words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying on a pair of new boots as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: New haircut? (Monica nods No.) Necklace? (No) Dress? (No) Boots? (Monica nods Yes.) Boots!
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: Im gonna miss being able to afford food.
Chandler: She had a point. (Shows her the receipt.)
Chandler: Yeah well, too bad were gonna have to return them.
Chandler: I have you.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Hey-hey.
Monica: See Chandler? Im getting a lot of use out of them already! Theyre very practical. See, you can wear them with dresses, with skirts, with pants
Chandler: You can wear them with shorts on a street corner and earn the money to pay for them. (Goes and gets some coffee at the counter.)
Monica: I cant! I spent so much money on them and I told Chandler that Id wear them all the time, I just cant give them away!
Chandler: (returning to his seat) Hey!
Chandler: (spinning around looking for him) I dont think you did a very thorough job!
Chandler: (opening the door) Whats wrong?
Chandler: Oh dont forget, my office holiday party is tonight. (They go into the apartment.)
Chandler: Now sweetie, I know you dont like my office parties, but you can wear your new boots. See? Every cloud has a supple leather lining.
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: Do you think I work at some kind of boot pricing company?
Chandler: You said that you paid all that money because those boots go with skirts, dresses, and pants!
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Monica are walking down the sidewalk after his office holiday party.]
Chandler: Yknow, that party wasnt bad.
Chandler: I dont see any uh, cabs. Maybe we should just walk?
Chandler: What honey, its like fifteen blocks to the subway. Lets go.
Chandler: Whats going on?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: So I was right. This is what it feels like to be right. (Pause) Its oddly unsettling.
Chandler: Hop on.
Chandler: Honey, I know youre in pain right now, but Im a little turned on.
[Scene: The Street, Chandler is carrying Monica past a store window.]
Chandler: Okay, ten blocks down. Five to go.
Chandler: Oh Im sorry! Do you need a break?
Chandler: I can see it from right here. Itll cost you one husband.
Chandler: (pause) I dont have your boots.
Chandler: Well, why dont you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on a bale of hay!
Chandler: Honey, are you seriously ever gonna wear the boots again?
Chandler: Yknow what? You can say goodbye to the tan ones.
Chandler: Okay. (Moves closer to the window.)
Monica: (to the boots) Bye bootsWait! Half off?! (Chandler runs off.)
Joey: Oh, come on! I wanna hear it! It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out!
(He gives the agent his ticket and walks onto the jetway. Janice walks over and looks out the window. Chandler walks back into the terminal and tries to walk right past Janice, but she sees him.)
[Cut to Chandlers bedroom.]
Chandler: Yknow, I cant believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on Im never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Oh-ho, yeah!
Rachel: Okay. (Joshua goes inside and to Chandler.) Every time.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Do we pay for this?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV, and we hear Mr. Treeger in the bathroom.]
Joey: (to Chandler) Why would he turn off the TV? (Chandler shrugs.)
Chandler: Like finding money with naked people on it!
Chandler: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours Im gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, Im gonna get so drunk, Im gonna wanna call Janice
Chandler: We still have porn.
Chandler: See, you think it's just a pen, but then you turn it over and it's also a clock.
Chandler: We dont know what could make this go away.
Chandler: And no one touches the air around the TV!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]
Chandler: Or a job where you dont have to carry a table.
Chandler: (watching TV, in fact, ER is on.) Nothing! It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming!
Ross: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.
(They both go to Chandlers bedroom to get his coat.)
Chandler: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Rosss! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Chandler: No. No, see when I first meet somebody its uh its mostly panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.
Chandler: Its the theme from Good Will Humping.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are busy unpacking.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Rachel is singing some kind of song.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there eating breakfast. Chandler is cleaning out his wallet.]
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) Good one.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: All right look, forget it, forget it. You told her you love her, its over.
Chandler: Oh Maria. You cant say no to her, shes like this lycra spandex covered gym treat.
(Joey holds his fist up, and Chandler gives him two thumbs up.)
Chandler: Whats the second part of your plan?
Chandler: Because then we would be the guys who turned off free porn.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Chandler: You put your fist through the wall?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is relating his recent conversation with Emily to the gang.]
Chandler: A place where no one will ever get out alive?
Janice: Although, maybe just... one last moment of weakness... (she kisses Chandler flat on the mouth. Chandler squirms. When she's finished, he looks at her lovingly but uneasily.) Goodbye Chandler Bing. (She leaves)
Chandler: Are we in London?
Monica: Oh, you came to tell him you love him! I knew it! (Points at Chandler) I was right! (Points to Emily) Im right, right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
(Kathys co-star rips her blouse off and buttons go flying into the audience, and one hits Ross. Chandlers mouth is on the floor.)
Nurse: Mr. Bing? (Chandler jumps up) Here you are! You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Yeah, Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just, came on!
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it?
Chandler: Yknow what, we have to turn off the porn.
Chandler: We have free porn here!!!
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
Chandler: All right, ready?
Chandler: Two.
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: Yeah, thats kinda a relief.
(Chandler turns off the porn and sets the remote down.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are trying to throw cards into a vase.]
Chandler: Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? (Thinks) Yemen. Thats right, yes, Im being transferred to Yemen!
Chandler: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though.
Chandler: Really? Worse than, "More turkey Mr. Chandler?"
Chandler: No. All right, yknow what, shes (Points to Janice) gonna think that Im handing you a credit card, but what Im really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Chandler: Mr. Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
Chandler: Hey! Do we have a baby name yet?
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
CHANDLER: Your just, your just clearly not familiar with our young persons vernacular. See, when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave them as well.)
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: And now youre giving me the message!
Chandler: Hi! Hi! Youre crazy! Okay? This is Emily. Emily is straight.
Joey: Chandler, if it really hurts that bad you should just tell her.
Phoebe: So, I decided Im definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
Chandler: Raymond Chandler.
Chandler: Wow, youre, youre right. I have a horrible, horrible name.
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with Joshua.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)
Chandler: All right ladies, heres what were gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandlers the king! Chandlers the king!"
Chandler: (to the ticket agent) American Express?
Chandler: They dont really talk to us about that kind of stuff. I can get you some free white out though.
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesnt mean anything.
Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Mrs. Bing: Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, its gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is attempting his pre-emptive strike.]
Chandler: Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.
CHANDLER: Where is she, Where is she? (grabs Rachel) Oh, hey, I have a question, where is she?
Chandler: I have no name.
Chandler: Its Clint! Clint!
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Chandler: No, no, youre right, it is a ridiculous name!
Chandler: Pregnant Woman Slays Four?
Chandler: Okay. Thanks.
Chandler: Bye, Pheebs!
Chandler: You wanna hug it out?