words in movies
Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
Joey: Yeah-yeah. And the craziest thing is that I just ate a whole pizza by myself! (Laughs)
Joey: What is the big deal? Its not like were exclusive.
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that shes-shes smart, and funny, and gets you.
Joey: You got all that from the back of her head?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.]
Phoebe: (singing) "Little, tiny Tarzan, swinging on a nose hair. Swinging with the greatest of ease " Darn it! Now, I dont know who to get to the next verse.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, thats right, the keyboards, huh?
Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound."
Phoebe: I wanna hear "The Sound."
Ross: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all the way up inNo, yeah, okay. (Runs out.)
[Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."]
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
Monica: Oh God bless my dad sound proofing the basement!
Phoebe: What are you guys talking about, I loved it! It was soo moving. Oh, plus its just, its so different from the stuff you usually hear.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Chandler: Uh yes, but uh, I just watch it for the articles.
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Joey: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to walk back and get some transmission fluid. And hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that Ill be there as soon as I can.
(They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.)
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Joey: Listen uh, Im really sorry, it looks like Im gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasnt there!
Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands her the phone.)
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
Chandler: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation?
Kathy: No-no-no, the kiss was good.
Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler wonders over to and leans up against the door.) Are you still out there?
Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.)
Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a ticking clock.) Emphatic time-time-time
Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch) Its so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!
[cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called song with the same crash from before. He gets some applause, mainly cause hes done.]
Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys
Phoebe: I cant follow Ross! Itd be like those bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles. No.
Rachel: Phoebe, the place has emptied because of him.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
Joey: Aww man! I cant believe I locked myself out again! (He knocks on the door.)
Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.)
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Joey: (very excited) A TV as if it appears from nowhere! Thats the dream! Man, how did you afford this stuff?
Joey: Oh, you are the best friends anyone has ever had.
Joey: Oh-no-no-no, you are! You do this, you give me the great advice, and hey listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday about focusing on one woman, Im gonna do that.
Chandler: That all the pieces of my life are falling right into place!
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Yknow my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I I wont play anymore.
Phoebe: Oh no. No-no-no, dont do that! How could I live with myself if I knew I was depriving the world of your music.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
Ross: Hey Chandler! Saw the new furniture. Very nice.
Monica: Yeah! Joey has the best boyfriend ever!
Chandler: Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do.
Joey: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have youre work cut out for you. Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that shes into some other guy. So
Chandler: See uh, thats-thats actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is.
Chandler: Its me. Im the other guy.
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Joey: Over the line?! You-youre-youre so far past the line, that you-you cant even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Joey: Because its all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And Im not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: Phoebe, his music could not get any worse. There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves.
(Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and gets some applause.)
Ross: Thank you, thanks. (Sits down next to the girls) Yeah, I lost it. Yknow, Im not gonna play anymore, (to Phoebe) would you, can you finish my set?
Joey: Hey! (Monica turns and looks at him) Now Im a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings!
The "Hey Guy" Guy: Hey guy!
Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin)
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]
The Hot Girl: I know. You're the guy who wouldn't chip in for the handyman.
Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is at the kitchen table and Chandler is in the living room.]
Monica: (yelling at the top of her lungs) Im engaged!!!!!! Im engaged!!!!
Joey: Oh, I do. (Gives her the Joey-love look.) How you doin?
Mrs. Geller: Stupid Jack, the word is stupid.
Phoebe: (on machine) "Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this message?" (to the guys) Is that too spooky?
Charlie: And first, I have to see the MET!
Joey: No, no, no. You actually did that when you were dancing to the Chicago-soundtrack. Look, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay? Because nothing is gonna happen.
Ross: Is-isnt it the best?
Joey: Wait-wait-wait-wait! (To Chandler) Come on! Come on, lets trade! The timings perfect, I just clogged the toilet!
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
(She closes the door and puts his tie into his mouth as a gag.)
Mr. Treeger:: You think you could make a mess and the big man in coveralls will come in here and clean it up, huh? Well, why dont think of someone else for a change?
Phoebe: No. Its all right; its probably false labour. They said that, that can happen near the end, just somebody get the book.
Phoebe: I can smell it a little, bake the pie.
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Phoebe: Okay, so maybe you dont get her a ring. Maybe you-maybe you do something different. Yknow? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, yknow? Or an engagement tiara? Orooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket! (Picks one up from the display in the corner.
Joey: Oh, very funny. I dont know if you remember, but my audition was supposed to be Thursday. (Chandler doesnt say anything until Joey figures it out.) You got me the audition?! Lets hug it up! (They hug.)
Rachel: (reading the resume) And you were at this job for four years?
Mr. Geller: Its the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.
(Chandler throws the back of Rosita into his apartment and quickly starts pushing the base into his apartment.)
Ross: I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, Ive already signed everything and I put little Xs where you need to sign.
Monica: (grabbing the gift from him and opening it) Okay! There you go! It's two tickets to Vegas!
Monica: I need more swordfish. (to one of the assistant chefs) Can you get me some more swordfish?
(She opens the door.)
Rachel: Well, can I keep the presents and still be 29?
Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the gang minus Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast. Ross and Chandler are sitting at the foosball table and eating.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not Elizabeths dad?!
Chandler: (to a waiter) Oh thats great! Right there! Can we get some of that over here please? (The waiter comes over) There we go.
Rachel: Oh, its the best! (They both exhale contemplating the joys of marriage.) So, umm hows Monica?
Ross: Professor Neuman, the head of the department, so .
Rachel: Uh-huh. I know. It was just, it was just the perfect way to say goodbye. (She hugs him, and Ross looks crushed.)
PHOEBE: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation.
[Phoebe slams on the breaks. Joey and Rachel are thrown forward into the pillows in their laps.]
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Ross bursts into the room.]
Ross: Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.
The Hot Girl: No, I-I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. I mean you had just moved in.
Joey: So youve just married the one time then?
Chandler: Do you even remember which part of the wall is not spackle?
Monica: All you had to do was buy the card!
PHOEBE: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside and I'm just not sure we are.
Phoebe: If you could do that, Id marry the hippity-hop.
[Scene: The Recovery Room, Ross is taking pictures of Rachel holding the baby as the rest of the gang enters.]
[Another set of flashbacks begin with Episode 521: The One With The Ball, Joey and Ross are throwing a ball around.]
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
The Woman Dealer: Which guy?
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that you can just let me off...
Chandler: also I was the point person on my companys transition from the KL-5 to GR-6 system.
Monica: Hes gonna eat the cake!
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Ross: Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.
Rachel: Not in the street!!
Phoebe: Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided Im gonna carry their baby.
(Ross opens the door to reveal Whitney standing there.)
Phoebe: You did the right thing.
Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, (spelling it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors, doctors who are cute!
Joey: Oh. Why would you scare me like that? What the hell is going on? (Pause.) Is somebody pregnant?
Ross: You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. (Rachel has moved closer, but hearing that she starts to back up.) Was there a second of all?
Ross: So you guys having any luck getting rid of the entertainment center?
Monica: Okay, so Ross will be doing the reading.
Joey: What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I cant, I cant tell you that, its like the most awful, horrible thing Ive ever done my whole life.
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Sid: I still cant believe it! Im the luckiest guy in the world!
Rachel: Umm Pheebs, remember when we were in the coffee house we decided that I was going to keep the uh, the cute guys cell phone?
Joey: (laughs that one off) Yeah. So uh Ross, well nowwhy did that first marriage breakup? Was it because the woman was straight or she was a lesbian?
[Scene: The Recovery Room, Rachel is putting Emma down for a nap.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see? I get the phone.
Chandler: Is this because of the burrito thing?
Joey: (yelling from the bedroom) Is it back in the cage?
The Director: Cut!
Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandros came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!
Earl: Im actually the office manager.
PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.
Monica: This bottle opener. (She grabs it off of the freezer door.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
The Wedding Guest: Oh, I used to work with Frannie.
Ross: Yeah, I was going for the metaphor.
Joey: (bends down to see and the cactus pricks him in the ass) AWCH! That's why.
Joey: Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.
Joey: No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
Joey: (entering, dancing and singing) Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! (He dances around the dinner table and exits)
Rachel: You stole the phone!
Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Joey: Well, he's gonna. I'll see you a little later, ok? (To the Hombre Man) Hey, how ya doin'?
Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....
(The cute guys phone rings.)
Phoebe: What?! Thats the first time today!
Roy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.