words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are getting ready to go on their honeymoon. Monica is entering from the bedroom.]
Monica: Oh no, I already packed. The only thing I couldnt find though was your Speedo.
Chandler: A Speedo? Uh, I dont have a Speedo. Im gonna go pack my regular long bathing suit. (Goes into the bedroom.)
Rachel: And I also wanted you guys to know that I am telling the father today. (They all look at her expectantly) What? What? What?
Phoebe: Me too! (Joins the hug.)
Joey: Im gonna be an uncle! Come here! (He joins the hug.)
Rachel: (breaking the hug) Youre all gonna be aunts and uncles.
Monica: Yeah, but Im the only one related by blood.
Rachel: Well I was gonna tell him that Im-Im gonna have the baby and he can be as involved as he wants.
Rachel: Yeah but how do I start? I mean, whats-whats the first thing that I say? (They all pause to think.) Okay great! Thanks. (She starts to leave.)
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
(The girls walk away.)
Joey: No thats not it. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town.
Phoebe: You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monicas guest towels?
Joey: Monicas chicken parm! Ill take care of it. (He picks up the phone) Hey Mr. Treeger, its Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandlers apartment. Its an emergency. (Listens) Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. (Hangs up.)
Ross: Im telling you. Im telling you. Thats what it is. No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. She didnt say anything to you?
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, yknow what I have to realize? Maybe Im just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Yknow, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
[Scene: The Airport Ticket Counter, Monica and Chandler are standing in line behind another couple kissing who are next in line to be served.]
(The kissing couple doesnt move.)
Monica: (to the couple) Hi! Can you do that and walk? Cause she said, "Next."
(The couple moves up to the counter.)
Ticket Agent: Oh, let me see what I can do. (Checks the computer) There are some first class seats available.
(They go up to the counter.)
Ticket Agent: Im sorry, all our first class seats are taken. That couple got the last two.
Phoebe: Of course I do! And Im gonna give it back to you as soon as theyre done with it at the key shining place.
(They hear a knocking sound coming from the hallway and go to investigate.)
Joey: What the hell is that?
(They go into the hallway and see Mr. Treeger watching one of New Yorks bravest breakdown Monica and Chandlers door with an ax.]
Mr. Treeger: Because by the time I find it on this thing (Holds up a huge key ring with a thousand keys on it), the whole place might have exploded. If that happens at another building that I manage, people are gonna start asking questions. (To the fireman) Come on! Hurry up.
(With a final swing the door gives way.)
[Scene: The Airport, Chandler and Monica are following the previous couple through a tiny hallway that proves this is a set on a sound stage and not an actual airport, and see them enter the first class lounge.]
Monica: Look at that! Look at that! Theyre going into the first class lounge! Do you know what they have in there?
Monica: Me neither! We have to get in! (She runs through the door with Chandler in tow.)
Chandler: Shh! (To the guy behind the counter) Nice to see you again. (They tries to walk past him.)
Chandler: Yes, of course. (Shows him the tickets.)
Airline Employee: Im sorry, would you move your thumb? I cant see the seat number.
Airline Employee: (grabbing the ticket from him) Sir, this is not a first class ticket. Im sorry.
[Scene: The Hallway Outside Rosss Apartment, Ross is walking towards his apartment and sees Rachel sitting in front of the door.]
Ross: Oh sure. (He sits on the apothecary table and touches her hand.)
Rachel: (touches his knee) Im pregnant. (Ross stops.) Ross? (Ross is staring off into space.) Ross? (Ross is still frozen) Okay, whenever youre ready. (Sits back and opens her magazine.) And youre the father by the waybut you got that
Rachel: I know. I know, but yknow condoms only work like 97% of the time.
Ross: What? What? What?!! Well they should put that on the box!!!
Ross: No they dont!!! (He runs to the bedroom to check and returns with his box of condoms.) Well they should put it in huge black letters!!!!
Rachel: Okay Ross come on lets just forget about the condoms.
Ross: No! No! I want to talk now! Okay? IIn fact, (picks up the phone) I am going to talk to the president of the condom company!
Mr. Treeger: (measures the top of the doorframe) Whoa! This looks like an all day job, Ill have to cancel my yoga class. (Ross walks up.) Hey Ross!
(Treeger leaves and Ross notices the door.)
Ross: Oh my God! What happened to the door?!
Ross: Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful. And then when I turned around she was gone.
Joey: Whoa! Hey! Whoa!! Hold up! Are you serious?! So like 3% of the time they dont even work?! Huh? They should put that on the box!
[Scene: The Atlantis Resort, Chandler and Monica are arriving to check in, but are behind the couple from before again.]
Monica: What? (Monica sees the first couple and gasps.)
Front Desk Clerk: As a wedding gift to you, the hotel would like to give you the honeymoon suite.
Monica: Yeah! You already got the first class tickets; you got the lounge! I mean we should get free stuff too! I mean youre not the only ones on your honeymoon!
Woman: Well you can have the suite if you want. We dont care about where we stay. Were here to celebrate our love together. We dont have to get free stuff. We just want to be together.
Chandler: (looks at Monica then at them) We need the stuff.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is on the phone and Phoebe is watching him.]
Joey: Uh, okay Ill-Ill-Ill break it down. (He hands the phone to Phoebe, gets up, picks up a chair, and starts banging it on the floor.)
Phoebe: Oh hey hi, hes doing it. Hes breaking down the door. (The chair breaks in half.) Okay, were in. (She hangs up the phone.)
[Scene: A doctors office, Rachel is on an examining table with her legs in the stirrups.]
Nurse: The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
Rachel: Okay. (The nurse exits.) Oh man, I swear if they sold these at Pottery Barn
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Ross: Please, please I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today.
Ross: Right! Right! I justI want you to know that Im going to be there through this whole thing, okay? Okay? The doctors appointments, the uh, the Lamaze classes, uh baby-proofing the apartmentAlthough we could probably worry about that til after we get married.
Ross: No, because thats the right thing to do.
Rachel: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!
Rachel: Oh no Dr. Long, please come in. This is Ross, he is the father.
Ross: But not the husband, because evidently she can do this alone.
Dr. Long: Okay, everything looks good. Here it is on the screen. (We see Ross and Rachel looking at the screen.) Here is your uterus. And right here is your baby.
Ross: Oh sure, come here! (Sits her up) Sure you can! Uh, look come here look, (rolls the machine closer) its-its-its, its right there (Points).
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are there as Rachel and Ross return from the doctors appointment.]
Phoebe: Hey! So how was the doctor?
Ross: Oh hey, show them the picture of your uterus.
Joey: I dont see the baby. Where is it?
Ross: Oh. (He takes the picture and hugs her.
[In the hall.]
Monica: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
Monica: Yep! You got the tickets?
The Teacher: Are you one of Bens mothers?
Monica: I get the dollhouse!
Phoebe: Yeah, this is the guy I was telling you about.
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
(Mike's face changes from happy to sad, and he looks at the cake, disappointed.)
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Rachel: Okay, I need a, I need a drink! (Makes a beeline for the mini-bar.)
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Joey: Come in. Thanks for comin back, umm, okay there have been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists!
Ross: Hey, when the snippy guy sees the routine, hell wanna build us our own platform!
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey! (Rachel kicks Ross back under the couch.)
[cut to another clip, this one is from The One With The Prom Video]
Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)
Phoebe: Yes! You know, in six months the Statute of Limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again!
Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
JOEY: "Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school.
Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
[cut to Rachel and Monica at the counter.]
Ross: Oh-oh, wait, my mother is gonna be here any minute. And she has the keys.
Rachel: Well said. And a uh good example of the fun I was referring to uhh, but I just think Im past the point where I think I can yknow, just have fun.
Monica: (to the clerk) Ooh, an ink stain! Hey, can I watch how you get this out?
Ross: I got tenure. I didn't win the lottery... Hey Rach, so uh... how did your thing go?
MONICA: Ok, everybody, there's food and drinks on the table. Go across the hall.
(Phoebe snaps the ball to Monica, who pitches back to Rachel.)
(They start singing, and Phoebe covers her mouth at the American part.)
Ross: Wait a minute! No! Im the nice one! Im the one who danced with the kids all night! How How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Joey: (looking a little agitated now) Looks like someone IS the ladies!!
Monica: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.
Ben: (on the bike) Im ready!
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
CHANDLER: What's in the bag?
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Phoebe: That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here for the past 3 days
Chandler: (pretending not to sense the tone) Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
Joey: What's the matter Ross?
Ross: Oh the bands ready! And wellI-Iwe gotta do what the band says, right? I dont care about the stinkin band!!
The Salesman: You dont have, anything?
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
[Scene: Central Perk, The gangs all here. Monica is walking in.]
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Phoebe: Well, same thing we did all day, hang out at Gary's apartment. He is so amazing, we never left the bedroom. But have fun at the movie.
Joey: I like to see the previews. (Rachel looks at him.) The candy.
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
Joey: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine, its absolutely state of the art.
(Rachel enters from the bathroom and sees the coat.)
Joey: Saw the Porsche out there Mon, lookin good. When do I get to take that baby out again?
Hums While He Pees: Hey uh, I dont mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go?
Phoebe Sr: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
Monica: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.)
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. I didnt hear you over all the winning.
Rachel: Really?! The Plaza?!! Oh daddy!! (Hugs him and Phoebe glares at her.) Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. Please, sit down.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
Monica: Whats the charity?
Joey: (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer!
(Monica pats Joey on the shoulder.)
Ross: You get the dollhouse.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Mike: Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material...
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: Because thats the only part of you he can see when hes on the table!
(The phone rings.)
Kyle: we talked through most of the night and we realized that the reason we were so angry at each other was because there are still feelings there. So (Pause)
Ross: Only when it was damp!! (To Rachel) I cant believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Yknow what? (To Will) Im back in the club!
Monica: That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?!
Chandler: Nope, nope, Id just ah, Id rather talk to you. (pause) Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom. (knocks on the door)
Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.
Joey: It was different for you guys! I mean, I mean, you were both in the same place, right?
Monica: I was laughing. (Patting him on the knee.)
ROSS: That, that's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.
Chandler: Love what you've done with the place.
Rachel: Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty!
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Monica: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
(He goes into the kitchen.)
Larry: Ahh that's the 2 points.
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
ROB: The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.
Rachel: Okay no way, you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin.
ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.
[Scene: Ross's building's lobby, he and Rachel are about to attempt to take the couch upstairs.]
Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me.
Eric: (finds it) What a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in her prayer chain.
Rachel: Yeah but, you dont, you dont, you dont want to try to much too fast. Yknow? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast dont you?
Joey: Okay, here's my big scene. My big scene's here! (They have two of the cops on the street, then they cut to where they're entering an apartment.) Oh my God.