words in movies
Rachel: So, Im in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle, and guess who the clue is for three down. (She hands the magazine to Joey.)
Rachel: So did they call you to tell you your names gonna be in this?
Joey: No. They really like me over there. They want to do a big profile on me, but I said no.
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say. (Joey nods his agreement.)
Rachel: Okay, dont listen to him. Please?
Joey: Fine! All right, Ill do it. But hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I yknow, start to say something stupid.
The Interviewer: I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.
Joey: Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.
[Cut to the rest of the gang sitting low on the couch and craning their necks to watch the interview.]
Monica: (To Chandler) You think were being obvious?
[Cut to the interview.]
The Interviewer: (To Joey) Yknow I think its great you wanted to meet here. Yknow when most people hear the magazine is paying for it they want to go to a big fancy restaurant.
[Cut to the gang.]
[Cut to the interview.]
The Interviewer: So, according to your bio, youve done quite a bit of work before Days of Our Lives. Anything youre particularly proud of?
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (Starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
Joey: Yeah, I guess it is. And so Im gonna get on this spaceship, (Smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and Im gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, youll be long gone. But I wont have aged at all. (Gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne baby Im gonna want to meet her.
(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7.)
Joey: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, (Joey from TV) you know that's bad for the paper tray.
[Cut to the interview.]
Joey: Well, there are so many things, its hard to pick just one.
[Cut to the gang.]
[Cut to the interview.]
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names their boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast.)
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Joey: (To Chandler) Dude! What are yoyou trying to kill me?!
[The next one is from Episode 417: The One With The Free Porn, Chandler and Joey are lamenting the fact that every beautiful woman they see doesnt want to have sex right then and there like in porn.]
Chandler: Yknow what, we have to turn off the porn.
[Cut to the interview.]
Joey: In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And Im also a mento for the kids.(The gang shake their heads.) Yknow a mento, a role model. (Chandler bites his fist to keep from talking.)
(Chandler tries to jump over the couch but everyone stops him.)
The Interviewer: Well umm, another thing our readers always want to know is how our soap stars stay in such great shape. Do you have some kind of fitness regime?
Joey: Uh, we stars just try to eat right and get lots of exercise.
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
Chandler: This sounds like a hernia. You have toyou-youGo to the doctor!
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
[The next one is from Episode 609: The One Where Ross Got High, Rachel is describing her desert to Joey and Ross.]
Joey: Whats not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Goooooood.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
Joey: The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limesHey, what was in that brown jar?
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Rachel are on their knees with forks trying to salvage what they can of the cheesecake off of the floor.]
Chandler: Stick to your side!
[Cut to the interview.]
Joey: Ill take those to go. (To the interviewer) For the kids.
The Interviewer: Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. You were on the show years ago and then they killed you off. What happened there?
The Interviewer: Umm, Im gonna just go get this warmed up. (She takes her coffee mug up to the counter.)
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
Rachel: (scoffs at him) Yeah, thats gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest. Well I (leans into the microphone again) I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives.
Phoebe: Umm, I I just think you dont expect someone so hot to be so sweet.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: How come you have two? Chandler: Well this one's for you. Joey: Get out. Chandler: No, I can't. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, (Puts bracelet on Joey) it's about you and me and the fact that we're (Reading bracelet) best buds. Joey: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies. Chandler: That's what they'll call us. [The next one is from Episode 618: The One Where Ross Dates A Student.]
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (Stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!
[Cut to the interview.]
The Interviewer: So umm, now back to the show. How does it feel to have a huge gay fan base?
[Cut to the gang.]
[Cut to the interview.]
[Another group of flashbacks begin with Episode 513: The One With Joeys Bag. Joey is carrying the bag and has entered Central Perk to the amusement of Ross and Chandler.]
Joey: What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!
[The next one is from Episode 712: The One Where Theyre Up All Night, Joey and Ross are deciding how to climb down the final part of the fire escape.]
Ross: Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so were face to face or-or should I climb down your back so were-were butt to face.
Joey: I think face to face.
Joey: Face to face, yeah!
Ross: I prefer not to answer that right now, Im still carrying a little holiday weight.
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: Yknow, when we talked about face to face, I dont think we thought it all the way through.
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (He sits down next to her.)
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
[Cut to the interview.]
The Interviewer: So, lets talk about women. Im sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.
Joey: (to Phoebe) Hey, how you doin?
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
Woman: (to her friend) He has the most amazing Porsche under there!
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
[The next one is from Episode 613: The One With Rachels Sister, Chandler has just opened the door to reveal a woman standing there.]
[The final one is from Episode 607: The One Where Phoebe Runs, Joey has been trying to repel Janice and sees its not working to his liking so hes confronting her about the sexual tension.]
Janine: No! I mean you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just y'know, I just don't feel that way about you.
Joey: Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.
[Cut to the interview.]
Joey: Not much to tell there Im really shy.
The Interviewer: (returning) Oh wait! I almost forgot. We have to ask everybody this. Other than Days of Our Lives, whats your favorite soap opera?
The Interviewer: Thank you. The readers at Soap Opera Digest will be happy to hear that.
Joey: Oh, good to know. (The interviewer leaves.) So close!
Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Terry: Good to see you again!
Monica: Listen...I need to know that what I'm about to ask you, will never get back to Chandler.
Terry: Everybody has to audition.
Cecilia: (to him) Im having a conversation here! (To Joey) You were saying?
Joey: FINE, ok, if you love this house so much, then you should just live here, okay? I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound. (He turns his back to them and starts humming) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Megan: Look, you dont want to fight me.
Ross: (To Chandler) How could you tell her?!
Phoebe: Yeah, do you want to break a dying womans heart?
Ross: (To Chandler) You told her!
Monica: Wait a minute! So you told people I was pregnant?! (Flash) Does this look like a conversation that I want to remember?!
Ross: I know! Im saying you have to watch them all the time.
Monica: (running up to Ross) What happened in Atlantic City?!
Rachel: (talking with a higher voice, and puckered lips kind of like you do to a baby or...well a puppy its hard to explain. Just use your imagination!) Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but Ive got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. (still talking like that) Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously cant stop it. (exits)
Rachel: Yeah and you had fun teaching him how to be all Joey.
Monica: He hates to lose.
Rachel: Monica, number one, I dont think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey) What?!
Joey: Way to be strong, man!
Mr. Geller: (Forcefully.) Hey, you keep pushing me on this, my foots going to meet the middle of your ass.
Gunther: Youve sung Happy Birthday to 20 different women today!
(Phoebe enters, walks up to Monica, and exhales exasperatedly.)
Ross: (handing Mona the present) Happy Valentines Day! Or something to remember me by.
Joey: Fine! (He slams on the brakes, stopping the car on the bridge to the sound of numerous car horns.) Get out!
Lorraine: (to waiter) Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?
Joey: Because they wanted me to audition!
Joey: Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
[Scene: The Hospital. Erica is moaning and about to give birth. Monica, Chandler, a nurse and a doctor are there with her.]
Rachel: Be-because I didn't want him to think I was stupid! I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you!
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler has been rushed to the emergency room.]
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
Chandler: So you must be going to somewhere fancy to celebrate?
Rachel: Okay. Wow! So I get to see what Joey Tribbiani is like on a date. So do you have any moves?
(he idly goes to the sofa, starts browsing a magazine. Everybody stares at him)
Monica: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her?
Rachel: Oh, did you not want people to know that?
Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes Im gonna be saying (He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.)
Dr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please.
RACHEL: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.
Phoebe: No, I want this to happen.
Rachel: Hey, honey! Whats the matter? (Monica shows her, her hat.) Fine, I was just trying to be nice! Whoa!
Rachel: Oh, I gotta get back to work.
Monica: Hello Dan! I'm really looking forward to Saturday night! Really, really!
Rachel: Phoebe, if this guys going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?
Conan: But there must be, there mustare a lot of moments over the years where youre just trying to do your job, something goes wrong.
RACHEL: I can not believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when your nauseous.
Emily: And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching our plane with her.
[Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."]
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Monica: I kind of have to don't I? Because of this stupid thing (Points to her wedding ring.)
Sarah: They are delicious (takes a few from the plate, puts one in her mouth and places the rest on her plate, then starts to reach over to Joey's platter again)
Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasnt supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. Its my best friends, and Im officiating so I really cant work past four.
JOEY: Yeah, and she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.
Dr. Green: Ill never understand you lesbians. (To Rachel) So baby, tell me what is new with you.
Rachel: Did you talk to him?
(Chandler turns to the camera and does The Face.)
Rachel: Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, I don't even know where to start.
Monica: Do you really want to pull at that thread?
Monica: Yes, I'm sure! Rachel is there something that you want to talk me about?
Rachel: Well yknow, we did other stuff too. (Joey and Chandler start to giggle.)
Chandler: We cant tell him, you cant go up to a guy you barely know and talk about his.... stuff.
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Okay.
Chandler: Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring!
Ross: Well, I mean its not all bad. Im learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky.
Monica: I dont know! Time to kiss a guy maybe?! (Ross laughs.) What are you laughing at Pampers? (He stops laughing and glares at her.)
Hooker: Uh, no. But I could pretend to strip, but thats gonna cost extra. Okay, heres the extras, handcuffs, spanking (Chandler grunts for her not to continue and Joey pulls him back into the kitchen.)
Chandler: Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. (pause) But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?
MONICA: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time that you take Dr. Greene over to your place.
Ross: (faking starting to cry) Oh God youre right.
Chandler: This is not going to work.
Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.
Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?
Rachel: Hi! Phoebe. (Both Monica and her try to move out of Phoebes way.)
Rachel: (To Joey) So, will you talk to him?
Chandler: Well, lets see (Finding the picture he wants.) Okay uh, is that her? (Pointing to the picture.)
Tag: Hey Joey, you wanted to talk to me?
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
Rachel: Oh yknow what? Yknow what? Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinmans and get it half off. This place is so overpriced.
Joey: Well, hes too shy, he doesnt thing hes good enough to dance with girls yet.
Rachel: Id love to!
Joey: But between you and Phoebe, Id have to give the edge to Phoebe.
Chandler: (To Ross) Smooth.
Chandler: Yeah, Id love to but Ive tried that so many times they wont even let me in the store anymore.
Ross: (with his mouth full) Just a second! (he fake laughs, but turns his head and starts to break down)
Ross: This was just a drunken mistake and I need to get it annulled.
Phoebe: Oh, its already closed, Chris gave me the keys to lock up-what is wrong?
Fake Monica: Well, actually, you only got to sing 'Memo-'.
Chandler: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...
Monica: Okay. (She opens it up and shows it to them.)
Monica: Because then I dont have to!
Rachel: But Joey, I dont think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)Or he does.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Monica: (To Joey) Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.
Ross: Damnit! I have this date tomorrow night and I have to look cool!
(The woman gets up and walks over to their table.)
Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (Theyre stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
Ross: Okay, theres this guy, Warren, from the museum and hes going on a dig for like two years and hes got this great place he needs to sublet. So uh, you interested?
Joey: Come here! (Hugs Dina and Bobby looks to hug Rachel.)
(She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.)