words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is eating some Chinese food.]
(They all run and join her at the window.)
Chandler: And we're done with the chicken fried rice.
Joey: Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string!
[Scene: Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are checking out the place. Luckily, Ugly Naked Guy is nowhere to be seen.]
Phoebe: It's amazing! You better hurry up and fill out an application or I'm gonna beat you to it.
Ross: (laughing) Ohh. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps to the door and Ross quickly hurries out.)
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Phoebe: (screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!
Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
Phoebe and Rachel: Ohhh!!!
Rachel: (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down) HI!! Hi!
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Phoebe: (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Rachel.)
(Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there talking about Chandler and Monica.]
Phoebe: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping orOh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!
Rachel: Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler.
Joey: You mean how they're friends and nothing more? (Glares at Rachel.)
Rachel: No. Joey, she knows! We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. (Joey gasps) Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.
Phoebe: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Joey: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.
Phoebe: And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.
Phoebe: Okay, watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie.
(She gets up and goes over to Chandler who's ordering some coffee from Gunther.)
Phoebe: Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one person I want to the most.
Phoebe: I think it's just y'know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and how sometimes you're looking for something and you just dont even see that it's right there in front of you sipping coffeeOh no, have I said to much? Well it's just something to think about. I know I will.
(She makes a show of bending over to get her coat and showing off her bum. She then walks out, leaving no one to eat her cookie.)
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler and Monica are there, of course. Like who else would it be, duh!]
Chandler: Well, my Grandfather was Swedish and my Grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there. Monica is entering from her room.]
Rachel: Okay great, hold on a sec! (She runs to her room and returns carrying a huge bag of laundry.) Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks!
Ross: Well, I called over there and it turns out Ugly Naked Guy is subletting it himself and he's already had like a hundred applicants.
Ross: Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.
Chandler: (after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!!
Monica: Phoebe knows and she's just trying to freak us out! That's the only explanation for it!
Chandler: (a little hurt) Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging bicepsShe knows!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is snoozing with Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal and Chandler and Monica come storming in.]
Joey: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.
Joey: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!
Joey: I'm sorry! But hey, it's over now, right? Because you can tell them that you know they know and I can go back to knowing absolutely nothing!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is looking at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment through binoculars.]
Ross: Look I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compares to that one!
Rachel: You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear.
Ross: That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for like five years so that gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now he had the trampoline.
Ross: Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. (He opens the door and stops.) Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Chandler: Yeah, listen, Joey isn't gonna be here tonight so why don't you come over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more.
Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to MonWhoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
[Scene: Outside Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross is knocks on the door and Ugly Naked Guy answers it. He's ugly. He's naked. And he's holding a huge jumbo soda.]
Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce butI'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica and Rachel and Phoebe are planning their respective strategies to break the other pairing. Joey is not amused.
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.]
(She saunters over to Chandler with a mean pair of 'Come hither' eyes and she glares at Monica.)
Phoebe: Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.
(As she walks away, Chandler mouths a scream to Monica. How motions and mouths, "It's okay, it's okay.")
Rachel: Oh yeah! (She gasps.) Oh my God! That is our friend! (Monica covers her face.) It's Naked Ross! (Monica turns and buries her face in Chandler's shoulder.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Phoebe ready for her date.]
Phoebe: And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses? (He begrudgingly does so.)
(In the meantime, Rachel has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front of Phoebe who walks through the mist and does a little spin.)
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Monica is getting Chandler ready for his half of the plan.]
Monica: Because you're on my team! And my team always wins!
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
Phoebe: I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?
(She makes a big show out of pulling out the cork and pours the wine.)
(They click their glasses and take a sip. That sip turns into a gulp, which quickly progresses into their mutual draining of their glasses at once.)
Phoebe: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)
Phoebe: No. No! It's just y'know first, I wanna take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me.
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Monica: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.)
Phoebe: And why not?!
(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)
Chandler: Love her! That's right, I LOVE HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.
Chandler: And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.
Phoebe: God! (She turns and buttons up.)
Chandler: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.
[Scene: Ross's new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and new outlook on life.]
Ross: A new place for a new Ross. I'm gonna have you and all the guys from work over once it's y'know, furnished.
Ross: Well I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Phoebe: See? And you don't care if people are staring, it's just for a second cause then you're gone!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Janine and Chandler are there]
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
Janine: ...and live forever as a machine!
(They do so and they take off their clothes.)
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Chandler knocks on the front door. Joey answers the door.]
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Joey: (Grunting) Hmm. (Monica opens the front door and comes in.)
Phoebe: (Walking over and Sitting down.) Hey.
Chip: Not so good, Simmons and I gave him a wedgie.
Phoebe: Now you will not believe this. But, I was in the copy room, making copies, and Ralph Lauren came in.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey stares at a picture of a bay on the wall. Janine comes out of her room.]
Joey: Look I dont know this baby. I dont know if shes a famous artist or not. You know, and I dont want to be a jerk but youre changing too much around here.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Joey: Im sure its a famous watering can, okay. But, come on and what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom?
Joey: Ohh, well, thats ok then. But, okay my towels for instance. I come in to the bathroom here and my towel is not on the floor where keep it. Its up here on some hook..and smells different.
[Scene; Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch. Ross walks in.]
Ross: Well, I lost. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her nineteen year old sister, who went down to the U.S.S. Nimitz, and sold over 2,000 boxes.
Chandler and Monica: Hey.
Rachel: So you know, I I handed in that marketing report and I never got to hear what you thought.
Gary: It's a witness not a perp. And no one talks like that!
Joanna: Would you? Or, is it just to sad and desperate, and y'know something that Sophie would do?
Rachel: Oh..Go..Oh..and I told my boss that someone made out with Ralph Lauren. If she finds out that I lied to her, she is going to hate me even more. Phoebe!!
[Scene: Rosss Apartment, Ross and Monica are there.]
Monica: Now are drawers will smell nice and we didnt waste these pantyhose.
Monica: All right, half the people. I mean, just try it and see.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are knitting at the kitchen counter.]
Chandler: You know when guys hang out they dont just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?
[Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren offices, Kims waiting for it. The door opens and Rachel is inside.]
Hillary: And after that, what could I do except become a chef.
Hillary: And someday soon, I hope to open my own restaurant.
(They start making out again, and it takes Joey trying to enter to stop them.)
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey and Monica are arranging flowers. Chandler walks in.]
Ross: Okay, Im sorry, this is insane! I-I-Im not addicted to heroin, Im not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything! Look, Ill consummate this marriage right here, right now!
Rachel: Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there.]
Joey: Hey. Hey look I am still Joey, okay. Flowers theyre just, you know, theyre nice to look at. And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist. Of a famous baby.
Hillary: Okay. (She goes to turn the lights off and Ross sits on the couch. She has some black light posters on the wall.)
Rachel: Okay..Okay.. Look. Im sorry that I lied to you before. You were right. Ralph and I were an item but were not anymore.
Ross: (Looking at the posters.) Wow, cool poster. Or should I say groovy poster? (They sit down on the couch. Ross smiles and the black light fluoresces his teeth.) So, ahh, where were we?
Rachel: Of course its true and it hurts so bad.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey paces the floor waiting for Janine. She walks in.]
Rachel: You and Ralph?
Hillary: You know, youre a really great listener. Most guys I go out with, they just talk and talk.
Rachel: (Faking crying.) Yeah, he dumped me. He said, "Rachel, I cant do this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful women. I cant do this. Im married and Im sorry." And then I dont know why but he said, "and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine."
Ross: (To Phoebe) Hey Pheebs! How's that uh, vegetarian pizza working out for ya? You and those vegetables have a real thing going on, huh?
Ross: Okay, theres this guy, Warren, from the museum and hes going on a dig for like two years and hes got this great place he needs to sublet. So uh, you interested?
Joey: And, uhh, maybe the watering can there.
Joey: And a couple of these little tiny boxes.
Monica: (trying to change subjects, excitedly) So! Dinner in the kitchen around four! Ill see you then. (Pats Chandler on the shoulder and goes into the living room.)
[Scene: Hillarys apartment, Hillary and Ross are finishing up their date.]
Chandler: Yknow, itll be okay. Itll be okay. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then well tell em.
Rachel: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. (Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
[Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel laugh]
Joey and Ross: Hey!
[Joey and Ross enter.]
Ross: And the place looks so nice!
Phoebe: And who else is going to be there?
[Joey and Ross go to the door, ready to leave.]
Joey: Yeah, yeah, and the Indians taught the Pilgrims what it meant to be hot in the new world!
[Enter Jack and Judy Geller]
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats!
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
Mr. Geller: Ok, I have dandruff. Theres no need to laugh and point.
Chandler: (coming all the way in) Listen, I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon and the whole massage thing. Y'know? I-I really like 'em.
[Phoebe walks from the living room to the kitchen and talks quietly to Rachel.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'
[Time lapse. Ross and Joey are cleaning the table while Judy and Phoebe talk by the window. Jack and Chandler are sitting on the couch while Monica sits on the coffee table.]
[Chandler and Monica exchange worried looks.]
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is letting everyone in on the new developments.]
Joey and Ross: (faking dissapointment) Okay.
Phoebe: Well look, you dont really like the one from uptown and youre too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, youre done!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, The Halloween party has started. Monica is setting out some food as Rachel enters.]
[Joey and Ross make confused faces.]
[Ross and Judy enter the living room. Judy and Ross sit down on the couch beside Jack. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the coffee table.]
[Ross and Chandler get up and go into Rachels old room.]
Ross: Okay, remember, we were young. Hey, Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.
Phoebe: I cant believe Im gonna have a party! This is so great! (Really excited) A party! (Really, really excited) Yay!! (Suddenly, she starts crying and Rachel moves to comfort her.) I dont know why.
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Phoebe: Okay. I have just a few questions to ask so I'm going to get out my official forms. (She picks up a couple of crumpled receipts.) Okay, so, question 1) You and uh, you were married to Francis' daughter Lilly, is that correct?
Joey: Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
[Scene: The Porsche, Joey is finishing up washing the car and is talking to a guy about the car.]
Chandler: Your parents caught Ross smoking pot in college and he blamed it on me!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachels trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.]
Monica: Because they dont know were dating. (Again, trying to quickly change subjects.) Do you think we should eat in the kitchen? (Goes to the sink and the stove to cook.)
Ross: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is showing off the entertainment center.]
[Kisses and hugs are exchanged.]
[Monica gives Phoebe a surprised expression and goes over to Ross and Chandler.]
[Monica and Chandler make What was that? gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachels old room.]
Ross: No! No! (Grabs his coat) No! (Grabs a shoe.) No-no-no-no. (Grabs the other one and heads for the door.)
[Scene: Rachels old room, Ross and Joey enter.]
Ross: And um...You look nice today.
[Joey and Ross go back out into the main area.]
[The hallway. Rachel and Ross go out and they just stand there for a few seconds.]
Rachel: I thought this might happen today. Ross, I know the holidays can be rough. Yknow? And its probably really hard for you to be alone right now.
[Ross and Rachel re-enter.]