words in movies
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
Chandler: Are you looking at naked tribe's women?
Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?
Joey: Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Chandler: Oh, I'm so glad we cleared that up. Look, I'm sorry, some things are different for men and for women.
Chandler: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, its probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women So, as of 4 oclock tomorrow, Im either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.
Joey: See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
Ross: Ive got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.
JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Joey: Well, when Jake did it I saw that he was wearing womens underwear!
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
(We hear a women start moaning.)
Joey: These little women. Wow!
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
Ross: Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women dont even feel them.
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
MONICA: Chandler could you at least send some women to my party? [buzzer goes off] Alright that's Ross.
Joey: All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!
Rachel: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we dont keep the womens lingerie here in the office?
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny
Dr. Rosen: (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...
Joey: (to women passing him) Porsche.
Sophie: Maybe hes intimated by really smart, strong, successful women.
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, yknow what I have to realize? Maybe Im just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Yknow, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
Joey: Look, Rach, Rach! I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the way Ross felt about you.
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Joey: Yeah, I-I think that women just have a lower threshold of pain than men, thats all. I mean, come on, its just a little wax.
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Monica: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't even be here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins.
Monica: Do you know anything about women?
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
JOEY: Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. Women live longer than men.
The Interviewer: So, lets talk about women. Im sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.
JOEY: It just seems so futile, you know ? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
Phoebe: Im just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in womens underwear! I dont think you could ever do that.
Rachel: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man. Ooo, I have a penis. Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women. (hands over her money)
Rachel: Oh my God! Why is he jumping on those women!
Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)
RICHARD: Honey, you are not an oat. I, I mean I don't know, I, I guess I'm just not an oat guy. I've only slept with women I've been in love with.
Chandler: I am totally picturing you with all those women!
Rachel: (Faking crying.) Yeah, he dumped me. He said, "Rachel, I cant do this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful women. I cant do this. Im married and Im sorry." And then I dont know why but he said, "and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine."
Rachel: All right, will you, will you at least tell him how hollow and unsatisfying this, dating tons of women thing is!
CHANDLER: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it .Oh My God, Im a women!!!
Chandler: I don't get it neither, I mean you're obviously desperate, you're asking women how they want to be killed
[Scene: The Womens Restroom, Rachel and Phoebe are waiting for the outcome of Rachels second test.]
Joey: Were 29, were not women.
Phoebe: So hes probably really nervous around women, y'know? Maybe, you just have to make the first move.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is watching Joey read Little Women, Ross is also there.]
Chandler: Yes, it does bother me! And I think it would bother a lot of people. Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women?
Joey: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker.
Phoebe: How are you? (The woman nods) Good. (She goes over to another couple of women.) Hi, thanks for coming.
Rachel: Yknow, all the women.
(A beautiful women walks up.)
Monica: Its harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
Julio: No, it's about all women. Well, all American women. You feel better now?
Rachel: Uhh, no, no, it bothered me when he slept with other women.
Ross: Who cares? I repel women.
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
Chandler: Fowl? No. Women? Nooo.
Ross: (chases her) Oh yeah, yeah? Well uh, when we were going out, I read tons of porno magazines! (Realizes a table of women overheard him.) (To that table.) Sup?
CHANDLER: Alright you guys are off to party number one [ushers 3 guys into Monica's apartment] and you, you are off to party number two [ushers four women into his apartment. Two guys try to follow and Chandler blocks them and shoos them off to Monica's apartment] Alright fellas, let's keep it movin', let' keep it movin.
ROSS: Women really want this?
Rachel: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, thats four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! Im next! Its my turn! Its only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me Im going to sue you! Not this hospital, Im going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) hes a lawyer!
Rachel: Okay. Ah, well well just see about that, okay. I will read The Shining, (she tries to take the book away from him but he doesnt want to let it go) and you will read Little Women.
Rachel: Dr. Long, Ive been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Phoebe: Ugh! Women!
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!
Ross: Sure, because women never like Joey. Yknow, I think hes a virgin.
Rachel: All right, would-would you mind just not going out with him again? Okay, just the idea of you and he and all these women, its justAnd I know hes my assistant and I cant date himbut it just bothers me, all right?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that morning. The porn is still on, there are three women getting ready to shave the chest of some guy. Joey and Chandler are wondering why that guy is letting them shave his chest, and Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast at the foosball table.]
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.]
Rachel: What about all the women you want to bring home?
JOEY: Absolutely.� You'd do it for me.� Not that you ever have to because I know how to keep my women satisfied.
Joey: Oh, women can. You can't.
PHOEBE: Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when men used to tell women what to do - a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds horrible. Do you want to get this tattoo?
Phoebe: Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian women living in mine.
[Scene: The lobby of Ross's building, he's sitting on the couch at the bottom of the stairs, and he's practicing enticing women to join him on the couch.]
Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...
Ross: Okay! (Walks away from him.) Umm, I uh, Im your teacher. Im sorry, youre-youre a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs.
[Scene: Kleinmans, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are waiting for the store to open.]
Cecilia: Oh that explains all the womens underwear.
PHOEBE: And because you're both, you know, white women.
CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
Joey: (recoils in horror) Women are mean!!! (Storms out.)
All: I dont have anything. (All of the rest of the women there hide their gifts behind their backs.)
Ross: No, women are welcome to play.
Wayne: Listen, I-I guarantee you keep your job if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do.
Rachel: Im sorry your wife is gay. I guess women arent that great either.
Tag: Then we went to this bar and he hooked us up with all these women!
Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out.
Rachel: Ok, Ross, what�s going on here, are we just bringing strange women back to the apartment now?