words in movies
Ross: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good. (Joey pats Ross on his back)
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
Ross: (triumphantly) Im gonna be on TV!!
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Joey: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, (Joey from TV) you know that's bad for the paper tray.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room?
Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
Joey and Chandler: Oh no-no-no! (Monica mutes the TV and they tentatively look behind them)
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
Chandler: (sees Kathy is up watching TV) Hi!
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, hes just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think?
Chandler: Uh-huh. (He doesn't take his eyes off the TV.)
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Matress King: (on TV) Im close. Im cheap. Im the king.
Joey: Yknow Terry, I-I dont really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot.
Monica: Man, this sucks! Yknow if Mom and Dad dont see us on TV after we made them so jealous, I mean, whos gonna be the losers then?
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank and her, are sitting on the counh, watching TV]
Monica: All right then, go fight for her! Go to London! I mean, that could be you and Emily! (Points to the TV.) That, but-but nicer. Just, go to London!
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
Ross: Everything? Even the TV?
Joey: Oh well, its not on TV yet.
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]
Rachel: (to the flight attendant who appears in record time. It was only seconds after Rachel pushed the call button was she there. Once again, more proof that TV isn't real, IRL she would've been waiting for the rest of the flight and by then Ross's pants would be dry.) Hi!
Joey: Okay, you watch too much TV.
Ross: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?
(It's only when the camera cuts to Ross's apartment that we see that the TV is turned off and Ross is indeed doing a bit. He then tries to hide his smirk.)
Dick Clark: (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...
Chandler: Whoa, she's pretty. (Mentioning the girl on TV)
Joey: No-no! No, Im accepting it on her behalf. (He puts it up above the TV to display it.)
Joey: Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are watching TV as Chandler enters.]
JOEY: There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon.
MONICA: [seeing TV] Hey, I went up.
Ross: So Joey umm, you look familiar. Are uh, are you on TV or something?
Rachel: Stevie the TV?
MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?
(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janices ex-husband, comes on TV.)
Rachel: On TV?! Yeah!
Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
Joey: Look, I dont know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Yknow? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!
Rachel: Ill be watching TV if anybody needs me. (exits to her room)
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
(We see the TV and its the last scene where ET is saying goodbye.)
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Chandler: And no one touches the air around the TV!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.]
Woman on TV: Ohhh! Make it stop!
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
Joey: Im not telling, youll have to see it on TV!
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is watching TV, and hes very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
Emeril: (on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV, and we hear Mr. Treeger in the bathroom.]
Monica: No Joey, I think he's just watchin' TV.
TV announcer: Next up is a marching band from Muskogee, OK.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching Pete fight on TV. Monica is hiding in the kitchen, not watching.]
Monica: You bet! No TV or anything! (she gets up from the sofa and goes to the kitchen area)
Man on TV: Now, push!
Man on TV: Anything?
Phoebe: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feelOh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)
Joey: I mean come on you guys! My own TV show? I just dont know if Im good enough.
Man on TV: Yeah, just relax.
Chandler: That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV.
Sarah: I'm sorry, I don't own a TV.
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
Rachel: Oh! Weather bitch! (turns the TV off)
Ross: Did the TV wake you?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
TV Announcer: Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favourite area.
Joey: Fake? Excuse me? Hello? (Taps the TV screen.)
Phoebe-Estelle: It’s a little coincidental, but believable. (Joey nods in agreement). Listen, I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t get you an audition for that TV movie.
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
Kathy: (entering) Hey! (sees whats on TV) Oh God, is that Baywatch?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is watching TV and Monica is cooking]
Chandler: (picking up a video from the table) Candy and Cookie. Candy and Cookie? Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some "porn")
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
Joey: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! (The dry cleaner doesnt remember) Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? (Holds his picture up in front of his face.) Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, Im ready to go back up on the wall Im the star of a new TV show.
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Joey: Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV series? Ive dreamed about this for years! Why have I not been preparing?!
(They run to the living room where Monica has moved the chair back (Towards the step), the coffee table forward (Towards the TV), and taped a square outline on the floor.)
(At this point, Buffay, the Vampire Layer and Nasforatool start to get it on. Of course, since this is network TV, we can only see the reactions of the gang to the film playing off screen.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Monica: Chinadolor Bong, come on, we steal that TV Guide every week!