words in movies
Joey: Good, me too. (Tosses him the loaf.) Eggs and milk are in the fridge. Thanks.
Chandler: Whats the matter honey?
Monica: I dont know, my hand feels weird. I guess its because, Im engaged! (Shows off the ring.) How long before it starts getting annoying?
Rachel: Yeah, so lets get started on the wedding plans!
Rachel: Yeah, we got a lot to do! We gotta think about the flowers, the caterers, the music
Ross: Take from me, as the groom all you have to do is show up and try to say the right name.
Monica: (returning) Okay! (Sets down a huge 3" 3-ring binder on the table.)
Ross: Oh my God, the wedding book?! I havent seen that since the forth grade!
Monica: This baby has got everything. Take yknow, locations for instance. (She opens up the binder to the locations chapter.) First, organized alphabetically, then geographically, then by square footage.
Ross: And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first! Now lets take a look at (Phoebe rushes in.)
Ross: Oh my God! Of course, of course. (To the class.) Umm, would you please excuse me for a moment? Umm, do you know each others hometowns? Why dont you (Motions that they should learn everyones hometown.) (To Phoebe) Wh-whats going on?
Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! Im going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes.
Phoebe: (to the students) Oh, Im sorry. Im so rude. Does anyone want to come to the movies?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel and Monica are pretty much telling Chandler what the wedding plans are.]
Monica: All right, so I havent cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music.
Monica: All right umm, a string quartet for the procession.
Monica: A jazz trio for cocktails. The Bay City Rollers for dancing. Wait, that was from my sixth grade wedding.
Joey: (sitting up from the couch) Hey Mon, do you have another pillow? (Holds up one.) Yknow, something a little snugglyer?
Joey: Well, the duck
Rachel: What?! The duck?! What the hell did the damn duck do now?!
Chandler: Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding?
Chandler: Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just think theyre a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.) But Lilies are the clear choice.
Rachel: Joey, there is a perfectly good couch across the hall!
Joey: Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick!
Joey: All right, Im gonna go! (Gets up and heads for the door.)
Rachel: Now Joey, what did the duck do?!
[Cut to Joey and Rachels, Joey enters and heads for his bedroom. He pushes open the door to find the duck.]
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Phoebe has moved in and has a massage client on her table shes set up in the living room. Ross enters and is shocked to see a naked man lying on the table.]
(They go into the hall.)
Phoebe: Whats the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandlers!
Phoebe: Okay, I will find someplace else to do the rest of my appointments. I just dont know what the big deal is!
Ross: The big deal is I dont want naked, greasy strangers in my apartment when I want to kick back with a puzzlebeer! Cold beer.
Joey: Where are you going? The vicar wont be home for hours.
Rachel: Hey-hey, yknow what? I dont care! Im not ashamed of my book. Theres nothing with a woman enjoying a little erotica. Its just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzlebeer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebes massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]
Ross: Uh no-no, she-shes out for the night.
Woman: Great! (Calls down the hall) Dad! (Her old father walks in.) Thank you so much, Ill be back to pick him up in an hour. (She walks away.)
(Ross isnt happy and closes the door slowly.)
Monica: Well, at least youre not hearing it for the first time at your fifth grade Halloween party.
Monica: Anyway, were really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon well be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. (Chandler and her laugh, but her parents dont.) What?
Monica: What happened? You still have the Monica wedding fund dont you?
Mr. Geller: We have it. Only now, we call it the beach house.
[Scene: A Restaurant, scene continued from before the break.]
Monica: I dont believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house!
Monica: You bought the beach house when I was 23!
Mr. Geller: We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen.
Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. (Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.)
Mrs. Geller: We might still have some money, if your father didnt think it was a good idea to sell ice over the Internet.
Mrs. Geller: Stupid Jack, the word is stupid.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, his massage client is on the table and Ross is reluctantly starting his massage. He spreads some lotion in his hands, and doesnt like it.]
Chandler: I dont know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. Shes saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) Dollywood.
Monica: My parents spent the money for our wedding!
Rachel: No, yknow what? Its gonna be okay. I mean you dont have to have this rustic Italian feast. Yknow? And-and you dont need, you dont need this custom-made, empire waisted, duchess, satin gown; you can wear off the rack. (She starts to cry, as does Monica.)
Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that were gonna get married.
Rachel: Do you even understand what off the rack means?!
Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding!
Chandler: Well, youre not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the wedding?
Chandler: Well, come on, Ive been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party.
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Monica: This is the most special day of our lives.
Chandler: No, I realize that honey, but Im not gonna spend all of the money on one party.
Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no.
Ross: (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) Im sorry?
Ross: Hey, yknow what? This is your fault! Youre the one that didnt move his-his appointment.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and Im sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.
Monica: Oh, youre so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff?
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, yknow? Well pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Chandler: Well, stuff like whered we live, yknow? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Yknow, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, wed have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Joey: The vicar!
Joey: All right, Im sorry. Rach IRach Im sorry. Okay? Im sorry! Maybe I can make up for it by, taking you roughly in the barn. (Giggles.)
Rachel: (starting to move closer to him) Thats right, I wanna do it with you! Ive been trying to fight it, but you just said all the right things.
Rachel: (moves the stool out of the way) Yeah! Ohh, Ive been waitin so long to get on that body!
Joey: This body? (He backs into the kitchen.)
Joey: Hey-hey, youre startin to sound like the butchers wife there in-in chapter seven.
Rachel: Oh, come on now, dont keep me waiting. Get those clothes off! But, I would keep that helmet on because youre in for a rough ride! (He backs into the door.)
Joey: Yeah, theres this superintendents dance, the Super Ball. I dont know, and he wants to impress Marge, this lady super that hes a crush on.
Monica: I wanna say good-bye at the car!
Gunther: I don't know if you heard about what happened between me and Phoebe the other day_
Ross: Oh hey, dont thank me, thank yourself. Youre the one who faced her fears and ultimately overcame them.
MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me. (covers up phone; to Ross) It's about the job.
(Ross finally looks at the woman kissing Mark.)
Phoebe: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. (to the shop assistant). Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets!
Rachel: (grabbing the magazine out of his hands) Call her! Call her now!
[Cut to the hall, Joeys sister runs up and grabs Chandlers butt.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah, your microwave. The stereo.
Monica: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?
Monica: Lets get the show on it!
Rachel: Oh you're not. You're not gonna get in the middle of anything, don't worry about Ross really, really.(She hears the noise of the key in the lock) Oh! Hide! That's Ross! Hide! Hide!
Monica: And! We also have speaker phone. (She turns on the speaker phone.)
Joey: Oh uh, I dont know the boat way to say this, but uh never!
Ross: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the...
Chandler: (sees the roll) Yes!! I love you! I can't even remember what we were fighting about!
Chandler: All right, let me in. (He jumps off of the counter to join in the game.)
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
Ross: Yeah! Yes! Thank you! This is great. Thank you so much. And I swear, your kid is going to have the time of his life.
[Cut to the elevator lobby, Phoebe walks up and sees a man in a wheelchair with his broken leg extended.]
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
CHANDLER: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible cab. . . hop in.
Ross: Ahh, the one next to my foot. Sorry.
Monica: (entering) Phoebe? (Phoebe comes back into the living room) Oh, Phoebe, I'm so sorry. Have you been here long?
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral.]
Monica: You know, on the way over here, I saw this drunk guy throw up. And then a pigeon ate it!
Ross: Yeah. (closes the door, and goes over and kisses Rachel.)
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
Sandy: No, none at all. You need to be happy with whoever is in your home... Although if you don't mind telling me, what was your problem? Maybe it's something I can work on in the future.
Phoebe: Hey! So you guys have anything planned for the big last night?
Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!
Monica: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves.
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
Rachel: Well would you like me to lie down on the table?
Ross: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
Rachel: Yes, I was 4 years old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to-had to cut a big chunk of my hair! (crying) And it was uneven for weeks!
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Oh, please, miss, you don't understand!
Joey: No, they-they werent in the play.
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
Monica: For your information, ass munch, I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing. (A guy enters holding a pizza box)
Rachel: Oh honey, this is for the best, thus I�m not distracted, worrying about Emma, how she�s doing at home and I�m being completely here with you and, oh, she spit up!
Phoebe: Okay fine! Fine! Well just have to think of some other way to put the whole Who came onto who, thing to rest! Come on now, think!!
Rachel: Listen yknow what sir? For the last time, I dont care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
Ross: Its a legitimate learning technique. (Looking around and seeing the woman behind him glaring at him.) Wow!
Chandler: Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of stylewhat did you throw away?
Joey: Yeah. Sure. (They both half stand up, Joey pulls the neck of his sweater out, and Rachel looks down it to see his T-shirt.)
Joey: (very satisfied and smiling) That's what I wanted to hear! Because she's family, ok, and now you're gonna be family, and there is nothing more important in the whole world, than family.
Monica: Rachel, I have not missed one question the whole game. I own this game! Look at my hand. (Holds up her hand.)
Phoebe: No he wont. And thats not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now yknow what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I dont have my principles, I dont have anything!
Joey: I bet ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole in the center)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and the duck.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.]
Monica: Went down to the docks. Bet ya didn't know you could get it wholesale.
Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing.
CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.
Rachel: Well Thats yknowThatsWeve been alone for the last twenty minutes were doing okay. Besides yknow what? I-IMaybe we wont be alone, cause lately I-Ithings have been happening between me and Ross, yknow? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Yknow? So it might be the the beginning of something.
Ross: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part.
Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!
Joey: (sticking his head out the window) Hey, the fights starting!
Chandler: Uh, the book?
Joey (to Chandler): Look, c'mon, please? It's not like I'm asking for some crazy favour. This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor! (he glances at his watch and sees the time) Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work! (he stands, ready to go). Look, here's a copy of my reels. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.
(Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.)
Ross: Well I dont know, but how-how great would that be huh? You living in my building. I could help take care of the baby. I can come over whenever I want. (Rachel looks at him.) With your permission.
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, yknow what I have to realize? Maybe Im just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Yknow, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
Both: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
(Chandler strides proudly across the vestibule and Jill stares at him.)
Rachel: Why? Do you have the answers written on there?
Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?
Ross: (putting out the fire with a squeeze bottle of water) Okay, thats a fire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Joey: Youre right. Youre right. I-Ill go tell her now before Ross finds out and Ill be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there (Points to the closet Chandler and Monica were in) if you want to check that out.
Pete: (to Monica, by the door) So ah, we on for tomorrow?
Monica: Doing great, the quiches are coming along.
Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh thats it! Thats it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.)
MONICA: Baddest. Otherwise the song would be Fat Fat Leroy Brown.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the big couch.]
Doug: Oh, is it the swearing? I mean is it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell ya, if it is, you can just... kiss my ass!
Cheryl: (looking in the bag) Oh, thank god, it's not Mitzi. It's just a rat.
Ross: Okay, y'know what, lets just cut to the chase here. Okay? Heidi, which of my boys do you like?
Joey: (on the tape) Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. (The duck quacks, to the duck) Choo! Choo! Choo! (To the imaginary cops) Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it (the duck quacks louder) Choo!! And if I don't get it, (pause, picks up the duck) I'm gonna shoot this duck!
Rachel: Yeah. It was the weirdest thing. Zelner called me and he said we'll do everything we can to get you back. And that I should thank some Ron... I don't even know what department that guy's in.
PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
Phoebe: Yes. Did you settle the bill?
Rachel: Okay. (They go into the living room.)
Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!
Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?
Chandler: So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know.
CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: I just thought that if I could follow the wire I could find out what it did.
Rachel: Were the Cobras!
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.]
(Ross throws a punch, but Joey ducks and Ross punches the pole. Ross then screams from the pain and turns to Gunther, and Gunther has a huge smile on his face.)
Chandler: Monica says that her Maitre D. is the funniest guy she's ever met.
[Behind them, Joey goes up to the bandleader and interrupts the song.]
Joey: What the hell are you talking about, (in a Jamaican accent) "The south will rise again man."
Phoebe: Yeah, in the back. You want a quarter?