words in movies
Joey: (sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh Oh wait, I dont have to lie to you, you dont live here anymore. Uh, Im eating their food. What are you doing?
Monica: Joey we know you steal our food.
Joey: Yeah you got 5 years left!
Joey: You wanna make it 6?!
Rachel: Oh Ross, hi! Hey, how are ya? There you are!
Rachel: Yeah fun? Great! So uh, so did you guys hit it off?
Rachel: So uh, so did anything happen? Because rumor has it you guys shut the drapes!
Rachel: She asked-asked you out again?
Ross: Yeah-uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentines Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean.
Rachel: Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I cant! I cant! I cant! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just cant. Its just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I cant do it! I cant do it.
Ross: (while Rachel is finishing her rant) Okay! Okay! Okay! Its okay. (Rachel stops.) Its okay. Hey, its too weird for you, I wont see her again.
Rachel: Thank you. I yeah.
Ross: You want me to call her right now?
Rachel: Oh no! No! No-no-no-no! No, I mean come on thats-thats crazyI mean thats crazy. So whats-whats going on with you? What is going on with you?
Joey: (crying) You didnt cry when Bambis mother died?
Monica: Chandler theres nothing wrong with crying! I mean you dont have to be so macho all the time.
Monica: Yeah youre right. I dont know what I was thinking.
Joey: Come on man theres gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh oh, what if you saw a three-legged puppy?
Monica: Oh, Ive got it! I have got it! (Gets up and gets something from the dresser underneath the TV.) Pictures from your childhood. This will get you going good!
Phoebe: So that story doesnt make you cry?
Joey: No! Its not okay! Its not okay at all!! Youre dead inside!!
The Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?
Phoebe: Oh youre my biggest fan? Ive always wanted to meet you! Hi! (Shakes his hand.) Sure! Yeah! (Signs the autograph)
The Fan: Wow! Wow, thanks a lot! I just wanna say, I think youre really talented.
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
Joey: (to the fan) So, you saw me on Days Of Our Lives huh? Want me to, want me to do a little Dr. Drake Remoray for ya?
The Fan: I have no idea what youre talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffays autograph!
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
Gunther: Well, I wouldnt call her a star, but shes really good. You should check out Inspecther Gadget.
Jill: Youll never believe what just happened, Ross just totally blew me off and he didnt even tell me why!
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Rachel: No honey, okay, okay, you wanna know why Ross canceled the date? Because I asked him to.
Jill: You asked him too?!
Rachel: Because you are my sister and Ross and I have this huge history
Jill: I dont understand, do you want to go out with Ross?
Jill: You dont want him, but you dont want me to have him?
Jill: Ugh! I cannot believe you did this too me! You had me doubting how smart I was! (Gasps) You had me doubting my fashion sense!
Rachel: Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just dont date Ross! Theres a million other guys out there, you just
Jill: Hey! You have no right to tell me what to do.
Rachel: Im not telling you what to do! I am telling you what not to do!
Jill: Why are you so jealous of me?
Rachel: Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you cant have!
Rachel: All right, all right, well you just blew your chances at dating Bob!
Monica: Youre jealous of Princess Caroline?
Monica: (noticing the bag Joeys carrying) Oh great! Did you get a movie?
Joey: Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I dont think its the kind youre gonna like.
Chandler: You didnt get more movies that are gonna have us reaching for the tissues all night did you?
Monica: Thats Phoebe! Where did you get that?
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Monica: Yes, but you are dead inside.
Monica: Yeah youre right, we cantwe shouldnt watch this.
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
Ross: Yeah! Good for you Joe!
Buffay, the Vampire Layer: Ah, I thought Id find you here, Nasforatool.
The Vampire: Buffay, are you going to plunge your stake into my dark places?
Chandler: Her ankle is what youre watching?
Joey: (sitting at the kitchen table with his back to the TV) You sick bastards!
Monica: Why are you reading this? You hate this kind of stuff.
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I figured a shot yknow? Maybe one of those stories would make me cry and then you wouldnt think I was yknow, all dead inside.
Monica: Oh thats so sweet! Look Chandler I dont care if you cant cry, I love you.
Monica: I wont care, because I know you will be feeling it all in here. (Points to her heart.)
Monica: Yeah! And if, and if we have a baby one-day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room and you dont cry, so what! And-and-and, and if we take him to college and come home and see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing, it wont matter to me.
Monica: And-and-and if I die, from a long illness. And youre writing out my eulogy and you open a desk drawer and you find a note from me that says, "I will always be with you," and you still cant shed one tiny tear, I know youll be crying a river inside.
Chandler: Aww, I love you so
Monica: What is wrong with you?!!!
Monica: What?! You cant shed a tear for your dead wife!! Now, I left you a note from the beyond!
Chandler: So you didnt mean any of that?!
Monica: No you robot!!
Ross: You damn kids! You ring my bell one more time, I swear to (Opens the door to find Jill standing there.) Ohh, uh Jill. Umm, that-thats just a little game I play with the kids down the hall. Umm, theyve really taken a liking to me. (Quickly looks out to see if theyre watching.) Uhh whats-whats-whats the matter?
Jill: But you know what might really cheer me up?
Jill: Totally, I love them! And, maybe you could finish telling me about all the different kinds of sand.
Ross: Well, Id love to! Here, you wait right here and Ill go get the projector and my notes!
Jill: Oh great! Thanks Ross, youre such a good friend!
Rachel: Hey! Have you guys seen Jill? I cant find her anywhere.
Phoebe: (seeing her dress) Oh God. So-so youre making porn movies.
Phoebe: Youre making one right now!
Phoebe: And-and youre using my name!
Ursula: Yeah, can I help you with something?
Phoebe: Look, Im talking right now! Youreyou mean her.
Ursula: Yeah, I can talk them into giving you like, 30 dollars.
Phoebe: No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! (Yells into the apartment) And shame on all of you! Youre disgusting! Especially you (points to someone) with that! (Storms away.)
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
Rachel: Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!
Ross: Yknow what? I think I can take care of myself, Ill talk to you later. Good-bye. (Hangs up the phone and turns to find Jill sitting really close to him.) Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that youre just using me.
Joey: Oh no, not you too!
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Joey: You do?
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Ross: (To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.
Rachel: What?! You kissed!
Rachel: Well, it doesnt sound like it! I mean, its pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just dont kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
Rachel: Yeah thats right you werent thinking! Yknow what? Let me give you something to think about! (She pulls up her sleeves and steps towards him.)
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
Rachel: Wow. I, I dont even know what to say. Thank you. (Gently kicks him.)
Ross: Youre welcome. (Gently kicks her back.)
Monica: Oh my God! Are-are you crying?
Jill: All right, Im leaving! Because Im not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. Thats you Rachel!
Jill: (To Ross) And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?
Ross: You take care Jill.
Chandler: So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you.
Rachel: Oh-ohh, thank you.
Chandler: You gonna buy a new one?
Phoebe: So. This has always been Monicas bed, what youre just noticing now, how self-involved are you?
Phoebe: Y'know Monica you had a minor setback in your relationship with Chandler. Big deal! It's only Chandler. (Monica turns and stares at her.) I am so sorry.
Joey: Okay. Okay, so Im writing you a check for So you fell asleep during my movie. Big deal right? How do you clear this thing?
Rachel: No! No! No! Im not yelling at you, Im just yelling near you. Oh God Joey, ohh Im my father. Oh my God, this is horrible! Ive been trying so hard not to be my mother I did not see this comin. Oh, Joey, Im sorry. Im so sorry. I just wanted you to learn.
Ross: Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!
Rachel: Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two assistants.
Joey: Thats not gonna work out! Then shes gonna come home all weepy and youll be tellin her, "Oh thats okay. Youll find someone." And then, bamn! She finds you!
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Rachel: Wow that's uh, juicy. Umm, (checks watch) y'know what though Mon, I actually do have a lot of work to do so if-ifare you sure there's just not anything else?
Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
Joey: Dont you see what this means?! I can forget about that stupid movie. I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Monica: Oh please! Yesterday on the subway? You couldn't stop staring at that woman with the big breasts the whole time.
Ross: Umm, did you notice anything wierd about Ben today?
Monica: I-I already told him everything! (Threateningly) You shush!!
JOEY: Oh no-no, it's uh, it's not what you think. We uh, we used it to, you know, fling water balloons off the roof. Remember that, those junior high kids couldn't even get theirs accross the street.
Phoebe: Wrong again! Apparently you can change it to anything you want. So I thought, all right, here's an opportunity to be creative. So meet Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.
Joey: All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!
Rachel: Are-are you saying hes a geek?
Phoebe: I do! I do! I do! (Chases her into the hall, but Rachel doesnt stop.) I do! (Gives up.) Ugh, like I can really chase you. Im carrying a litter.
Rachel: Oh thank you so much Mr. Kaplan, thank you so much.
Ross: We live together. Youre having our baby. Im not gonna see anybody else. Are you-are you sure you dont want something more?
Ross: Oh, I'm sorry, no. He did ask me one. Uhm... How do you spell Mboscodictiosaur?
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
Chandler: Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? Hes not like other people, on your first date he took you to Rome. For most guys thats like a third or fourth date kinda thing.
Passenger: Oh-no.(He bites his fist at her.)And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break. (Rachel gasps and doesnt know what to say. He puts his headphones back on.)
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
Rachel: What are you ever gonna use that for?!
Joey: (in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you."
Phoebe: Obviously I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just thought if I kept insulting everyone, you would jump in and defend everyone and then you could look like the hero.
Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldnt be so hard, now that youre dating. (Imitating men at their worst) "Sweetheart, youre fired, but how bout a quickie before I go to work?"
Monica: Rach, did you check the machine?
Rachel: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk!
Chandler: Oh, then I'll tell you. My agency was bidding for a big account and they got it! It's my first national commercial!
Monica: You read comic books right?
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
Erica: (To Chandler) We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob (Monica smiles at Chandler and his he looks shocked and scared, getting no support from his wife)
Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?
Monica: Ok people, we are back in business! (Gets her headset out of her purse) Oh God, we've missed you soo much! (takes all the notes from Phoebe) Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.
ROSS: Bye Marcel. See ya on the big screen. You keep people drinkin' that beer, OK. I miss you buddy.
Rachel: Wow! They really got you guys. Your T.V. The chairs.
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
Monica: Hey Hon, could you help me get the plates down?
Phoebe: in Reservations at 8:00 by Neil Simon. (To an imaginary Neil Simon) Thank-thank you Neil. Thank you for the words. (Blows him a kiss.)
Chandler: Let me ask you, why is everybody using these tiny lights nowadays? I remember when people used to use big lights.
Chandler: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas Eve and you'd rather be with your families, but there's *no* call (he takes it off) for writing "Screw you, Mr. Bing!" on the back of my chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me Chandler.
Phoebe: Before I start, I just wanna say that umm, I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of Pepper People. (Starts to sing) Smelly cat, smelly cat. What are they feeding you? (Stops singing) This chick sounds good. (Singing) Smelly cat, smelly--(stops singing) Hey Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.
Amy: You bitch. You just think you're so perfect. With your new baby and your, your small apartment. <directs this to Ross who in turns throws the towel in his hand down on the table> Well let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute.
Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach-aches. They come and go like every few minutes.
Rachel: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually (starting to cry), but now she's actually stealing you.
MONICA: Um, I straightened out your shower curtain so you won't get mildew. What? To me that's nice.
Phoebe: You know, I'm always right about these things.
Ross: Wait-wait-wait, do you, do you think, maybe we shouldnt invite her?
Rachel: (on phone) Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat...(cut)...I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. (She hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket.)
Joshua: You really dont seem like you do. Thats
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
Phoebe: No but at Monicas you can eat cookies over the sink!
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
Ross: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister (Kisses Monica), I love Pheebs... (Hugs her)
Chandler: Gunther, can I get another cup of coffee, please? (Gunther starts to pour him another cup.) So uh, what do you do when youre not working here?
Rachel: (calmly) Okay. Im sorry. Youre right, youre right.
Rachel: Umm, when were you gonna tell me that youre going out with Chip Matthews?
Monica: You have scratches all over you, what happened? (Rachel's arms are covered with scratches.)
Rachel: Come on Phoebe, look at that! They are not breaking up, look at them. Okay thats, you know what that is? That is a, that is a second date, thats what that is! Look at that, she just put her hand on his thigh...
Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead.)
Rachel: (answering the phone) Hello? (listens) Yeah, this is she. (listens) Oh! Youre kidding! Youre kidding! (listens) Oh thank you! I love you!
Rachel: See? Yeah, you told me the story. He and Monica dated when they broke up they couldn't even be in the same room together and you all promised that you would stay his friend and what happened? He got phased out!
CHANDLER: What? [realizes it was the bracelet] Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the Liberace house of crap.
Dr. Green: Ill never understand you lesbians. (To Rachel) So baby, tell me what is new with you.
Monica: Hey, did you get the turkey bastedOh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that?
Rachel: What? What, do you mean you're not feeling well? What do you have? Is it Rubella? Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot.
Flight Attendant: Oh, oooh. I'm sorry. You are not allowed on the jetway unless you have a boarding pass.
Chandler: You got it. (Starts looking at the pad, while Ross got the turkey out of the fridge and starts to unwrap and it) You got Nevada twice.
Phoebe: Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah thats too bad. I really want to go to his concert Friday night, but its totally sold out. I know! Why dont you meet him and get tickets?! If you get two Ill take you.
Billy Crystal: Im sorry. Ex-excuse us. Im sorry, its a little crowded. Do you mind if we... (motions to the couch)
Ross: What?! When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys?
Gavin: You hear a key in the hole and you jump like a young bronco coming out of a chute for the first time. I used to be arodeo clown.
Monica: Havent you and I covered that topic?
Chandler: Yeah, and I don't wanna brag but a lot of the ideas were mine! (silence) Hell, you weren't there? All the ideas were mine!!!
Rachel: In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it (Looks down onto her desk and finds the folder with the Post-It on it that contains the contracts she imagined she gave Tag) that said, "Must go out today." So you just keep looking in there! All right?
Joey: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!
Rachel: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats what you really want. Yeah, I dont want to be the reason youre unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really dont want to be the reason Im unhappy.
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Rachel: No, its Ross. Its Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his head.) Oh daddy, I hope youre okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. Youre gonnaThis is your first grandchild! Youre gonna be a poppy!
Monica: "Take me to the mansion in the sky-y". I am sorry, the song is over. Did you see me out there?
JOEY: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... [rubs his fingers together]
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
Phoebe: �kay, see you there. Happy humping! (outside meeting Chandler.) Hey�hey! Oh, wow, somebody smoked out here? Oh my god, don�t people know, you�re not allowed to smoke in public spaces?
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Monica: Okay, so from now on we have to call you Princess Consuela?
Joey: Choose, you jackass!
Monica: Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Doctor Phil tells you to do.
Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.