words in movies
Chandler: See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married? I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries.
Chandler: Wow.
Chandler: Well, I think it's great that you're going on a date, you know? I mean, it sounds healthy. I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood!
Chandler (reading the newspaper): Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma is there in her playpen, while Chandler is behind the couch.]
Chandler: Emma? Emma? Look at me! Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.
Chandler: No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! It's okay, it's okay. I didn't go. Don't cry, it's just a bit! I'm your uncle Chandler; funny is all I have!
Chandler: I don't do that.
Chandler: I'll try to stop. Wait, did you say until the sixth?
Chandler: Today is the sixth.
Chandler: Yes, it's also 2003.
Chandler: It's okay. Go take the test and see if we're okay.
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
Chandler: Tough crib.
Chandler: I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: I am not working. There's not much to do around here!
Chandler: Oh, good, because as of four o'clock this afternoon, I am not.
Chandler: I - I don't think I can.
Chandler: Because of Emma.
Chandler: Sorry.
Chandler: Well, she's aware when we leave the room. She may notice if we start... canoodling in it.
Chandler: Well, I can't say "hump" or "screw" in front of the B-A-B-Y.
Chandler: Horrifying? Scarring? Something people go to jail for?
Chandler: You guess I'm right? When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have sex with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma has fallen asleep in her playpen, and Chandler has fallen asleep right next to her on the floor. He's even sucking on a pacifier.]
Monica: She's asleep. Chandler?
(Chandler wakes up and looks a bit confused when he finds that he has a pacifier in his mouth.)
Chandler: Emma was doing it!
Chandler: Ooh, she's asleep, that means we can...
Chandler (laughs): Okay, I'll try. And you can't make any noise.
Chandler: I think we may have really done it this time.
Chandler: You may wanna get some more of those too.
Chandler: Where's Emma?
Chandler: Don't ask me, I was in there canoodling you!
Chandler: Okay. (Runs out.)
(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)
Joey: Don't you lie to me! I could tell by Chandler's hair. (To Chandler.) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
Chandler: All right, all right, we were. We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Chandler: No, no, no.
Chandler: What? Why?
Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani.
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
CHANDLER: (noticing a beautiful blond walking in) Ooh, oh, oh, that's her.
Chandler: She guessed 8, 9, based on his drawings.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! I mean Im sorry, I wish I can take everybody, but yknow Chandler always supported my career. Hes paid for acting classes and head shots and stuff and well this will be my way of paying you back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
CHANDLER: Why her mom?
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching and slapping harder and harder until Monica pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a serious expression, and chases her away.]
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: (to Chandler) Are you intrigued?
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Chandler: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am!
Chandler: Hey, man. What's up?
Chandler: Well, it's official there are no good movies.
Chandler: Well, I'll tell ya I do enjoy guilt, but, ah, it wasn't me.
CHANDLER: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a brown-nosing suck up.
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
Chandler: Is anybody else scared?
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
Chandler: Noo.
Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is still unpacking after the move, and Phoebe is their also.]
Chandler: You think?
Chandler: Do we have any...(turns around and bumps Monica's fake chest) Do we have any thoughts here?
CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Janice are having dinner]
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: I'm not yanking you.
Chandler: It doesn't scare me!
Chandler: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents!
Chandler: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because, you're my girlfriend, and that's what girlfriends should, should get.
Chandler: Oh God.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are comforting Chandler]
(Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.)
Chandler: She said she'd call me.
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Chandler: Okay, okay. So, should I call her?
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Chandler: So I'm not, not gonna lose her?
Chandler: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?'
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, theres a big selling calendar, eh?
Chandler: Jeez, what a baby.
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Chandler: (normal voice) No. Not anymore.
Chandler: (shyly) Chelsea.
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
Chandler: A woman's
Chandler: Can I be that guy?
Chandler: Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a beautiful view of...
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
CHANDLER: Well, actually just one birthday flan.
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Chandler: Hello!
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
Chandler: Here in Chelsea.
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Chandler: (on phone) I love you too.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Doug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight. (They walk off leaving Chandler and Monica alone.)
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick you off?
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: So, you don't think I'm terminal?
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Chandler: Youre building a post office?
Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.
CHANDLER: No actually, I was just going for colorful.
Monica: So, Chandler, whos on your list?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Phoebe: Chandler.