words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Joey: (laughing) You fall for it every time!
Phoebe: I brought you my old maternity clothes! (Sets a bag on the counter.)
Monica: (entering) Oh good youre all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four oclock. (To Rachel) Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school?
Rachel: Wow! I dont remember him. Honey, are you sure youre not talking about your imaginary boyfriend.
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
Monica: All right okay, just so you know, Im not gonna make a turkey this year.
Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!
Monica: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But justtheres gonna be a ton left over.
Monica: All right, youre telling me you can eat an entire turkey in just one sitting?
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Monica: You too!
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Monica: No! No! No! No sweetie! No! Not like that! Were not at a barn dance. Youve gottayou wanna fold them like swans. Like I showed you at Christmas time, remember?
Phoebe: I dont believe you! That is brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
Phoebe: Well I want to get in on this. Hey Mon? I dont think I can help you after all, I didnt realize this game was on.
Monica: Oh, I didnt know you liked football.
Monica: You like Green Bay?
Monica: Aww thanks! God Will Im so glad that you came! You look great! You mustve lost like
Monica: You wanna meet some people? This is uh; this is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Will: Sure! Monica, I cant get over how great you look! You look stunning!
Monica: Well you look incredible too! Youre justyoure so fit!
Monica: Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming.
Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, Im in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? (Starts looking.) No Will no!
Phoebe: Noooo!! Damn you ref! You burn in hell!!!
Monica: Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, youve got almost an entire turkey to eat.
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Will: I actually know what youre talking about. Im here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! (They hug and Ross realizes what he said.) Hot stuff?
Will: Its good to see you man.
Ross: Yeah, you too. Man, so-so what are you up to?
Ross: Oh! Man I dont think Ive seen you since uh, Lance Davis graduation party.
Will: God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?
Will: So what do you, what do you do now?
Ross: So how long are you in town?
Ross: Awoh, thats right. Are-are you gonna be okay?
Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. (We see Will angrily staring at Rachel.) Oh my God, hes Look at the way hes just staring at me. I think hes trying to mouth something to me, but I cant make it out. (Will mouths, "I hate you.")
Will: Oh I-I remember you.
Rachel: Really?! Arent you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis graduation party?
Will: You are unbelievable.
Rachel: Thank you!
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Will: Oh, youd like that wouldnt ya?
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Rachel: Umm, Im sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Phoebe: I think you do.
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Will: A little mean? You made my life miserable!
Will: Well you should be. Screw it! Bring on the yams!
Rachel: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that Im real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school
Rachel: You had a club?!
Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?
Rachel: (To Ross) So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Will: You went out with her?! We had a pact!
Rachel: Okay Monica, did you know about this?!
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Ross: co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didnt handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club.
Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?
Phoebe: What?! What else did you do?
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Will: Thats right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.
Monica: You started that?!
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Chandler: Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?!
Rachel: Monica, how come you never told me this?!
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
Joey: You are my Everest.
Monica: Joey, you dont have to finish that.
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Ross: Rach, I think youre reading a little too much into it.
Rachel: (reading what he wrote again) "Dear Rach, youre a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." (Will laughs.)
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Will: Could you also tell them Im skinny now?
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Ross: (shocked) (To Rachel) How did you know that?!!!!
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Chandler: Im sorry. When you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman?
Phoebe: So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner?
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
Rachel: All right, yknowFine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie! (Will laughs.)
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Monica: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.
Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-youve been through so much since then. And right now youve got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Cant you just let this go?
Will: Hold on! You got her pregnant?
Will: So you knocked her up but youre not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody?
Monica: Well Joey, were all were all very proud of you.
Phoebe: Is there anything we can do for you?
Rachel: You can keep those pants by the way.
Joey: Whoaheywh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?
Monica: Yeah, you want some?
Joey: Ah, just cut me a little sliver. (Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.) A little bigger. (Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.) Little bigger. (Monica moves the knife again.) What?! Are you afraid youre gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!
Monica: Yknow, you called me that before so I-I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil. Now, no pressure, you like my cookies, you give me the star. (Hands it to her.)
Phoebe: Ooh, honey. You stink at lying.
ROSS: I'm tellin' you. You can't do this.
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Joey: Yeah, yknow at first I thought we could talk about this yknow, work it out, but uh, seeing you two together I dont think I
Ross: When I happened to look through the window and I see you kissing a guy you know, for what? A week?
Phoebe: Wow! You do?
Gert: Faster! Youre not going fast enough!
ROSS: Dollars? You spent $1200 dollars on a plastic bird?
Joey: You lied to me!
Joey: And you couldnt think of anything else?!
Joey: Thats your move? Boy Rach, youre lucky youre hot.
ROSS: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.
Phoebe: Am I? Really? Am I? Well, why don't you cook Thanksgiving dinner and prove me wrong! Well, think about it, think about it, you'll be trying to top than you did last year. You'd be in competition... with yourself.
Chandler: Oh relax man, relax. Youre looking a little flushed.
Joey: Im not telling, youll have to see it on TV!
Rachel: Well I assume the ah, happy couple isnt up yet. Did you guys hear them last night?
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Monica: I can not see him? I mean, you can't tell me what to do!
Chandler: Okay, you ready for the last picture?
Mona: Now, do you think it should say, "Love Ross and Mona?"
Rachel: Chandler, can you give us a minute?
Joey: Hey youre right. Yeah, its kinda been like us again a little bit.
Ross: You do?
Monica: Hey, we can take her back with you if you want.
Carol: Do you want to know?
Cop: (stopping her) Hey, wait a second! So wait, what precinct are you with?
Chandler: Of course I will call you. I love you.
MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?
Monica: Really you can do that?
Chandler: What are you doing?
Monica: Great! Well Rachel, the reason why I wont let you drive the Porsche is because youre a terrible driver. There! That wasnt about the wedding.
PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.
Phoebe: (on intercom) Hey, do you need to get in? Here you go.
Rachel: I, uh, think you already are.
Monica: Spoon? (Hands him one and he tastes it.) So, what do you think?
Ross: Yknow what?! It doesnt matter! It doesnt matter what you believe! What matters is what happened!
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
Joey: Oh great, that'd be great. Thank you.
Ross: Can you believe that?
Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
Phoebe: Ill go with you
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!
Dr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, its your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?
ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.
JADE: Oh, you know, the usual, teaching aerobics, partying way too much. Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster.
Phoebe: Were you guys making fun of Parker?
ROSS: No, no, I don't wanna put it off, I just, God I just, I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable, ya know, and now, now I'm actually happy. You know, I mean, really happy. I just, I just don't wanna, I don't wanna mess it up, ya know.
Man: Where did you have it?
Ross: Dad, we-we cant believe youre selling the house.
RACHEL: What are you, what are you doin'?
Joey: Maybe now you can actually do it. You know? You can finally get over her.
Monica: Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be ovulating from tomorrow until the sixth, so don't touch yourself in the next 48 hours.
Phoebe: Why dont you just try one?
Rachel: Uh, I don't have any brothers so I don't know, but uh, did you guys wrestle?
Rachel: Oh! (Opens the door to reveal a ballerina) Well youre just the prettiest ballerina Ive ever seen.
Chandler: What are you doin?
MONICA: Because that's where the party is you goon. See this is just the staging area.
Aunt Lisa: Ill bet you looked beautiful
Rachel: Alright, look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.
Phoebe: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
Joey: Uh, hey, Rach let me ask you something. Uh, I was just over there talking to Monica and Chandler, boy they are really tight.
Phoebe: You think?
Phoebe Sr: Take it easy--if you want, theres cookies on the counter, or, or--sangria! (jumps up) I can make sangria!
Parker: You do?!
Mr. Geller: So, I think youre boxes are over here. (They walk over to them.)
PHOEBE: What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? I think, I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope.
Chandler: You guys wanna eat here?
Josh: So I'll see you at the party? Beer's beer man, 24, 7!!
Steve: Okay, you got your free food! You ruined everyone's fun! Don't you think it's time you went home?!
Rachel: well watching sharks? Are you sure that's what he was doing?
Chandler: You know, we dont really take advantage of living in the city.
Mrs. Geller: Ross, why dont you give us your toast now?
Joey: How do you know about that story?!
Mrs. Geller: Youre not going to say anything? On our 35th wedding anniversary
Joey: Oh-oh-oh, yeah! (He grabs some towels and takes them to him.) That's right, you take good care of those babies!
Chandler: Any chance you are trying to pick a fight to make all this easier?
Hooker: Whats taking you boys so long?
Joey: Oh you know uh Kash, really liked you the other day. He said he thought you were charming.
RACHEL: Oh, what do you, you want me to stop seeing him, is that what you want?
Chandler: Well, lets just say its ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.
Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.
Chandler: Yes you did! Admit it! You freaked out!
Joey: Yeah you are baby.
Ross: Whyd you say no?
Ross: Im telling you its totally unconstituional.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, Mon, do you still have your like old blouses and dresses from high school?
Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty?
Passenger: (Frustrated he takes his headphones off.) Oh, oh oh!! Im sorry, can I interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person.
RACHEL: Whoa, look at you, you did pretty well.
Chandler: Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!!
Gunther: Can I get you anything?
Joey: Uh huh, sure, yeah. How can you not remember me?
Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.
Paleontologist: (merrily) Ok Geller. Last day of the conference, you know what happens to the keynote speaker.
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
Chandler: But, well stay here with you.