words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Joey: (laughing) You fall for it every time!
Phoebe: I brought you my old maternity clothes! (Sets a bag on the counter.)
Monica: (entering) Oh good youre all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four oclock. (To Rachel) Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school?
Rachel: Wow! I dont remember him. Honey, are you sure youre not talking about your imaginary boyfriend.
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
Monica: All right okay, just so you know, Im not gonna make a turkey this year.
Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!
Monica: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But justtheres gonna be a ton left over.
Monica: All right, youre telling me you can eat an entire turkey in just one sitting?
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Monica: You too!
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Monica: No! No! No! No sweetie! No! Not like that! Were not at a barn dance. Youve gottayou wanna fold them like swans. Like I showed you at Christmas time, remember?
Phoebe: I dont believe you! That is brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
Phoebe: Well I want to get in on this. Hey Mon? I dont think I can help you after all, I didnt realize this game was on.
Monica: Oh, I didnt know you liked football.
Monica: You like Green Bay?
Monica: Aww thanks! God Will Im so glad that you came! You look great! You mustve lost like
Monica: You wanna meet some people? This is uh; this is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Will: Sure! Monica, I cant get over how great you look! You look stunning!
Monica: Well you look incredible too! Youre justyoure so fit!
Monica: Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming.
Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, Im in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? (Starts looking.) No Will no!
Phoebe: Noooo!! Damn you ref! You burn in hell!!!
Monica: Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, youve got almost an entire turkey to eat.
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Will: I actually know what youre talking about. Im here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! (They hug and Ross realizes what he said.) Hot stuff?
Will: Its good to see you man.
Ross: Yeah, you too. Man, so-so what are you up to?
Ross: Oh! Man I dont think Ive seen you since uh, Lance Davis graduation party.
Will: God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?
Will: So what do you, what do you do now?
Ross: So how long are you in town?
Ross: Awoh, thats right. Are-are you gonna be okay?
Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. (We see Will angrily staring at Rachel.) Oh my God, hes Look at the way hes just staring at me. I think hes trying to mouth something to me, but I cant make it out. (Will mouths, "I hate you.")
Will: Oh I-I remember you.
Rachel: Really?! Arent you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis graduation party?
Will: You are unbelievable.
Rachel: Thank you!
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Will: Oh, youd like that wouldnt ya?
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Rachel: Umm, Im sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Phoebe: I think you do.
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Will: A little mean? You made my life miserable!
Will: Well you should be. Screw it! Bring on the yams!
Rachel: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that Im real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school
Rachel: You had a club?!
Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?
Rachel: (To Ross) So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Will: You went out with her?! We had a pact!
Rachel: Okay Monica, did you know about this?!
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Ross: co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didnt handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club.
Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?
Phoebe: What?! What else did you do?
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Will: Thats right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.
Monica: You started that?!
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Chandler: Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?!
Rachel: Monica, how come you never told me this?!
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
Joey: You are my Everest.
Monica: Joey, you dont have to finish that.
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Ross: Rach, I think youre reading a little too much into it.
Rachel: (reading what he wrote again) "Dear Rach, youre a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." (Will laughs.)
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Will: Could you also tell them Im skinny now?
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Ross: (shocked) (To Rachel) How did you know that?!!!!
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Chandler: Im sorry. When you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman?
Phoebe: So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner?
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
Rachel: All right, yknowFine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie! (Will laughs.)
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Monica: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.
Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-youve been through so much since then. And right now youve got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Cant you just let this go?
Will: Hold on! You got her pregnant?
Will: So you knocked her up but youre not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody?
Monica: Well Joey, were all were all very proud of you.
Phoebe: Is there anything we can do for you?
Rachel: You can keep those pants by the way.
Joey: Whoaheywh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?
Monica: Yeah, you want some?
Joey: Ah, just cut me a little sliver. (Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.) A little bigger. (Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.) Little bigger. (Monica moves the knife again.) What?! Are you afraid youre gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!
(Monica pushes play and The Way You Look Tonight starts to play.)
Monica: See now-now youre taking them away from their home.
Frank Sr.: Y'know, I don't think I want the lipstick that much. (Gets up to leave.) But umm Oh, would you do me a favor? And umm, would you, would you give Lilly that, please? (Hands her a note.)
Monica: You are just the sweetest. (They kiss.)
Joey: Yknow, if they knew what they were doing they probably didnt give you real names either.
Monica: (seeing the decision) Nooooo. Youre really not going?
Chandler: You wanna share it?
Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you.
Julie: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdale's who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?
Gavin: Mom, I'll call you later. Yeah. (hangs up) (to Rachel) Yes?
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
Agency guy: I'll let you get acquainted.
Monica: A Magic Eight ball?! You can't be serious, you can't make this decision with a toy!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Thank you.
Monica: Youre on the phone!
Chandler: You just thought of that in there?
Joey: Who cares?! You went behind my back! I would never do that to you!
RICHARD: No. You have got it completely wrong. John Savage was deerhunter, no legs, John Voit was coming home, couldn't feel his legs.
Mike: Mom, I thought I told you... Phoebe's a vegetarian.
Chandler: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you!
Rachel: Well-well you can give them to me! I havent felt my feet in years!
Ross: That was you?
Rachel: Oh er... well you know Emma started crawling? I realised that this place, is very unsafe for a baby. So I went to the store and got some stuff to baby-proof the apartment.
Chandler: What is the matter with you ?!?
Rachel: I know, but all that work youre doing to get it ready, I just (goes into her bedroom.)
Monica: (To Rachel) What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me 300!!
Phoebe: Well, look, why dont you just, why dont you do your Phase Two strip club thing with us.
Chandler: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.
David: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just- you decide.
MONICA: So you can't lose, it's there in the title. Wonderfullness is baked right in.
Phoebe: Oh good! Okay. Cause you were acting like you didnt.
Ross: But, Elizabeth and I are-are both adults and so I dont think theres really anything you can do about it.
CHAN: Didn't you used to call it the Little Major?
Monica: Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Rachel: Well dont you have that big date tonight?
Mike: (disbelieving) I think I will be all right! (to Monica) You wanna volley a bit for a serve?
Rachel: Hey, you.... So, what's up?
Monica: Yknow youre really not supposed to be back here!
Monica: Are you mocking me?
Rachel: You get away from me!! You sick, sick, sick, sick-o!!
Monica: No! No! I shouldnt have even opened these! I mean IJoey I am out of control!! Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present! Okay?
Monica: Why? What did you do in the bathroom?
Monica: Soon! I-I just couldnt before. You saw how upset Joey got! I couldnt do that to her, shes my best friend!
Ross: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel...
Rachel: And Chandler, youre gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel cant be late.
Rachel: Well, basically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you.
Rachel: Chandler! Patrick just uh, ended things with me. Did you or did you not tell him that I was looking for a serious relationship?
Rachel: Yknow, you should never be allowed to talk to people!
Monica: Does that smell bother you?
Monica: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom!
Guy: Oh, its you. I see you everywhere. Im Jim, Jim Nelson.
Joey: Theres just so much pressure. I mean no offense, but what you guys do is very different. I dont know if youd understand.
Monica: What?! Youre going out with her again!
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Phoebe: Oh, great. Great. You're doing great, you know real strong. Going strong. Keep going.
Gunther: I thought you were Chandler. But umm, one of who is over there.
Theodore: How could you know. Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach? (Theodore walks out... Mike walks towards Phoebe)
Rachel: Ross, my father doesnt hate you.
Joey: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card?
Danny: Okay, (To Monica) hope I see you tomorrow night.
Ross: Nothing, Im-Im just, Im so comfortable with you!
Elizabeth: Do you not want to be seen with me?
Joey: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.
Ross: Joey what-what were you thinking?!
Monica: Would you slap me? Would you slap me right here in the face?! (Points to her cheek.)
The Interviewer: Okay, how about when youre not working. What do you do in your spare time?
Joey: Here you go.
Phoebe: Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and shes been nothing but terrible to you. And dont forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasnt even thanked you for it.
EDDIE: Oh, this is, this is unbelievable. I mean, first you sleep with my ex-girlfriend then you insult my inteligenct by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy?
Dr. Ledbetter: I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?
Phoebe: Oh! Well, if thats what you want
Ross: Oh, sorry. Well, look, maybe I can help you with it.
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I justy'knowstop it!
Ross: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for the game.
RICHARD: Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me thinkin it was like a fleet.
Chandler: I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Joe.
Ross: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, thats right, thats right, it was you!
Rachel: Thank God youre pretty. (Exits.)
Ross: No, hey, well, I-I completely understand. You were, you were stressed.
Ross: Look at you! WhatYoure-youre this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt youre gonna be an incredible mother.
Phoebe: No, you can't go there! You know how I feel about these "big massage places"! They're putting people like me out of business!
Ross: (getting up) Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-Ill go to my lawyers office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth(leans down to Megs ear)Nothing!!
Joey: Good for you!
PHOEBE: Ooh, where are you off to, Travelin' Jake?
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
Phoebe: Have you seen your guys body?
Monica: (To Chandler) Do you want our guy to be your guy?
Joey: She was all crying. She-she said you guys want different things, and that and that she needed time to think.
Guy: Would you like to go out and have a cup of coffee?
Monica: I love you. (They hug and kiss.)
Rachel: Careful. Light. Okay, do you know how, just sweep it across the lid. Okay? Just sweep it.
Chandler: Its incredible, I mean one minute shes inside you and then 47 hours later here she is.
Joey: But you called me 'Bert'!? That's our code word for danger!
Phoebe: No Im not! You are!
Rachel: Well what if I told you, you can do it in my apartment?
Hillary: You know, youre a really great listener. Most guys I go out with, they just talk and talk.
Rachel: So ah, did you have fun at the bachelor party last night?
Mel: You are so fired.
Elizabeth: You are so adorable.
Chandler: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.