words in movies
[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.]
Rachel: Listen yknow what sir? For the last time, I dont care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
Chandler: (to the front desk clerk) Hi! Were checking out of the bridal suite.
Chandler: And Im the happiest guy in the world! (Monica goes and sits down in a huff.) Oh honey, come on dont be upset. We still have so much to look forward to!
Chandler: We got the honeymoon.
Chandler: The wedding pictures?
Chandler: Not the disposable cameras from the tables.
Chandler: Okay Ross has the cameras, has he checked out yet?
Rachel: Yeah, one time, when we were dating, uh we got a late checkout, he got so excited it was the best sex we ever had. Until yknow, he screamed out Radisson at the end.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries Oh my God! I cant believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
Chandler: Hey. (He sees that Ross is packing all of the hotel toiletries) Soaps? Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff?
Ross: Why not? Its built into the price of the room.
Chandler: Score! Where are the disposable cameras?
Chandler: The cameras? Remember last night I told you to take them?
Chandler: Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I said
Chandler: So you dont have the cameras?!
Ross: Well, Im sure theyre still somewhere here in the hotel. Ill-Ill help you look for them.
(Chandler goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and then opens it again right away. Ross looks up and hands him the toilet paper Ross already packed.)
Phoebe: Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler?
Monica: Good. Okay, Im just gonna wait for Chandler to open the rest of them.
Monica: Or this one! (She grabs and starts to open the biggest present.)
Rachel: Shh-shh-shh! The guys dont know yet do they?
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Rachel: Dont worry I promise that you will only have to be pregnant for a few more hours, cause Im going to tell the father today.
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Joey: Oh. Why would you scare me like that? What the hell is going on? (Pause.) Is somebody pregnant?
Joey: Whoa, wait a minute. Whos the father?
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Chandler is under one of the tables as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Hey! Did you find the cameras?
Chandler: Yes! And thats why Im under the table. Celebrating.
Ross: Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-ones turned them.
Chandler: Well this is great. Yknow, those cameras were the only thing that was gonna cheer Monica up today, shes really depressed.
Ross: Im sorry man. (Formally dressed people start to enter.) Heres a thought. This is the same ballroom. Theres a band. Theres gonna be plenty of dressed up people.
Ross: No-no-no, Im saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody elses faces.
Ross: Im telling you, this looks exactly like your wedding! Arent these the same flowers?
Chandler: I dont know, Monica picked out the flowers.
Ross: What about the chairs?
Ross: How about the place settings?
Chandler: I was in charge of the cameras! Gift shop?
Ross: Hmm. (They head off to the gift shop.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I havent told him yet and I dont think I can tell him at all now!
Rachel: I dont know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking, Im gonna tell the father today and then bam!
Rachel: I know, but I was just thinking about how huge this is for me. I didnt even go to how huge this was going to be for the father.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has now opened more of the wedding gifts.]
Phoebe: Hell yeah! Ill marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)
Monica: Shes not pregnant. Its Rachel. Rachels the one whos pregnant.
Joey: (smiles then stops) Now I cant believe it! What? Rachels pregnant? (The girls nod yes.) Whos the father?
Joey: About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didnt see who it was but (He walks out and closes the door.)
(They follow him and meet him in the hall coming out of his apartment carrying a sweater.)
Joey: The guy left this.
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
Woman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the picture.)
Man At The Wedding: Uh, would you take one of us?
Chandler: Uhh Yeah sure. (Holds the camera up to his face.) Click!
Woman At The Wedding: It didnt click.
Man At The Wedding: But there was no flash.
Woman At The Wedding: Why wont you take our picture?
Chandler: Oh yeah. Ill take, Ill take your picture. (He takes the picture with his finger over the lens.)
Man At The Wedding: Uh, your finger was covering the lens.
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?
Phoebe: Okay, sorry. Yeah. (They go inside to confront the father.)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross is taking a picture of a plant, Chandler a fork. The band stops.]
Chandler: Why dont you go up on stage. Ill get a picture of you doing the speech.
(He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real speech.)
Ross: Will the owner of a 1995 Buick LeSabre please see the front desk? Your car is about to be towed.
Chandler: Okay, you ready for the last picture?
Chandler: Get ready to run. (Chandler walks over to the new bride.) Congratulations on your wedding. (He grabs her, kisses her, Ross takes the picture, and they both run out.)
Rachel: Oh, its just not the right time.
Tag: It is the right time. (Takes her hand.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has finished opening all the presents. Shes ashamed of this, at least, because as someone enters ]
Monica: (throwing up the last present) I dont know how any of these got opened?!
Rachel: Tag is not the father! And Joey knows now?
Joey: Pheebs, give me the ring back!
(Chandler and Ross enter with the new pictures.)
Monica: Great! Were hangin in the kitchen! (She drags him into the kitchen and turns his back to the living room) Lets stay in the kitchen!
Chandler: (showing her the pictures) Heres a picture of Ross. (Shows another one.) And thats me. (Another one.) And thats me and Ross. (Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.
Monica: Yeah! Oh and interesting because I found the cameras in one of our bags! (Throws them into his chest.)
Chandler: Okay, so this isnt a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with with this lady. Which by the look on your face Im sure youll remember. So we dont need(Rips the picture)Theres no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now.
Chandler: Okay. (Sees the living room.) You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together!
Ross: Well, Im gonna go get these (the floral bouquet he walked in with) in some water.
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
Joey: (slow on the uptake) Oh my God!
[Scene: A Street, Ross walks past Tag wearing the same red sweater.]
Chandler: Oh, the mixed tape.
Monica: You are just the sweetest. (They kiss.)
Phoebe: (to the woman behind her) This place is so depressing. If I had to work here I'd kill myself. (she turns around and the clerk behind the counter heard her.) But you obviously haven't.
Rachel: (coming out of her bedroom with a necklace) Here it is! I love it. I wear it all the time.
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.)
The Instructor: Thanks.
Phoebe: I dont want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.
CHANDLER: (Hangs his jacket over the suitcase, locks the door, then turns to Monica.)� Oh well, look at you.
Monica: (seeing the decision) Nooooo. Youre really not going?
The Instructor: What?!
[Time lapse. Monica is wearing the dress and starring at herself in the mirror.]
Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
The Saleslady: Were closing.
Rachel: Yeah but, my assistant Tag does sit-ups in the office during lunch. Ohh! I could just spread him on a cracker.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there, waiting to tell Frank and Alice the news.]
Ross: (glaring at Joey) This would be the place where you explain the hat.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: Careful. Light. Okay, do you know how, just sweep it across the lid. Okay? Just sweep it.
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
Rachel: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Mon? Im gonna check my messages.
Monica: Youre on the phone!
Ross: W-What was the one right before bananas?
The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
Joey: Shes right in there. (motions to the living room)
Monica: Oh, honey!I can't. I was just telling these guys that things are crazy at the restaurant!
Rachel: My God! (They both run into the bedrooms.)
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
JOEY: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff.
Chandler: Yknow, I cant believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on Im never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Chandler: Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Mr. Treeger: What in the name of hell?
Ross: Oh, oh there go the clothes.
Hillary: You know, I rarely connect with someone this much on the first date.
Dina: And youre my big brother! I mean, youre my favorite guy in the whole world. Im not even scared to tell mom and dad. I was scared of telling you.
Chandler: I dont think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. Im going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast Im just gonna propose.
CHAN: Didn't you used to call it the Little Major?
Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)
Erica: Reverend, can I ask? Does the bible say anything about adoption?
Joey: Hey-hey dude, why are you changing the subject? Why? Will you make the call or what?
Rachel: Okay! (She jumps on the bed.)
Chandler: Wow, you'd think we should get that over 20 years or go for the big payout.
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Joey: Its between us and the sea, Ross!
Ross: You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.
[Cut to Joeys, hes on the phone.]
Jen: Sure, I'll just get my coat. (There's a knock on the door.) Could you get that?
(They both stare at the newborn.)
[The Gellers stare at Ross. Ross looks at his parents with an afraid, shocked look.]
David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?
Mrs. Green: Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while youre trotting out to the garbage ten times a day?
(Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.)
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
(Another woman with a nurse and doctor enter, the woman is screaming.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are in the kitchen.]
The Instructor: Well, she would take her keys and try to jam them
Phoebe: Oh! (Takes the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Yeah this is Phoebe. (Listens) Really?!
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Chandler: Okay, okay, but dont worry, because we also have cereals, muffins, waffles, and, jams, jellies, and marmalades. Which Im fairly certain are the same thing.
(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
Monica: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.
(He does a kara-tay move to silence her, then answers the phone.)
Phoebe: Sorry, mix up. Hey, how was the movie?
(Monica gets behind him and in combination with his sliding the chair forward and her pushing with her leg manages to get up to the table.)
The Smoking Woman: Yeah I can, it worked real well.
The Interviewer: Okay, how about when youre not working. What do you do in your spare time?
Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating)
[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried. As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile, while Monica struggles to smile at all.]
Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.
(Phoebe closes the door behind him.)
[Scene: Central Perk - Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel are sitting on the sofas. Joey enters]
Elizabeth: Shut the book!
Receptionist: Unfortunatly the only thing we have available is our deluxe suite, the rate is six hundred dollars.
Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Emily, (Gives her the time-out signal.) honey, okay?
Phoebe: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.
Ross: Thatll be a neat trick, when youre, (looks at the script) when youre dead!
Monica: Joey, now that you're okay with the house, do you wanna go see your room?
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here. (She turns around, about to leave)
Joey: (dragged in by Monica, he has just gotten out of the shower) What's going on?
Ross: Oh, whatever. (Laughs and gives Joey the thumbs up heading back to his apartment. Joey follows him)
MONICA: They want me to do it, which is really cool, seeing as I've never catered before, and I really need the money, and this isn't a problem for you, is it?
Ross: Because! Because, it-it-its Itd be like you having this guitar (Points to hers) and-and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played! And-and this bike wants to be ridden and-and if you dont ride it you-youre-youre killing its spirit! (Pause) The bike is dying.
Phoebe: Are there anymore from the good batch? Cause we could just work off of those.
Chandler: Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesnt want to get married?
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.]
Monica: Oh its umm, good! It's umm, its good, just here watering the plants.
Joey: Well, where was I? (Takes a sip of the coffee.)
(She opens the door and they kiss.)
Rachel: Hey! Thats just poking me in the eye!
Chandler: Oh well, we dont because we got the other pl-place.
(The chick and the duck walk into the living room.)
Rachel: Oh, what are you going to do?! Are you gonna go run tell Monica?! Are you gonna tell Joey?! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are desert stealers! We are living outside the law!
Chandler: No!! Okay!! Whats with the third degree?! Why dont you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.
Rachel: (pause) Hes talking to the baby.
Joey: Look, Ill come to the party but Im not dressing up.
Ross: What the hell are you doing?