words in movies
Rachel: Oh good. (She walks to the closed bathroom door, opens it, and finds a naked woman wrapped in a towel.) Ahhh! My God, sorry! (She closes the door and confronts Joey.)
Joey: Just casually slip it in, yknow lay the groundwork. Tell her uh, Im a lonerNo! An outlaw! Tell her she doesnt want to get mixed up with the likes of me.
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
Joey: Fine! (Pause) Now, whered we land on those pancakes? (She chases him out the door as his date emerges from the bathroom.)
Joeys Date: Sorry about that, but I couldnt get that lock to work on the door.
Chandler: The hot chicks?
Ross: Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, yknow-yknow for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! Its here! Yeah, its right-its right down here! In the biggest library in the university! (They start heading that way, towards a secluded section behind the racks.)
Ross: (stopping quickly) Oh umm, theres also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. (They both laugh, but stop when the hear moaning coming from the next aisle.) What is that?
Chandler: Sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewey decimal system.
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
Monica: She sent the chicken back again?!
The Waitress: She says its to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it.
Monica: Well fine! I want to meet this chicken expert! Send the Colonel in!
(The waitress lets her in as Monica is about to throw a lobster into a pot of boiling water (Although, she hasnt taken off the rubber bands that hold the claws, so she cant be that good of a chef). Anyway, guess who the Colonel is by the following phrase.)
The Colonel: OH MY GAWD!!!! (Yep, its Janice.)
Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planets most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. Shes the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.
Janice: How are you Ms. Hot Shot chef with the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever! (Does the laugh.)
Janice: So, whos the lucky guy?
Monica: Well, she saw the ring.
Monica: Well, she corned me! She asked if the wedding was in town! I mean, what was I supposed to do?!
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Monica: Come on! So she comes to the wedding! I mean it wont be so bad.
Chandler: What do you think shes just gonna sit there quietly? You dont think shes gonna want to make a toast? You dont think shes gonna want to grab the microphone and sing Part-time Lover?!
Monica: Oh my God, shes not gonna like the chicken that night either is she?!
Rachel: Yeah, we ended up spending the day together and had such a great time!
(Joey closes the door behind her.)
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Ross: My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school, I went to see it, and there were students makin babies right in the middle of the Paleontology section!
Rachel: Yeah, there was. It wasthere the corner of the library where-where all these dusty books that nobody ever readYes, there was.
Rachel: Well now whats the rush?
Joey: I like to see the previews. (Rachel looks at him.) The candy.
[Scene: The Library, Ross enters and heads to the desk to talk to the male librarian on duty.]
Ross: Excuse me. Hi, Im a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?
The Librarian: Well, yes! Just give me five minutes, I just have to find someone to cover my shift.
Ross: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! (The librarian brings his boss over.)
The Head Librarian: How can I help you?
Ross: Hi, I was wondering if it is possible to increase security in the Paleontology section? See I-I wrote a book up there and instead of reading it people are-are-are well, rolling around in front of it.
The Head Librarian: We are aware of the problem you are referring too. (He turns to look at the previous librarian.) But as far as increasing security, Im afraid the library is very understaffed. I, I cant help you.
Ross: Well, fine. Fine! If-if Im the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, Ill go up there and defend it myself! (Starts to do so, but stops and to the previous librarian) And dont you follow me!
Joey: Oh, unbelievable! We had the best time!
Joey: No! No! No! You guys were totally right! This is so much better than the first time we went out. Yknow? That was so awkward, we were really nervous.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are on their date with Janice and Clark, however Clark is a no show and Janice is crying the Mississippi River about it.]
Chandler: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, its going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! Were not even sure why were having it.
Joey: How can you say that?! The Mets have no closer!
Joey: What about Game 1 of the Series?
Phoebe: Oh well, I guess Italian isnt one of the four languages you speak.
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is patrolling as a couple walks up.]
Ross: Oh-oh, youre-youre fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, (Grabs a book from the shelf behind him) perhaps Dr. Chester Stocks musings on the Smiledon Californicus?
Ross: Ah Ah Get out of here! (The couple retreats. Ross starts looking through the previously mentioned book as a beautiful woman walks into the section.) Uh, meeting someone? Or-or are you just here to brush up on Marions views on evolution?
Woman: Ross Geller, why do I know that name? Its uhWait! (Grabs his book off of the shelf.) Did you write this?
Ross: Yes! Youre the person who checked out my book?!
[Time Lapse, Ross and the woman are now in a state of partial undress and are standing in front of the head librarian with two security guards watching them.]
Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still And guess what, Im thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.
Rachel: Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, shes not lookin for a serious relationship.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table and are still trying to decide what to do about Janice.]
(Theres a knock on the door and Janice enters.)
Janice: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldnt really be alone tonight. (Joey walks into view of the open door behind Janice, sees her, gets a terrified look on his face, and flees in horror.) I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.
Monica: Yeah, in-in-in the bathroom.
Janice: Okay! (She runs for the bathroom)
(And she does the laugh.)
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
(Chandler does the same nasal sound to Chandler.)
Monica: Thats right. Thats right. And that is why you cant stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldnt come to the wedding.
Janice: Oh my Gawd, I-I understand. I-I am so sorry, Ill go. (Starts for the door.) Good-bye Monica (hugs her), I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. Chandler, (hugs him) you call me when this goes in the pooper. (Hurries out.)
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is on patrol and stops a security guard through the stack of books.]
Ross: (to the guard) Dont sweat it, Ive got this section covered. Yeah, in fact Ive got this little baby (Turns on a mini-flashlight) to shine in peoples eye(The guard walks away)Okay, see you later.
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
ROSS: Yeah. Hey, remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand?
Monica: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done!
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Rosss forehead and Chandler catches the rebound.)
Monica: Ok..You know the old classics you know,You look nice? They're still ok.
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that shes in her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. Its bad luck.
Monica: Dead leg!! (kicks him in the thigh.)
Phoebe: So uh, now look at the picture
Phoebe: Oh, you guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together (takes the bowl from Ross and puts it on the table)
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Chandler: (to Rachel, whos entering) Hey! Howd the interview go?
(phone starts ringing and Chandler comes running out of the bathroom)
Chandler: Let me get this straight. I called yesterday trying to cancel my reservation and I was told it was not refundable, then we drove six hours all the way up here and now you tell me that we don't have a reservation?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are playing with the duck and the chick.]
[The stereo system booms out 'Billions of years ago. . .'. Ross gets up and changes it to music.]
Joey: Wha-a how about this: Another table leaves, right? But there�s still some food left on their place, okay, what�s the restaurant�s policy about people eatin� that?
Ross: Gimme the this!
Rachel: I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her.
(Rachel sits on the window seat, and knocks against it)
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!
Chandler: Okay. Uh, well dim the lights, dim the lights. (He goes to the light switch and finds its not a dimmer switch when he flips the lights off.) Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go. (He sprays an aerosol air freshener above her.)
Chandler: Okay, thats like the least fun game ever.
The Bass Barber: Omm-pah, omm-pah, omm-pah.
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are living here and Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle when Rachel opens the door causing the door knob to hit his hand.]
[Cut to The Philly.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler are waiting for Ross and Rachel to come home and Monica is looking at the sign Phoebe bought that says, "Its a Boy!"]
Phoebe: (angrily) Thats like the tenth time Ive peed since Ive been here!
Receptionist: Welcome to the Chestnut Inn Mr. Bing, so where are you joining from?
Mike: Great! Come on in! (Mike kisses her on the cheek. A butler walks in and takes Phoebe's coat.)
Alice: None. But if there was something you wanted to tell us, were just gonna be right over there (points to the counter) having coffee.
Mike's mom: No... It's lovely. The lights and the snow. I could look at them forever.
Emily: Ross, are you there? Ross, I dont know if you can hear this but (Ross has moved to the window, apparently so that he can hear better.) Im gonna talk anyway, uh, Im in the States with you sister and your friends and its all over with Colin. I came here to tell you that, and to tell youYes, Joey you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it! Uh, I came here to tell you that I love you.
Chandler: Youre arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!
Alice: Uhh, we were just in the neighbourhood, so
Teacher: Well that's all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me.
Chandler: I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. (She tries to whistle and blows little chunks of cheesecake out of her mouth.) How can you eat the cheesecake without me?!
Rachel: Oh my god. Ok you guys, theres Danny. Watch. Just watch this. (He walks past the couch to the counter.) See?! Still pretending hes not interested. Ohh, hes coming over. Just pretend like we dont know him. Weve forgotten who he is.
Rachel: So Joey I just hooked Ross and Chandler up with some tuxedos for the wedding, do you need one?
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebes pulling in.]
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
(Chandler throws the ball to kick-off.)
Monica: Hows the big anniversary dinner?
Joey: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? (Pause) Youre the other one right? (She thinks about it for a second and nods yes.)
Ross: We are four short of a bush-o (pause). God I feel so alive, I love being in the country!
Janice: The receipt.
(The clerk enters the video into the computer.)
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
[Scene: The Philly, Chandler and Joey are talking to Chloe.]
Joey: Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.
Ross: So, how was the honeymoon?
Joey: Its all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls apartment.)
Monica: Thats it. Im done. I dont care when the baby comes, no more betting.
Annabelle: Hey, Joey. So did you hear about the new guy?
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I dont, I dont know. But, y'know what, maybe its just all for the best?
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Rachel: (to the flight attendant who appears in record time. It was only seconds after Rachel pushed the call button was she there. Once again, more proof that TV isn't real, IRL she would've been waiting for the rest of the flight and by then Ross's pants would be dry.) Hi!
Monica: Well, it's the thought. Hey, doesn't Ross's flight get in in a couple hours? At gate 27-B?
Phoebe: Oh let me guess, and you wanna have them all at the same time and you wanna have them for your brother.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Joey: I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you said under the bridge?
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.
Ross: We were on a break!!! Okay!! (grabs the phone) We were, we were..., (calms down) yeah. Where are you? Ill find you. (hangs up)
ROSS: Excuse me, I'm seizing. Mr. Treeger, here's another 50, happy Hanukkah. Will uh, will this help with the knob getting?
Monica: Is it the Italian guy?
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
RACH: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel's surprise party. The apartment is festooned with cups. There are cups everywhere! Cup centerpiece, cup garland, etc., etc]
RACHEL: Oh, that's OK, it's just the shoulder, it's not my dress.
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess its just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
EDDIE: I uh, I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's uh, it's kinda out of the blue, I mean don't you think?
Charlie: Wow, that's great! So, tell me about the grant!
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)
The Director: Joe. Hows it going?
Mr. Treeger: Then I made the mistake of turning off the TV, I never got it back again. And Im sad. (Exits.)
Ross: How's the maniac?
Rachel: (uncovers the dog) Hi!
Joey: You know, on the one hand you're happy for them, but on the other hand it's hard to let go.
(Monica goes into the bathroom and Phoebe and Rachel breathe a sigh of relief.)
Phoebe: Wait okay, if this game is gonna cause problems between the two of you, then maybe I should just keep it.
Monica: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots?
Ross: Yes, yes it is. Its uh (Aunt Millie uses this opportunity to grab Ross and kiss him on the lips. After she leaves Ross quickly wipes his mouth with a napkin.) Every time on the lips! Why?! Why on lips?!
JOEY: Hey, here's a thought, Ross. [reaches for the computer]
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
The Director: Yes?
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Phoebe: Okay. But the question is whos gonna go first. Cause whoever goes second is the bitch.
[Scene: Rosss Classroom, he is writing on the board and Alan is coming in to see him.]
The Stripper: Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? (Sees Joey.) Hey, Joey?
Monica: (hearing that) Thats it big girl! (Hits Janine in the butt with the garbage bag) Come on!
[Ross holds up the blouse. It is extremely tacky, with sewn-on medals hanging off of it.]
JOEY: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the uh sidewalk.
Rachel: Look, Im fine. Watch. (She picks up an aspirin between her toes) Look at that. (She lifts her leg to grab the aspirin with her hand and almost falls over.) Whoa-whoa!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table staring at the phone as Monica enters.]