words in movies
Monica: No. I think we learned that from the sugarlips incident. I'm gonna get some tea.
[Cut to Gary and Monica at the counter.]
Monica: I swear, I promise. I promise. Oh my God, I'm so excited! {And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! Sorry, just couldn't resist it.} All right, listen let me tell you, do not get her flowers. Okay? Because y'know, she cries when they die, and there's the whole funeral
Monica: He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I couldn't hold it in any longer!
Ross: (he catches the ball and pauses, staring at Joey in disbelief) Also an island.
(The game resumes.)
Joey: Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! (Checks his pants.) Yeah, my pants are a little loose!
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Joey: What the hell is that?!!
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Ross: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}
(Rachel goes into the bathroom as the guys continue throwing the ball.)
Joey: Uhh, the ball thing.
(They throw the ball back and forth once.)
Joey: (catches the ball) Uh-oh.
Joey: I have to pee. And Rachel's in the bathroom!
[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom, presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]
Ross: I know! (Looks at the ball in his hands.) Don't switch hands, okay?
[Scene: the 5th Precinct, Gary's precinct, Chandler has come to talk to him about commitment. And as he's walking through the door he notices a couple of "Ladies of the night" sitting there. (If you know what I mean.)]
Gary: Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I justI wanna be around her as much as I can.
Ross: now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?!
{Y'know, sometimes I think the script writers throw in a line like that to try to trip me up. But it won't work. I'll always have the last laugh! <manical_laugh.wav> Okay, so maybe I'm a little deluded, it's probably just my spellchecker. But, I must admit I did get Mesozoic and Paleozoic on the first attempt. Yay me! Anyhoo }
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Monica: Guys, could you please just stop throwing the ball for one minute and just help me find it!
(He throws it back to Ross, but it's intercepted by Monica and the guys both scream in horror.)
Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)
Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
Phoebe: Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing?
Phoebe: You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right! God!
Phoebe: Yeah! Okay. (They move to the couch.)
Gary: Here's the thing.
Gary: (on the verge of tears) Yeah.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Ross: (catching the ball) Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same team!
Chandler: All right, let me in. (He jumps off of the counter to join in the game.)
Ross: All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)
Chandler: Oh! Oh! That's so hard. (Starts to juggle the ball, but loses control and almost drops it and hands it to Monica.)
(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)
Chandler: Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ.
Rachel: No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand! (Storms out.)
Monica: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! (Quickly grabs a tissue to wipe her eyes.) Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
Phoebe: Well, you're not more excited than I am! No way! I'm the most excited!
Gary: Okay, I'll see you at the station later.
Phoebe: Okay, yeah, I'll see you later! Don't forget about the moving in!
(Phoebe closes the door behind him.)
Phoebe: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.
Phoebe: No, I just heard when people live together, they split the cost of stamps. Don't they?
(Rachel enters with the cat, wearing the oven mitt, and startles Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, the oven mitts really freaked me out.
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Gary: Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right? (Closes the door and takes off his coat.)
Gary: So you uh, you checked the paper for listings in Brooklyn Heights, right? You-you checked the Post?
Gary: 'Cause uh, this is today's Post (produces one from the other chair) and uh, these are the listings I found. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, two bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, one bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights!
Phoebe: (looks at the paper) Are these for rent! I thought people were just bragging!
Gary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. (Phoebe looks down in shame.) No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. (Points to his eyes and she does so) Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, "Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?
Gary: Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox.
Phoebe: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never!
[Scene: The street outside Central Perk, Rachel is trying to sell the cat.]
Woman No. 1: (looks into the box) Oh my God! What's wrong with your baby?!
Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter (Good for her) but Okay, why not?
Rachel: (makes some unintelligible sound to stop her from leaving) Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! (Covers her eyes) Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! (Uncovers her eyes and sees that the woman has fled) Damnit! (To the cat) Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! (The cat hisses at her again, it sounds like Rachel) Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
Joey: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We (Ross and him) invented this game!
Monica: All right! Let's go! (Runs to the door.) Let's go Team Monica! (The guys all stop and stare at her) All right, we can work out the name later.
[Cut to her apartment where Rachel is sitting at the table.]
Gunther: (entering with the cat) I just came for the red-velvet pillow.
Rachel: Oh yeah, there you go. (Hands over the pillow.)
Phoebe: I like waking up with you too. (Looks out the window) Oh! It's such a beautiful morning. (Some birds are singing outside the window) Oh, I can stay here all day.
Phoebe: Okay. (He grabs his gun and shoots the bird.) Oh! Oh no.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
Rachel: Phoebe! It's 6 o'clock in the morning! Why aren't you at Gary's?
Chandler: Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out!
Joey: Oh hey, here Pheebs. (He throws her the ball.)
Phoebe: (catches it) Nah, I don't feel like playing. (She sets the ball down on the table and everyone gasps.)
Monica: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball!
All: All right. Okay. I'm starving! (They all get up, thus officially ending the game.)
Monica: Okay! Okay, let's race! First one there wins! Ha-ha! (Runs out the door and everyone watches her leave.)
Rachel: No, I meant with the dropper over here. (Points at Chandler.)
Chandler: Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm anything but a dropper. (We see various scenes of him dropping a football, a mug of coffee, the phone, an apple, a Frisbee, a record, and the final scene has a ball bouncing off of his chest. I'm not going to describe them, you'll have to see them.)
Chandler: (to the two guys) Excuse me. (Chandler and Ross move away from them). That didn't make us sound gay at all!
Rachel: Yeah, sure. (To Monica) All right, whose court is the ball in now?
Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Ross: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. (Joey has lost interest and is watching the race again.) It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun?
Phoebe: Who the hell are all these people?
The Other Woman: No thanks.
[Scene: Cole-Geddes Casting Agency, Joey is there on his audition and thinking about that 2,000 bucks for the twins study.]
CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . .
Joey: The fruit roll up.
Phoebe: Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz! (Realizes) Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.
PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Rachel: Oh honey, dont worry. I really do feel like tomorrows the day.
Cassie: Hey! What the hell are you doing?! (They sit back up.)
Phoebe: Or you could teach stripping. You know, share your gift, pass the torch.
Ross: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
[Time lapse, Ross still laying a lot out the states.]
The Director: Yeah.
Monica: Shrill?! The wedding is back on!
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Phoebe: Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room.
Rachel: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Chandler: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi!
Joey: Look, I dont know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Yknow? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!
Rachel: Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay, we tell each other everything. You know, I mean, come on, guys do the same thing, I mean, what about all that locker room stuff.
Ross: Anyway seriously, uh just just talk to the guy, okay? And tell me how it goes. (walks towards the door until )
(Ross is now preoccupied with the spider, and forgets that Rachel is still using the swing. While trying to get rid of the spider, he stands in front of Rachel, who bumps into him, throwing him on the ground again.)
Rachel: How's Ross doing? Y'know since all the Emily stuff.
Ross: No, NO! (they're moving to the side of the bed, where they sit down) Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is introducing Julie to the gang.]
Ross: Well I have to. Okay? If I dont, theyll take the class away from me. And I already put it in my family newsletter.
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
(He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen, before taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place ostentatiously on his desk. An attractive young woman opens the door.)
Rachel: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, andoh, I went to camp with her cousin... And, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well!
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey has brought in a bunch of laundry in another attempt to get his picture on the wall, but the dry cleaner isnt working right now. Instead, a beautiful woman is working.]
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave them as well.)
Chandler: Okay, who wore those? (Points to the tuxedos.)
Rachel: Ohh, whoa God! Storage rooms give me the creeps! Monica, come on please hurry up honey! Please?
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Phoebe: Lusts of the flesh.
Monica: Oh! And dont let me leave without getting the name of that carpet guy.
Monica: Oh my God, me too! Oh! Oh, we'd be like friends-in-law! Y'know what the best part is? The best part is that you already know everything about him! I mean, it's like starting on the fifteenth date!
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Rachel: The earring? No. But look, I found my sunglasses under the couch! I've been looking for these since like last summer. (Puts 'em on.)
Rachel: Horny bitch. (They both look at her, pretending that the dinosaurs shes holding are arguing.) No! Youre a horny bitch! Noooo! Youre the horny bitch! No! Youre a horny bitch!
Ross: Here you go. (throws her the ball)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Joey: Rachel, would you stop saying that?! Hey-hey look, remember on the show when-when Caprice was dying and she gave me
Ross: Okay, but just the jacket. Double-oh and seven are not gettin in there.
A Disembodied Voice: (yelling through the door) Phoebe Buffay?!
Chandler: Well lets see, there was the guy with the ferrets, thats plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing!
Chandler: The actor playing Mac couldnt do it, they needed to see you at 2 oclock.
(He puts his leg up on the couch to get the quarter, once again exposing himself to Chandler and Ross. In horror, Chandler, slides over and leans against Joey on the couch.)
Chandler: Well, stuff like whered we live, yknow? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Yknow, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, wed have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
ROSS: I meant because the monkey in it reminds me of Marcel.
Ross: A little? Your place looks like page 72 of the catalogue. Oh look at that! The ornamental bird cage! Large!
Rachel: Oh. Who is the blonde, she's pretty.
Monica: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what-what was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
(Monica sits down on the barca lounger.)
Ross: (continuing) " subcategories. The first of these subcategories is "
Monica: The show?!
[Time lapse. Ross and Joey are cleaning the table while Judy and Phoebe talk by the window. Jack and Chandler are sitting on the couch while Monica sits on the coffee table.]
Monica: Yknow what we should do? We should all get dressed up and go to have champagne at The Plaza.
Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!
Chandler: Ooh, yum! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Monica: The wedding starts at six.
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)
[Scene: The restaurant, continued from earlier.]
Mona: Oh, Rachel! Wait! Hey, I hope you dont take this the wrong way, but, but, um what are you doing?
Hotel Clerk: (watching the chase) They say he's only got half a tank left.
Ross: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.
ROSS: Yeah, that way I figure, ya know, we'll be far enough away from our parents that we don't have to see them all the time but close enough that they can come over and babysit whenever we want. And yes, I know, the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau county but the school system's supposedly great.
(They both sit down on the chairs and put up the foot rest.)
(Monica is dancing. At first she seems insecure and moves slowly, but then gets into the groove and swings her hips from side to side while holding her hands up. She then eats the last piece of pizza she was holding and again moves her hips from side to side, pushing her hands in the air in beat with the music. Her moves get more wildly while she's snapping her fingers. She loses balance and falls back onto a pink bean bag.)
(There are three short whistle blasts from the bathroom.)
MRS GREEN: So, what do you think of my daughter in the apron with the big job?
Joey: You spent a hundred dollars. Thats the limit. Youre screwed!
MONICA: Wait, what about the time I hit you in the face with the Silvian's pumpkin?
Ross: Wh - No. Some woman who sounded a lot like Joey called earlier and asked for her daughter, the "hot nanny".
(In the meantime, Ross is trying to squeeze and push a rather large chair through the revolving doors of the Ralph Lauren building.)
Rachel: What the hell was that?!
Phoebe: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
Rachel: What is the emergency?!
[Cut to the guys.]
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
[Cut to the girls.]
[Cut back to the girls.]
Joey: And I got them a book on Karma Sutra for the elderly.
Monica: Ooh, are we allowed to lie in the vows?!
(She starts to go and get the coffee and falls behind the counter.)
[Cut to the guys.]
(The door opens, and there is Gladys, still in her frame though. Joey panics and moves frantically, screaming. Then there is laughing, and the painting is lowered. It was Rachel holding Gladys.)
Joey: (answering the phone) Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, hold on a second. Ross, it's Julie, for you. (Throws him the phone.)
Monica: (gasps) Totally familiar. (Phoebe shows the rest of them.)