words in movies
JO LYNN: This kitty is Mittens and this one is Fitzhugh, and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.
(Phone rings.� Chandler answers using the speaker phone.)
(She frowns.� Chandler picks up the hand set.)
CHANDLER: Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach?
JOEY: No, no, no.� When you get home tomorrow night, you and I are going to be at the Wizzards-Knicks game . . .� courtside!
JOEY: Yeah.� Maybe Michael Jordon will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
(Chandler hangs up and calls Monica who is reading a book on their sofa as the phone rings.)
MONICA: Really?� But tomorrow night is the only night I get off from the restaurant.� If you go to the game, we won't have a night together for another week.
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
MONICA: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game.� You have to spend time with me."� So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross is in the living room covering Emma.� Rachel enters wearing a sexy dress.]
RACHEL: Well, I hope the ends of these sentences are good.
RACHEL: Oh well, well thank you.� (She laughs.� He stares for a moment.)� Okay, stop.� Stop looking at me like that.� The last time that happened, (points to Ross) that happened.� (points to Emma.)
RACHEL: Yeah, yeah.� Phoebe and I are going to have so much fun.� And thank you for watching the baby, by the way.
(Rachel nods.� There is a knock on the door.)
RACHEL: (to Ross) Ok.� So now, I think Emma is probably down for the night, but if you need anything Ross . . .
MIKE: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?
[Scene:� Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Monica is wearing a sexy negligee.� She pours two glasses of wine as Chandler enters with a carry-on suitcase.� He sets the case by the door.)
CHANDLER: (Hangs his jacket over the suitcase, locks the door, then turns to Monica.)� Oh well, look at you.
CHANDLER: Well, it looks great.� It's just that . . . well, I'm wearing the same thing underneath.� So . . .
(There is a loud thud at the door.)
JOEY: Hey!� How come the door's locked?
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
CHANDLER: Achhh.� It's always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.� (pause)� Except with you.
JOEY: Hey!� Open the door.� What's going on?� (He knocks.)
(Monica goes to the door.� Chandler slides behind it as she opens it slightly.)
MONICA: Oh, because, um . . .� well, Chandler's going to be home in a couple of days.� So, I thought I would, you know, practice the art of seduction.
MONICA: Oh I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation.� You know, like, "Hi, How do I look?"� (As Chandler) "Really sexy.� Could I BE any more turned on?"
JOEY: Okay.� (pause.� He looks over her shoulder at the table with the wine.)� Whoa, whoa.� Why are there two glasses of wine out?
(Monica turns to get the wine.� Chandler peeps through the peephole.� Joey, seeing something, peeps back.� Chandler ducks.� Monica returns with two glasses of wine.� She gives one to Joey.)
MONICA: Cheers.� (She clinks his glass and pulls back.)� Okay, buh-bye.� (She closes the door.)
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
JOEY: All right look.� (He walks to the hallway.)� If you can't come home and deal with this, then I'm gonna.
JOEY: (outside the apartment door) I just heard him!
JOEY: (listens at the door.)� No.� (pause) All right, I'm going in.
JOEY: Okay.� Great.� I'll see you when you get here.� I'm gonna wait out in the hall in case the dude comes out.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is blowing a note from his beer bottle.� Ross stares off to the side.)
ROSS: Shouldn't the pizza be here by now?� I mean, they said thirty minutes or less.� Well, how long has it been?
MIKE: (looking at his watch) Eleven minutes.� (long pause)� And now twelve.� So, do you like the beer?
MIKE: huh.� (pause)� What's the difference between beer and lager?
[Scene: A bar.� Rachel and Phoebe are bringing their drinks from the bar to a sofa.]
PHOEBE: Oh God.� Remember the girls' nights we used to have sitting around talking about you and Ross?
WAITER: (with tray and two drinks)� Excuse me.� Um, these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
CHANDLER: All right.� I've got a plan.� I'll go down the fire escape.
MONICA: Yes, because all good plans start with, "I'll go down the fire escape."
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
(Chandler runs to the window, opens it, starts out, but returns, casually walking back to his chair.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
[Scene: The bar.� Two men are chatting with Rachel and Phoebe.]
KEVIN: All right. It's no big deal. BILL: So, she has a boyfriend. What is your situation? RACHEL: Oh, well, it's complicated. I don't actually have a boyfriend.� But um. . . BILL: Then, can I have your number? RACHEL: (pause) I'm sorry, no. BILL: Okay. (They start to walk away.) RACHEL: Oh sure.� (She pulls a business card from her purse and writes on it.) PHOEBE: (Reading the card.) Oh my God, you're giving your real number. BILL: Okay, thanks. I'll give you a call later tonight. RACHEL: Great. BILL: Bye PHOEBE: Bye. (The guys leave.) Wow. So, that's great. You, Bill, Ross, and Emma are going to be so happy together. What were you thinking?
RACHEL: No.� No, because I know exactly how the conversation's gonna go.� "Hey Ross, you know, I think we had a moment before."
PHOEBE: Yeah, I see what you mean.� By the way, nice Ross imitation.
RACHEL: Well, the point is, maybe I should just stop waiting around for moments with Ross, you know?� I should just . . . move on with my life.
PHOEBE: Well, you kind of just did.� That guy is going to call you tonight.� Ross is going to pick up the phone and that's a pretty clear message.
RACHEL: Oh God, Ross.� Ross is going to pick up the phone.� Oh, I have to get my number back.� (She turns to find Bill, but they have gone.)� Oh my God.� He's gone.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross and Mike are sitting on the sofa.� Ross is fidgeting with the cuff of his sweater while Mike blows his cheeks out.� Ross blows a piece of fuzz from his finger.)
ROSS: Okay.� Well, thanks, ah, thanks for the beer.
(Mike leaves.� Ross closes the door behind him.)
MIKE: (In the hall, relieved) Oh.
(Ross, inside the door, releases a sign of relief.� Back in the hall, Mike's cell phone rings.)
PHOEBE: (calling from the bar on her cell phone.) Hey, Mike, it's me.� Listen, is um, is Ross near you?
MIKE: Wha . . .?� Go back?� To the "land where time stands still"?
PHOEBE: I'm so sorry honey, but, okay, Rachel gave this guy her number and, um, she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone.� So, you have to intercept all his calls.
RACHEL: Oh give me , , ,� (Phoebe gives Rachel the phone.)� Hi, Mike?� Hi.� Listen.� I know this is a lot to ask, but you know what?� If you do this I . . . Phoebe will . . . do anything you want.� Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
PHOEBE: All right. (She takes the phone from Rachel.)� Hello?� Hi.� I'm sorry about her, but she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff.
MIKE: All right.� I'll do it.� (Phoebe gives the thumbs-up sign to Rachel.)� But really, how much dirtier can it get?
ROSS: (putting his arm up with his hand on the door frame.)� Why?� (He starts to lower his arm.)
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
[Scene: The hallway and stairs outside Chandler and Monica's apartment.� Chandler enters from the stairs.� Joey is sitting with a baseball bat.]
CHANDLER: (pause) Well, you're forgetting about the time difference.
(Joey thinks a moment. Then, he nods.� Joey follows Chandler into the apartment.)
CHANDLER: That's right.� You're husband's home.� So, now the sex can stop.
JOEY: All right.� All right.� Then, maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around, huh?� (He checks the bathroom shaking the bat.� Then he proceeds to their bedroom.)� Bwa-ah-ah!
(Thudding sounds can be heard from the bedroom.)
MONICA: (smiling) I arranged some pillows on the bed to look like a guy.
CHANDLER: All right.� Well, I'll check the guest room.
JOEY: (sniffing the air and then Monica.)� Why do I smell men's cologne?
JOEY: (spots the suitcase just inside the door where Chandler left it) Whoa, whoa.� Wait a minute.� Wait a minute.� If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?
CHANDLER: (thinks, then turns to Monica) I climb down the fire escape and you can't put that in the closet?
MIKE: So, except for the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing.� Fascinating isn't it.
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
ROSS: (takes the phone, but speaks to Mike) I don't understand what just happened here.
CHANDLER: I'm sorry.� I, I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I, I didn't know . . .� I didn't think you'd understand.
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
JOEY: (pause) Yeah, you could go to the game with me, ah, even though I know you said you couldn't.� But then you lied to me and tricked me and gave me a bump on the head.
CHANDLER: I'm sorry. �That's the one thing I can't do.� I promised I'd be with Monica.
MONICA: (taps chandler on the arm) You can go.
MONICA: You should go to the game.� It's okay.� I want you to.
MONICA: Yeah, I'll be fine.� You know, maybe I'll stay here and practice the art of seduction.
JOEY: Thanks.� (Joey and Chandler exit to the hall.� Joey pulls out the tickets and hands one to Chandler.)� Here's your ticket.
(Chandler heads toward the stairs, but makes a turn back to his apartment while looking at the ticket.)
(Chandler goes into the apartment, while Joey checks his ticket and is embarrassed by his stupid mistake.)
ROSS: Oh, you know . . . we just drank some beer and Mike played with the boundaries of normal social conduct.
RACHEL: See you guys.� (She closes the door.)
ROSS: Rachel, lock the door.� Lock the door,� seriously.
RACHEL: Oh shoot.� I forgot to pay Phoebe for the drinks.� (She exits to the hallway and closes the door behind her.)� Wait, wait.� Sorry.� Did he call?� Did that guy call?
(Inside the apartment the phone rings.� Ross answers it.)
ROSS: Hello.� (listens)� Ah, no, she's not here right now.� Can I take a message?� (grabs a pad and pen)� Bill from the bar?� (writes)� Okay, "Bill from the bar."� I'll make sure she gets your number.
(He hangs up the phone and tears the note off the pad.� Then, he stops and re-reads it.� Rachel enters.)
ROSS: (holds up the message) Uh, Rach.
ROSS: (pauses, then crunches up the note and stuffs it in his pocket.)� Never mind.
[Tag Scene: Central Perk.� Phoebe and Mike are on the sofa.� Ross enters.]
PHOEBE: Hey.� I'll be right back.� I've got to go to the bathroom.� (She rises and exits.)
(Ross smiles slightly.� Then he gives a single nod that lifts him to his feet.� He exits the coffee shop.
(Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? Whats going on?
Ross: Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste, and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! Im a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didnt even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and Im just, Im gonna do the same thing to you.
Donny: You crossed the line. Joey, describe for Gene these things that have lines. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready, go!
Sarah: So thats two boxes of the Holiday Macaroons. On behalf of the Brown Birds of America, I salute you. (Does the Brown Bird salute, she blows on a bird call, then holds her hand, palm facing out, next to her face, and then waves it like a bird flapping its wings.)
Chandler: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.
[Scene: That same plane cabin, Ross is working on a crossword puzzle and Rachel is asleep against his shoulder. She shifts a little bit and Ross suddenly gets an idea. An evil idea when he looks at his pen. Then we have a little time lapse, the plane has landed and everyone is disembarking. The flight attendant is saying bye-bye to everyone.]
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Chandler: (On cell phone) Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it. Yes it will be the same. Because I know, that's how. I promise.
CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
The Doctor: (opening it) Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and(Stops suddenly.)
[Both run back in their apartment. There's a knock at the door.]
(Everyone heads for the door.)
Monica: I'm sorry, I didn't know to look for Chinese food on the floor.
Rachel: You mean the one that youre wearing? (Adjusts Monicas pink bra strap as Monica looks down her shirt.)
Ross: (on the phone) Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. It seems you forgot a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? (pause) Thank you! Ok. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, band aids, shaving cream, after shave... and I feel like I am forgetting something... Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already? (pause) Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.
Chandler: Good, God's speed, good people! (he starts to close the door, turns around and sees Wendy) You're not gonna go?
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch as Monica joins him.]
Rachel: The nights are the hardest. (Checks her watch.) But then the day comes! And thats every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again
David: Really? Because I think about you all the time.
Monica: You say Thank you very much, and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, were gonna put are hands in this bowl, and were gonna start squishing the tomatoes.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, whats the next little bit?
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay.
Monica: All right, so I havent cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music.
Monica: Are you kidding?! I get a Porsche and the barca loungers gone?! This is the best day ever! (Runs out.)
Rachel: Ugh. (takes the hat and covers Emma's head and half her face with it)
ROSS: Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag.
Rachel: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. (Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.)
Phoebe: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? (all raise their hands).
STEPHANIE: Yeah. From the top?
Phoebe: Like okay I-I-I, I havent met any Portuguese people! I, I havent had the perfect kiss! And I havent been to snipers school!
Joey: Oh yeah. Hey! Should we give these shirts to the girls? Yknow, kinda like a peace offering.
Rachel: (breaking the kiss) Oh God!
Monica: Oh, is that why you did it the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?!
[Scene: The Street, Chandler is carrying Monica past a store window.]
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)Thats not food...No, I dont, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I cant even remember what Phoebe looks like.
CHANDLER: There's the man.
Rachel: (to the judge) Okay, do you see, do you see what youre keeping me married too?!
Joey: Somebody was using his head. Hey, let's check out the rest of the place.
ROSS: [reading his list] Ok, ok, number one: The way you cry at game shows. Number two: how much you love your friends. Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with Ben.
Ross: Let me see this... (he takes the trophy from Rachel's hands) Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division.
[knock at the door, Monica answers to see Mrs. Greene]
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
[They all run to get in the cab, and Chandler pulls out a smoke.]
[Rachel seems touched. She pauses for a moment, then picks up the phone and starts to dial. Cut to Ross at his apartment.]
Joey: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand
[The waiter comes to the table.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Some time later that day. The group has left and Charlie is there when Ross enters.]
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) Were engaged!!!
Joey: Well, the movie got shutdown because they ran out of money, so I'm working here 'til it starts up again, if it ever does.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Another night of birdogging the chickas?
(Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.)
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janines party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
RACHEL: That is the most ridiculous.
Rachel: OK, OK, it's my turn. (reads the answer)
Phoebe: (tremendously overacting) Fine! Ill do it without you! (Joey gives her thumbs up) I dont need you or anybody else! Im gonna make it on my own! (Joey closes the door to his bedroom.) Youll see!! Youll all see!!
Monica: Chandler! (Knocks on the door.) Chandler! I just figured out who you are!
[Scene: Inside Joeys Premiere, he is intently watching the movie.]
ROSS: Check it out, he actually is the MonkeyShine monkey.
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually good.
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
Ross: (takes Chappy from Mike) Well, I guess I'm in the wedding then. Ha haaa... (smells Chappy) He stinks!
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi. (He starts doing the finger thing every time now.)
Mike: No. well look can I think your weird and also cool for telling me the truth and also wanna kiss you.
Joey: Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, ok buddy? But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is just hanging up the phone as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]
(They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. Finally, the phone rings and the race to answer it is won by Monica.)
Chandler: If you said, "Big lima bean, bubbling up." Would she understand the difference?
[Scene: Mike's parents building. Phoebe gets out of the classy elevator, looking all dressed up like an older woman, and very un-Phoebe. She walks to the door and rings the doorbell.]
(After she's left, Ross gets really happy and starts kissing the card. Suddenly, she returns.)
Phoebe: (Singing) "Ipan Stripan, Glupi Glabi! " And that is the Swedish National Anthem! Thank you for asking! (looks annoyed)
Rachel: Well, we were walking down the street and we saw that van that you guys used for catering and we realised
Chandler: (to Rachel) I love you. (Kisses her on the forehead)
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Dr. Long: Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby?
Ross: (sits down at the table) Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow. (Joey panics.)
Ross: Oh, all right. (Joey flips the coin.) Tails! (The coin bounces off of the landing above them and falls to the ground.) Can you-can you see what it is?
Rachel: (on phone) Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, its perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! (hangs up phone) I got the interview!
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)
Rachel: So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.
Ross: Yeah, okay. (he plops down into one of the leather chairs, with the footrest extended.)
Monica: You still work at the multiplex?
Monica: And Ive got the car keys.
Phoebe: You dont have to do that, Ross and Joey arent here, you can watch the parade if you want.
Rachel: Ah, its still not the time.
Monica: Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?
Annabelle: Nobody knows his name. Me and the girls just call him the Hombre man.
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.
Jill: Totally, I love them! And, maybe you could finish telling me about all the different kinds of sand.
ROSS: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
[Scene: The beach house, Rachels bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Joey are sitting at the dinner table. Chandler comes from the bedroom with his suitcase.]
Rachel: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.