words in movies
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Ross: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. Its not just about the pictures.
(They all laugh indifferently, except Chandler, whos a little angry.)
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa. Jokes? You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
Chandler: Nah, Monicas watching some cooking show. Come on, I dont want to miss when they were skinny.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Rachel are on the couch looking at the Playboy magazine. When they hear someone coming, Monica goes to hide it under the sofa cushions.]
Monica: So do you think that these picturesAre, are they trying to tell a story?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, like in the case of this young woman, she has lost her clothes, so she rides naked on the horse, shes crying out, Where are they, where are they?
(They flip through the pages to another picture.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are in bed together.]
(They go out to investigate, and find Joey wrapped in a blanket watching their television.)
[Scene, Phoebe and Rachels, theyre sitting together on the couch.]
Joey: Nah, its okay. Right, Gunther? (Winks at him as if theyre in on a secret together.)
Chandler: Im sorry. Youre not easy-going, but youre passionate, and thats good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that Im pretty good about making you feel better about that. And thats good too. So, they can say that youre high maintenance, but its okay, because I like maintaining you.
Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didnt even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right youre off my list.
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. Im not answering that.
(They kiss.)
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Joey: Ah! Okay, well then you dont judge me. Im gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. (They both do as they planned.)
(They leave as Ross stares in awe at Joey.)
Chandler: Awww. (They hug) Bye!
Janine: Cant wait! (They each go into their respective apartments.)
(A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them. They stare for a minute and then hobble after him)
Chandler: Yknow sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, arent they?
Chandler: Theyre twins!
Joey: Oh, they're so cute! Now, what, what kinds are they?
Doug: Tomorrow night it is then, I should be out of court by six. They keep throwing these sexual harassment cases at me and I keep knocking them out of the park!
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Rachel: Okay. (They start to head for the bedroom) Oh wait! Umm, did you send those contracts to Milan?
Joey: What theyre not invited?! Oh no, thats terrible! Theyre gonna be crushed!
Chandler: Dont worry, Im brave! I am brave! I I am brave! (They get to the door and Monica goes to open it.) No-no-no-no!! (He stops her.) (Through the door.) Can you tell me who is there please?
Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?
Monica: Come here. (He does, and they kiss.) Okay, be right back.
PHOEBE: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.
Joey: And I gotta pay rent! Look, how-how about this? You dont fire me, instead I stay here, I gain their trust, and theyll start listening to all the nice things Ive been saying about you.
[The next one is from Episode 417: The One With The Free Porn, Chandler and Joey are lamenting the fact that every beautiful woman they see doesnt want to have sex right then and there like in porn.]
[Time lapse, they have set up a little assembly line for diaper changes. Phoebe wipes, Chandler adds the powder, begrudgingly, and Monica puts the diaper on.]
(They both grab him and stop him.)
Phoebe: Theyre just talking, and yknow what? Just because I think theyre soul mates doesnt mean anythings gonna happen.
(They all laugh and Joey joins them, not to be left out. When the laughing dies down, he has a depressed look on his face.)
Rachel: I Well, I dont think they need any help.
Kristin: That's funny. Who are they?
Monica: No, I cant afford this either. No. I-I-Im, Im just to figure out which one I want then Im gonna get it at Kleinmans, this discount place in Brooklyn, day after tomorrow they are having a huge sale.
Leslie: Come here, come here. (they go to the side of the stage) Okay, dont get mad, okay.
(they continue to play ping pong and then Mike scores, winning the game)
Monica: No, but someones really not going to get over that idea, are they?
Phoebe: Is that a real place? (Rachels stunned) Are they hiring?
Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
PHOEBE: Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
Chandler: The actor playing Mac couldnt do it, they needed to see you at 2 oclock.
Joey: Hey, let's go look at it! (They both jump up.)
Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! (They hug and Ross realizes what he said.) Hot stuff?
Rachel: Oh thats right. Youre the talker. (They both reflect on that briefly) Anyway uh, great idea! Umm, I gotta go to the store; I told him that I would buy him some more tissues.
Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
Monica: Ohh, of course we are! (They walk up to the elevators.) We left it up to fate. (Pushes the elevator button.) If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. (The elevator door opens to a priest reading from a bible with Chandler and Monica standing side-by-side holding each others hands.)
(They all leave)
Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (Shes wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)
Eric: Yeah. (They hug.) Maybe its for the best. You smell just like her.
Chandler: Okay! (They kiss) So, what do you girls have planned for tonight?
Monica: I can't believe they called, and we're actually getting a baby. (she kisses Chandler)
Monica: I know I love you! (They hug.)
Joey: I know! Im sorry! The guys drunk, they wont let me go until we get this.
(They all fall asleep again.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh, you so would! Oh, you should get that anyway. (They both look at her.) Like for clubbing.
Phoebe: Oh, because, you know... they don't like you.
Monica: I don't know. Look he's a great guy and I love being with him but... you know. Things happen, and they happen. You don't plan these things.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. They even do you.
Chandler: They do me?
Phoebe: No they ran out of "Its a girl" but I can fix this one, (She writes "not" in between its and a) See?
(He walks over and kisses her. They pull back, Rachel looks at him, and they kiss again.)
Joanne: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm? (She points to herself and they all scream again.)
Roger: Oh. They don't.
Chandler: Why do they put so much steam in there?!
(They go in and sit down.)
(They kiss)
Rachel: What? You just click when they click.
(They kiss)
(They kiss)
(They kiss)
(They kiss)
Joey: They did it right there on the couch.
Ross: So they ah, they all took off, it was pretty hard watching them go, y'know?
Chandler: They do?
[Cut to Living Room, Rachel is sleeping on the couch, Ross is gone, the rest of them can finally emerge from their cell. They all wave good bye, and start to walk quietly out, as Monica goes and puts a blanket on Rachel. Joey starts walking all hunched over and bobbing his shoulders as he goes.]
(They go to the bathroom again)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.]
Phoebe: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.
Monica: Aww... (They hug)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, theyre returning from the party.]
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Carol: Are they here yet?
CHANDLER: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler's club, and I was, well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.
Mrs. Geller: Actually they were Nana's.
(they start kissing but someone knocks at the door)
Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
Rachel: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this.
Carol: Where are they?
(They all throw their pieces back as there is a knock on the door.)
Monica: Okay. (They both jump up to head for there room, but Monica stops.) But wait, we cant. My Cousin Cassie is in the guest room, were supposed to have lunch.
Erica: Well, there is a chance it's another guy. I mean, I have only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped.
Rachel: (stopping him) Oh no-no, no-no, they dont want you to put your hands in the pockets until you are out of the store.
Rachel: Joey, just because theyre not getting married doesnt mean this is going to be a disaster. Maybe they have a plan!
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
Ross: No, no, they will. I just... uh...
Joey: Well nothing yet, they really hate you and I want to fit in.
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Chandler and Joey: Awwwww!! (They lean back all the way.) Awwwwwww!!!
RACHEL: Oh God, Ross.� Ross is going to pick up the phone.� Oh, I have to get my number back.� (She turns to find Bill, but they have gone.)� Oh my God.� He's gone.
CHANDLER: Right now, right here. Don't ya think we're in kind of a public plaaaa [Susie grabs him under the table] They do have the shrimp.
Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts...
Monica: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it: right now, somewhere out there (they go look through the window) our baby could be being conceived.
Monica: Yeah. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around:) Don't do the dance.
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.