words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Joey is working.]
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip Joe.
Chandler: I see where youre goin!
Chandler: (reminiscing) Ah, finally an explanation.
Ross: Yknow what (Moves away as Chandler enters, panicked.)
Chandler: Hey-hey, is Monica here?
Chandler: Okay, look I need your help, I dont know what to get her for Valentines Day.
Chandler: (laughs) She was working on Valentines Day so were celebrating it tonight.
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Chandler: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
Chandler: I made a (Does one of those gibberish words.)
Chandler: Nothing!
Chandler: Well, have you guys made anything that maybe I can take credit for?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is desperately trying to make his Valentines Day gift. He takes a paper cup, turns it upside down, sticks two pencils into the top, and hangs a coat hanger from the bottom.]
Chandler: (admiring his work) This, this actually is a (Does the same gibberish word from before.)
Chandler: Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentines Day gifts?
Chandler: Do we have to make the entire thing?
Chandler: Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up.
Monica: Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I cant wait! This is going to be the best Valentines Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I cant believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!
Chandler: (sticking his head back in) What?
Monica: Im just so excited to make the presents! (Chandler does another sarcastic/scared laugh and leaves.) Shoot!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: (not turning around) Chandler. I sensed it was you.
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Okay, are you aware unagi (does the finger thing) is an eel?
Chandler: I cant figure out what to make Monica.
Chandler: Im going crazy! Okay? Do you have any thing around here that looks homemade?
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.
Chandler: Wait a minute, I cant give this to her.
Chandler: Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side and "I hate Monica" on the bottom.
(Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream )
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, hes still trying to figure out what to make Monica.]
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
[Cut to the living room, Chandler is entering as Monica finishes wrapping her present for him on the kitchen table.]
Chandler: Hey! Hi! You uh, ready to exchange gifts?
Chandler: Okay, come here! Come here.
Chandler: Now, its not wrapped because I just, just finished it.
Chandler: But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.
Chandler: (momentarily terrified) Maybe well have to listen and see!
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Its a sock bunny.
Chandler: Not really.
Chandler: I see. Yknow umm, Phoebe makes sock bunnies.
Chandler: Oh, its okay. I dont
Chandler: (thinking it over) Well, I did put a lot of thought in the tape. (They both run into the bedroom.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are relaxing in sexual bliss.]
Chandler: Wow! (To the sock bunny still on his hand.) You are way to young to have seen that!
Chandler: You are totally and completely 100% forgiven.
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it off his hand and throws it behind the night-stand.)
Chandler: You have done enough!
Chandler: No you dontget it in black, not brown.
Chandler: Oop!
Chandler: Well, its like that old saying, have some sex, eat some cake.
Chandler: Who the hell is Carl?!
Chandler: Yknow sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, arent they?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is getting ready for Chandlers arrival. He enters and finds the place lit with candles and dinner on the table.]
Chandler: Oh my good God.
Chandler: Look, you have done enough! Okay? You have to stop this now.
Chandler: Oh, the mixed tape.
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
Chandler: No! Youre the sweetest! (He tries to kiss her but Monica backs away with a look that could kill on her face.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is trying to explain himself to Monica.]
Chandler: I am so, so, so, so sorry!
Chandler: And I will cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and do anything in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Chandler: Come on Monica, its our Valentines Day. Please? Please-please, please?
Chandler: Okay. (They hug.)
Chandler: So, are we going in there?
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: (To Chandler) Iced tea.
Chandler: But those are the words! Those exact words!
Chandler: Its not all juice! (Rachel quickly gets out of the way.)
Chandler: Okay, anything for you sir?
Chandler: I am totally picturing you with all those women!
Chandler: You wanna share it?
Chandler: Aww.
Chandler: Who sold a story to Archie Comics?!
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is eating breakfast as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Whats this?
Chandler: Aww, thanks man. (They hug.)
Joey: (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you just said I could!
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that?
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.)
Chandler: (To Ross) But I think we should tell her.
Chandler: Uh, what about yknow the massage thing? That never gave you a heart attack.
Chandler: Okay.
(Phoebe mocks what Monica just said. Ross pulls Chandler aside.)
Chandler: Im sorry youre here with me instead of Roger.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are eating Monicas dinner.]
Chandler: Well good, good for you. You really think that Roger is the perfect guy?
Chandler: Okay. (Pause.) What was tonight?
Chandler: Four different women! Ive had sex way more times!
Chandler: What was tonight?
Chandler: Hey thats what I tell girls about me.
Chandler: So was I.
Chandler: (smiling cheekily) I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" (Monica looks confused, so Chandler repeats) "I do".
Chandler: Okay. (They both realize what he just said.)
Monica: Chandler, Im gonna die a virgin!
Chandler: Shes shhing me! Its my phone and shes shhing me!
Chandler: I do like that.
Chandler: Stop it! Were doing this! Lets do it!
Chandler: We cant do this.
Chandler: Hey, will you grab me a cruller? (Joey starts to groan and get up.) Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!
Chandler: Okay! (They both get up.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: I have some moves.
Chandler: Yeah, lets just forget it.
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Oh yeah.
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: Oh, okay! (He rolls over to do that again.)
Chandler: Well, if it helps there were only three. So it would just be for tonight, right?
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, she has just lost her flower to Chandler.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting advice from Ross and Joey.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler has the tape measure out and is busy lining up the lamp on the kitchen counter, Ross is supervising the whole operation.]
Chandler: Oh you wouldnt uh, care. Its just a stupid comic book story.
Chandler: (sexily) Yeah?
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: We got some Vap-O-Rub in some places.
Chandler: So you uh, want to do something tonight?
Chandler: Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night! Oh no wait a minute that was you!
Chandler: Yeah! Totally! Totally, and you?
Chandler: I bet he can.
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? (he taps the results and reads them) "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."
Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
Chandler: Hey, buddy boy, howd the audition go?
Chandler: I got caught up and work, but I'm quitting tomorrow.
Chandler: (sticking his head in the door) Okay to come in?
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: Because you shouldnt be with him. (Pause.) You should be with me.
Chandler: Yeah I know, guess who beeped him?
Chandler: Oh yeah.
Chandler: No, there were two.
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Chandler: Ahh, ooh, try a hard 8.
Chandler: Hm-hmm. (Goes to take another bite.)
[Scene: Chandlers gym, He and Ross are there to cancel his membership.]
Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is entering numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how much hes sold.]
Chandler: Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for thisAh-ha-ha!! You lost the ring! Youre the worst best man ever!
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, continued from earlier. Monica and Chandler are still discussing the previous question.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]
Chandler: (approaching) Here you go Joe, heres the freshly squeezed orange juice you asked for. (Hands it to him.)
(Chandler escorts Monica down the aisle.)
Chandler: Its all very, very good. (She covers up and sits down.) So you wanna go uh, mix it up?
Chandler: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Chandler: Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!!!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah! Dont worry about me, Ill be fine! (Does a kara-tay move.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Chandler: Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it.
Chandler: I see.
Monica: Gunther, can I get a coffee (Looks at Chandler) to go?
Chandler: Oh, I dont know man. I havent talked to her in like ten years.
Monica: Its Chandlers way of pretending he didnt take mime.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are eating breakfast as Joey enters.]
Chandler: You do owe me so much. You owe me three thousand, four hundred
Joey: No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you so much!
Chandler: Oh okay, Ill-Ill try.
Monica: What are you doing?! Chandler! You cant just go back a phase!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Thank you.
Chandler: Yeah so, Tuesday?