I made a reservation there and I need to change it (pause) Oh, what do you mean it's not refundable? Can I just come some other time? (pause) Oh, can't you make an exception?"
Chandler: (on the phone) "Look, this is ridiculous! I'm not paying for that room! Ok?" (pause) "Oh, thank you very much!" (hangs up) Yeah, I'm going to Vermont...
Ross: Well, this is what happens when people live on the edge!
Ross: (browsing the brochure) I guess...It still seems a little...(enthusiastically) moonlight boat ride!!
Rachel: Hey Joey, is this the bed where Olivia lost her virginity?
Joey: I don't know, but one of the extras sure did! (pause) Hey, listen Rach. Thanks again for coming down to watch my scenes!
Rachel: Oh, please!Honey, just the fact that you want me here to support you, I'm...OH MY GOD!Is that Christian Sanders?He's so gorgeous!
Joey: Well, at the Christmas party him and Santa did some definitely gay stuff!
(the scene starts.Joey enters and there's a girl wearing a wedding dress near a bed)
Joey/Drake: Stopping you from marrying the wrong man and making the biggest mistake of your life.
Joey/Drake: I know what I felt that night when we kissed under the bridge.
(the actress slaps him)
Rachel: (watching a television where the scene is shown, startled) OH!
Joey/Drake: Can you really live the rest of your life never knowing what we could have been?
Joey/Drake: Yes, you do.Yes...you do. I'm the one who doesn't have a choice because I...because I can't stop loving you.
2nd Customer: It was. The duck in particular was superb.
Monica: Thank you!(she looks at the 3rd customer waiting for a compliment) You haven't said anything...
3rd Customer: The musician right outside the restaurant...it's kind of a mood-killer!
[Scene: Outside the restaurant]
Phoebe: Well, you said that you had customers lined up in the street, so I am here to entertain!
Phoebe: (with a fancy dress, still playing and singing): It wasn't just that she was fat, the woman smelled like garbage! Everyone! It wasn't just that she was fat the woman smelled like garbaaaaaage! (to Monica, showing her dress) Classy, uh?
[Scene: hall of the romantic inn in Vermont]
Receptionist: Welcome to the Chestnut Inn Mr. Bing, so where are you joining from?
Ross: (in a strange voice and eating candies) The big apple!
Chandler: I'm sorry, he's a little bit wound up, we had to stop at every maple candy stand on the way here.
Receptionist: I am sorry Mr. Bing, there's no record of your reservation in the computer.
Chandler: Let me get this straight. I called yesterday trying to cancel my reservation and I was told it was not refundable, then we drove six hours all the way up here and now you tell me that we don't have a reservation?
Chandler: Just give us the cheapest room you have.
Receptionist: Unfortunatly the only thing we have available is our deluxe suite, the rate is six hundred dollars.
Ross: Totally insane. Dude, let's drive home, we'll hit all the maple candy stores on the way back and if...if they're closed maybe we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves.
Ross: C'mon, you get the idea, ow-ow-ow we'll make our money back in no time!
Ross: I think it's the sugar, could you hold the apple?
Joey: Oh, you know, the writing was good, and the director is good, and... and my co-star's good but they're not as good as me!
Joey: Ow, I'm just going over the script now! You wanna read lines with me?
Joey: Right... (pause) ok, so just from the top of the page, right here.
Ross: (on the phone) Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. It seems you forgot a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? (pause) Thank you! Ok. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, band aids, shaving cream, after shave... and I feel like I am forgetting something... Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already? (pause) Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.
(Chandler enters the room)
Ross: Nice, put it with the others.
Ross: We are four short of a bush-o (pause). God I feel so alive, I love being in the country!
Chandler: I also got this great salt and pepper shaker from the restaurant.
Ross: No, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing and taking what the hotel owes you. For example: hair drier, no, no, no, but shampoo and conditioners, yes, yes, yes. (pause) Now, the salt shaker is off-limits, but the salt (he opens the salt shaker and pours the salt into his hand) I wish I'd thought this through.
Chandler: I think I know what you mean though...the lamp is the hotel's, but the bulbs (goes to take the bulb)...oh, you already got that.
Chandler: Ok, how about this (picks up the remote control)?
Ross: No, no, no, you can't take the remote control!
Chandler: Yes, but the batteries...
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the sofa]
Rachel: I don't know! I mean, maybe that's something to do with the fact that I saw him do a love scene yesterday.
Rachel: Ah! Well it was Joey reading Drake's lines in the dream...
Rachel: You took the same class twice.
Phoebe: Here, Monica, look what I got to wear when I play at the restaurant (she dons a top hat) uh, huh wait! (she raises a pair of spectacles to her eyes) Right? I mean, this might even class up the ballad of the uncircumcised man.
Phoebe: Right, yeah, ok, I'll ask the butler to fetch my diamonds out of the vault.
Monica: Phoebe, it's not what you wear. It's sort of your songs... I just don't think you should play at the restaurant anymore.
Phoebe: Oh, ok. Fine, I'll just, I'll take the hat back (she puts the hat in a bag and she crushes it angrily on the floor with her foot).
Rachel: Hey, so you guys, the funniest thing happened, at work...
Phoebe: Yeah well, "excuse me, I ordered the smoked salmon appetizer, but (peering through her spectacles) I can't see it, I can't see it"!
Monica: Ok, so that's what we're doing. You know, when I'm in the coffee house bopping along to one of your songs, I'm wearing ear plugs.
Monica: You know what? I take back what I said before. You keep playing at the restaurant, because with your music driving people inside, my bar sales are going up like crazy.
Phoebe: What are people having, the garlic Martini?
Receptionist: Here's your copy of the bill, we hope you enjoyed your stay.
(the receptions is puzzled. She goes in the back.)
Chandler: Oh, I didn't factor in the room tax.
Ross: Oh dude, don't worry about it, I found an unattended maid's car. We're way ahead of the game.
Ross: There's something new in the bowl.
Ross: No, but I want...I want the pinecones!
Ross: It's not the same.
(Ross starts stuffing pinecones in the suitcase. As the receptionist walks in, Chandler makes a bird's verse and Ross stops)
Ross: (to the receptionist) Thank you for a delightful stay.
(he picks up the suitcase, which falls open, revealing all the stuff they have taken from the hotel. The receptionist just looks at them.)
Phoebe: (singing) Food here at 'Javu'..will kill you..the food here at 'Javu' ...will kill you..
Monica: Thank god, it's just you! I thought someone was swinging a bag of cats against the wall.
Phoebe: You'd better get back in that kitchen Monica, the garlic is not gonna overuse itself.
Phoebe: Why? The only person my playing is bothering is you!
Phoebe: (while Monica drags her in the restaurant) Get your garlic-peelers off me!
Monica: (to the restuarant customers) Excuse me, excuse me, hi, I'm Monica Geller..I'm the head chef here.. (pauses as if waiting for something).. Ok, I was actually expecting a little applause there, but whatever! Ok, quick question: by a show of hands, how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside? (a few people raise their hands)
Phoebe: Ok, ok, how many of you enjoyed the music outside? (a few people raise their hands) Ha!
Monica: Alright, let me ask you this question: How many of you thought the music was fine, but not in keeping with the tone of the restaurant? (a few raise their hands again).
Phoebe: Ok, well, who identified the tone of this restaurant as pretentious comma garlicky?
Monica: Ok who thinks the food is delicious and a little pretention never hurt anyone? (a few raise their hands)
Phoebe: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? (all raise their hands).
Phoebe: (smiling, raising her hand) Who's hoping the hand raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?
Rachel: Joey, do you have peanut butter on the back of your head?
Joey: (Touches the back of his head and licks his fingers) Oh man! I thought I got it all!
Joey: And I couldn't find this little plastic thing (holds up plastic thing) that goes on top of the blender...and I thought...well... how important can that be, right...? Turns out very!
Joey: Well, I'm feeling really insecure about the one we are shooting tomorrow...
Joey: (looks at her for a moment) What the hell are you talking about??
Rachel: (shakes her head) Alright, alright look, just uh... just try to remember how you felt when you were in love, and think about that when you're playing the scene.
Joey: (excited) Thanks dude!!!This is GREAT!! (leaves Rachel very touched on the couch and goes into his room)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartement, Monica is at the kitchen table writing something and Chandler enters kitchen area]
Chandler: I got you something from Vermont! (Sits down at the table)
Monica: (without looking up from what she's doing) Besides tampons and salt? (Then looks) Ooh! My God! Maple candy! That's so sweet of you. (Opens the box) That's weird...it's empty!
Ross: (sounds excited) Hi you guys! what's going on, you... you guys wanna hang out...or...? (Looks around the room nervously) do you...do you guys hear a buzzing?
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Yknow it wouldnt kill ya to respect your wifes privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
[Cut to the kitchen, Ross and Chandler are doing the dishes.]
Rachel: Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us.
Molly: (to Ross) I'm gonna take her back to the appartment.
Joey: Which, is the new plan!
Ross: The paper.
Phoebe: Okay. (He grabs his gun and shoots the bird.) Oh! Oh no.
Rachel: Ohh! (Realises that Ross is in the room.) Hi!
Ross: That is what the thing is.
Rachel: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.
The Salesman: Lets see, ahhh Where does the Pope live?
(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)
Joey: (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.
(Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game)
The Guys: Ohh!
Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isnt moving.
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Chandler: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.
Joey: The ring is gone!
Monica: Oh my God, you cant even see where the Titanic hit it.
Rachel: (yelling from the living room) Oh wait-wait-wait!! No! Dont go in there! Dont go in there! I need another soda!
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is putting away the wedding dress, finally.]
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, Ill tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)
Monica: I dont believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house!
CHANDLER: The mean guys at the coffee house took my hat.
(The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.)
Monica: Oh thats a great idea. Youre really good on the phone.
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
Phoebe: (doing the same) I really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.
[Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.]
(He goes over and opens the door to reveal Monica holding a plate of cookies and a fan to blow the smell across the hall.)
(They go back into the living room)
Rachel: Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you didnt mind.
[Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.]
Joey: Hey OK great, what would you do if I did this? (Swings to punch Chandler, he moves and he ends up punching Ross, knocking him off the stool. Ross then gets up and just stares at Joey.)
Phoebe: (speaking louder and articulating) That's she's like the daughter she never had. (Phoebe points at her ears) Listen! (Monica looks at Phoebe in a duh! way)
Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here, Marcel-
Ross: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I!
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Monica: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (Theres a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. (Hands him the slip of paper with the phone number on it.)
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Ross: Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back.
Monica: (pointing at the drawing, upset) Bye... bye... BIRDIE.
Ross: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain.
Monica: I thought you could use the help.
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
[Cut to the delivery room.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.]
Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.]
Monica: (from the hallway) I do not like that woman!
Chandler: What's up with the simian?
David: Now, we should go back and take the other line.
(Hearing the screaming Chandler and Joey rush in. Joey has a pan, Chandler has a tea kettle.)
Ross: There is no way I am letting you drive this car! So why dont you just hand over the keys?
Rachel: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually (starting to cry), but now she's actually stealing you.
Rachel: Ohh, he's married! Ross is married. I can'tI still can't believe it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)
All: Ohh!! (they all start pointing at the screen)
Phoebe: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, youre just mean! (pause) So, just tell me the truth!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is taking out the garbage as Phoebe and Joey enter. Phoebe gasps.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch as Chandler disgustedly enters.]
Chandler: Yknow what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has happened.
Rachel: But yknow what, if you think its gonna be okay well just work out a system. Yknow, itll be like college, Ill hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, Im gettin lucky." (Laughs.)
Joey: What? My hands are totally clean, I just gave the duck a bath.
Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Rosss points!
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Rachel: Why aren't you guys at the movie?
Joey: Ross! Way to suck up to the family.
Rachel: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that?
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
Monica: Have you ever taken out the trash? (Hands her the garbage.)
Pete: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars, and she was mine.
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Ross: (to the gang, whispering) She's talking.
[The next clip is from The One With The List.]
Doctor Connelly: Ok, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor.
Joey: Hey! You guys! Youre not gonna believe this! I just got off the phone with my agent
Joey: But I'm the host!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, now its Phoebes turn to erase Chandler from the board.]
[Scene: The Girls apartment. Phoebe is dialing the phone and Rachel runs in the door.]
PHOEBE: Today we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals. [singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo, Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo. Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up, And that's how we get hamburgers. Nooowww, chickens!
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, Phoebe is returning from the bathroom.]
Monica: Uh-oh, whats the matter?
Rachel: (to the cowgirl) And you are so in style right now. Yknow, I work at Ralph Lauren and the whole fall line has got this like equestrian theme going on. I dont suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue, but
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
(The phone rings.)
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
Joey: Seriously, good game though. Good game. (He tries to congratulate them, but they pull away.) (To Chandler) What are they so mad about? They get the apartment back!
Phoebe: Oh can I? Vegetarians never get to do the wishbone. It's really not fair either! You know, just because we don't eat the meat doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcasses!
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
Joey: I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)
Phoebe: (on the other side of the line, still pretending to be Estelle) Joey, it's Estelle. (Joey's eyes bulge up, he looks afraid)
PHOEBE: Yeah, it's just so strange. I mean, she probably woke up today and thought, "ok, I'll have some breakfast, and then I'll take a little walk, and then I'll have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Ok, but that's it." Oh, but the weirdest thing was, ok, I was cleansing her aura when she died, and when the spirit left her body, I don't think it went very far.