words in movies
[Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.]
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.
Monica: We are not going to whistle.
Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo!
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
Phoebe: I just wish there was something we could do. (Bends down and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler)
Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love...
(The gang turn to look at Chandler)
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
Ross: Anyone want me to appraise anything?
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand)
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.]
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Mrs. Bing: She's supposed to be with you.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
Ross: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was supposed to bring me one.
Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Joey: He forgot to leave his grip size!
Ross: Do they wait for me to do this?
Phoebe: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
Ross: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you.
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
Chandler: (To Joey) You knew about this?
Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door)
Phoebe: Going to the hospital tonight?
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
Joey: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all.
Rachel: (Into microphone) Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
You don't have to be awake to be my man, As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day, There's something I have got to say...
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
(People turn to look)
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.
Ross: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel?
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
Monica: I read to you.
Phoebe: I sang. (To Monica) Hah!
Coma Guy: Well, what do you want me to say?
Monica: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was nice?" Admit something to me? "I'll call you?"
Mrs. Bing: Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from Lisbon?
Mrs. Bing: Alright, well, be good, I love you. (Kisses him and goes to leave)
Chandler: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that effect.
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the spyhole)
Joey: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
Ross: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? (Wags his finger at Chandler, then puts it down) But.. we don't have to go down that road.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is handing out copies of her book to the gang.]
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Mr Zelner: Ah, did she ask you to come here and do this?
Monica: Oh, he just doesn't want us to go through any trouble. Think of how excited he'll be when we go out and surprise him! Plus we get to have our own, ani-Vegas-ary! A-Nevadaversary!
Chandler: Mrs. Braverman must be out. (They move closer to it.)
Ross: Uhm, well... I'm here to see if you'll give Rachel her job back.
Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now Im not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
Rachel: Monica, this is Dan (points to him), one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. (Mouths "He's yours." to her.) Uh Dan, Monica.
Rachel: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like Im going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and Im wearing underwear that goes up to about (She snaps the waistband on her underwear that is just slightly below her breasts) there.
ROSS: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
Monica: (answers the phone) Hello? (Listens.) (To Phoebe) It's Joey. (Phoebe's proud of herself.) (To Joey) I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.
Janine: No! I mean you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just y'know, I just don't feel that way about you.
Ross: So, you’re not going to Paris.
Chandler (to Monica): Sure.
Charlie: (to Joey) So, I have to go shopping today, which is my least favourite thing, I'm soo bad at picking out clothes!
Ross: Always a great way to get in a mans pants.
Rachel: Ah, all right. Here's to Ross!
[Scene: The Portrait Studio, Monica is waiting for Chandler to make another attempt at taking a good picture.]
(The nurse attending to the babies hears this, turns and stares at Chandler. Chandler moves Monica to the side and away from the nurse.)
Issac: Aw, no problem dude. Y'know we got to look out for each other. Were the same, you and me.
Joey: No-no, no! We have to move the table into my room, yeah! 'Cause of all the boxes. Come on!
JOEY: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.
Rachel: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not.
Janice: Chandler, one of us has got to be strong.
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Wait! Maybe, maybe youre overreacting! You do that yknow.
Joey: Dont start doing that. You cant do that Rach, cause then youre gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.)
Ross: Go away! I don't want to see anybody.
Monica: I paid to have this done.
Joey: Anyway, I started working on what Im going to say for the ceremony, do you wanna hear it?
Ross: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.
Joey: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!
Joey: All right, all right, all right, let's play one more time, ok? And remember, if I win you do not move to Paris.
Chandler (to Joey): At what point did it stop being funny that I took her passport?
Dr. Long: Ill be back in an hour to check you again.
Rachel: Im not asking you to go on a date with him!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Rachel is now three sheets to the wind and Joey is watching her.]
Joey: Well, I heard Emma stirring, so I came to make sure she could reach Hugsy.
Chandler: (To Rachel) Sounds like a fun party.
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?
Phoebe (to Rachel): You doing ok?
Monica: Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, youll be fine. (She starts to walk towards the floor.)
PHOEBE: (imitating Rachel) "Oh, I have to get my number back.� Oh my God.� He's gone."� (smiles) Dead on.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Hey. What was that all about?
Joey: Oh, let me get this. (He takes out his wallet, but the panties come with it. The woman and waitress are shocked.) (Realizing) (To the woman) These are for you.
Ross: Well it's okay. Chandler is talking to her.
Ross: Oh sweetie, when do you think youre going to get off tonight?
Mrs. Geller: Chandler! Youve been Rosss best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. (Ross gets disgusted.) And now youve taken on Monica as well. Well, I dont know what to say. Youre a wonderful human being.
Phoebe: Yeah, from now on everyone you lurk, I'm gonna lurk first! You move on to someone else, I'm gonna be one step ahead of you, every single time! And then I'll be on your ass every hour of every day 'til Monday, because that's when I go home. When do you leave?
Ross: God! I can't believe she saved me for last. (looking out to the balcony) Why are they taking so long?
(They both walk to the door and enter the hallway.)
Rachel: Okay, yknow, would you feel better if we went someplace else? I mean we could pack all this stuff up and yknow go to your apartment.
Monica: Well then, y'know what? I care about you to much to watch you hurt yourself like this. So if you have to do this, then youre gonna have to do it without me.
(She starts to play her song, but is stopped by Monica.)
Monica: Uh oh yeah, she did. Uh, he did. (To Chandler) She? (To the waiter) Im-Im sorry Im new. I dont
Phoebe: Yeah, you got to get to the hospital.
Phoebe: I thought I was going home to go to bed, but I'm sensing there's something less fun for me to do here.
Amy: Why, did something happen to his falafel cart?
Phoebe: Suzie? (Runs over there to check)
Phoebe: (awed) You have the power to do that?
Rachel: Oh, well, I...It's kind of weird talking to you about this, but...
Monica: Sorry! I'm justI'm not very good at this! I'm a terrible liar and I hate having to lie to Rachel!
Monica: To use the bathroom.
Monica: No, but I will leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you!
Ross: (to Joey) Dude, we were good!
Joey: But why?! I shouldve won one and I really want it and she didnt even care enough to come to the thing! It could also be a Grammy.
Ross: And why exactly would I do that? (Goes back to writing on the board.)
Party Guests: (chanting) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (Ross goes to investigate the noise) Howard! Howard! Howard! (They're holding Howard above their heads.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (He sees Phoebe chanting along with them.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!
Amanda: (To Monica) Hello!
Chandler: Are you judging them by their covers? Because youre really not supposed to do that.
Monica: So the wedding caterer sent me this list of twelve appetizers and I have to narrow it down to six.
Rachel: You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear.
Monica: (to Erica) Anybody tell you?
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?
(They walk over to the door.)
Chandler: Monica, we are not ready to have two babies!
Monica: (to a whole group) Now, these are-are more realistic, but perishable.
Phoebe: Ross, you've got to tell her how you feel!
(Monica runs out to Phoebe, who is in the kitchen)
Guy: Welcome to the building. I'm uh, Steve Sarah; I'm president of the tenants committee.
(Rachel walks up to the counter.)
Ross: Oh oh, we think Emma is about to start talking so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her.
Gunther: I... I know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love you.
(Monica seems to take it amiss)
Joey: Ross! Ross! If youre going to the airport, could you pick me up another one of those Toblerone bars? (Chandler nods his head no.)
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
Ross: No, and I'm not going to.
Chandler: I know! You ready to trade?
Phoebe: Hey. So, did you talk to Rachel?
Julie: Thanks. Hey, listen, would you like to go to a movie sometime or something?
Rachel: Oh! What a great way to earn some extra pocket money.
Ross: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?
Mike: (To Phoebe) I want one.
Rachel: Ah! You know what honey guys are just different, they like things that we can't understand, you know I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend he was an archeologist and I was a naughty cave woman that he unfroze from a block of ice.
Monica: Yeah, y'know I-I made a commitment to you. Yknow what, itd be, itd be fun.
[cut to Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen]
Monica: I'm just so glad you got to see the babies.
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
Joey: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.
Ross: Ah, what good are you. (Walks back to his map dejectedly.)
Joey: You got to tell me exactly what to do there.