words in movies
Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
Joey: Yeah-yeah. And the craziest thing is that I just ate a whole pizza by myself! (Laughs)
Joey: What is the big deal? Its not like were exclusive.
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that shes-shes smart, and funny, and gets you.
Joey: You got all that from the back of her head?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.]
Phoebe: (singing) "Little, tiny Tarzan, swinging on a nose hair. Swinging with the greatest of ease " Darn it! Now, I dont know who to get to the next verse.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, thats right, the keyboards, huh?
Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound."
Phoebe: I wanna hear "The Sound."
Ross: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all the way up inNo, yeah, okay. (Runs out.)
[Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."]
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
Monica: Oh God bless my dad sound proofing the basement!
Phoebe: What are you guys talking about, I loved it! It was soo moving. Oh, plus its just, its so different from the stuff you usually hear.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Chandler: Uh yes, but uh, I just watch it for the articles.
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Joey: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to walk back and get some transmission fluid. And hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that Ill be there as soon as I can.
(They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.)
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Joey: Listen uh, Im really sorry, it looks like Im gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasnt there!
Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands her the phone.)
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
Chandler: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation?
Kathy: No-no-no, the kiss was good.
Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler wonders over to and leans up against the door.) Are you still out there?
Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.)
Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a ticking clock.) Emphatic time-time-time
Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch) Its so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!
[cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called song with the same crash from before. He gets some applause, mainly cause hes done.]
Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys
Phoebe: I cant follow Ross! Itd be like those bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles. No.
Rachel: Phoebe, the place has emptied because of him.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
Joey: Aww man! I cant believe I locked myself out again! (He knocks on the door.)
Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.)
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Joey: (very excited) A TV as if it appears from nowhere! Thats the dream! Man, how did you afford this stuff?
Joey: Oh, you are the best friends anyone has ever had.
Joey: Oh-no-no-no, you are! You do this, you give me the great advice, and hey listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday about focusing on one woman, Im gonna do that.
Chandler: That all the pieces of my life are falling right into place!
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Yknow my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I I wont play anymore.
Phoebe: Oh no. No-no-no, dont do that! How could I live with myself if I knew I was depriving the world of your music.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
Ross: Hey Chandler! Saw the new furniture. Very nice.
Monica: Yeah! Joey has the best boyfriend ever!
Chandler: Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do.
Joey: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have youre work cut out for you. Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that shes into some other guy. So
Chandler: See uh, thats-thats actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is.
Chandler: Its me. Im the other guy.
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Joey: Over the line?! You-youre-youre so far past the line, that you-you cant even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Joey: Because its all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And Im not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: Phoebe, his music could not get any worse. There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves.
(Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and gets some applause.)
Ross: Thank you, thanks. (Sits down next to the girls) Yeah, I lost it. Yknow, Im not gonna play anymore, (to Phoebe) would you, can you finish my set?
Phoebe: Oh well, lost again. (She gets up and slowly moves away. The lurker scurries in and takes her spot, only this time Phoebe set a trap for her and catches her in the act.) That's it! You and me, outside!
Monica: (To Joey) Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.
(The woman gets up and walks over to their table.)
Chandler: ....three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!
Phoebe: Well speaking of chiming in, remember the time you burned down my apartment?
Joey: WhatBut you saw the show!
(She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.)
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please?
Chandler: (Also very excited) That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!
Janice: So, do we have the best friends or what?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.)
Ross: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?
(Monica closes the door and slowly walks into Rachel’s old and now empty room.)
Rachel: Well, I dont know. I called all the people in Monicas phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
Joey: Yeah, and Im a little tired from digging the hole.
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe at the mike.]
MR. GREENE: ...and the bansai's and the chiuaua...
Joey: I know, but, I was the best, you know? I liked being the best. (He downs the glass of juice in one swig.) I don't know. Maybe I should just get outta the game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese.
Director: (to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.
Phoebe: God, that is the nicest kitchen.
Phoebe: You dont play the oboe!
Phoebe: Yknow? Ooh, you can almost smell the opium.
Hombre Man: (to a customer) Hombre? (The guy says yes, and gets his sample.)
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.
Chandler: Why did you take the shower curtain down?
Ross: Uh okay, well theres-theres wine in the kitchen.
Chandler: Hey, buddy boy, howd the audition go?
Ross: No, 10 is the highest.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ben is playing in his crib while Chandler and Ross are leaning against the rim and are completely asleep.]
The Casting Director: Any time you're ready, Joey.
Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes Im gonna be saying (He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.)
Rachel: I don't think he's the one who needs help.
(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)
Rachel: Well, I brought the next best thing.
Phoebe: Oh. (takes her beeper puts in a pot, covers it, and puts the pot in the oven)
Phoebe: Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering (We hear the dial tone as Joey hangs up.) Okay, I guess he ran out of change.
(They start to walk into the living room and notice someones head sticking up from behind a chair. The camera cuts to the other side and we see its Ross.)
Joey: Oh its water under the bridge, forget it!
Dr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. (He goes to the door and opens it.) Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?
Chandler: (coming all the way in) Listen, I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon and the whole massage thing. Y'know? I-I really like 'em.
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Joey: Ah, well, if I want the girl to kiss me, first thing I do is make my lips look irresistible.
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross is at the Monkey cages.]
Chandler: At least let me smoke it to the good part.
The Doctor: (entering) (To the receptionist) Can I have the next one please? (Takes the form.) Joey and Tony Tribbiani. (Joey and Carl stand up.)
(Joey lies down on the gurney.)
Tag: I feel great. (Rachel laughs) In fact! (Walks over to her desk, sweeps its contents onto the floor and Rachel just glares at him.) What?
Phoebe: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss.
Ross: Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didnt actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely. (Apollo 8 was the first one that orbited the moon and the one that read the Christmas Story from the orbit of the moon on Christmas Eve, 1968. They also took the famous Earthrise picture of the Earth rising over the moon.)
[Cut to Monica out on the balcony.]
Monica: God, look what I found in the drain.
Chandler: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs.
Rachel: It wouldn't have mattered anyway, Phoebe, you and I are, are gonna live together, we're roommates; that's the deal.
Monica: Third door on the left.
Phoebe: Youre the best. Thanks. Oh!
(They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)
Phoebe: Wow! Well, if you nail the interview, you'll get it!
Rachel: Yknow, all the women.
Joey: (checks in the window to make sure it has them) Its got em!
RACHEL: What? Come on, it's not like I'm asking for this girly clock or anything, which, by the way, I also think is very cool.
The Fan: Oh yeah! Ive seen all her movies.
(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joeys shirt and rips it off of his back.)
[Scene: Mike's apartment. Phoebe's there and the phone rings.]
Phoebe: (looking at the picture again) Man alive!
[Scene: A Brown Bird meeting, Ross is there with the other Brown Birds to see who won the contest.]
(They hear a knocking sound coming from the hallway and go to investigate.)
Chandler: The hot chicks?
Phoebe: (Looking relieved. She puts down the phone.) Oh thank god. Oh, you changed your mind. Oh, look I know you probably want to be alone, and you dont want to talk about it, thats fine. I just want you to know, I think you are doing the right thing and...
The Colonel: OH MY GAWD!!!! (Yep, its Janice.)
Rachel: Ohhh, this is the least jealous Ive ever been!
Smart Kid: Isnt the Mastodon from the Pliocene Epic?
MRS GREEN: This is just so exciting. You know, I never worked. I went straight from my father's house to the sorority house to my husband's house. I am just so proud of you.
Chandler: Yeah, Id love to but Ive tried that so many times they wont even let me in the store anymore.
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
(They hug and give each other a little peck on the cheek.)
Joey: Why is 10 the highest?
Monica: (to the couple) Hi! Can you do that and walk? Cause she said, "Next."
Phoebe: Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once you betray me, I become like the ice woman, yknow. Very cold, hard, unyielding, y'know nothing, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior. (to Monica) Can I have a tissue, please?
MR. GELLER: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got the Porsche. You... you got your own little speedster.
Joey: All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would have said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. "Those are our men in there, we have to get them out! Even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life; my time-machine."
Ross: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good. (Joey pats Ross on his back)
Ross: Sorry, Im kinda keeping this one on the Q.T.
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout.)
Rachel: Well now whats the rush?
Ross: Thats right! Thats right! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere!
Chandler: What the hell is going on?!
MONICA: Ok people, I want you to take a piece of paper, here you go, and write down your most embarassing memory. Oh, and I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.
Joey: Sounds great! Okay all right, well where does this go? (The lamp hes holding.)
Dr. Green: The wedding! Theres going to be a wedding. Young lady, dont you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
Janine: In the moment, yeah.
The Head Librarian: How can I help you?
Phoebe: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
RACHEL: When I was um, 7, I crashed my bike right out in front of his house and to stop me from crying he kissed me right here. [points to the tip of her nose]
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.