words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is sitting in the living room as Monica enters.]
Monica: Oh my God! You cleaned! (Gasps) Look at these floors! You did the windows! Oh, I have been begging you for months and you did! You cleaned! And nagging works!
Chandler: Look, shes really nice. Okay? And she mentioned that she adored the way that you arranged the sponges.
Chandler: Whats the matter?
Phoebe: (checks) I never get calls!! (Answers the phone) Hello?
Eric: Hi, its Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursulas fianc�e.
Eric: Anyway, I was wondering if, you were the sort of person who eats lunch.
Rachel: Yeah, I cant live with Joey once the baby comes. I dont want my childs first words to be, (in a babys voice) "How you doin?"
Ross: Hey, yknow what and if youre looking for a place? I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died.
Ross: Well I dont know, but how-how great would that be huh? You living in my building. I could help take care of the baby. I can come over whenever I want. (Rachel looks at him.) With your permission.
[Scene: Rosss Building, they are approaching the apartment of the woman who died. Ross knocks on the door and a woman answers it.]
Ross: Hi. Im Ross Geller. I live in the building.
Rachel: And Im Rachel, an admirer of the building.
Ross: Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in (Rachel pokes her head in and starts to look around) the laundry room. (Pushes Rachel out of the way.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is observing the new maid, Brenda, clean.]
Monica: Oh well umm, I make it myself! Its two parts ammonia and one part lemon juice. And now the secret ingredient is yknow what? We just met.
Brenda: Okay. Uhh, Im gonna go get the clothes from the laundry room now. And, when I come back Ill clean behind the refrigerator.
Monica: Dont you see? Its the perfect crime!
Monica: I will prove it to you! Okay? About a week ago I was wearing those jeans and I dropped a pen in my lap and it left an ink stain on the crotch. Now when she comes back I will find it and show you that stain!
Chandler: Honey, isnt it possible that the company that sold the jeans made more than just the one pair?
Chandler: So, shouldnt we go give her the benefit of the doubt before we go snooping around her crotch?
[Scene: Erics Apartment, hes opening the door to reveal Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Yeah, me too. Not in the shaky angry way you are though.
Eric: Sorry, I just saw Ursula. I had to give the engagement ring back.
Eric: Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just I got so angry just looking at her (Looks at Phoebe) face.
Eric: No wait! Theres only a problem when I look at you. (Sits down on the couch.) Oh I got it! I got it. (Puts his hands to his eyes.)
Ross: Thanks for the coffee, or bedankt voor de koffie, Gunter. (He translates that phrase into Dutch.)
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
Ross: Yeah, but when the baby comes shes gonna want to move.
Ross: (finds the word in the book) Ezel! (Reads the translation.) Hey Gunther! Youre an ezel!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Brenda is sweeping and Monica is sitting at the kitchen table.]
(Brenda bends down to use the dustpan and Monica leans over to look for the stain, but leans so far over she falls out of the chair.)
Monica: Oh, will you do the top of the cabinets? Thatll really work up your appetite for lunch.
(Brenda pulls a chair to the counter and uses it to get up on the counter in order to clean the top of the cabinets. Monica sneaks over, bends over, and tries to see the stain. That doesnt work so she sticks her head between Brendas legs. Suddenly Brenda changes her stance and traps Monicas head between her legs.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating pizza as Joey returns from the Knicks game.]
Rachel: How was the game?
Joey: Ooh. (Notices the pizza, grabs a slice, and takes a bite.) So umm, I was talkin to Ross and he said you were looking for a new place.
Rachel: Oh yeah! Hopefully across the street if certain Dutch people would just let go.
Joey: No room? Its a baby. Its like this big. (Holds his hands about a foot apart.) Yknow, I mean you-you could you could put it over here. (A desk.) Or-or-or we could put it right here. (The chair.) Aw, its cute, right? Or-or we could put it over here. (By the bathroom door.) You wouldnt even notice it. Wheres the baby? (Mumbles that its over in the corner.)
Rachel: Honey, its not just a matter of where you put it. I mean a baby changes everything. They cry all the time. I mean imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score when theres a screaming baby around.
Joey: Im gonna miss you, youre the hottest roommate I ever had.
Eric: Absolutely. (They kiss and Phoebe heads for the door.) I love the way you kiss.
Phoebe: Really? Thats the thing Im worse at! Youll see. (Exits.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Brenda is shaking out the rugs on the balcony as Monica pouts in the living room.]
Chandler: Are you sure? Did you see the stain?
Monica: Fine. (Brenda comes in to use the bathroom and adjusts her pink bra strap on the way.) Shes wearing my bra!
Monica: My pink flowered bra! I recognize the strap!
Monica: Heres the plan! Okay? Im going to leave you get a look at Brendas bra!
Chandler: I fear a jury will see it the same way!
Monica: Do this for me! Come on, I catch you looking at womans breasts all the time!
Chandler: All right. Yes. Okay. I get your point. But if its not your bra will you just let the woman clean the apartment?!
Monica: Yes! Absolutely. Okay? Look, youll know its mine because on the right cup, the lacey part, theres a very noticeable rip.
[Scene: Mrs. Verhoevens Apartment, Ross is back to inquire about the elder Verhoevens health or lack there of.]
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: Thats so sweet. (Takes the flowers.) Would you like to come in and say good-bye? Im sure it would mean a lot to her.
Ross: All right then. (Follows her in and checks the place out.)
[Scene: Erics Apartment, hes resting on the bed as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey! (Jumps on the bed with him.) Can we pick up where we left off?
Eric: Uh, the sex.
Eric: Yeah. (They hug.) Maybe its for the best. You smell just like her.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Brenda is wiping the coffee table and Chandler is trying to look at her bra and leans over on the coffee table to get a good look.]
Brenda: Okay. (Goes over and fluffs up the pillows on the couch.
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica is sitting on the step as Rachel returns.]
Rachel: All right, I took them. But I figured it would be okay because you got a big ink stain on the crotch.
Monica: The pink one with the flowers?!
Rachel: You mean the one that youre wearing? (Adjusts Monicas pink bra strap as Monica looks down her shirt.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel enters and notices that Joey has set up a space for the baby where the couch was, complete with a crib.]
Joey: Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, (In front of the crib.) so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uhOh look! Heres a baby monitor (Holds it up), which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh?
Rachel: Youre so sweet. (Notices something in the crib.) Oh my God! And you gave the baby Hugsy! (A stuffed penguin wearing a ski jacket, goggles, and hat.)
Joey: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh . That-that-thats really just to show where the baby would go. Yknow why dont I hold on to him so that theres no confusion? (Takes him back, sets him on the chair, and apologizes to him.)
Rachel: But Joey the baby is going to be crying, its going to be loud.
Rachel: What about all the women you want to bring home?
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
Joey: I know! I found it on the street.
Rachel: Wow! Whoa-whoa whats under the covers?
Joey: Ooh! Ah! Okay! (Quickly drags the crib outside.)
Dedicated to the Memory of Pearl Harmon
Ross: Well, the old lady died. And how do I know? Her dying wish was for one last kiss. But I dont care, (To Rachel) because you got the apartment. Yes!
Rachel: The nights are the hardest. (Checks her watch.) But then the day comes! And thats every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again
David: Really? Because I think about you all the time.
Monica: You say Thank you very much, and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, were gonna put are hands in this bowl, and were gonna start squishing the tomatoes.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, whats the next little bit?
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay.
Monica: All right, so I havent cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music.
Monica: Are you kidding?! I get a Porsche and the barca loungers gone?! This is the best day ever! (Runs out.)
Rachel: Ugh. (takes the hat and covers Emma's head and half her face with it)
ROSS: Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag.
Rachel: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. (Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.)
Phoebe: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? (all raise their hands).
STEPHANIE: Yeah. From the top?
Phoebe: Like okay I-I-I, I havent met any Portuguese people! I, I havent had the perfect kiss! And I havent been to snipers school!
Joey: Oh yeah. Hey! Should we give these shirts to the girls? Yknow, kinda like a peace offering.
Rachel: (breaking the kiss) Oh God!
Monica: Oh, is that why you did it the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?!
[Scene: The Street, Chandler is carrying Monica past a store window.]
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)Thats not food...No, I dont, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I cant even remember what Phoebe looks like.
CHANDLER: There's the man.
Rachel: (to the judge) Okay, do you see, do you see what youre keeping me married too?!
Joey: Somebody was using his head. Hey, let's check out the rest of the place.
ROSS: [reading his list] Ok, ok, number one: The way you cry at game shows. Number two: how much you love your friends. Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with Ben.
Ross: Let me see this... (he takes the trophy from Rachel's hands) Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division.
[knock at the door, Monica answers to see Mrs. Greene]
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
[They all run to get in the cab, and Chandler pulls out a smoke.]
[Rachel seems touched. She pauses for a moment, then picks up the phone and starts to dial. Cut to Ross at his apartment.]
Joey: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand
[The waiter comes to the table.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Some time later that day. The group has left and Charlie is there when Ross enters.]
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) Were engaged!!!
Joey: Well, the movie got shutdown because they ran out of money, so I'm working here 'til it starts up again, if it ever does.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Another night of birdogging the chickas?
(Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.)
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janines party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
RACHEL: That is the most ridiculous.
Rachel: OK, OK, it's my turn. (reads the answer)
Phoebe: (tremendously overacting) Fine! Ill do it without you! (Joey gives her thumbs up) I dont need you or anybody else! Im gonna make it on my own! (Joey closes the door to his bedroom.) Youll see!! Youll all see!!
Monica: Chandler! (Knocks on the door.) Chandler! I just figured out who you are!
[Scene: Inside Joeys Premiere, he is intently watching the movie.]
ROSS: Check it out, he actually is the MonkeyShine monkey.
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually good.
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
Ross: (takes Chappy from Mike) Well, I guess I'm in the wedding then. Ha haaa... (smells Chappy) He stinks!
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi. (He starts doing the finger thing every time now.)
Mike: No. well look can I think your weird and also cool for telling me the truth and also wanna kiss you.
Joey: Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, ok buddy? But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is just hanging up the phone as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]
(They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. Finally, the phone rings and the race to answer it is won by Monica.)
Chandler: If you said, "Big lima bean, bubbling up." Would she understand the difference?
[Scene: Mike's parents building. Phoebe gets out of the classy elevator, looking all dressed up like an older woman, and very un-Phoebe. She walks to the door and rings the doorbell.]
(After she's left, Ross gets really happy and starts kissing the card. Suddenly, she returns.)
Phoebe: (Singing) "Ipan Stripan, Glupi Glabi! " And that is the Swedish National Anthem! Thank you for asking! (looks annoyed)
Rachel: Well, we were walking down the street and we saw that van that you guys used for catering and we realised
Chandler: (to Rachel) I love you. (Kisses her on the forehead)
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Dr. Long: Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby?
Ross: (sits down at the table) Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow. (Joey panics.)
Ross: Oh, all right. (Joey flips the coin.) Tails! (The coin bounces off of the landing above them and falls to the ground.) Can you-can you see what it is?
Rachel: (on phone) Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, its perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! (hangs up phone) I got the interview!
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)
Rachel: So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.
Ross: Yeah, okay. (he plops down into one of the leather chairs, with the footrest extended.)
Monica: You still work at the multiplex?
Monica: And Ive got the car keys.
Phoebe: You dont have to do that, Ross and Joey arent here, you can watch the parade if you want.
Rachel: Ah, its still not the time.
Monica: Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?
Annabelle: Nobody knows his name. Me and the girls just call him the Hombre man.
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.
Jill: Totally, I love them! And, maybe you could finish telling me about all the different kinds of sand.
ROSS: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
[Scene: The beach house, Rachels bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Joey are sitting at the dinner table. Chandler comes from the bedroom with his suitcase.]
Rachel: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
Gary's Radio: Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer.
Announcer: Presenting the award for Favorite Returning Male Character is McKensize
RACH: Well, what's the other thing, what do I think?
(Its Rachels turn to open the door.)
CHANDLER: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! The Blowfish!
Joey: Hey! Im an (does the quote-marks thing as well) actor too! Im not sure. I think theyre taking the ferry out to some Italian place on Staten Island.
RICHARD: Now I do. [they kiss and fall to the bed]
ROSS: That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the whole world.
(Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' sign with his hands, while obviously unable to breathe.)
Phoebe: You knew this and you never said anything?! With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?!
Ross: Ok. Well, before I say anything, I just need to know, is this one of those things where you break up with a guy, and then I tell you what I think, and then the next day you get back together with the guy, and I look like a complete idiot?
(They start kissing again, but are interrupted by the phone.
Rachel: Yeah, when were in the audience he doesnt talk to us, but he does wave.
Joey: Well, we can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about? Vivisection? The Vasdeferens? The Vietnam War?
Ross: Well, everyone's gotta kiss someone. You can't kiss Ross you got the history.
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)
[Rachel opens the door.]
Mike: I'm not blowing her off, I actually just got off the phone with her, were going out tomorrow night, I mean I hope that's ok with you stranger from the coffee house.
CHANDLER: Uh, yeah, I just got my pick-up sticks back from the shop. Bring your nerves of steel.
Joey: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends?