words in movies
Phoebe: Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone to your parents anniversary party?
Monica: (To Ross) Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year?
Ross: Uh, yeah, you sure you want to after what happened at their 20th?
Monica: Yeah, Id really like to.
Monica: Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and its always really moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year Im going to make them cry.
Monica: No! Really! Any time Ross makes a toast everyone cries, and hugs him, and pats him on the back and they all come up to me and say, "God, your brother." Know what theyll say this year? "God, you"
Joey: Well I can promise you, at least one person will be crying. (Points to himself) Im an actor, and any actor worth himself can cry on cue. (snaps fingers)
Joey: Are you kidding me? Watch! (Makes funny faces trying to cry) Well I cant do it with you guys watching me!
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, theyre getting ready to leave for the party.]
Monica: Oh Im working on my toast for the party, or as I like to call it. Sob fest 2002. Hey check this out. (Hands him a picture.)
Chandler: Its your parents anniversary and youre going to talk about their dead pet?
Parker: Oh well, at least you were lucky to have him. Bow-wow old friend, bow-wow. So wheres the party?
Monica: Okay, I got my note cards. (To Chandler) Do you got the presents?
Woman: (To Ross and Rachel) Congratulations you two!
Mrs. Geller: Can we talk to you for just a yknow Its just a little thing. Well we think its absolutely marvelous that youre having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why weve told them all that youre married.
Ross: Dad so what we have to pretend that were married?
Mr. Geller: Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight. You can do this.
Rachel: Yeah, if youre going to do the ears, you might as well take a pass at the nosal area.
Ross: No, us having to lie about being married.
Rachel: No, I know I dont either, but ya know what, its their party, and its just one night. And we dont even have to lie; we just wont say anything. If it comes up again, well just smile. Well nod along.
Uncle Dan: Heres a little something to get you started. (Hands them a check)
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
Parker: Dahaaa! (Punches Chandler in the arm and he makes a face of pain.) Im going to find the mens room, be right back.
Joey: I have to go to the bathroom too, but I dont want him complimenting my thing.
Man: So we never got to hear about your wedding!
Woman: Oh my God. That sounds amazing. I would love to see pictures.
Rachel: So would I. You wouldnt think that Annie Liebawitz would forget to put film in the camera.
Ross: Would you excuse us for a second? (Pulls Rachel off to the side) Umm . what are you doing?
Rachel: What? Im not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing.
Rachel: Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.
(Cut to Phoebe and Parker)
Parker: And Im with you! What a great time to be alive! Look at this plate-bouncy thing. (Bounces the plates) What an inspired solution to mans plate dispensing problems.
Phoebe: Okay, fine! Fine! (Takes the oyster and pretends to eat it while dropping it on the floor) Mmm hmmmmm .
(Cut to Monica and Chandler)
Monica: Just going over my toast. Those two will never know what hit em. I cant wait. Theyre going to be crying so hard. Theyre going to be fighting for breath.
Chandler: Ya know if you want to, I can just hold them down and you could (Punches the air).
(Cut to Rachel and Ross)
Woman: (To Ross) So, how did you propose?
Ross: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. Thats-thats where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower
Rachel: Shhh! I want to hear the rest!
(Cut to Phoebe and Joey)
Joey: Yeah uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I want to apologize about before, okay? We were being jerks. Parkers a nice guy and Id like to get to know him.
Phoebe: Because Im going to kill him
Joey: I know Im having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!
Phoebe: Youre right. Youre right, hes just embracing life. We could all stand to be a little more like Parker. You know what? I am like him! Im a sunny, positive person.
Phoebe: Are you kidding? People acting like animals to music. Come on!
(Cut to Monica, at the microphone)
Monica: Okay its time for the toast! Umm now-now, I know that Ross usually gives the toast, but this year Im going to do it.
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
Mrs. Geller: Youre not going to say anything? On our 35th wedding anniversary
Ross: No, of course, Um Um, everybody? Um, I-I just wanted to say on behalf of my new bride, Rachel (She turns around and smiles), and myself. Umm, that if if in 35 years, were half as happy as you guys are, well count ourselves the luckiest people in the world.
Mr. Geller: I just wish Nana were alive to hear Rosss toast.
Phoebe: Can I get you something to drink? Like a water and Valium?
Phoebe: You dont have to put a good spin on everything.
Parker: So what do you want me to do, you want me to be more negative, less happy?
Parker: Fine! Well then to quote Ross, "Id better be going."
Ross: and then, we couldve gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!
Rachel: It was really fun being married to you tonight.
Ross: No, actually I thought about it when, when we were going out. Its how I imagined I uh, I would ask you to marry me.
Rachel: Well, that wouldve been very hard to say no too.
(They go off to their bedrooms)
Ross: Hey! All that stuff you said about true love, you were right, I mean, we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad! And that picture of Chi-Chi with her mischievous grin. And what you said about Nana. Ohh, yeah she really wouldve wanted to be there. And you know what? I think she was.
Monica: (starts to cry) Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it?
Monica: Okay. (She opens it up and shows it to them.)
Monica: Because then I dont have to!
Rachel: But Joey, I dont think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)Or he does.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Monica: (To Joey) Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.
Ross: Damnit! I have this date tomorrow night and I have to look cool!
(The woman gets up and walks over to their table.)
Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (Theyre stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
Ross: Okay, theres this guy, Warren, from the museum and hes going on a dig for like two years and hes got this great place he needs to sublet. So uh, you interested?
Joey: Come here! (Hugs Dina and Bobby looks to hug Rachel.)
(She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.)
Frank: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didnt want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.
Mona: I dont understand. You-you give me a key to your apartment and then you change the lock.
Joey: Yeah. All right, Ill talk to you later.
Rachel: Honey, stop it! I am not going to tell you until I tell him.
Rachel: What?! What?! He was trying to cheer me up! My pony was sick.
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe at the mike.]
Chandler: (to Joey) Okay, that hurt us.
Joey: I want to do it again.
Hombre Man: (to a customer) Hombre? (The guy says yes, and gets his sample.)
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
Joey: Ill take those to go. (To the interviewer) For the kids.
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Mr. Treeger: Could you tell Jasmine that I won't make it to yoga class today?
Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a pictureI didn't have my camera!
Joey: That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the chick and the duck are doing?
CHANDLER: Achhh.� It's always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.� (pause)� Except with you.
Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me.
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Monica: Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one. (She walks out.)
Monica: He wanted to tell me hes gonna compete is some ultimate fighting competition thingy.
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
(Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)
(Monica leaves and Chandler moves to talk to Phoebe.)
Joey: Wow. (To Ross) Good speech.
Rachel: Oh my God. (starting to cry)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is telling Monica and Rachel what he has to do.]
Rachel: Hi, Im back. Listen, I need to...
Rachel: Phoebe, hi, we�re so sorry. You�re totally right. We are here one hundred per cent and we love you and we are ready to start your birthday celebration.
The Doctor: (entering) (To the receptionist) Can I have the next one please? (Takes the form.) Joey and Tony Tribbiani. (Joey and Carl stand up.)
Joey: Ah, well, if I want the girl to kiss me, first thing I do is make my lips look irresistible.
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Joey: No-no! No, Im accepting it on her behalf. (He puts it up above the TV to display it.)
RACHEL: OK, Ross, listen to me, I am not yours to save.
Elizabeth: Oh! Sorry! Umm, I actually do need to talk to you.
Monica: Okay, you ready to open yours?
Cecilia: (walking up) Youre absolutely right they are writing me out of the show. They dont know exactly when its going to happen, but apparently going to be very soon and thats it.
Rachel: (Faking cheerfulness.) Hello. Umm, when is your next flight to London?
Joey: (checks in the window to make sure it has them) Its got em!
Elizabeth: Oh. Well, so we have to hide our relationship from one more person. Big deal. Besides, its kinda fun hiding.
Chandler: So are you gonna...talk to her?
Kristen: Oh okay. But yknow what? Be careful. Because a guy was helping me before had to leave because he hurt his back.
Doug: Bing my boy, were gonna get you over this. Now heres the plan, grab your coat, were going to a strip club.
Phoebe: (singing) ...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are the 66 colours of my bedroommmm. (applause) Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count the colours in your bedroom. (Sees that Phoebe Sr. has entered, and to her) Except for you. You go away.
[Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.]
Chandler: You didnt bring me here to do that, did you?
Wayne: I wish I could talk to her.
Monica: (to the couple) Hi! Can you do that and walk? Cause she said, "Next."
Phoebe: We want you to marry her!
Rachel: Fine. (They start to walk away.)
Joey: (to Phoebe) Hey, how you doin?
Dr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. (He goes to the door and opens it.) Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?
Phoebe: I beg to differ (shows him her cup of coffee and her plate of cookies).
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
(They move to kiss, but realise that Chandler is staring at them. Chandler urges them on.)
Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)
Rachel: I get to hire my own assistant!
Ross: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)
MONICA: (suddenly starts issuing him out) Ah, it's an honest mistake.� It could happen to anyone.� All right, see ya.
Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?
Monica: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done!
Rachel: Well dontWhat happened to Jessicas body?!
Monica: Its actually going to be just family.
Elizabeth: Stop it! (She starts to get all worked up.)
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
The Director: But youre supposed to work on Monday.
Rachel: Don't let him in! I'm supposed to be at a regatta gala.
Joey: Look, I got to apologize on the behalf of Carl.
Rachel: Okay, it's missing something. Ooh, I know! Umm, okay. (Goes and grabs a bag, that looks like a purse, and shows it to Joey.)
Pete: Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news. Hold on a second, I have another call. (clicks his remote) (to his other call) Hey, how's it going?
Phoebe: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder.
Steve: Oh hey, Ross. Umm, see, I was thinking maybe you two could switch apartments because Phoebe's more our kind of people. Something to think about. (Walks away.)
Chandler: (To Monica) Did she see us yet? Did she see us?
Chandler: Hey, you know who used to have nails like that?
Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
Chandler: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it?
Nurse: Fill this out and bring it back to me.
Chandler: But I am willing to offer her all those things. This was just a plan, yknow? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these things, shed be surprised!
(The phone rings and Chandler goes to get it)
Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, wed like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
Ross: Well with Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die. She made no such promise.
Monica: And it has to go perfectly, because if she doesn't like something about us she can keep us off every adoption list in the state.
Ross: (looking astonished) What? NO! I am not going to give them Ben!
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: (covering his ears and screaming) La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Okay, okay, yeah, I would have been devastated but, I would still want to be with you. Because its, I mean its you.
Chandler: Honey, weve been over this. I need to be facing the other way.