words in movies
{Transcribers Note: This is an hour-long special episode. Which means that the first part of this episode is episode 615. The second part of this episode is episode 616. Since episodes 615 and 616 are combined into one file, thats why there is no episode 616 in the season 6 table of contents and the numbers jump from episode 615 to 617.}
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
Joey: Oh sorry, I hear divorce I immediately go to Ross. (To Rachel) Who-whos Barry and Mindy?
Joey: (starts to imagine it) I cant. I keep seeing it the good way.
Monica: And what if I was still fat? (To Chandler) Well, you wouldnt be dating me, thats for sure.
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
Phoebe: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought yknow that if Id work with stocks, Id have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: Come on! (They start to leave.)
Rachel: Oh wait, dont you have to pay for your, (looks at his magazine) Busty Ladies?
Ross: No, its okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I dont
Rachel: But! Dont you have to give him his money back?
Ross: Uh-huh. (Steps to a random kid nearby and hands him his money.) Hey, here you go buddy. Sorry, no porn for you. (To Rachel) Okay, lets go see Monica!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Fat Monica, and her boyfriend are sitting on the couch. Monicas boyfriend is getting up to get something. For future reference, for the rest of this episode Monicas fat, I wont be calling her Fat Monica throughout.]
Monica's Boyfriend: (returning) Here we go, one Hazelnut Latte. (Hands it to Monica and sits down.)
Joey: Oh dear God, let me think. (Starts to sarcastically think about it.)
Monica's Boyfriend: Yknow what honey? I got to get back to the hospital.
Monica's Boyfriend: Bye-bye. (Gets up to leave.) Oh uh, by the way, the answer is, the Brazil nut. (Exits.)
Joey: Hey man, look sorry about that Archie thing. Do uh, do you need me to give you some money?
Monica: Maybe Joey doesnt have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?
Joey: Thats an idea! (To Chandler) Hey, if I hired an assistant, would-would you take money from her?
Chandler: I could use the money; it could give me time to write.
Joey: All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I dont need any assistance in there, take a break!
(As Joey goes to the bathroom, Corporate Phoebe enters. Shes wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase.)
Monica: Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Monica: (gets up and gasps) Oh my God! Rachel!! (Rachel is stunned to see that her long lost friend is still fat.) (Monica goes over and gives Rachel a big bear hug, which is quite easy for her.) You look terrific!
Monica: You are so sweet to notice! Yes, I lost three and a half pounds!
Ross: And, and uh, you-you remember my friend Chandler. (Points to him.)
Ross: And thats Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)
Chandler: Well its kinda hard to be friends with Drake because of his busy schedule and the fact that hes not real.
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey-hey, or I could bring my keyboard over here sometime!
Monica: Ohhh! (Takes the plate.) No! This is my friend Rachel, we went to High School together.
Rachel: (still not quite able to look at him) Hi! I love you on that show! I watch you everyday! I mean, when you took out your own kidney to save your ex-wife even though she tired to kill you
Joey: Well, its always nice to meet the fans.
Joey: (turning and whispering to Monica) Shes not crazy is she?
Joey: (To Rachel) So uh, how you doin?
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
Chandler: (reading the list) Drop off my dry cleaning. Pick up my vitamins. Teach me how to spell vitamins. Wear in my new jeans.
[Scene: A hospital, Phoebe is recovering from her heart attack as Ross, Monica, and Chandler are there to comfort and support her.]
Ross: Come on Pheebs, its not that bad! Yknow most people would be excited if they didnt have to work for a couple of weeks.
Monica: Honey, having a heart attack is natures way of telling you to slow it down.
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Monica: Lets take a walk. (They start to leave.) Yknow maybe you should consider writing for Talking Out of Your Ass magazine! (They exit.)
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
Phoebe: Maybe you need to spice things up a little.
Monica: Yeah! Shes right in there! (Points to Phoebes room.)
Joey: Oh great. (Starts to go in.) (To Chandler) Hey! Go take off those pants, they look ready!
Joey: All right, and over there is Bradys Pub where I like to unwind after a long day of surgeoning.
Joey: All righty, what do you say we head back to my place?
Rachel: (laughs) Wow! Umm, yknow, I-I would really love to, but I-I shouldnt.
Chandler: (approaching) Here you go Joe, heres the freshly squeezed orange juice you asked for. (Hands it to him.)
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Joey: (To Chandler) Iced tea.
Joey: (To Rachel) Did I not just tell him?
Rachel: (mouthing it to him) Yes, you did.
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross is trying to talk to Carol about what Phoebe told him.]
Ross: Yay! (To Carol) Seriously, our sex life I was thinking, maybe I dont know, we could try some-some new things. Yknow? For fun?
Chandler: Who sold a story to Archie Comics?!
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know youre mad, but I just want to say Im sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Yknow? I mean, yknow how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Joey: Yeah, o-o-o-o-okay anyway, I just wanted to say Im sorry. Here. (Hands him a cup.)
Monica: Hey Joey, Chandler sold a story to Archie Comics!
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
Monica: Rachel! Im never gonna think its okay for you to cheat on your husband!
Phoebe: Oh, give it to me.
(He does a kara-tay move to silence her, then answers the phone.)
Ross: (on the phone) Hello? (Listens.) No she cant come to the phone right now. (Listens.) Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. (Hangs up.)
Ross: J-j-just relax, nobody yelled. Jack just was calling to make sure that you were getting better.
Ross: (To Monica) Yeah, shes fired.
Nurse: Youve done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Thats right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, youre not a real doctor! And that womans brain, is fine!
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
Rachel: Okay! (She picks up the phone, Joeys phone number, and starts to dial.) Here we go! Okay! (On phone.) Hi, Joey! Its Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.
Ross: So honey this uh, this threesome thing umm, I mean how-how are you gonna start to find
Ross: Oh. (He takes the notepad she was using and looks at it.) Wow! (Flips to another page.) Huh. (Flips another page.) Boy! (Flips another page.) Well, someones been doing their homework. (Flips two more pages.)
Phoebe: Well, Ive got to get out of this bed, Im going crazy here. Crazy!
Chandler: (To Ross) But I think we should tell her.
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Monica: Well, you used to like playing the guitar.
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Rachel: Okay. (Starts to go.) God yknow, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbianis apartment
Monica: I cant promise anything. (She starts to dig in.)
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross and Carol are waiting anxiously for their new partner to arrive.]
Carol: (jumping up to get it) I got it!
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Monica: Im sorry, okay? It justtonight was supposed to be yknow, it was supposed to be a big deal.
Monica: You dont want to know what tonight was.
Monica: Well, tonight waswas going to be my first time.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Rachel is now three sheets to the wind and Joey is watching her.]
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, yknow? Because youve been waiting a very long time and I wouldnt want to disappoint you.
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Monica: Its harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!
Monica: I have no moves. (He moves in to kiss her and she laughs and backs away.) Okay, whatcha doin there?! (Giggles.) Oh yknow what? Im sorry, this is just too weird.
Monica: What if I turn out the lights? (Runs to shut them off.)
(She turns out the lights and in the darkened room Chandler starts to moan.)
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, she has just lost her flower to Chandler.]
Chandler: Oh, okay! (He rolls over to do that again.)
Rachel: Because Im married. Thats right, I am a married woman! And I came to a TV stars apartment to have an affair! Uck!
Joey: Sure! As long as they dont find out you can keep whatever you want! And I want you to have it.
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Phoebe: I thought Id try to take a walk. Would you pour me some water? Ill be back soon.
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Youre not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya?
(She goes out into the hall and when shes there and the door is closed; she rips off her robe to reveal her work clothes.)
Phoebe: Lets go! Come on! Move it! (Grabs her coat.) Come on! (To an old man whos holding her shoes and briefcase.) Shoes! Briefcase! (Takes them both.) Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder. (She leaves.)
[Cut back to her room, Joey and Ross are sitting there waiting for her.]
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Ross: Look, its just did, did you ever go to a party and think, "Would really anyone miss me if I werent here?"
Ross: Its just, my part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then, and then there was a lot of waiting around.
Joey: But you got to be with both of them, right?
Joey: Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right?
Chandler: So you uh, want to do something tonight?
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is returning from her disastrous attempt at an affair to find that Barry was much, much more successful with his.]
Arthur: (To another coworker) Call security. (To Phoebe) Pheebs, didnt you get fired?
Phoebe: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Phoebe: (to Arthur, hes the guy calling 9-1-1) Dumbass!
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!
Rachel: No seriously! Seriously! What has happened to the sanctity of marriage?
Ross: Hey! There are some men who will do whatever it takes to make their marriage work! Okay? There are some men who will stand by and-and watch as their wives engage in-in what only can be described as a twosome with some-some woman she barely knows from the gym!
Rachel: Well, you might want to tell him it sounds like his wife is (whispers) gay.
Chandler: (sticking his head in the door) Okay to come in?
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
Chandler: I know you probably dont want to go out with me, yknow because I make too many jokes and Ive never been in a serious relationship and I guess Im not technically a "doctor "
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
(They run to the bedroom and close the door carefully just as Joey enters.)
(They both go to Chandlers bedroom to get his coat.)
Monica: (to everybody) BECAUSE OF OUR MEDDLING! Alright?
Chandler: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad.
Ross: It used to be. Now she doesnt really have a face. Smokin body though.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Rachel: Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow...Oh, she sounded really weird, I gotta call Barry... (Does so, on phone) Hi, it's me, I just.. Mindy!! Mindy! Hi! No, I figured that's where you'd be!
Ross: You weren't there! Okay, maybe this is something that I-I'm supposed to seize! Y'know?
Joey: Okay. Now youre gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
Monica: Umm, this is going to be fun. Watch me freak out Chandler. Honey?
Phoebe: Oh really. Okay. let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffee house, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone-who took it?
Ross: I don’t know. Phoebe, if one of us saw Mike with another woman would you want us to tell you?
Dr. Green: The wedding! Theres going to be a wedding. Young lady, dont you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
Phoebe: Ooh, that is silly. (gets up) Ill go up there, Ill tell him to keep it down.
Monica: Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. Now, no matter how much we meddle, we will never be able to un-meddle the thing that you meddled up - in the first place!
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im sorry I just couldnt tell her all those things you wanted me to tell her. And yknow we got to talking and I
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Ross: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!
Joey: Mine's is to Lilian Myers.
Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
The Cooking Teacher: Well, hats off to the chef.
Monica: Oh. (Holds on to it.) (To herself) Youre not gettin it.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Rachel: Nope. We took her to lunch.
Ross: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didnt want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete cant.
Rachel: All right. ALL RIGHT! I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go to Paris.
Ross: No, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing and taking what the hotel owes you. For example: hair drier, no, no, no, but shampoo and conditioners, yes, yes, yes. (pause) Now, the salt shaker is off-limits, but the salt (he opens the salt shaker and pours the salt into his hand) I wish I'd thought this through.
Phoebe: Anyway, you did what you had to do. I'm okay.
Chandler: (to Robert) So ah, isnt a bit cold out for shorts?
Ross: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt... (claps hands three times)
Monica: No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isnt something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen.
Ross: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! (He signs the form and hands it back to the salesman.) All right Rach, let's go! (He picks up one end of the couch.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of him. He is extremely wired.]
Phoebe: Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. (hugs the wall) I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa... (she walks away from the wall)
Rachel: I got to figure out what Im going to wear.
Mike: I've missed you so much! No, I'm not gonna ask you to get back together because I know we want different things, but just to be with you one more night.
Amy: So you're going to give me the baby?
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Monica: Wow! Thats great! Dad must really like you, he doesnt ask just anyone to play.
Monica: Why do I have to decide?
Monica: Rachel used to live in that room.
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
Rachel: That is right and traditionally the daddy is supposed to give the mummy a present but I am prepared to let that go.
Mike: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you?
Joey: Hey! Tag's still talking to the police.
Rachel: Oh and it was great to see you too. And you look fantastic, although you missed a button.
MONICA: Well, we don't really have to decide anything right now, do we?
Joey: (very satisfied and smiling) That's what I wanted to hear! Because she's family, ok, and now you're gonna be family, and there is nothing more important in the whole world, than family.
Monica: What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!
Phoebe: Well, you said that you had customers lined up in the street, so I am here to entertain!
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Elizabeth: Uh no, theyre still here but I think Im about to leave.
RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
Joshua: Oh, that-that would be great. So you didnt even get to Italy?
PHOEBE: Uh huh, what is happening to the world? I mean, no no no, 'cause ET leaves, and and Rocky loses, Charlotte dies.
Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!
Ross: What can I do? One person wants to break-up, you break-up.
Gavin: Right. Right. Ross. So what's the deal with you guys? I don't want to get in the middle of anything
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
Joey: (to Chandler) Heard about the leg burnin huh?
Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?
Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh, sorry.
Rachel: Oh, its so sad they never had a chance to meet.
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Ross invited us all to watch.
[Scene: Ross's Building, Joey is trying to find the hot girl's apartment. So he's walking up the hallway counting doors. He comes to what he thinks is the right one and knocks on it. Ross opens the door, it's his apartment.]
Phoebe: Well, I guess well just have to put the wall back up.
Rachel: My God! What happened to you?
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.
Joey: Hey, it hasn't come to that yet.
(She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.)
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
Ross: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Ross: (pause) I am a doctor! Yknow what? Im just gonna go and talk to Rachel myself.
Phoebe: What a mean thing to say! I would never tell you its not your birthday!
Monica: Because I don't have the money or the equipment to handle something that big on such short notice. I mean there's no way.
Chandler: Yeah, come with us. You'll see how close it is to the city.
Ross: Yeah, well excuse me for wanting to be with my girlfriend on our anniversary, boy what an ass am I.
Monica: No I totally disagree. No I think it's fine for a guy to do something like that. Such you an actor. Not that you need to,your eyebrows are...
Ross: All right I guess I'm, gonna go pack. (Starts to leave)
[Scene: Ross's now empty apartment, he is spackling some holes shut as the gang comes to apologize.]
Chandler: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to the living room.)
Mr. Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant. (He slides them under the door.)
(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on .wait for it .Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didnt you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)
(Monica just looks at him, and Rachel wants to laugh)
Joey: Saw the Porsche out there Mon, lookin good. When do I get to take that baby out again?
Joey: Well, hey! Well... (he takes his mug to toast Phoebe) Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and... (a bit uncertain) I wanna say Mike? (pause) To Phoebe and Mike!
Ross: (To Joey) I cant believe you told her I was going to propose!
Lauren: (laughing) Oh, youre so funny. Listen, umm, what are you doing after rehearsals? Do you want to get a drink, or something?
Joey: (entering) Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table...they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell's going on over here?!?!? (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
Amy: Oh! It's Ross... Hey Ross! (She says hey to the guy at the falafel stand, whose only similarity with Ross would be his black hair.) Hello-oo Ross! (to Rachel) He's rude!
Joey: Nope, got it and I got yours (Pointing to Jack) too.
Phoebe: Somebody went to college. Wow. (Cliff gets uncomfortable) What is it? Im sorry. (She moves her arm, which was resting on the same pillow his leg is.)
(Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.)
Phoebe: What a beautiful night to be running around the street, looking for tickets. And the wind sure made it fun.
[Scene: Rosss birthday, Joey is now trying to get his car out while Ross is directing him.]
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.