words in movies
Monica: No. I think we learned that from the sugarlips incident. I'm gonna get some tea.
[Cut to Gary and Monica at the counter.]
Monica: I swear, I promise. I promise. Oh my God, I'm so excited! {And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! Sorry, just couldn't resist it.} All right, listen let me tell you, do not get her flowers. Okay? Because y'know, she cries when they die, and there's the whole funeral
Monica: He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I couldn't hold it in any longer!
Ross: (he catches the ball and pauses, staring at Joey in disbelief) Also an island.
(The game resumes.)
Joey: Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! (Checks his pants.) Yeah, my pants are a little loose!
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Joey: What the hell is that?!!
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Ross: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}
(Rachel goes into the bathroom as the guys continue throwing the ball.)
Joey: Uhh, the ball thing.
(They throw the ball back and forth once.)
Joey: (catches the ball) Uh-oh.
Joey: I have to pee. And Rachel's in the bathroom!
[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom, presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]
Ross: I know! (Looks at the ball in his hands.) Don't switch hands, okay?
[Scene: the 5th Precinct, Gary's precinct, Chandler has come to talk to him about commitment. And as he's walking through the door he notices a couple of "Ladies of the night" sitting there. (If you know what I mean.)]
Gary: Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I justI wanna be around her as much as I can.
Ross: now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?!
{Y'know, sometimes I think the script writers throw in a line like that to try to trip me up. But it won't work. I'll always have the last laugh! <manical_laugh.wav> Okay, so maybe I'm a little deluded, it's probably just my spellchecker. But, I must admit I did get Mesozoic and Paleozoic on the first attempt. Yay me! Anyhoo }
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Monica: Guys, could you please just stop throwing the ball for one minute and just help me find it!
(He throws it back to Ross, but it's intercepted by Monica and the guys both scream in horror.)
Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)
Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
Phoebe: Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing?
Phoebe: You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right! God!
Phoebe: Yeah! Okay. (They move to the couch.)
Gary: Here's the thing.
Gary: (on the verge of tears) Yeah.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Ross: (catching the ball) Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same team!
Chandler: All right, let me in. (He jumps off of the counter to join in the game.)
Ross: All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)
Chandler: Oh! Oh! That's so hard. (Starts to juggle the ball, but loses control and almost drops it and hands it to Monica.)
(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)
Chandler: Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ.
Rachel: No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand! (Storms out.)
Monica: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! (Quickly grabs a tissue to wipe her eyes.) Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
Phoebe: Well, you're not more excited than I am! No way! I'm the most excited!
Gary: Okay, I'll see you at the station later.
Phoebe: Okay, yeah, I'll see you later! Don't forget about the moving in!
(Phoebe closes the door behind him.)
Phoebe: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.
Phoebe: No, I just heard when people live together, they split the cost of stamps. Don't they?
(Rachel enters with the cat, wearing the oven mitt, and startles Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, the oven mitts really freaked me out.
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Gary: Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right? (Closes the door and takes off his coat.)
Gary: So you uh, you checked the paper for listings in Brooklyn Heights, right? You-you checked the Post?
Gary: 'Cause uh, this is today's Post (produces one from the other chair) and uh, these are the listings I found. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, two bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, one bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights!
Phoebe: (looks at the paper) Are these for rent! I thought people were just bragging!
Gary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. (Phoebe looks down in shame.) No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. (Points to his eyes and she does so) Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, "Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?
Gary: Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox.
Phoebe: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never!
[Scene: The street outside Central Perk, Rachel is trying to sell the cat.]
Woman No. 1: (looks into the box) Oh my God! What's wrong with your baby?!
Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter (Good for her) but Okay, why not?
Rachel: (makes some unintelligible sound to stop her from leaving) Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! (Covers her eyes) Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! (Uncovers her eyes and sees that the woman has fled) Damnit! (To the cat) Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! (The cat hisses at her again, it sounds like Rachel) Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
Joey: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We (Ross and him) invented this game!
Monica: All right! Let's go! (Runs to the door.) Let's go Team Monica! (The guys all stop and stare at her) All right, we can work out the name later.
[Cut to her apartment where Rachel is sitting at the table.]
Gunther: (entering with the cat) I just came for the red-velvet pillow.
Rachel: Oh yeah, there you go. (Hands over the pillow.)
Phoebe: I like waking up with you too. (Looks out the window) Oh! It's such a beautiful morning. (Some birds are singing outside the window) Oh, I can stay here all day.
Phoebe: Okay. (He grabs his gun and shoots the bird.) Oh! Oh no.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
Rachel: Phoebe! It's 6 o'clock in the morning! Why aren't you at Gary's?
Chandler: Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out!
Joey: Oh hey, here Pheebs. (He throws her the ball.)
Phoebe: (catches it) Nah, I don't feel like playing. (She sets the ball down on the table and everyone gasps.)
Monica: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball!
All: All right. Okay. I'm starving! (They all get up, thus officially ending the game.)
Monica: Okay! Okay, let's race! First one there wins! Ha-ha! (Runs out the door and everyone watches her leave.)
Rachel: No, I meant with the dropper over here. (Points at Chandler.)
Chandler: Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm anything but a dropper. (We see various scenes of him dropping a football, a mug of coffee, the phone, an apple, a Frisbee, a record, and the final scene has a ball bouncing off of his chest. I'm not going to describe them, you'll have to see them.)
[In the hall.]
Monica: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
Monica: Yep! You got the tickets?
The Teacher: Are you one of Bens mothers?
Monica: I get the dollhouse!
Phoebe: Yeah, this is the guy I was telling you about.
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
(Mike's face changes from happy to sad, and he looks at the cake, disappointed.)
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Rachel: Okay, I need a, I need a drink! (Makes a beeline for the mini-bar.)
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Joey: Come in. Thanks for comin back, umm, okay there have been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists!
Ross: Hey, when the snippy guy sees the routine, hell wanna build us our own platform!
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey! (Rachel kicks Ross back under the couch.)
[cut to another clip, this one is from The One With The Prom Video]
Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)
Phoebe: Yes! You know, in six months the Statute of Limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again!
Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
JOEY: "Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school.
Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
[cut to Rachel and Monica at the counter.]
Ross: Oh-oh, wait, my mother is gonna be here any minute. And she has the keys.
Rachel: Well said. And a uh good example of the fun I was referring to uhh, but I just think Im past the point where I think I can yknow, just have fun.
Monica: (to the clerk) Ooh, an ink stain! Hey, can I watch how you get this out?
Ross: I got tenure. I didn't win the lottery... Hey Rach, so uh... how did your thing go?
MONICA: Ok, everybody, there's food and drinks on the table. Go across the hall.
(Phoebe snaps the ball to Monica, who pitches back to Rachel.)
(They start singing, and Phoebe covers her mouth at the American part.)
Ross: Wait a minute! No! Im the nice one! Im the one who danced with the kids all night! How How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Joey: (looking a little agitated now) Looks like someone IS the ladies!!
Monica: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.
Ben: (on the bike) Im ready!
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
CHANDLER: What's in the bag?
Joey: Whoa! Hey! Whoa!! Hold up! Are you serious?! So like 3% of the time they dont even work?! Huh? They should put that on the box!
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Phoebe: That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here for the past 3 days
Chandler: (pretending not to sense the tone) Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
Joey: What's the matter Ross?
Ross: Oh the bands ready! And wellI-Iwe gotta do what the band says, right? I dont care about the stinkin band!!
The Salesman: You dont have, anything?
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
[Scene: Central Perk, The gangs all here. Monica is walking in.]
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Phoebe: Well, same thing we did all day, hang out at Gary's apartment. He is so amazing, we never left the bedroom. But have fun at the movie.
Joey: I like to see the previews. (Rachel looks at him.) The candy.
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
Joey: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine, its absolutely state of the art.
(Rachel enters from the bathroom and sees the coat.)
Joey: Saw the Porsche out there Mon, lookin good. When do I get to take that baby out again?
Hums While He Pees: Hey uh, I dont mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go?
Phoebe Sr: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
Monica: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.)
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. I didnt hear you over all the winning.
Rachel: Really?! The Plaza?!! Oh daddy!! (Hugs him and Phoebe glares at her.) Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. Please, sit down.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
Monica: Whats the charity?
Joey: (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer!
(Monica pats Joey on the shoulder.)
Ross: You get the dollhouse.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Mike: Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material...
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: Because thats the only part of you he can see when hes on the table!
(The phone rings.)
Kyle: we talked through most of the night and we realized that the reason we were so angry at each other was because there are still feelings there. So (Pause)
Ross: Only when it was damp!! (To Rachel) I cant believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Yknow what? (To Will) Im back in the club!
Monica: That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?!
Chandler: Nope, nope, Id just ah, Id rather talk to you. (pause) Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom. (knocks on the door)
Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.
Joey: It was different for you guys! I mean, I mean, you were both in the same place, right?
Monica: I was laughing. (Patting him on the knee.)
ROSS: That, that's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.
Chandler: Love what you've done with the place.
Rachel: Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty!
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Monica: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
(He goes into the kitchen.)
Larry: Ahh that's the 2 points.
ROB: The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.
Rachel: Okay no way, you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin.
ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.
[Scene: Ross's building's lobby, he and Rachel are about to attempt to take the couch upstairs.]
Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me.
Eric: (finds it) What a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in her prayer chain.
Rachel: Yeah but, you dont, you dont, you dont want to try to much too fast. Yknow? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast dont you?
Joey: Okay, here's my big scene. My big scene's here! (They have two of the cops on the street, then they cut to where they're entering an apartment.) Oh my God.