words in movies
Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler)
Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.
Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?
Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'
Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.
Chandler: You can say that because she's not your mom.
Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride.
Chandler: Now why would she say that's embarrassing?
Chandler: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!
Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
(The gang turn to look at Chandler)
Chandler: ...And then he burst into flames.
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.]
Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Chandler: I know I am.
Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gownit's Ross.]
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here?
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
(Chandler opens the door and startles them. He picks up the paper)
Chandler: What are you guys doing out here?
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. (Goes back inside and shuts the door)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
Chandler: Oh my God.
Chandler: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: (To Joey) You knew about this?
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!
Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?
Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door)
Chandler: I'm still mad at you for not telling me.
Chandler: You gotta let me slam the door! (Leaves; slams the door)
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except for Chandler. Rachel is writing something and Monica walks up.]
(Enter Chandler)
Chandler: What was that?
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
Ross: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.
Chandler: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
Chandler: Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed my mom!
Chandler: That's very funny. We done now?
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Chandler is talking with his mom.]
Chandler: No, just knowing you're gonna be there is enough.
Chandler: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that effect.
Chandler: Really stupid.
Chandler: Yeah. No. No...
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
Chandler: Yeah, okay.
Chandler: Nice save.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Yeah, why not. (They shake hands) So I told her.
Chandler: Awful. Awful. Couldn'ta gone worse.
Chandler: Pretty good! I told her.
Ross: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? (Wags his finger at Chandler, then puts it down) But.. we don't have to go down that road.
Chandler: He's doing that weird eye contact thing. Don't look at him, don't look at him! (They both look away)
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Chandler: That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling.
(Chandler gives Monica a footlong "eye dropper" with the turkey grease in it)
Chandler: Uhm, we've got turkey grease.
Chandler: I can't believe Joey. I hate being called a liar!
Chandler: A little late for that.
Monica: Alright, well, this does not change anything. (to Chandler) Okay, we need to get something to grease the sides of his face.
Chandler: Can you ever feel your ears?
Monica: Chandler, where are your tools?
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
Chandler: Come on guys, PUSH!
Chandler: My cranberries!
Joey and Chandler: PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!
Chandler: And?
Chandler: What's going on?
Chandler: Are you serious? (they hug)
(Chandler can't believe what he's hearing. He looks at Monica, then at the others, then back at Monica.)
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartement, Monica is at the kitchen table writing something and Chandler enters kitchen area]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio.
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up.
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Chandler: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better..
Chandler: Yes, but...
Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
Chandler: Sorry, I just cant sleep. Ooh! (Turns on the light and Monica groans.) Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover Im like (Fake snores.)
Chandler: I suppose that Monica will have the � manipulative shrew.
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
Chandler: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?"
Chandler: And so incorrect!
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Chandler: Ok.
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.
Chandler: You're gonna be great.
Chandler: That's what our friends call us.
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Chandler: Yeah, wow.
Monica: Uh, good hands. (she holds Chandler hands) Healing hands.
Chandler: No-ot for me it doesn’t.
Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.
Chandler: You should be. You’re really on top of stuff..
Chandler: Yeah, I did.
(Monica and Chandler are looking curiously at Joey.)
Chandler: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica.
Chandler: Your Veal Chop is $34,95!
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Chandler: You have gotta stop!
Chandler: Well, Im sure you get another one at Ann Taylors.
Chandler: I know..
Chandler: oh, honey..
Chandler: You're Jewish.
Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.
Chandler: But we are not the one she chose! How can you feel okay about this?
Monica: No! No, no... wait! We didn't lose. (turns to Chandler) The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, so technically...
Chandler: (to Monica) Look! Look! Look what the... Look what... Look what the floating heads did!
Rachel: To Monica and Chandler... and that knocked up girl in Ohio.
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: Hey.
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York.
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Chandler: Erica wait!
(She leaves the room, but Chandler runs after her. They meet in the hallway.)
Chandler: Thank you so much for agreeing to see us.
CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.
Chandler: You still want that baby?
Monica: God bless you Chandler Bing!
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It's like a giant hug.
Chandler: (looking at her) Seriously, answer faster!
(Monica and Chandler do not look amused by Joeys head in the door)
Chandler: Oh, uhm... I have to work too. Yeah, I'm stuck at the office all day.
Chandler: (picking up the phone) Hello.
Phoebe: Oh, thank God, 'cause that thing's really creepy! (looking outside the window) Look, there's Chandler. (he's on the street, talking to a woman)
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, let's see. (she takes her mobile phone) Ok, duck down. (they both get down to hide themselves. Phoebe calls Chandler)
Chandler: Those are all really old!
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Chandler enters the door.]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: It’s perfect. It’s everything we’ve been looking for.
Chandler: I was in the car with Nancy all day.
Chandler: I don’t know. What do you think?
Chandler: This is bringing out a lovely color in you!
Chandler: I do too.
Chandler: I know.
Chandler: We don’t. Not until it's a hundred percent. I mean, why upset everybody over nothing.
Chandler: I know. Gooooood luck with it.
Ross: I just can’t see Chandler cheating!
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Everybody except Monica and Chandler is there.]
Joey: Hey, is uhm... is Chandler here?
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
Chandler: Hey!