words in movies
Monica: No! Really! Any time Ross makes a toast everyone cries, and hugs him, and pats him on the back and they all come up to me and say, "God, your brother." Know what theyll say this year? "God, you"
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, theyre getting ready to leave for the party.]
Parker: What are they like? Ive never had one.
Parker: No, they look too weird.
Monica: Just going over my toast. Those two will never know what hit em. I cant wait. Theyre going to be crying so hard. Theyre going to be fighting for breath.
Rachel: Well, not at first, but it was very intricate work and they said even though they lost their sight, it was all worth it.
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
(They sit back)
Phoebe: Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isnt perfect? Everything isnt magical? Everything isnt a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker!
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, theyre returning from the party.]
(They go off to their bedrooms)
Ross: Yknow I dont understand why they didnt cry. It was a beautiful speech.
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast, meanwhile there is coast behind him.)
(The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.)
Dr. Miller: Very good Monica! You know where they are.
Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.
(They all go into the hallway.)
Phoebe: But you-you cant leave me with them! We-were a team! Were playing a zone! Theyre gonna triple team me!
Rachel: Okay. (The nurse exits.) Oh man, I swear if they sold these at Pottery Barn
Mr. Geller: So, I think youre boxes are over here. (They walk over to them.)
Ross: (sarcastically) I can't believe they gave you a ticket. You're such a good driver.
Mike: You can't keep a rat in your appartment! They're extremely unsanitary, and they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.
Monica: Why did they get divorced?
Rachel: So did they call you to tell you your names gonna be in this?
Rachel: What?! You mean theyre not coming to a social event where theres no men and theres no booze?! Thats shocking! I dont care, as long as my moms here.
Mrs. Geller: Ooh, Jack....(He looks over to her) Sometimes I forget how powerful you can be. (They embrace and kiss passionately.)
Ross: Oh, come on Rach, we will. I promise. We have more interviews (They sit down and Rachel sighs) And worse comes to worse, we can always reconsider the uhm... the first one we met with.
Chandler: Hello? It's Nancy, they responded to our offer.
(Joey and Ross pause while they picture the event.)
Rachel: (She considers it for a second) Yeah okay. (She puts her hands around his neck and they start kissing again)
Chandler: I totally understand. (They both laugh.) Can I just see your bra?
(They want to kiss, but just before their lips touch, Rachel pulls back quickly, gasping)
Chandler: So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, they are entering to check out the newly refurbished apartment.]
Phoebe: Yeah, but they didn't ask me! Y'know? This way I'm just y'know, the exotic, generous stranger. That's always fun to be.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, but all of those little annoying things she did before we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personalityWell, theyre all back! Yknow? And shes picked up like nine new ones!
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Rachel: (laughs) Okay. All right, stand up. (They do so.) Well, when were at the door, I lightly press my lips against his, and then move into his body just for a second, and then I make this sound, "Hmmm." Okay, I know it doesnt sound like anything, but I swear it works.
Ross: Yeah, they all know.
Amy: wow. They must put a lot of makeup on you.
Phoebe: Oh, she sees him! Oh, theyre hugging!
<they hug and kiss on check>
Phoebe: Well, yeah! Fun is good, but y'know I also wanted to learn. Y'know, people are always talking about what they learned in high school and I never went to high school.
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
The Interviewer: (To Joey) Yknow I think its great you wanted to meet here. Yknow when most people hear the magazine is paying for it they want to go to a big fancy restaurant.
Mona: (To Joey) Wow! Theyre both really strong.
Rachel: and then they came back from smoking and they had made all of the decisions without me!
Chandler: Girth? Why, why, why, wh-why, why, why, why would they do this?
The Interviewer: Absolutely. (They walk to the door.) You can relax; you did great.
Chandler: Oh I just got another rejection letter. They said my writing was funny, just not "Archie Comic funny."
Joey: Thats the title! Yeah! Yknow they really lucked out that the initials spell cheese.
Rachel: (starting to cry) Oh Ross, thank you. Thank you. (They hug.)
(They enter.)
RACH: Cats, how long do they live figuring you don't... y'know, throw 'em under a bus or something?
(They kiss again.)
(They hug and then kiss one more time.)
Monica: No! No-no theyre not. Theyre still very angry! But yknow Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.
(They all leave and Joey comes back in quickly.)
Ross: I really think theyre out of rooms.
[Scene: Monica's apartment. They are all sitting around.]
Ross: Hey! (they hug) So, how was Atlantic City?
Rachel: Well they have uh, some unusual pet names for each other. Including umm, evil bitch and uh, sick bastard. Oh God oh! Contraction!
(They run off in search of a bed.)
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
Rachel: That was one time, Ross, and they were only like 5 milligrams.
Chandler: Okay. (They start kissing.)
(They start making out again.)
Chandler: Turns out they can't fire me. Because I quit.
Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.)
Joey: No they cant! They were stupid enough to get knocked up!
Rachel: Well tell us! What are they?
Rachel: All right, well, everybody just remember where they were sitting.
Chandler: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.
(They hug.)
Monica: I dont see him. Hey! Maybe hes in the sugar bowl! (Opens the sugar bowl) Joey? Nope! (Closes the sugar bowl and they both laugh.)
Joey: Yeah, they do! Quit being a baby and leave me alone! There, youve just had your first class!
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! Okay! (They run into the chapel.)
Chandler: Im sorry. Youre not easy-going, but youre passionate, and thats good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that Im pretty good about making you feel better about that. And thats good too. So, they can say that youre high maintenance, but its okay, because I like maintaining you.
Joey: So Pheebs, do they know about each other?
(They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, looking like his in a coma. The others also turns around to get him.)
Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?
Phoebe: Oh, nobody's judging you. (They all turn and look at Ross.)
[Scene: The Airport, Carol and Ross are waiting for Emily and Susan to deplane. A gorgeous woman walks by and they both turn to watch her go.]
Joey: No, I-I just heard lunch. But yeah, I can go. Sure! (They all exit.)
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Monica: I know! (They high-five.)
(She leaves the room, but Chandler runs after her. They meet in the hallway.)
Rachel: Bye honey. (They hug)
(They both rejoice; Chandler is totally confused.)
(They all stare, bemused.)
(Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other then recoil in horror.)
Rachel: No! It didnt! Thats what I want to talk to you about. (starts to break up) Now, just to brief you (starts to cry) I may cry, but they are not tears of sadness or of anger, but just of me having this discussion with you.
Chandler: I know that too. (They kiss)
FBOB: I guess I'm saying, I'll try and quit. I kinda like that you worry about me. [they hug]
Joey: (staring at the ice sculpture) How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that? (They all glare at him)
Monica: Yeah, apparently theyre turning it into some kinda coffee place.
Monica: So do you think that these picturesAre, are they trying to tell a story?
Rachel: I know. (They hug.) Oh-oh, wait did you hear that-hear that? Listen, Im gettin something from your grandmother, she said that since you get to keep the one bedroom apartment you should give Rachel the purple chair?
(They both get out of the chair and run for the VCR.)
Chandler: no they don't
(They hug, Scene fades to black)
Joey: Heyyy. (They all try and hide their invitations.)
(They all speak at once in general approval of his pants selection; Joey asks where he got them. I can't pick out the rest of it.)
Monica: Good night! (They go into their respective apartments.)
Chandler: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.
Ross: That bitch! (He gets up and they go over to ambush Frannie. Monica taps on Frannies shoulder.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is sitting in Joeys lap on Francette, and theyre both groaning.]
Monica: Oh... How are they?
Mike: Not possible! (they kiss, and then Mike says proudly...) She's gonna be Mrs. No Balls.
The Stripper: Wow, I didnt know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets.