words in movies
[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.]
Rachel: Listen yknow what sir? For the last time, I dont care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
Chandler: (to the front desk clerk) Hi! Were checking out of the bridal suite.
Chandler: And Im the happiest guy in the world! (Monica goes and sits down in a huff.) Oh honey, come on dont be upset. We still have so much to look forward to!
Chandler: We got the honeymoon.
Chandler: The wedding pictures?
Chandler: Not the disposable cameras from the tables.
Chandler: Okay Ross has the cameras, has he checked out yet?
Rachel: Yeah, one time, when we were dating, uh we got a late checkout, he got so excited it was the best sex we ever had. Until yknow, he screamed out Radisson at the end.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries Oh my God! I cant believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
Chandler: Hey. (He sees that Ross is packing all of the hotel toiletries) Soaps? Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff?
Ross: Why not? Its built into the price of the room.
Chandler: Score! Where are the disposable cameras?
Chandler: The cameras? Remember last night I told you to take them?
Chandler: Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I said
Chandler: So you dont have the cameras?!
Ross: Well, Im sure theyre still somewhere here in the hotel. Ill-Ill help you look for them.
(Chandler goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and then opens it again right away. Ross looks up and hands him the toilet paper Ross already packed.)
Phoebe: Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler?
Monica: Good. Okay, Im just gonna wait for Chandler to open the rest of them.
Monica: Or this one! (She grabs and starts to open the biggest present.)
Rachel: Shh-shh-shh! The guys dont know yet do they?
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Rachel: Dont worry I promise that you will only have to be pregnant for a few more hours, cause Im going to tell the father today.
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Joey: Oh. Why would you scare me like that? What the hell is going on? (Pause.) Is somebody pregnant?
Joey: Whoa, wait a minute. Whos the father?
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Chandler is under one of the tables as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Hey! Did you find the cameras?
Chandler: Yes! And thats why Im under the table. Celebrating.
Ross: Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-ones turned them.
Chandler: Well this is great. Yknow, those cameras were the only thing that was gonna cheer Monica up today, shes really depressed.
Ross: Im sorry man. (Formally dressed people start to enter.) Heres a thought. This is the same ballroom. Theres a band. Theres gonna be plenty of dressed up people.
Ross: No-no-no, Im saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody elses faces.
Ross: Im telling you, this looks exactly like your wedding! Arent these the same flowers?
Chandler: I dont know, Monica picked out the flowers.
Ross: What about the chairs?
Ross: How about the place settings?
Chandler: I was in charge of the cameras! Gift shop?
Ross: Hmm. (They head off to the gift shop.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I havent told him yet and I dont think I can tell him at all now!
Rachel: I dont know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking, Im gonna tell the father today and then bam!
Rachel: I know, but I was just thinking about how huge this is for me. I didnt even go to how huge this was going to be for the father.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has now opened more of the wedding gifts.]
Phoebe: Hell yeah! Ill marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)
Monica: Shes not pregnant. Its Rachel. Rachels the one whos pregnant.
Joey: (smiles then stops) Now I cant believe it! What? Rachels pregnant? (The girls nod yes.) Whos the father?
Joey: About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didnt see who it was but (He walks out and closes the door.)
(They follow him and meet him in the hall coming out of his apartment carrying a sweater.)
Joey: The guy left this.
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
Woman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the picture.)
Man At The Wedding: Uh, would you take one of us?
Chandler: Uhh Yeah sure. (Holds the camera up to his face.) Click!
Woman At The Wedding: It didnt click.
Man At The Wedding: But there was no flash.
Woman At The Wedding: Why wont you take our picture?
Chandler: Oh yeah. Ill take, Ill take your picture. (He takes the picture with his finger over the lens.)
Man At The Wedding: Uh, your finger was covering the lens.
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?
Phoebe: Okay, sorry. Yeah. (They go inside to confront the father.)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross is taking a picture of a plant, Chandler a fork. The band stops.]
Chandler: Why dont you go up on stage. Ill get a picture of you doing the speech.
(He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real speech.)
Ross: Will the owner of a 1995 Buick LeSabre please see the front desk? Your car is about to be towed.
Chandler: Okay, you ready for the last picture?
Chandler: Get ready to run. (Chandler walks over to the new bride.) Congratulations on your wedding. (He grabs her, kisses her, Ross takes the picture, and they both run out.)
Rachel: Oh, its just not the right time.
Tag: It is the right time. (Takes her hand.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has finished opening all the presents. Shes ashamed of this, at least, because as someone enters ]
Monica: (throwing up the last present) I dont know how any of these got opened?!
Rachel: Tag is not the father! And Joey knows now?
Joey: Pheebs, give me the ring back!
(Chandler and Ross enter with the new pictures.)
Monica: Great! Were hangin in the kitchen! (She drags him into the kitchen and turns his back to the living room) Lets stay in the kitchen!
Chandler: (showing her the pictures) Heres a picture of Ross. (Shows another one.) And thats me. (Another one.) And thats me and Ross. (Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.
Monica: Yeah! Oh and interesting because I found the cameras in one of our bags! (Throws them into his chest.)
Chandler: Okay, so this isnt a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with with this lady. Which by the look on your face Im sure youll remember. So we dont need(Rips the picture)Theres no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now.
Chandler: Okay. (Sees the living room.) You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together!
Ross: Well, Im gonna go get these (the floral bouquet he walked in with) in some water.
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
Joey: (slow on the uptake) Oh my God!
[Scene: A Street, Ross walks past Tag wearing the same red sweater.]
Phoebe: Well, just buy the damn boat! (Shes still working her way through her tray of booze.)
PHOEBE: Ok, right there. That, that's the third sign today. Right there.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Tag are making out on the couch.]
Phoebe: Save it Red! Unless you wanna spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.
[Scene: Michelle's, Chandler and Monica are discussing how to bribe the Maitre d'.]
Ross: No-no, I got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical but I sent him a little bribe to
[The first clip is from The One Where Rachel Finds Out.]
Ross: Thats right! He was hitting on her, and I got her. I guess the better man won. (To Joey) Please dont take her from me.
The Man: I'm making change. I need change for the bus.
Carl: Exactly! And you just know I'm gonna be the guy caught behind this hammerhead in traffic!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
RICHARD: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the moring.
Joey: What the hell is that?!!
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler has been rushed to the emergency room.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is on the phone, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the kitchen.]
ROSS: It's the only possibility, Phoebe.
Monica: Y'know, Joey, I think it's time to give up the bag.
Ross: Tag? Y-You're going? (Comes over to Tag) Uh we didn't, uh we didn't get the chance to talk. Uh, so, where did you say you're from again?
MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
Ross: Wow! You look nice. What's the occasion?
Chandler: Let me see the earrings.
Monica: What?! (She accidentally starts the blender without the lid on it and fruit flies everywhere.)
(The gang is now eaves dropping in on the conversation, and is shocked.)
Chandler: Okay! Now I assume the Saucer card came up when you played last.
(Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking the balls to the other end of the table, but they all bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw them into the pockets.)
Monica: Listen, we dont have to make that a guest room, we can think of something to do with the room together.
Rachel: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god...
Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.
Rachel: Yeah, I think she wants the old one back.
Phoebe: Yeah! And look, (Grabs the pants) see how they expand as the baby grows? (Theres a stretchy part in front.) And then after the babys born, theyre great for shoplifting melons.
Joey: (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.
Monica: Hey Rach, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment!
Joey: Nice try. (to Margha) See the Netherlands is this make believe place where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from.
Kate: Oh, yeah. I love Jennifer Van Murrays work. Shes so brilliantly incisive when it comes to deconstructing the psyche of the American middle class.
(Chandler and Monica enter from their room and Joey quickly hides the bag of potato chips behind his back.)
RACHEL: [answers door] Hi, welcome to our tropical Christmas party. You can put your coats and sweaters and pants and shirts in the bedroom.
Rachel: I did the first time! Oh. Oh.. <gets up and walks into the kitchen> And you know what. You want to know why I'm not giving Emily to you.
Chandler: And the Knicks rule all.
Chandler: Rachel got Ross the tuxedo that Val Kilmer wore in Batman. Okay Batman is so much cooler than James Bond!
Monica: But you should eat them now because theyre hot from the oven.
(The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a female patient.)
Rachel: I'd say from the looks of it; our naked buddy is moving.
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Phoebe: Um-hmm. Oh wait! This is Bonnie. (who has hair by the way)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the bachelor party has ended and Monica is trying to explain herself to Chandler.]
Chandler: Please let me stay on this side of the door.
The Doctor: Hi Rachel!
Monica: Rachel, get the book! The book!
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, its the middle of the night, hes waking up and discovers hes alone in bed.]
The Doctor: You brought a carrot.
(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Heres a hint, OH MY GAWD!! Thats right, its Janice!)
Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!
Monica: Oh yeah right! (She grabs the money and shoves into her pocket.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are on their date with Janice and Clark, however Clark is a no show and Janice is crying the Mississippi River about it.]
Chandler: (pats him on the shoulder) Youre it! Now run and hide!
Phoebe: oh I dunno I dunno, you know I mean I like him but am I ready to take my grade a loins off the meat market.
Ross: No! The guy is mean. I mean really mean. I think you should stay away from him.
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Chandler: I love the specifics, the specifics were the best part!
Ross: Well you shouldnt be. Believe me I wouldnt want to be the guy whos up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!
MRS. GELLER: Thank you Richard, I appreciate the support.
Phoebe: Okay but thats why you have to buy it, so it can fulfil its Christmas destiny, otherwise there gonna throw it into the chipper. Tell him, Joey
Rachel: What are you talking about?! Mindy, the guy is the devil! He's Satan in a smock!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting in the chair.]
Phoebe: (to Rachel, whos staying in the cab.) Arent you gonna go?
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe is opening the door.]
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean were gonna have to move around some furniture to make room for my chair. (Kisses her and heads into the living room.)
Ross: (on the machine) Hey Ross! It's you! I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive! So live everyday to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay. Oh, and also get stamps. Bye! (He hangs up.)
Doug: There you go. (smacks him on the butt)
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!
Rachel: Okay, you want me to stop at the ATM?
[Scene: The restaurant with still just Phoebe and Joey.]
Phoebe: What's in the bag?
Monica: Sit down. (They sit down on the couch.)
Monica: Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, whats the harm in that?
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
Monica: No! Thats where we keep the canned goods! Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation?
Joey: And I got custody of the kid, right? Now suppose the kid dies and-and I gotta buy a new kid.
Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise. (He goes into the bathroom.)
Phoebe: There you go, that's the spirit! Okay! Now, if you need money, I will lend you money, but just get moving!
Joey: No-no, stay right there. (Monica stops and Joey flips her a pancake, which flies over her head and lands in the living room.) Gettin closer.
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Joshua: Kidding! (Rachel is relived) Im gonna get there early, but Im going to put you on the V.I.P list, okay? Look for me.
(Ross stares in shock at him as he angrily puts down the chicken and takes off his coat.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Rachel are on their knees with forks trying to salvage what they can of the cheesecake off of the floor.]
The Husband: Okay!
The Director: (leaning in) Kate?
PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to me.
Phoebe: Oh, come on! I think hes ready to get rid of, what did you call it? The cheap knock-offs and dinosaur junk.
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
Rachel: Well, I will go to the hospital tomorrow, itll still be broken then.
Monica: The Richard.
Ross: Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive?
Rachel: Well, I have been spending a lot of time in the lab.
MONICA: Leon, Leon. Shhh! Guys. Wait, I don't understand. Those steaks were just a gift from the meat vendor. That was not a kick back. I'll just replace them and we can forget the whole thing. What corporate policy? No. Yeah. All right. I just got fired.
Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, makes blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!
[Scene: A Gym, Pete is training for the Ultimate Fighting Championship, with his trainer, Hoshi.]
Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
Phoebe: I mean... (David kisses Phoebe on the cheek, makes his way to the door and turns around again)