words in movies
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
JOEY ON TV: Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.
Ross: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good. (Joey pats Ross on his back)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
Pete: (turns off the TV) Youre taking this all wrong. Because, if I didnt leave you that tip, you wouldnt of come down here, we wouldnt be having this argument, and there wouldnt be this ah, heat between us.
(Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.)
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe and Frank are watching TV.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is just getting off of the intercom and turns off the TV which is still in the SAP mode.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
JOEY: I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's makin' movies.
(She starts pushing the power button on the remote, but it's not facing the TV so it doesn't work.)
TV DOCTOR: You're the only one who can save her Drake.
Joey: Everything is upside down here! It rains all day long, nobody watches tv and Ross is famous!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Joey are watching TV.]
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
CHANDLER: God that is good TV.
Monica: Oh hey Joey! We've been watching all day, when are you gonna be on TV?
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Joey: No! I want an award I did win! But nobodys giving me any of those! PlusHey Rach, if-if I put it up there (Points to the TV) right? When people come over theyll see it and theyll think I won it.
[Camera pans back from the TV to show the gang watching.]
Monica: (Looking at the TV) You're not on TV.
Monica: Can we turn the TV off? Okay? Do we really want to spend the entire weekend like this?
(Monica gets up and shuts off the TV.)
Ross: Oh great! That means Im stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin right here! Whoa!"
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's hotel room, Rachel is still trying to get the ink off and Ross is on the phone to the company. Wait a minute, why exactly are they sharing a hotel room? Didn't they like break-up or something? Did I miss a memo? Or maybe, it's just foreshadowing things to come. Who knows? Maybe the answer's at the bottom of the page. Then again, maybe it isn't and it's just one of those things TV writers just don't explain. Anyhoo ]
RACHEL: Chandler honey, I'm sorry. Ok, can we watch Joey's show now please? [they turn on the TV]
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Ross: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.
Joey: A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Ross: Im afraid the TV Guide comes to Chinandolor Bong.
Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Ross: Hey-hey have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are watching TV as Joey enters.]
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
Joey: Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
Joey: Well, ah, Im an actor. Im fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and dont worry Im totally okay with the gay thing.
Phoebe: Does anyone wanna watch TV?
Joey: How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin!
Joey: Yeah, so no one touches the remote. And no one touches the TV!
Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?
Monica: Maybe Joey doesnt have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?
Anchorwoman: (on TV) While most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts. Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. (Joey is intrigued by the idea) Unfortunately, the sad fact remains that most of these little guys wont live to see the fourth of July. (Joey starts to call a place to buy a little baby chick) Because of as a result of improper care, they will be dead.
Joey: Yeah, I (Shuts off the TV.) I dont want Stevie to see her like this.
Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planets most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. Shes the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
Ross: (triumphantly) Im gonna be on TV!!
Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
Phoebe: Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room?
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Joey: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, (Joey from TV) you know that's bad for the paper tray.
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
Joey and Chandler: Oh no-no-no! (Monica mutes the TV and they tentatively look behind them)
Chandler: (sees Kathy is up watching TV) Hi!
Chandler: Uh-huh. (He doesn't take his eyes off the TV.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think?
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, hes just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
Joey: Yknow Terry, I-I dont really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot.
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
Matress King: (on TV) Im close. Im cheap. Im the king.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are watching TV as Joey enters.]
(It's only when the camera cuts to Ross's apartment that we see that the TV is turned off and Ross is indeed doing a bit. He then tries to hide his smirk.)
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
Joey: Okay, you watch too much TV.
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank and her, are sitting on the counh, watching TV]
Monica: Man, this sucks! Yknow if Mom and Dad dont see us on TV after we made them so jealous, I mean, whos gonna be the losers then?
Ross: Everything? Even the TV?
Joey: Oh well, its not on TV yet.
Ross: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?
Dick Clark: (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
Rachel: (to the flight attendant who appears in record time. It was only seconds after Rachel pushed the call button was she there. Once again, more proof that TV isn't real, IRL she would've been waiting for the rest of the flight and by then Ross's pants would be dry.) Hi!
ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]
Joey: Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV.
Chandler: Whoa, she's pretty. (Mentioning the girl on TV)
Monica: All right then, go fight for her! Go to London! I mean, that could be you and Emily! (Points to the TV.) That, but-but nicer. Just, go to London!
Ross: So Joey umm, you look familiar. Are uh, are you on TV or something?
Rachel: Stevie the TV?
Joey: No-no! No, Im accepting it on her behalf. (He puts it up above the TV to display it.)
JOEY: There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are watching TV as Chandler enters.]
(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janices ex-husband, comes on TV.)
MONICA: [seeing TV] Hey, I went up.
Rachel: On TV?! Yeah!
MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...