words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Monica are sitting on the couch as Ross is up getting some coffee.]
Monica: Okay, guys, listen, don't forget that tomorrow is the day that Emily gets married again, so whatever we do, just try to really keep Ross's mind off of it.
Ross: (sits down at the table) Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow. (Joey panics.)
Joey: (to the rest of the gang) Somebody help me out here!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is kneeling at the coffee table and has a bunch of pictures laid out in front of her as Rachel enters.]
Monica: Okay, I've broken them down into categories. Okay, we have uh, we got holidays, birthdays, candids, y'know And then what I've done is I've cross-referenced them by subject. Right? So if you're looking up, oh let's say birthdays and dogs, you get Photo 152. See? (Hands her the photo.)
Monica: All right, hand me that other box of photos; that's the very last one.
(She picks up the box and the bottom falls out, spilling all of the pictures onto Monica's neat little piles.)
Ross: Ross has the blender! Ugh, everything's just falling apart!
Rachel: No honey, it's okay! Listen, I'll got to Ross's and get the blender, you get all the margarita stuff ready.
Monica: All right, he's keys are in the drawer. Y'know what? I also need some cash.
Rachel: Okay, you want me to stop at the ATM?
(Rachel slowly leaves the apartment.)
[Scene: Gary's cop car, Ross is in the front seat with Gary of course. Chandler is in the back seat.]
Ross: (to Gary) That was so cool man, the way you leaned on that guy.
Gary: Yeah well, being that he was the victim, they're usually pretty talkative.
Ross: Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?
Gary: It's called the cherry.
Ross: It's theChandler!!
Joey: (returning from a deli) Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
[Time lapse, they're still on the ride along and Joey is just sniffing his sandwich.]
Joey: Half the taste is in the smell! You-you're sucking up all the tastiness!
Joey: Okay, imagine the best sex you've ever had.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel is just entering. She takes off her coat and heads for the kitchen. As she does, she knocks something off of a bookcase next to the kitchen door with her coat and it breaks.]
Rachel: Ohh please don't be from a real dinosaur! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! (She picks up the 2 pieces and looks at the stand.) Made in Mexico! Yes!! Ugh, who would buy this?! (Looks for a place to hide it and finds a wall sconce and drops the pieces into it and heads into the kitchen as the phone rings.)
Monica: (on the answering machine) Rach! It's me! Pick up!
(Rachel runs over and answers the phone with the blender in hand.)
Monica: I need a few more things to make the margaritas. Uhh, I need some salt, some margarita mix, and tequila.
(She hangs up the phone and starts to head back to the kitchen and notices some money lying out, stops, reaches down to pick it up, the phone rings causing her to drop it, she quickly puts it back, and heads for the kitchen.)
Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
[Scene: The ride along.]
Joey: Come on man! (To Gary) Listen so uh, are you gonna squeeze the perps shoes a little bit before he lawyers up?
Ross: Hello! I'm in the front seat, okay? I'm Gary's partner!
Ross: Umm, jealous! (He drops the cherry and it turns on.)
[Time lapse, Ross has been demoted to the back seat with Joey and Chandler. He's not too happy about it.]
Chandler: Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors.
Monica: We have too! I mean what if Ross's hears that and then calls her back and then they get back together? Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily? The Emily that wouldn't let him see you?
Rachel: Noo! Oh no! No! God no! He should not get back together with her. I know that! You know that! Even Ross knows that! But that still doesnt give us the right to erase his message!
Monica: I'm his sister, okay? I love him! I don't want to see him get hurt! Come on! Doesnt that give me the right to control himhelp him?
Rachel: I don't think he's the one who needs help.
Monica: No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. (Rachel slowly turns and glares at her.) (Realizing what she just said.) Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! (Rachel again turns and glares at her in disgust.) Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people.
Rachel: Okay, you are crazy! I'm sorry, but she sounded generally upset! I mean, listen! (She hits a button on the machine.)
[Scene: The ride along, they're all waiting outside of the witness's house and still in the car in the same places as before.]
Gary: Oh it's nothing, it just says that you can't sue the city if you scrap your knee or y'know, get your head blown off.
Gary: Okay, here he comes. What is he doing? What the hell is he doing?!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Monica has all the supplies she needs and is getting ready to leave.]
Monica: Oh yeah right! (She grabs the money and shoves into her pocket.)
Monica: There's nothing we can do. You erased the message!
(The phone rings.)
Rachel: Oh, maybe that's Emily calling back to leave the exact same message.
Ross: (on the machine) Hey Ross! It's you! I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive! So live everyday to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay. Oh, and also get stamps. Bye! (He hangs up.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the guys are returning from the ride along to find Phoebe already there.]
Ross: Pheebs, we had the most incredible night! Okay, so, we're in the car
Ross: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!
Gary: Hey Joe, you ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you.
Chandler: Yeah! If the car that backfired had run over you! Y'know what, I think I'll go home before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life. (He gets up and starts for the door.)
Joey: Cut it out Ross! I hate to have to save your life and kick your ass in the same day!
Chandler: Oh, I just went for a walk, around the living room. Whatever
Chandler: No. No I'm just tired. Y'know, from-from the walk.
Joey: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.
Chandler: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me!
Chandler: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line.
Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is (Goes and picks up the sandwich) the greatest sandwich in the world!
Joey: Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, (He unwraps the sandwich and holds it out for Chandler) here.
Chandler: Thanks. (He grabs the sandwich.)
Joey: Yeah. With a bite! (Takes back the sandwich.) Gee-e-e-eez!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel is trying to repair the thing she broke earlier, but gets interrupted by hearing Ross at the door. She panics and throws the thing into the kitchen. And runs to the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Ross: Y'know, it-it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you're here. You're my friend, and you're here. Oh! (He goes over and hugs her.)
Ross: The most amazing thing happened tonight. I thought my number was up. I had an actual near death experience!
Ross: Okay, okay, we were on the ride along with Gary, right?
Rachel: No, she left a message. (He starts for the machine.) (Stopping him.) But it-it kinda got erased. There's just (Pause) something wrong with your machine.
Rachel: Well, uh something about having second thoughts about the wedding and did you guys make a mistake breaking up and uh, she wants you to call her.
Rachel: Okay. Thank you! Thank you! BecauseI'm sorry, all right. Because y'know what? She didn't want menot important. The point is, I was right. Your decision. Okay? I was right. (She starts for the door.) (Stops) Your decision.
Rachel: Okay, no, that's not the right decision. That's not, that's not right, no Ross-Ross, come on! I mean, that woman made you miserable! Okay, Ross, do you really want to get back into that?
Ross: Okay, look, yesterday I would've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that has got to mean something!
Ross: Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it.
(Ross hits the playback button.)
Ross: (on machine) "Hey Ross, it's you!" (Hits the stop button) Oh yeah, no that's-that's an old message, nobody needs to hear that.
Rachel: No. (She heads for the door again.)
Ross: (looking at the coffee table where his money was) Hey umm, was-was Monica here?
Rachel: (going out the door) Yeah, uh you-you probably need that for stamps, right?
Ross: I know where Joey would be. He would be down in the foxhole protecting all of us.
Chandler: Yes, if the foxhole was lined with sandwiches.
Phoebe: Well you all know that I'm a pacifist so I'm not interested in war in any way. (Gets up) But y'know what? When the revolution comes, I will have to destroy you all. (Starts to leave.) (To Joey) Not you Joey.
(Joey gets all happy with himself, while the rest of the gang is less than enthused.)
(Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? Whats going on?
Ross: Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste, and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! Im a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didnt even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and Im just, Im gonna do the same thing to you.
Donny: You crossed the line. Joey, describe for Gene these things that have lines. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready, go!
Sarah: So thats two boxes of the Holiday Macaroons. On behalf of the Brown Birds of America, I salute you. (Does the Brown Bird salute, she blows on a bird call, then holds her hand, palm facing out, next to her face, and then waves it like a bird flapping its wings.)
Chandler: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.
[Scene: That same plane cabin, Ross is working on a crossword puzzle and Rachel is asleep against his shoulder. She shifts a little bit and Ross suddenly gets an idea. An evil idea when he looks at his pen. Then we have a little time lapse, the plane has landed and everyone is disembarking. The flight attendant is saying bye-bye to everyone.]
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Chandler: (On cell phone) Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it. Yes it will be the same. Because I know, that's how. I promise.
CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
The Doctor: (opening it) Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and(Stops suddenly.)
[Both run back in their apartment. There's a knock at the door.]
(Everyone heads for the door.)
Monica: I'm sorry, I didn't know to look for Chinese food on the floor.
Rachel: You mean the one that youre wearing? (Adjusts Monicas pink bra strap as Monica looks down her shirt.)
Ross: (on the phone) Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. It seems you forgot a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? (pause) Thank you! Ok. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, band aids, shaving cream, after shave... and I feel like I am forgetting something... Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already? (pause) Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.
Chandler: Good, God's speed, good people! (he starts to close the door, turns around and sees Wendy) You're not gonna go?
MIKE: All right.� I'll do it.� (Phoebe gives the thumbs-up sign to Rachel.)� But really, how much dirtier can it get?
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch as Monica joins him.]
Rachel: The nights are the hardest. (Checks her watch.) But then the day comes! And thats every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again
David: Really? Because I think about you all the time.
Monica: You say Thank you very much, and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, were gonna put are hands in this bowl, and were gonna start squishing the tomatoes.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, whats the next little bit?
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay.
Monica: All right, so I havent cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music.
Monica: Are you kidding?! I get a Porsche and the barca loungers gone?! This is the best day ever! (Runs out.)
Rachel: Ugh. (takes the hat and covers Emma's head and half her face with it)
ROSS: Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag.
Rachel: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. (Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.)
Phoebe: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? (all raise their hands).
STEPHANIE: Yeah. From the top?
Phoebe: Like okay I-I-I, I havent met any Portuguese people! I, I havent had the perfect kiss! And I havent been to snipers school!
Joey: Oh yeah. Hey! Should we give these shirts to the girls? Yknow, kinda like a peace offering.
Rachel: (breaking the kiss) Oh God!
Monica: Oh, is that why you did it the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?!
[Scene: The Street, Chandler is carrying Monica past a store window.]
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)Thats not food...No, I dont, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I cant even remember what Phoebe looks like.
CHANDLER: There's the man.
Rachel: (to the judge) Okay, do you see, do you see what youre keeping me married too?!
Joey: Somebody was using his head. Hey, let's check out the rest of the place.
ROSS: [reading his list] Ok, ok, number one: The way you cry at game shows. Number two: how much you love your friends. Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with Ben.
Ross: Let me see this... (he takes the trophy from Rachel's hands) Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division.
[knock at the door, Monica answers to see Mrs. Greene]
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
[They all run to get in the cab, and Chandler pulls out a smoke.]
[Rachel seems touched. She pauses for a moment, then picks up the phone and starts to dial. Cut to Ross at his apartment.]
Joey: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand
[The waiter comes to the table.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Some time later that day. The group has left and Charlie is there when Ross enters.]
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) Were engaged!!!
Joey: Well, the movie got shutdown because they ran out of money, so I'm working here 'til it starts up again, if it ever does.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Another night of birdogging the chickas?
(Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.)
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janines party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
RACHEL: That is the most ridiculous.
Rachel: OK, OK, it's my turn. (reads the answer)
Phoebe: (tremendously overacting) Fine! Ill do it without you! (Joey gives her thumbs up) I dont need you or anybody else! Im gonna make it on my own! (Joey closes the door to his bedroom.) Youll see!! Youll all see!!
Monica: Chandler! (Knocks on the door.) Chandler! I just figured out who you are!
[Scene: Inside Joeys Premiere, he is intently watching the movie.]
ROSS: Check it out, he actually is the MonkeyShine monkey.
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually good.
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
Ross: (takes Chappy from Mike) Well, I guess I'm in the wedding then. Ha haaa... (smells Chappy) He stinks!
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi. (He starts doing the finger thing every time now.)
Mike: No. well look can I think your weird and also cool for telling me the truth and also wanna kiss you.
Joey: Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, ok buddy? But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is just hanging up the phone as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]
(They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. Finally, the phone rings and the race to answer it is won by Monica.)
Chandler: If you said, "Big lima bean, bubbling up." Would she understand the difference?
[Scene: Mike's parents building. Phoebe gets out of the classy elevator, looking all dressed up like an older woman, and very un-Phoebe. She walks to the door and rings the doorbell.]
(After she's left, Ross gets really happy and starts kissing the card. Suddenly, she returns.)
Phoebe: (Singing) "Ipan Stripan, Glupi Glabi! " And that is the Swedish National Anthem! Thank you for asking! (looks annoyed)
Rachel: Well, we were walking down the street and we saw that van that you guys used for catering and we realised
Chandler: (to Rachel) I love you. (Kisses her on the forehead)
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Dr. Long: Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby?
Ross: Oh, all right. (Joey flips the coin.) Tails! (The coin bounces off of the landing above them and falls to the ground.) Can you-can you see what it is?
Rachel: (on phone) Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, its perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! (hangs up phone) I got the interview!
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)
Rachel: So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.
Ross: Yeah, okay. (he plops down into one of the leather chairs, with the footrest extended.)
Monica: You still work at the multiplex?
Monica: And Ive got the car keys.
Phoebe: You dont have to do that, Ross and Joey arent here, you can watch the parade if you want.
Rachel: Ah, its still not the time.
Monica: Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?
Annabelle: Nobody knows his name. Me and the girls just call him the Hombre man.
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.
Jill: Totally, I love them! And, maybe you could finish telling me about all the different kinds of sand.
ROSS: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
[Scene: The beach house, Rachels bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Joey are sitting at the dinner table. Chandler comes from the bedroom with his suitcase.]
Rachel: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.