words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the entire gang is there, eating breakfast. Phoebe is on the couch, fidgeting.]
Chandler: Top of the world? Dock of the bay? (He tries to think of another but can't) I'm out.
Phoebe: (taking something out of the couch) Ew-eww!! Undies!
(She throws them into the kitchen and Rachel picks them up with the handle of a large spoon. Chandler and Monica have horrified looks on their faces.)
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
[Cut to the guy's apartment.]
Joey: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! (Realizes he still has the underwear in his hand.) Ahh! (Throws them towards Chandler's room.) And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?
Joey: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! (To Monica) Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and (He puts his leg on the chair and pulls up his pants leg to reveal that he now has shaved legs.)
Monica: (inspecting his leg) Wow! And around the ankles, y'know that is a tough spot.
Joey: Oh-oh, yeah-yeah, I bet all the sex makes it easier!
Monica: We'll try to be more careful okay? It's just that, we don't want everyone to know because this is going really well, and maybe the reason it's going really well is because it's a secret.
Phoebe: Umm, Wethering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
Chandler: Well, what did the police say?
Ross: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!
(Shows the note to Chandler who reads it aloud.)
Phoebe: Okay, look you wanna hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.
Chandler: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
Phoebe: Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff. (Writes him a note and the gang reads it.)
Phoebe: Someday I'll, tell you about the time I stabbed the cop.
[Scene: Phoebe's class, the class has already started and Rachel walks in late.]
Rachel: So Pheebs, what is the book about?
Rachel: Well yeah, but then I remembered I started it and there was this pep rally and I was, I was on top of the pyramid but anywayumm, what is this book about?
Phoebe: Okay, umm, it's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and umm, it takes place on like these really creepy mores in England. Which I think represents the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.
The Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book, uh let's see here (looks at his attendance sheet), Rachel Green?
The Teacher: Well, that's sort of a given, but yes. Anyone else?
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
The Teacher: Excellent! What Rachel has shrewdly observed here
The Teacher: What do you think? You in the blue shirt.
The Teacher: Would ya care to venture one?
The Teacher: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
The Teacher: All right, let's move on.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel return from the class.]
Phoebe: Yeah but why didn't you just say that you didn't read the book?!
Monica: Yeah, the best you got in high school was Wet Pants Geller.
Ross: That was the water fountain! Okay?! Anyway, people are writing reports for me, uh pushing back deadlines to meet my schedule, I'm telling you, you get tough with people you can get anything you want. (Joey walks by with a cup of coffee.) Hey Tribbiani, give me that coffee! Now!
(Joey casually pushes Ross over the back of the couch and sits down proud of himself.)
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is returning from a date with Cynthia.]
(He goes to open the door to his apartment, but finds it locked. As he's getting out his keys, Chandler and Monica quickly jump up from making out in the living room and run to Chandler's bedroom. The apartment has about 20 candles burning all over the place. Joey opens the door and ushers Cynthia in.)
Cynthia: Oh, candles! (Notices something.) What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! (As she storms out, Rachel returns and overhears the conversation.)
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Rachel: Joey, is what she just said ummOh my God. (Looks around the room.) You were actually gonna (Chandler picks this moment to return to the living room.) (Rachel stares in shock.)
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; continued from earlier. Joey is closing the door after Rachel leaves and is about to confront Chandler and Monica.]
Joey: You guys promised you'd be more careful! I mean, come on! The good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here!
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
Joey: Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!
Joey: All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. (Starts for his room.) Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!!
[Scene: The Museum of Prehistoric History (Ross's work); Ross is in the break room eating lunch as his boss, Dr. Leedbetter walks in.]
Ross: Yeah. You see my-my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a, an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle; I call it the Moist Maker. Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here
Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
[Cut to an outside shot of the museum.]
The Teacher: (entering) Sorry I'm late. Let's get started. So, what did everybody think about Jane Eyre?
The Teacher: Well, go ahead Rachel.
Rachel: Uh, thank you Phoebe. Umm, well, what struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was uh, how the book was so ahead of its time.
The Teacher: If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right.
Rachel: Yeah, well, feminism yes, but also the robots.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch as Monica joins him.]
(Ross walks in, eating cotton candy. Monica nudges Chandler who hides the picture in his magazine. Ross sits down on the chair, he seems kinda out of it.)
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
Phoebe: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on! What is the big deal? I thought this was going to be something we could do together! Y'know, I thought it would be fun!
[Scene: The Class; Monica has taken Rachel's spot.]
Monica: (yelling and waving her hand in the air) I know! I know! I know!
The Teacher: Monica, you asked the question.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
Rachel: (sees the picture) Oh my God! That's Monica!!
Ross: (entering, with the rest of the gang) What's going on?
Chandler: (Sees the picture) Oh no! No! No! No! (Monica gasps as well.)
(Ross stares in shock at him as he angrily puts down the chicken and takes off his coat.)
Rachel: Look! (Shows Ross the picture.)
Ross: (covering his eyes) Dude! That's my sister! (She shows the rest of the gang.)
Monica: (grabbing the picture) Give me that!
Monica: Yes you are! That's the only way to explain all this stuff!
Joey: No it isn't! No, it's not. Because you can also explain it with the truth!
Rachel: Well, what is the truth?
Joey: Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
Joey: Ahhoy! That was the underwear I was wearing that night in London. Right Monica?
Joey: No! If anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica! Yeah. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London!
Rachel: And the video camera?
Monica: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs. (Offers it to everyone.)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's class; the class has ended and Phoebe is talking to one of her classmates.]
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Check it out! Cup hat! (Points to her hat.) Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! (Holds up one.)
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
Joey: You're not gonna let me buy the Knicks?? I can't believe you're taking this away from me!
[Cut to the Men's room. Chandler is practicing flashing his badge as Monica enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are there as Rachel and Ross return from the doctors appointment.]
Phoebe: Well look, you dont really like the one from uptown and youre too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, youre done!
Phoebe: Oh hey you guys, I couldn�t get a reservation for the night of my birthday, so we have to do dinner Thursday night instead.
Joey: (answering the question) Althea!
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?
(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is seated around his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background.]
Stu: Either that or shes just the best, most expensive date I ever had.
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
ROB: Anyway, I schedule performers for the childrens libraries around the city and I was just thinking, have you ever thought about playing your songs for kids?
PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
CHANDLER: Well, it looks great.� It's just that . . . well, I'm wearing the same thing underneath.� So . . .
Joey: Come on man, just-just let the girls stay, Ill do whatever you want.
[Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and sits down next to her.]
CHANDLER: That was in the fourth grade. How could you still be upset about that?
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
Phoebe: Im sorry, okay, I-I wasnt looking, and the store says that they wont take it back because you signed for it...
Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Ble-blah-blar Blargh!
Chandler: For my last birthday you gave me a hug! (To Rachel) Okay, read the card! Read the card!
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
JOEY: All right, all right. "Damnit Braverman, it's right there on the chart!"
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.
Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe’s reading, Joey has just entered the room]
Ross: Ahh. (notices the table) Ooh, is this a ah, is this a bad time?
Chandler: (in a manly voice) Yeah well, Im gonna go spit. (He goes into the bedroom. On his way out, Joey gives Rachel a wide berth.)
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, Iit's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!
Chandler: I think thats the youngest girl ever to reject me.
Chandler: (shyly) The sheep.
Monica: Not just the phone pen. I never get my messages.
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where are you going?
Chandler: He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe!
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and were about to cross the street. Very good.
Monica: Okay, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.
The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.
Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
Ross: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo!
Joey: Can I see the comics?
Ross: Yeah, the phone was facing the other way. (Chandler fixes it and a picture frame off the table.) And that goes back up there.
MNCA: Ok, this is pumpkin pie with mockolate cookie crumb crust. This is mockolate cranberry cake, and these are mockolate chip cookies. Just like the Indians served.
[Flashback to 716 - TOW The Truth About London] [Scene: London, Chandler's hotel room. He was getting ready for bed when Monica pays him a visit and they started talking]
Rachel: (to them) Just a minute!!! (She takes the candy and opens the door to two parents, a witch, a clown, and a cowgirl.) Look at you guys! Wow! You are a very scary witch. (Gives her candy.)
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds?
Phoebe: Because I was ashamed ok? I sold out for the cash! And then they give me benefits like medical, and dental, and a 401K. But you know... you pay a price. Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! paying taxes!
Chandler: I got something for her. (Joey picks up the package, shakes it next to his ear, can't hear anything, switches ears, shakes it again.) It's a book!
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Ross: I dont know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but theres this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joeys chest.) Joey theres a girl on the phone for you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Monica are sitting on the couch as Ross is up getting some coffee.]
Monica: I know the code to his answering machine.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, with the puppy, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: A blackjack table, it's the same one Joey's hand twin was working at, only he's not there anymore and has been replaced by a beautiful woman.]
Ross: No, no, no. The next time it's gonna be a Hawaii at sunset. [pause] But maybe the time after that!
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! (He shakes Ben's hand, but the money falls out of his hands) (to Monica) Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! (Realizes, that Ben is standing right there) Ho, ho, ho!
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isnt Rachel.
Chandler: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats.
Ross: What?! The guys against the girls? See, thats ridiculous Monica, because Im only down by three touchdowns.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its continued from earlier. Joey is now waking Chandler and telling him the news.]
Phoebe: (is struggling with the cat) Stop it! Stop it! She keeps squirming, trying to get away! Just like when she was alive.
Rachel: (entering) Chandler!! You have the best taste in men!
Amy: We’re gonna be roomies! (she snaps her finger and points at Joey, snaps her fingers again and points to the bags) Come on!
Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! (Flashes the badge and they glare at her.) All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. (She heads for the door just as Joey enters.)
Rachel: Oh really?! Then how come all your stuff is in this box?! (Monica starts chasing Rachel around the table.)
Benjamin: I've come here to apologize. I think I may have let my feelings for Charlie interfere with the interview process.
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Ross: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard youd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Photographer: Now why dont we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
Joey: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom). Soo...
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Joey: Ah-ha-ha, you guys owe me big time. (He walks into the kitchen and does a little dance step on the way.)
CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
[Monica puts the pea on top of the spoonful and takes a bite.]
GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the real him.
(Ross and Emilys parents are seated at a table. Ross is between them and they are discussing the wedding bill.)
Rachel: You wanna go in the bedroom? Its a little more comfortable.
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.]
Airline Employee: Im sorry, would you move your thumb? I cant see the seat number.
Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. (Sits down beside her) I love you the most.
Ross: OK.... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning...
Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day.
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.
Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag.
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, were gonna be late for the movie.
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of it.)