words in movies
{Transcriber's Note: Rachel has two friends that are not named, so I referred to them as Friend No. 1 and Friend No. 2.}
Janice: Im sorry I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.
Phoebe: Cute naked guy is really starting to put on weight.
Phoebe: (angrily) Bye-bye! (to Ross) Thats why I moved out.
Chandler: Well lets see, there was the guy with the ferrets, thats plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing!
Ross: (to Phoebe) Sure, your dresser is missing but this she notices.
Ross: I have to go. Yeah, Carol should be home by now, soo...
Eric: Oh, mostly fashion, so there may be models here from time to time, I hope thats cool.
Eric: Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sisters beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, shes a porn star. (Chandler breaks his pencil in half)
Chandler: Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think youre chances are pretty good. (Eric offers to shake hands) All right. (Chandler hugs him.)
(Joey leaves and Monica mouths to Chandler Oh my God!)
Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer.
Chandler: Oh yes, and thats what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.
Monica: Oh look, the pool tables free. Rack em up. Ill be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.
Rachel: (sitting at a table with some of her friends) (to waitress) Oh, um, no, no, no, no excuse me, hello. Hi. My friend ordered an onion, not an olive, and uh I ordered a rum and Diet Coke, which I dont think this is.
Rachel: Thats all right. (to her friends) I mean hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?
Friend No. 1: Well, I would like to propose a toast to the woman, who in one year from today, become Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber DDS
Rachel: Ummm, I think its time to see the ring again. (holds her hand out and they all scream)
Rachel: Oh, I dont know. Well maybe its just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I dont know I think I feel like I need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out of my system. (Chandler is listening in very intensely)
Rachel: Im serious, I really, I think I need just to have some...meaningless, sex y'know, with the next guy that I see.
Chandler: Excuse, I seem to have dropped my ball.
Chandler: (picks it up) And now Ive picked it up again. (walks over to Monica.)
Monica: Oh my God, I went to high school with her. (to Rachel) Rachel! Hi!
Monica: So, Ill get-get back to my friend.
Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life.
Phoebe: (to Monica, whos entering) Hey, youre early.
Phoebe: Im just taking it to be re-wired.
Monica: Oh, well dont take it to the same place you took the stereo, cause theyve had that thing for over a week.
Phoebe: Then Im gonna have to ask you to keep it down. (slams the door in his face.)
Mr. Heckles: (to Eric) Who are you?
Mr. Heckles: Well, Im going to go into my new apartment now. (goes over to the door and opens it) Ehh! (Eric leaves)
Chandler: (leaving to go to work) Hey!
Chandler: Oh, dont thank me, thank the jerk that never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work.
(Joey comes back into the hallway and starts to pick up a heavy box)
Joey: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush.
Monica: This place is really my Grandmothers. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, Im 87 year old woman, whos afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
Monica: I dont believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?
Monica: Its okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still see it.
Phoebe: Im sorry, I-I-I-I dont live here anymore. I-I didnt know how to tell you, but y'know everybody else knows!
Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing, I forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay, do you know, I couldnt sleep for like a month because I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions.
Phoebe: Okay, this is what Im talking about, this. I-I need to live in a land where people can spill.
Phoebe: Aw, honey its not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I dont see that happening.
Monica: I dont understand, I mean am I so hard to live, is this why I dont have a boyfriend?
Phoebe: Oh, its already closed, Chris gave me the keys to lock up-what is wrong?
Ross: (sets out a bunch of shot glasses and starts to poor himself a drink, many drinks) Im an idiot. I mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and Id be out and shed, shed see some beautiful woman, and, and shed be Ross y'know look at her, and Id think, God, my wife is cool!
Chandler: Anyway, I should go, one of the lifeguards was just about to dismantle a nuclear device.
Chandler: Oh yeah, that sounds great. (starts to leave) Oh, and listen, its, its gonna be....
(They pause, and they the start kissing passionately, and taking off each others clothes, and they start to lie down on the pool table.)
(Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking the balls to the other end of the table, but they all bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw them into the pockets.)
(Phoebe jumps on to the table and lays down, Ross follows her and hits his head on the light hanging over the pool table.)
Phoebe: Well, thats not something a girl wants to hear.
Rachel: Dont say anything. I dont wanna speak, I dont wanna think. I just want you to take me and kiss me and make love to me right here, right now.
(She hits the jukebox Fonzy style, and Its That Time of Season starts to play, as they start to kiss.)
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, do you have any gum?
JOEY: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... [rubs his fingers together]
Rachel: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and youre sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
Chandler: Well, you manheads aren't any better. You lied about going to the game. You knew it would make you late, and you still went anyway.
David: That's great! That's great! I-I'll propose to her!
Ross: Pa-haa!! I would love to go with you.
[Flashback to The One With Phoebe's Uterus, Monica is teaching Chandler how to turn a woman on. They're in Monica and Rachel's apartment and Monica has just drawn a diagram of a woman.]
Rachel: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! Yknow youI couldnt concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember whats its like to be 19 and in love.
Ross: (to Rachel) Im really glad we came. (Rachel smiles and rubs his arm) Youre so pretty. I love you.
Joey: Do we have to know about that?
(MACHINE--JOEY'S VOICE): Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
Chandler: (To Ross) Why don't you cut him a little slack? Okay? Maybe if he relaxes a little bit, he'll get some work done.
Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?
Chandler: You have to pick your moments.
Rachel: I didnt have to, because I was wearing my I heart Ross sandwich board and ringing my bell.
Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean.
Rachel: Joey? Could you get that? (There is no answer and she goes and opens the door to Joey.) What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room?
Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
JOEY: Alright, you're on. I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.
Joey: I can an A? In-in school? (To Joey) Hey, Im a dork.
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Chandler: (He turns to Ross and Ross makes a Be strong sound.) I wanna quit the gym.
Rachel: Wow! I definitely did not see that one backfiring! Im gonna go to the bathroom.
Monica: (going over to listen at the door) Rachel said everything was okay.
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to MonWhoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
Joey: (to his grandmother) That's uh, scenes from next week's show. Next week's!
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.]
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Monica: Honey, you�re just in time, I�m about to sing another song!
Joey: Oh alright. Umm, well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan.
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, yknow? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. Its been a really bad day, whore wise.
Rachel: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Monica: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.
Phoebe: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your vagina!
Joey: You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work.
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Joey: No, no no no no. See. Each woman is different.You have to appreciate their uniqueness.
Rachel: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories (stops and tries to change directions) about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.
CHANDLER: Hey, listen.� I'm never going to lie to you again, okay?� And I want you to know that nobody thinks you're stupid.
Monica: People have got to finish their stories!
Ross: Its worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Yknow what, you know what? Its not.
Monica: Okay. Im guessing that if you dont want to deliver, you probably dont want to pick stuff up either.
[Cut to the casino, Monica is walking through it past the craps table when she notices a chip on the floor. She picks it up and heads to the table.]
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.]
Monica: Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
(He puts his leg up on the table to pass Joey the cookies, and Phoebe sees what the guys are laughing at, and gasps.)
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
Chandler: (To Phoebe, behind Monica's back) Still terrified, I'll take care of it. No problem. (When Monica turns back he smiles and kisses her, when she turns away he nods that he'll do it to Phoebe.)
Joey: Not anymore. So anyway, how do you want to pay me?
Joey: Hey! I did it. I called my producer. I told him I had a family emergency, he totally bought it. Thanks for teaching me how to lie Pheebs.
(Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table.)
Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?
Ross: No, Im serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if shes not where you are, then you can start to move past this.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.]
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.
Monica: I dont know, Ive never had to use the other one. Im just saying yknow, if were having sex, hes not gonna be talking.
Emily: I was going to call him, but
ROSS: [pulls the cigarette off his upper lip and hands it to Mr. Greene] Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe, still defying reality, are now throwing a bouquet at each other, pretending to catch the actual bouquet at an actual wedding.]
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
Monica: And listen to this... (shakes her body so the shells tingle)
Monica: You're going to China?
Ross: I'm going to China.
(Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)
Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. (Chandler starts to leave) This team is about hard work, but its also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing! (smacks him on the butt, and Chandler leaves shocked.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Rachel: Ross, shes not weird, she just wants her stuff to be one of a kind.
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens Id like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Don: Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, Im one of the people who thinks the smellier the better.
Rachel: Wait, but theres no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center!
Joey: (to the fireman) Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday?
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Ross: Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around.
Monica: (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed.
Conan: For example, I dont have to memorize lines. You guys actually have to remember what to say and you probably forget from time to time. Yes?
Chandler: All right, lets break this down. What exactly did he say to you?
Monica: I don't want her to get a boob job! That's crazy!
Phoebe: Hey Joey, want come with me to… are you ok?
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
Rachel: Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either. (She turns to leave and Ross over takes her and stands infront on her, his back to the row of doors leading to the hospital rooms)
Rachel: Well Joey, youll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Yknow when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Yknow? So its sorta like (Does it, youll have to see it.)
Ross: (realizes something) The photo album! There were millions of pictures of the apartment in the photo album. We just go through it and match everything to the pictures.
(Joey starts to kiss her.)
Chandler: Shes moving on! Okay, if its not this guy, its gonna be somebody else! And unless youre thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? Its over.
Ross: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now? That way, we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing.
Monica: No! no! Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.
The Lurker: (to the guard) Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money. (Motions to the jackpot.)
JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh.
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.