words in movies
Monica: I know...God. I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with double-stuffed Oreos. What happened to all our money?
Chandler: I'm not sure what they did, but I'm inclined to blame Enron.
Monica: Oh, But you're finally doing something that you love! I can't ask you to give that up. Though it'd be nice if the thing that you love was y'know... finding gold.
Chandler: Because we don't do that. We are Bings! And if there's one thing my father taught me was... well to always knock before going into the pool house... but the other thing was never borrow money.
Chandler: That's right! I do! And I'm your man. And I'm going to get us through this situation even if it means you working twice as hard.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Mike and Phoebe seem to have finished watching a movie on television.]
Mike: I haven't been home in a couple of days and I need to get some more clothes.
Phoebe: Oh...you don't have to go, I have something that will fit you.
Phoebe: I want you to stay.
Mike: I want to stay too but I've gone as bad as much use out of these boxers as I can..
Mike: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?
Phoebe: Wow, Mike Hannigan...You sure know how to make a girl say "Hell yeah!"
Phoebe: Yeah! Let's do it! Let's live together! (They embrace and Mike kisses Phoebe) Oh god, we're really going to move in together!
Phoebe: I've always wanted to live with a guy. "Pick up your socks!" "Put down the toilet seat!" "No! We're not having sex anymore!" It's gonna be fun!
Monica: Listen...I need to know that what I'm about to ask you, will never get back to Chandler.
Monica: (Looks exasperated) Ok first of all...It would be great. But that's not what I'm here to talk to you about. I need to borrow some money.
Rachel: Oh er... well you know Emma started crawling? I realised that this place, is very unsafe for a baby. So I went to the store and got some stuff to baby-proof the apartment.
Monica: Anyway erm, are you going to get a handyman to install this stuff?
Rachel: No. I was just going to do this myself. (Joey makes a sarcastic laugh.)
Mike: I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Phoebe: Monica slow down! Ok? I'm just excited to be living with him. You know I mean, I don't know, Can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure! Yeah. Y'know..I can picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut...you know..near the good schools where Mike and I can send Sophie and Mike Junior.. Oh my god I do.
Phoebe: I know! I guess I am! Oh my god! Load up the Volvo I want to be a soccer mom!
Mike: You ready to go?
Phoebe: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns. (Mike seems to gag a little...and laughs nervously. They begin to leave. Phoebe bolts back)
Rachel: This is easy...Can't do this! (Moves away...and finds her sweater sleeve stuck to the drawer) Oh! Wow! Seriously I can't do this. (Fiddles more)
Chandler: Listen er..I need to ask you a favor but you can't tell Monica anything about it.
Joey: (to himself) That's the fastest I have ever thought!
Chandler: Anyway, err... I need to borrow some money.
Joey: Err...Well I...Know how much you used to make and I know how much your rent is. (shrugs)
Joey: (To himself) I am on fire!
Chandler (Stands up and walks to Joey): Listen...this is really nice. Do you... (sees his chequebook) Did you write a cheque to Monica for two thousand dollars? Did Monica borrow money from you?
Monica: I don't want her to get a boob job! That's crazy!
Mike: Look. Phoebe, I-I love you. Very much. But I never want to get married again.
Phoebe: No! I definitely don't wanna get married. No I just wanted to make sure you didn't want to too. Whew! Coz you know when we move in and you start changing your mind there's gonna be hell to pay mister!
Monica: So you gave in and decided to call someone?
Handyman: You're all set. (picks up his bag and starts to leave)
Rachel: Oh thank you so much. (Picks up the guy's spirit level) Oh oh wait! You forgot your erm...Your game. (hands it to him)
Chandler: Well yes yes... You look nice can mean that your face looks nice. I want to compliment your body. I mean..I wouldn't change it. At all. And more specifically, I wouldn't want anything to get any bigger.
Chandler: I mean, You wouldn't want any part of me to get any bigger would you? Don't answer that.
Monica: Oh my god. We're trying to get pregnant so he's probably starting to freak out about the fact that my body is going to change.
Monica: You heard him! "No bigger!" "You're perfect!" "Just don't get any bigger!" Oh my god he sounded just like my high school wrestling coach. You know what? I'm going to have to talk to Chandler.
Phoebe: Listen, I wanted to ask you something about marriage.
Ross: Oh great now you're seeking me out to make jokes? I mean I can see for all hanging out but to come to my home!
Phoebe: No...I really wanted to know how you feel about it.
Ross: wow, are you still going to move in with him?
Phoebe: I want to, but I just want you to tell me that marriage isn't really that big a deal. You know that I won't, I won't be missing out on anything. That marriage stinks!
Ross: If you have to call me name, I prefer "Ross the Divorcer". It's just cooler. Look, I know my marriage isn't exactly work out. But I love to be that committed to another person. And Carol had some good times before she became a lesbian... and once afterward. I'm sorry.
Ross: The Divorcer, to the rescue!
Joey: Rach?! (He walks over to the fridge to put it in, but it cannot be opened either) Rachel!!!!? (He walks to the bathroom and tries to lift the toilet seat cover. It won't come up.) So I can't do anything I like????
Monica: About that? Erm...I'm going to change.
Chandler: But honey you don't have to.
Monica: I'm going to get bigger!
Monica: Well, my breasts are going to get bigger weather you like it or not! And you know what? It's not just my breasts. My ass is going to get bigger too.
Chandler: God why why would you want to do that to yourself!?
Chandler: Alright look, if it means that much to you, a may be able to get on more with the big boobs. But the giant ass and the big clown feet?
Rachel: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He's prying open the drawer with a crowbar to no avail. Monica, Rachel and Chandler enter.]
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
Rachel: Yeah, seriously coz this is really heavy. (She suddenly lets go) I mean not for me because i'm only pretending to hold this, but for these guys.
Mike: No but... You don't want to get married either right?
Phoebe: Right. Except that I do want to get married.
Phoebe: Because I just didn't know how much I wanted it. And I love you, and I wanted to live with you.
Mike: I want to live with you too! Let's do that!
Phoebe: But I don't think I can! it was ok to move in when I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I can't move in knowing that nothing is ever gonna happen.
Phoebe: Me neither. I think I need to be with someone who wants what I want.
Mike: But I don't want this to end.
Phoebe: I don't want it to end either.
Chandler: Ah, look on the bright side, I mean you won't have to live with this ugly chair! That was here already huh? I love you. (they hug again)
Joey: AH HAH! I DID IT! HA HA! Alright... (He takes a box out, about to close fridge, then thinks.) Better take all I can carry. Who knows when i'll be able to get in here again!
JOEY: Alright, you're on. I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.
Joey: I can an A? In-in school? (To Joey) Hey, Im a dork.
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Chandler: (He turns to Ross and Ross makes a Be strong sound.) I wanna quit the gym.
Rachel: Wow! I definitely did not see that one backfiring! Im gonna go to the bathroom.
Monica: (going over to listen at the door) Rachel said everything was okay.
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to MonWhoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
Joey: (to his grandmother) That's uh, scenes from next week's show. Next week's!
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.]
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Monica: Honey, you�re just in time, I�m about to sing another song!
Joey: Oh alright. Umm, well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan.
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, yknow? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. Its been a really bad day, whore wise.
Rachel: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Monica: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.
Phoebe: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your vagina!
Joey: You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work.
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Joey: No, no no no no. See. Each woman is different.You have to appreciate their uniqueness.
Rachel: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories (stops and tries to change directions) about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.
CHANDLER: Hey, listen.� I'm never going to lie to you again, okay?� And I want you to know that nobody thinks you're stupid.
Monica: People have got to finish their stories!
Ross: Its worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Yknow what, you know what? Its not.
Monica: Okay. Im guessing that if you dont want to deliver, you probably dont want to pick stuff up either.
[Cut to the casino, Monica is walking through it past the craps table when she notices a chip on the floor. She picks it up and heads to the table.]
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.]
Monica: Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
(He puts his leg up on the table to pass Joey the cookies, and Phoebe sees what the guys are laughing at, and gasps.)
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
Chandler: (To Phoebe, behind Monica's back) Still terrified, I'll take care of it. No problem. (When Monica turns back he smiles and kisses her, when she turns away he nods that he'll do it to Phoebe.)
Joey: Not anymore. So anyway, how do you want to pay me?
Joey: Hey! I did it. I called my producer. I told him I had a family emergency, he totally bought it. Thanks for teaching me how to lie Pheebs.
(Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table.)
Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?
Ross: No, Im serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if shes not where you are, then you can start to move past this.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.]
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.
Monica: I dont know, Ive never had to use the other one. Im just saying yknow, if were having sex, hes not gonna be talking.
Emily: I was going to call him, but
ROSS: [pulls the cigarette off his upper lip and hands it to Mr. Greene] Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe, still defying reality, are now throwing a bouquet at each other, pretending to catch the actual bouquet at an actual wedding.]
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
Monica: And listen to this... (shakes her body so the shells tingle)
Monica: You're going to China?
Ross: I'm going to China.
(Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)
Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
Monica: I dont understand, I mean am I so hard to live, is this why I dont have a boyfriend?
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. (Chandler starts to leave) This team is about hard work, but its also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing! (smacks him on the butt, and Chandler leaves shocked.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Rachel: Ross, shes not weird, she just wants her stuff to be one of a kind.
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens Id like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Don: Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, Im one of the people who thinks the smellier the better.
Rachel: Wait, but theres no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center!
Joey: (to the fireman) Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday?
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Ross: Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around.
Monica: (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed.
Conan: For example, I dont have to memorize lines. You guys actually have to remember what to say and you probably forget from time to time. Yes?
Chandler: All right, lets break this down. What exactly did he say to you?
Phoebe: Hey Joey, want come with me to… are you ok?
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
Rachel: Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either. (She turns to leave and Ross over takes her and stands infront on her, his back to the row of doors leading to the hospital rooms)
Rachel: Well Joey, youll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Yknow when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Yknow? So its sorta like (Does it, youll have to see it.)
Ross: (realizes something) The photo album! There were millions of pictures of the apartment in the photo album. We just go through it and match everything to the pictures.
(Joey starts to kiss her.)
Chandler: Shes moving on! Okay, if its not this guy, its gonna be somebody else! And unless youre thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? Its over.
Ross: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now? That way, we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing.
Monica: No! no! Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.
The Lurker: (to the guard) Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money. (Motions to the jackpot.)
JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh.
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
ROSS: Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different?
(Cut to later. Rachel is in tears)
[Scene: Monica's living room. We look outside to the balcony where Rachel is saying goodbye to Joey.]
Ross: Well maybe he'll get to go soon, like on a class trip or something.
Kate: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater youre dating.
Chandler: Sorry! I-I-I dont know what to say.
(Joey leaves and Monica mouths to Chandler Oh my God!)
Joey: Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup." (Nods his head in disgust.)
Monica: What did they do to you?
(Now Joey also wants to listen, and wants to press his ears against the door, which has a big mirror on it, he hesitates seeing himself in the mirror, but still puts his ear against it. We move again to Rachel's room.)
Phoebe: You dont have to put a good spin on everything.
Dana: Apparently Howies editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Yknow I-I-I havent spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Joey: Yeah uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I want to apologize about before, okay? We were being jerks. Parkers a nice guy and Id like to get to know him.
Joey: All right, All right, let's just get this out in the open okay? You're hot. I'm lovable. Clearly there's a vibe going on between us. But, we're roommates and it's a huge mistake for us to continue down this road.
MONICA: Oh God, you are about to get sooo lucky.
[Scene: Estelle's memorial service. Joey is giving a speech. Next to him is a blown op photograph of Estelle behind her desk and there's a man standing next to him.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! Im going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes.
Phoebe: (getting up) Oh, for god�s sake, Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! (everybody scared) I�m sorry, was that rude? Di-did my, my li-little outburst blunt (?) the hideousness (?) that is this evening? Look, I know, you all have a lot going on, but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. And you are all so late and you didn�t even have the courtesy to call. (her cellular rings) Well, it�s too late now.
Rachel: (To Ross) Here's your lemonade.
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...