words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are sitting around the table.]
Joey: So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and
Chandler: So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!
Joey: Oh well, theyre killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body.
Joey: Well, I think its ridiculous that you havent had sex in three and a half months.
Ross: (to Monica and Rachel) Its winter, they are fewer people on the street. (Rachel and Monica smile and nod, knowingly.)
Rachel and Monica: Noo!!
Monica: And the way she slaps all the time!
Joey: Oh, tell me about it. And shes been on the show forever, its gonna be really hard to fill her shoes.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch in Central Perk]
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
Rachel: All right, straight, and not subtle. (The man gets up and leaves.)
Rachel: Oh, well, we can hand it to Gunther and he'll put it in lost and found.
Rachel: What if, um, if he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it and I answer and we start talking and we fell in love. I mean wouldn't that be a great story? Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age.
Rachel: Yeah! (Breaking up) And until now, I didnt think Id love again.
(She holds the phone out and starts taunting Phoebe. Phoebe calming knocks the phone out of Rachels hand and catches it.)
Dina: Im going to keep dating him Mother, and theres nothing you can do about it!
Jessica Lockhart: (gasps) That was an accident! And so were you.
Cecilia: Im supposed to meet and hug a fan whose dying, but thats not supposed to be until (to no one in particular) later!
Cecilia: And if it were true, how dare you come to me ask me for tips about a character that Ive been playing for 20 yearsIll give you a tip! (She throws her drink in his face.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still arguing over the phone.]
Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; thats not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why dont we, why dont we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone.
Rachel: Okay no way, you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch, when they start to hear a horrible screeching noise. It sounds like someone is skinning a cat.]
Chandler: (turning around and looking) Oh my God!
Chandler: Yknow that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "Youre half Scottish right?"
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.]
Monica: No, there is no way! It can not be Ross! (She looks through the window and sees Ross practicing and fumbling around with the pipes.) Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?!
Chandler: If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang.
Rachel: And remember how I said I was going to keep it in my purse so that if it rang I could just pick it up?
Rachel: And do you remember going into my purse and stealing the phone?!
Rachel: Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. (Rachel dials her phone and Phoebes bag starts to ring.) Oh, it does work! (Rachel grabs the phone and takes it out of Phoebes handbag.)
Rachel: Oh my God! I bet thats him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh (In a sexy voice) Hello? Or should I be (Happily) Hi! Its Rach (Phoebe knocks the phone out of Rachels hand, catches it, and answers it.) Would you stop doing that?!
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Shhh! Im on a call! (On phone) Umm well yeah, you can pick it up tonight, say 8:30? At-at my apartment. Its umm, its umm 5 Morton Street, Apartment 14, umm and then maybe yknow after we can grab a bite to eat or whatever. (Listens) Okay, well okay Ill see you then. (Listens) Bye. (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: Oh? And how will you know what time to come over?
Phoebe: Oh. Okay, well I-I was kinda hoping that I would just be alone yknow to think about my mom and her suicide.
Cecilia: (walking up) Youre absolutely right they are writing me out of the show. They dont know exactly when its going to happen, but apparently going to be very soon and thats it.
Joey: No I mean it! I cant believe they would do this to you! And to your fans! I mean they are going to be devastated! Heart broken! They love you so much!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.]
Monica: No! No-no theyre not. Theyre still very angry! But yknow Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.
Ross: No, youve heard my practice. Okay? Just-just give me a chance to perform for you and then decide whatever you want. And Im not going to tell you what song Im gonna play either. But uh, lets just say when its over Ill bet there will be a we bit o celebration.
Cecilia: So, the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence. So, when Jessica enters a room for instance, she owns everything and every person in that room. (Joey is nodding.) You try.
Joey: Okay! (He scurries out the set door and re-enters, extremely impressed) All right!
Joey: Okay. Okay. (He goes out and comes back in, glaring at everything.)
Cecilia: I probably shouldve just left years ago when the offers were pouring in, but yknow I just got so comfy here! And Ohh, I turned down some amazing work!
Joey: You own the room. (She smiles and stares longingly into his eyes.) We should probably get-get uh
Joey: Yeah! Okay. (He puts his hands on her face and they kiss.)
Cecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands maybe a little off, they should be maybe right like (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him passionately causing them to fall onto the couch.)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for the cute guy to show up for his cell phone. Rachel is putting on perfume by spraying it ahead of her face, and moving into it. Phoebe tries to steal some.]
Phoebe and Rachel: (simultaneously) Who is it?
(Rachel excitedly jumps up and heads for the door.)
(Phoebe opens the door and Tom, an older gentleman with white hair, enters.)
Phoebe: Can you believe this? (Rachel exhales in amazement.) We were waiting for a hot guy and then an even hotter one shows up!
Rachel: (turning and looking at Tom again) No-no they do but, you just have to wait.
Tom: Okay. Okay. (Exits and Phoebe checks him out.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Cecilia is entering the living room from Joeys room followed by Joey.]
Joey: Actually I rent the whole place and, I just got what you meant. Thank you.
Joey: All right, here we go. (He grabs them and starts to pull them out of the apartment.)
Joey: Thanks for stopping by. See ya! (Throws them out and closes the door.) (To Cecilia) I-I am so sorry. I
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.]
Rachel: (giggles) (To Ross) I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks.
(He starts. And well, Celebration was never meant to be played on the bagpipe, so even the best bag pipe players in the world would have trouble with that particular song. So of course, for a beginner like Ross, it sounds absolutely dreadful. The assembled audience minus Phoebe, are horrified. Phoebe, immune to bad music, seems to enjoy it.)
Monica and Chandler: No!
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, a scene is being shot where Dina and Fredrick are celebrating Jessicas horrible accident by drinking champagne.]
Dina: Loosening the saddle on mothers horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired.
Cecilia: And guess what? Good news! I got another job!
Cecilia: Yeah, but you can come and visit me. I bet that you could uh, own a few places down there.
Joey: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. (Realizes.) And I just got what you meant againThat isI tell ya, that is a tricky one!
(They kiss and both put their hands on the others face like Jessica would do.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe. Yes, I typed that earlier. Were seeing this again, only this time Ross as already started playing.]
(Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.)
Chandler: Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it.
Joey: I know, and only one layer of jam?! What is up with that?
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Gavin: You hear a key in the hole and you jump like a young bronco coming out of a chute for the first time. I used to be arodeo clown.
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
(He walks up onto the altar and notices the rabbi.)
Ross: Because he called here looking for you. So don�t tell me this...this kissing this guy from work is a one time thing,ok? You�ve been out there in bars and on balconies for over a month now. And you didn�t even have the courtesy to tell me.
Rachel: All right, okay, Laurie proposes to Jo, and she says no, even though shes still in love with him, and then he ends up marring Amy.
TV Announcer: Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favourite area.
(Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel enters.)
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
(They all groan and hit him..)
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
(He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real speech.)
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!
Ross: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and Its All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. (He flips the coin and they all watch it hit the table and stop. Then they all look up at him, to see who goes first.) Okay, somebody call it this time.
Phoebe: Oh okay, its P as in Phoebe, H as in hoebe, O as in oebe, E as in ebe, B as in bee-bee and E as in (In an Australian accent) Ello there mate!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Ross: Why? Why? I know it's a little weird, but hey, he's a great doctor, okay? He knows my medical history, and every time I go in there, he makes a big deal. 'Ah look, it's my favorite patient!'
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Rachel: Ohh! (walking away from the window) Phoebe, this is all your fault! Now he loves her, hes gonna marry her, and this is all your fault.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Ross: Y'know if we ever go to war and youre captured, youre in for a big surprise.
Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.
Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, the odds are against us, but somebody has to win, and it could be us! And then how you gonna feel? You know, we're gonna be all like "oh everybody, let's take our helicopters up to the cape" and you're gonna be all like "oh, I can't guys, I'll meet you guys up there, I gotta gas up the Hyundai"
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
Monica: I cant do that either! The soles are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood.
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are there.]
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Joey: Noo, (whispering) more like a notebook... Damn it! (next word appears: "blueprint") Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'shmoo-print'... Can't say that either? Woha... hey... (the last word is "Football field" and there are 5 seconds left) In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
Monica: All right, that's a little sketch of the cake, umm some sample menus, umm y'know what I thought we would start out with Tuscan style finger food, and for music, here's an alphabetized list of all my CDs! I've highlighted the ones that would go really good with the food.
Monica: And who pays for that?
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)
Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Joshua: I invested in this night-club and its opening tonight, would you like to come?
Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts...
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]
Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach aches. They come and go like every few minutes.
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
Phoebe: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And its making me look at him totally differently. Yknow, I mean he used to be just, yknow Jack Geller Monica and Rosss dad and now hes hes Jack Geller, dream hunk."
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
Rachel: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Yknow what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, (She goes over to get all of her belongings from the desk, which amount to a muffin and a pen) and I will be gone by the end of the day! (Realizes she has nothing.) Well, I guess theres no use to me sticking around til the end of the day! (Starts to leave.)
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.]
Ross: Oh, okay, yknow what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage...
Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?!
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)
Rachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)
Monica: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them dont work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
<Joey's eyes become large and he stands up>
JOEY: [walks out of his room] Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there.
Joey: You got it! And the rabbis beard, 100% horsehair. Nice catch C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Pauses as he waits for C.H.E.E.S.E.s next line.) Its your line C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Suddenly C.H.E.E.S.E. goes crazy and starts flinging its arms and advancing on Joey behind the desk.) Wayne! Wayne!!
The Man: (To Ross) Excuse me. (He puts up a flyer that has a sketch drawing of Joey and it reads, "Warning! Intruder! If you see this creep - call the cops!") You should check this out, tell the other tenants. Apparently he's running around looking for some kind of a hot girl.
Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-
Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive.
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
MNCA: Now, in some of these recipes, the quantities may seem just a little unusual, uh, like these coconut mockolate holiday nut bars. I've indicated four cups of coconut, and four cups of crushed nut, and only, uh, one tablespoon of mockolate.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)
Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.