words in movies
Alice: Weve been trying to get pregnant, uh pretty much ever since we got engaged, we thought wed get a jump on things, yknow no ones getting any younger.
Frank: See the thing is umm, were not able to yknow, uh, conceive.
Frank: Yeah, and they-and they say that our-that our only chance to have a baby is that if they take my sperm, her egg and put it together in a dish and then put it into another girl. So we were wondering if you could be the girl that we could put it into.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are trying to throw cards into a vase.]
Rachel: Well, how can you be a tour guide, dont you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?
Phoebe: And! And, theyre gonna have a baby! (The gang is shocked.) And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. (The gang is stunned into silence.)
Phoebe: Ewww! And "Oh no!" Itsthey just want me to be the surrogate. Its her-its her egg and her sperm, and Im-Im just the oven, its totally their bun.
Phoebe: Well, they said that I had to think about it first, but what is there to think about? Im gonna be giving them the greatest gift you can possibly give.
Rachel: Honey, this really is an incredible thing to do for them, but there are things to think about.
Phoebe: Y'know you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture.
Joey: No, Pheebs, listen, if you decide to do this, well be supportive like crazy.
Monica: We just want you to think it through.
Rachel: Yeah, honey, maybe you can talk to somebody whos had a baby. Like your mom?
Kathy: Umm, (moves her hands down to his butt) I love this touchy. Can I take it to work with me?
Chandler: All right, we havent had sex yet. Okay, whats the big deal? Yknow? This is special, and I want our love to grow until we move on to the next level.
Rachel: Why? Just because youre not mature enough to understand something like that?!
Ross: And youre afraid you wont be able to fill his shoes.
Chandler: No, Im afraid I wont be able to make love as well as him.
Chandler: We share a wall! So either hes great in bed, or she just likes to agree with him a lot.
[Scene: The museum, Joey is giving a tour to a bunch of school kids.]
Joey: Shhh! This is a museum, no talking. Right down here, (Motions to a fossilised dinosaur foot.) we have a large foot. (Sees Ross working in one of the display cases.) Uhh, and over here we have Ross Geller. (Knocks on the glass) Everyone wave Hi to Ross. Ross is one of our most important scientists, look at him, hard at work. (Ross does the old "Putting a cigarette in your ear and pulling it out of your mouth trick.") Okay, moving right along. Come on.
Phoebe Sr: Oh, thats okay, it gave me time to finish glazing my nipples.
Phoebe Sr: Hey! Okay! Well thanks for coming out to see me. I just-I just thought it would be a very good idea to talk about this baby stuff in person. Yknow
Phoebe Sr: Well, because youd be giving up a baby, and I-I really dontI dont know if theres anything I can say that could make you understand the pain of giving up a baby. So, umm, (Picks up a puppy in the box next to the couch.)
Phoebe Sr: I realise I dont have any right to start get all parenty on you and everything now, but umm, (Sees that Phoebe isnt paying attention and is busy mimicking the puppy.) uhh Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy, its very important.
Phoebe Sr: I mean, I know what Im talking about. I gave up two babies, and I only wish I had someone there that had given up babies, that could tell me how terrible it is to give up babies. I just think that, it would be something you will regret every single day for the rest of your life. So, how ever hard it is to give up this puppy, it would be like a million times harder to give up a child. (Phoebe is playing with the puppy again, and not listening) I really shouldnt have given you the puppy first.
[Scene: The museums worker cafeteria, Joey is eating lunch with the rest of the tour guides. Another tour guide tries to sit down in a seat Joey saved for Ross.]
Tour Guide: Oh, he wont sit here. Only the people in the white coats sit over there, (Points to there table) and only the people in the blue blazers sit here.
Tour Guide: Maybe its crazy in a perfect world, a world without lab coats and blazers, but you not in a perfect world, you in a museum now. See that scientist in the classes, he and I used to play together all the time in grade school, but now (Turns around) Peter! Hey, Peter! Its me Rhonda! From PS-129! I shared my puddin which you man! I gave you my Snack Pack! (to Joey) See, he pretend he dont even here me!
Joey: I-I think everybodys pretending they dont hear you. Anyway, look, I dont know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, Im telling you, he will sit in it! (Ross enters and goes over to the white table) Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I saved you seat.
(Another woman enters without a coat or blazer and tries to sit at the blue table.)
Joey: Look, Ross, really its-its no big deal. Yknow you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we cant be friends at work, then so be it. Yknow, hey I understand. Yknow? Hey, when Im in a play and youre in the audience, I dont talk to you, right? So its yknow, its uh, its cool. Ill see you tomorrow. (Leaves)
Rachel: Yeah, when were in the audience he doesnt talk to us, but he does wave.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe is there with her puppy and is trying to sing it to sleep as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Why is Phoebe singing to Carl Mulden?
Phoebe: Ooh, yknow what, I think its time for puppy to go out again. Come on, lets go to the balcony.
Phoebe: Umm, the street. Come on, lets go to the street. Ooh, listen, dont go onto the balcony until after I get back. (Leaves)
Monica: (to Chandler) So, did you do it?
Chandler: Look, you have to help me! Okay? I mean, I know what to do with a woman, yknow, I know where everything goes, its always nice. But I need to know what makes it go from nice to, "My God! Somebodys killing her in there!"
Chandler: Look, you dont have to draw an actual wowhoa! Shes hot!
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Chandler: (Points to one) Thats one?
Monica: (continuing) Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp.
Rachel: Well if you go to Disneyland, you dont spend the whole day on the Materhorn.
Monica: All right uh, the important thing is to take your time, you want to hit em all, and you mix em up. You gotta keep them on their toes.
Older Scientist: Dr. Geller, theres a seat over here. (Motions to an empty chair at the white table.)
Joey: (standing up) I will sit with you Dr. Geller. (He goes over to his table and they shake hands.)
Ross: Y'know, we work in a museum of natural history, and yet there is something unnatural about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and yknow what I see, I see-I see division. Division, between people in white coats and people in blue blazers, and I ask myself, "My God why?!" Now, I say we shed these-these coats that separate us, and we get to know the people underneath. (He takes off his coat and throws it down.) Im Ross! Im divorced, and I have a kid!
Tour Guide: Im Rhonda, (motions to her breasts) and these arent real! (Joey and Ross look at each other, shocked)
Another Scientist: And I need to flip the light switch on and off 17 times before I leave a room or my family will die.
Phoebe: My moms gonna be here any minute. I cant do this, I cant give him up. Yesno, I can. I dont want to. But I can. No.
Alice: None. But if there was something you wanted to tell us, were just gonna be right over there (points to the counter) having coffee.
Phoebe: No, Im really okay with this. Yknow why? Cause look at them, and I made that, so I know its gonna be like a million times harder to give up a baby but, oh my God, its gonna feel like a million times better, right? I wanna do this. (To Frank and Alice) I wanna carry your baby.
Alice: (shocked) Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank you so much! You dont know what this means to us! Oh!
Kathy: Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Yes! Thank you! (Runs back to Chandler)
(They run to the bedroom and close the door carefully just as Joey enters.)
(They both go to Chandlers bedroom to get his coat.)
Monica: (to everybody) BECAUSE OF OUR MEDDLING! Alright?
Chandler: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad.
Ross: It used to be. Now she doesnt really have a face. Smokin body though.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Rachel: Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow...Oh, she sounded really weird, I gotta call Barry... (Does so, on phone) Hi, it's me, I just.. Mindy!! Mindy! Hi! No, I figured that's where you'd be!
Ross: You weren't there! Okay, maybe this is something that I-I'm supposed to seize! Y'know?
Joey: Okay. Now youre gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
Monica: Umm, this is going to be fun. Watch me freak out Chandler. Honey?
Phoebe: Oh really. Okay. let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffee house, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone-who took it?
Ross: I don’t know. Phoebe, if one of us saw Mike with another woman would you want us to tell you?
Dr. Green: The wedding! Theres going to be a wedding. Young lady, dont you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
Phoebe: Ooh, that is silly. (gets up) Ill go up there, Ill tell him to keep it down.
Monica: Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. Now, no matter how much we meddle, we will never be able to un-meddle the thing that you meddled up - in the first place!
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im sorry I just couldnt tell her all those things you wanted me to tell her. And yknow we got to talking and I
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Ross: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!
Joey: Mine's is to Lilian Myers.
Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
The Cooking Teacher: Well, hats off to the chef.
Monica: Oh. (Holds on to it.) (To herself) Youre not gettin it.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Rachel: Nope. We took her to lunch.
Ross: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didnt want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete cant.
Rachel: All right. ALL RIGHT! I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go to Paris.
Ross: No, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing and taking what the hotel owes you. For example: hair drier, no, no, no, but shampoo and conditioners, yes, yes, yes. (pause) Now, the salt shaker is off-limits, but the salt (he opens the salt shaker and pours the salt into his hand) I wish I'd thought this through.
Phoebe: Anyway, you did what you had to do. I'm okay.
Chandler: (to Robert) So ah, isnt a bit cold out for shorts?
Ross: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt... (claps hands three times)
Monica: No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isnt something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen.
Ross: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! (He signs the form and hands it back to the salesman.) All right Rach, let's go! (He picks up one end of the couch.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of him. He is extremely wired.]
Phoebe: Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. (hugs the wall) I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa... (she walks away from the wall)
Rachel: I got to figure out what Im going to wear.
Mike: I've missed you so much! No, I'm not gonna ask you to get back together because I know we want different things, but just to be with you one more night.
Amy: So you're going to give me the baby?
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Monica: Wow! Thats great! Dad must really like you, he doesnt ask just anyone to play.
Monica: Why do I have to decide?
Monica: Rachel used to live in that room.
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
Rachel: That is right and traditionally the daddy is supposed to give the mummy a present but I am prepared to let that go.
Mike: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you?
Joey: Hey! Tag's still talking to the police.
Rachel: Oh and it was great to see you too. And you look fantastic, although you missed a button.
MONICA: Well, we don't really have to decide anything right now, do we?
Joey: (very satisfied and smiling) That's what I wanted to hear! Because she's family, ok, and now you're gonna be family, and there is nothing more important in the whole world, than family.
Monica: What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!
Phoebe: Well, you said that you had customers lined up in the street, so I am here to entertain!
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Elizabeth: Uh no, theyre still here but I think Im about to leave.
RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
Joshua: Oh, that-that would be great. So you didnt even get to Italy?
PHOEBE: Uh huh, what is happening to the world? I mean, no no no, 'cause ET leaves, and and Rocky loses, Charlotte dies.
Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!
Ross: What can I do? One person wants to break-up, you break-up.
Gavin: Right. Right. Ross. So what's the deal with you guys? I don't want to get in the middle of anything
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
Joey: (to Chandler) Heard about the leg burnin huh?
Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?
Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh, sorry.
Rachel: Oh, its so sad they never had a chance to meet.
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Ross invited us all to watch.
[Scene: Ross's Building, Joey is trying to find the hot girl's apartment. So he's walking up the hallway counting doors. He comes to what he thinks is the right one and knocks on it. Ross opens the door, it's his apartment.]
Ross: Its just, my part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then, and then there was a lot of waiting around.
Phoebe: Well, I guess well just have to put the wall back up.
Rachel: My God! What happened to you?
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.
Joey: Hey, it hasn't come to that yet.
(She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.)
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
Ross: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Ross: (pause) I am a doctor! Yknow what? Im just gonna go and talk to Rachel myself.
Phoebe: What a mean thing to say! I would never tell you its not your birthday!
Monica: Because I don't have the money or the equipment to handle something that big on such short notice. I mean there's no way.
Chandler: Yeah, come with us. You'll see how close it is to the city.
Ross: Yeah, well excuse me for wanting to be with my girlfriend on our anniversary, boy what an ass am I.
Monica: No I totally disagree. No I think it's fine for a guy to do something like that. Such you an actor. Not that you need to,your eyebrows are...
Ross: All right I guess I'm, gonna go pack. (Starts to leave)
[Scene: Ross's now empty apartment, he is spackling some holes shut as the gang comes to apologize.]
Chandler: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to the living room.)
Mr. Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant. (He slides them under the door.)
(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on .wait for it .Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didnt you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)
(Monica just looks at him, and Rachel wants to laugh)
Joey: Saw the Porsche out there Mon, lookin good. When do I get to take that baby out again?
Joey: Well, hey! Well... (he takes his mug to toast Phoebe) Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and... (a bit uncertain) I wanna say Mike? (pause) To Phoebe and Mike!
Ross: (To Joey) I cant believe you told her I was going to propose!
Lauren: (laughing) Oh, youre so funny. Listen, umm, what are you doing after rehearsals? Do you want to get a drink, or something?
Joey: (entering) Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table...they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell's going on over here?!?!? (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
Amy: Oh! It's Ross... Hey Ross! (She says hey to the guy at the falafel stand, whose only similarity with Ross would be his black hair.) Hello-oo Ross! (to Rachel) He's rude!
Joey: Nope, got it and I got yours (Pointing to Jack) too.
Phoebe: Somebody went to college. Wow. (Cliff gets uncomfortable) What is it? Im sorry. (She moves her arm, which was resting on the same pillow his leg is.)
(Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.)
Phoebe: What a beautiful night to be running around the street, looking for tickets. And the wind sure made it fun.
[Scene: Rosss birthday, Joey is now trying to get his car out while Ross is directing him.]