words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Joey is working.]
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip Joe.
Chandler: I see where youre goin!
Chandler: (reminiscing) Ah, finally an explanation.
Ross: Yknow what (Moves away as Chandler enters, panicked.)
Chandler: Hey-hey, is Monica here?
Chandler: Okay, look I need your help, I dont know what to get her for Valentines Day.
Chandler: (laughs) She was working on Valentines Day so were celebrating it tonight.
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Chandler: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
Chandler: I made a (Does one of those gibberish words.)
Chandler: Nothing!
Chandler: Well, have you guys made anything that maybe I can take credit for?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is desperately trying to make his Valentines Day gift. He takes a paper cup, turns it upside down, sticks two pencils into the top, and hangs a coat hanger from the bottom.]
Chandler: (admiring his work) This, this actually is a (Does the same gibberish word from before.)
Chandler: Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentines Day gifts?
Chandler: Do we have to make the entire thing?
Chandler: Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up.
Monica: Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I cant wait! This is going to be the best Valentines Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I cant believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!
Chandler: (sticking his head back in) What?
Monica: Im just so excited to make the presents! (Chandler does another sarcastic/scared laugh and leaves.) Shoot!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: (not turning around) Chandler. I sensed it was you.
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Okay, are you aware unagi (does the finger thing) is an eel?
Chandler: I cant figure out what to make Monica.
Chandler: Im going crazy! Okay? Do you have any thing around here that looks homemade?
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.
Chandler: Wait a minute, I cant give this to her.
Chandler: Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side and "I hate Monica" on the bottom.
(Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream )
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, hes still trying to figure out what to make Monica.]
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
[Cut to the living room, Chandler is entering as Monica finishes wrapping her present for him on the kitchen table.]
Chandler: Hey! Hi! You uh, ready to exchange gifts?
Chandler: Okay, come here! Come here.
Chandler: Now, its not wrapped because I just, just finished it.
Chandler: But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.
Chandler: (momentarily terrified) Maybe well have to listen and see!
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Its a sock bunny.
Chandler: Not really.
Chandler: I see. Yknow umm, Phoebe makes sock bunnies.
Chandler: Oh, its okay. I dont
Chandler: (thinking it over) Well, I did put a lot of thought in the tape. (They both run into the bedroom.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are relaxing in sexual bliss.]
Chandler: Wow! (To the sock bunny still on his hand.) You are way to young to have seen that!
Chandler: You are totally and completely 100% forgiven.
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it off his hand and throws it behind the night-stand.)
Chandler: You have done enough!
Chandler: No you dontget it in black, not brown.
Chandler: Oop!
Chandler: Well, its like that old saying, have some sex, eat some cake.
Chandler: Who the hell is Carl?!
Chandler: Yknow sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, arent they?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is getting ready for Chandlers arrival. He enters and finds the place lit with candles and dinner on the table.]
Chandler: Oh my good God.
Chandler: Look, you have done enough! Okay? You have to stop this now.
Chandler: Oh, the mixed tape.
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
Chandler: No! Youre the sweetest! (He tries to kiss her but Monica backs away with a look that could kill on her face.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is trying to explain himself to Monica.]
Chandler: I am so, so, so, so sorry!
Chandler: And I will cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and do anything in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Chandler: Come on Monica, its our Valentines Day. Please? Please-please, please?
Chandler: Okay. (They hug.)
Chandler: So, are we going in there?
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienists blouse.
Chandler: Im sorry, I guess I just like the pulp.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch, when they start to hear a horrible screeching noise. It sounds like someone is skinning a cat.]
Monica: Why dont you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean thats what I did when I first (looks at Chandler and pauses) weighing stuff.
Chandler: I do? (He smiles, beautifully.)
Chandler: Hey, I can be smooth. (Walks back to the Maitre d', very smoothly) Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. (Shakes his hand)
Ross: Yeah in fact, Im gonna go call her right now. And Ill make sure to tell her my friend Chandler says (He mimics the shy reaction Chandler did.)
Erica: Oh yeah. I actually liked you guys. But it doesn't matter, because what you did was wrong. (walks away again, but Chandler catches up with her again)
Joey: Thats okay. Chandlers the one Im mad at.
Chandler: (On cell phone) Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it. Yes it will be the same. Because I know, that's how. I promise.
Chandler: (angry) Well if people dont know they shouldnt just guess!
Chandler: Monica, that was also true an hour ago! I mean, please, look at you! Your hand is blistered, you can barely stand, your hair is inexplicable! Ok, you've already proven you are just as good as he is, now we've missed our dinner reservations, so now let's just go upstairs, order room service, take a shower and shave your head!
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
CHANDLER: Ya know there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained.
Chandler: (in a manly voice) Yeah well, Im gonna go spit. (He goes into the bedroom. On his way out, Joey gives Rachel a wide berth.)
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke(Yelps in pain as Monica grabs him underwater)Diet Coke.
Chandler: Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ.
Chandler: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that effect.
Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner, Chandler and Monica are greeting guests as they arrive. A woman enters.]
[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...]
Chandler: Dont go! Im sorry. Im so sorry! (Sees another guy who is still asleep.) Look! This guy fell asleep! He fell asleep too! Be mad at him! (Looks at him more closely.) Or, call an ambulance.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Chandler: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?
Chandler: Because, if Santa and the Holiday Armadillo? (Ross nods) ...are ever in the same room for too long the universe will implode. Merry Christmas!
Chandler: Sure, why dont you set it up. Ill just be over here, browsing through the personals.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Monica, Chandler, Rachel, and Ross are playing Monopoly as Phoebe enters angrily.]
Chandler: Yeah, Joey said I uh, I needed to relax so he gave me an antihistamine.
Chandler: Oh, believe me, to survive this party, you're gonna have to come up with one too.
Monica: See? Thats what I mean. I mean that, thats great! But I wouldnt trade in what I have for that. I mean Im gonna be with Chandler for the rest of my life, and thats what makes me happy. (Chandler approaches.) Hey sweetie, come here! Come sit down. Hey Phoebe and I were just talking about how our relationship is deep and meaningful. It really is dont you think?
Chandler: See my friend-my friend, Rachel, she wants to be set up.
Chandler: Oh my God, honey we are so meant to be together. We both have copies of the Annie soundtrack.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.]
CHANDLER: So is he housetrained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. Good, STAY! Good fake dog.
Chandler: (jumping up from his chair) Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.
Chandler: Pheebs, can you help me pick out an engagement ring for Monica? I cant figure this out! Its so hard! Should I get her a (turning to each page) Tiffany cut or a Princess cut or aah-ah! Paper cut!
Chandler: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey is giving Chandler the bracelet from season 2.]
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Okay, baseball. Rick, playing baseball. Okay, slides into second, maybe even his pants come down a little Oh nowait no, no! No! Okay, all right, sandwiches, sandwiches. Umm, okay, on a plate, maybe Ricks pants come down a little. No! No! Okay, Chandler! Okay Chandler, ooh, thats working.
Chandler: Oh that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest.
Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late."
Chandler: Hey Joe! We've got a couple of things we've got to check out at the new house. You want to come with us?
Chandler: Hey. I just, I just wanted to come over to-to say that Im sorry. Yknow? I know I acted like the biggest idiot in the world, and I can completely understand why you were so upset.
Chandler: Im sorry, Im sorry, it just seems that Robert isnt as concealed in the shorts area, as ah, one may have hoped.
CHANDLER: [singing to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood] Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.
Chandler: No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, youd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Yknow its hard enough to be fourteen. Youre skinny. Youre wearing speedoesThat your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and theres your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack!
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) Its been six months! Its not funny!
Chandler: Yeah, hes made phone calls, written letters, he even came to New York, but I always said I was too busy to see him. Yknow its all very Cats in the CradleI dont want to get into it. (The show starts.) Here we go.
Chandler: (blocks the door) No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!!! You can't come in here! R-r-r-r-Ross is naked.
Chandler: Horn-swoggle.
Chandler: Oh yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as your wearing that towel dress.
Chandler: Okay first of all, the impression, uncanny. And second, that was not flirting, that was just casual conversation between two people. That is all.
Chandler: Yeah but when he proposed to me with the ring I got goose bumps.
Chandler: (tongue-tied) Uhl..ell. By the way, in case you missed that, that sound was, "Uhl, ell."
Chandler: (entering) All right. (Clears throat) I thought about it and maybe youre right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.
Chandler: What...? That's not you! Life is good again! Ride 'em cowgirl!
Chandler: (notices something) Oh my God, the air purifier! Ross's air purifier! All I heard through 4 years of college was (makes a humming noise.)
Chandler: Sure, everybody loves a kidder.
CHANDLER: (writhes as if in agony) All right, look.� Just stay there.� I'm coming home.
Chandler: Hes really picky about his patients.
Chandler: You don't think we'd buy a house and not have a Joey room do you?
Chandler: Monica has a secret closet and she wont let me see whats in it.
Chandler: All right, theres a nuclear holocaust, Im the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?
Chandler: Great! (to Monica) This baby'd better to be really good.
Phoebe: Oh, it's so hard to get rid of stuff! Did you and Chandler have to make compromises when you first moved in together?
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually good.
Chandler: I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife!
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
Chandler and Joey: He- he- he got in, he- he got in to San Diego.
Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer thanOhhh! (They both realize something there.)
Chandler: (ignoring him) Yes, Gunther, can I get two cups of chino, please?
Chandler: Its the semi-finals of her botchy ball tournament.
Monica: (to Chandler) Anything but stew.
Chandler: Do you think you could get through a poem?
[Time lapse, dinner has finished and Chandler is sitting on the couch eating some pie. Monica sits down beside him, and he gets pushed up a little by the wave she makes in the couch.]
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.
Chandler: Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and thats when we get married. Well have Chandlers money and Rachels kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachels drinking problem.
Chandler: I dont know! You were a delight to talk to. You asked all those insightful, great questions.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is interviewing a potential roommate. And yes, shes a female, non-smoker and very non-ugly.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (hes in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. Hes got the wool cap, hes got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and hes got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like theyre from the inner-city.]
Chandler: Okay, Ms. McKenna, she kind of works above my boss, she asked me to move to Tulsa and be the president of our office there, and I was sleeping and apparently, said yes.
Chandler: Well then there was the second set, the infamous booger head shots.
Chandler: But this is eleven. Its almost twice as hard up here.
Janice: Oh my Gawd, I-I understand. I-I am so sorry, Ill go. (Starts for the door.) Good-bye Monica (hugs her), I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. Chandler, (hugs him) you call me when this goes in the pooper. (Hurries out.)
Monica: Hey Joey, Chandler sold a story to Archie Comics!
Chandler: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...
Chandler: (waking Joey) Hey, check out that girl! She is really hot!
Chandler: Pheebs, were not giving you a deposit for our wedding!
(Chandler and Monica's, all three of them are listening at the wall to Ross and Charlie's)
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
[Chandler puts a coin in the mini jukebox at the table. YMCA starts playing and Monica and the rest of the staff have to get on the counter and start singing along and dancing. After a couple of couruses, Chandler pulls out a handful of coins and drops them on the table.]
CHANDLER: Oh hey, it's, it's terriffic. I mean it's a regular space... fest.
[Scene:� Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Monica is wearing a sexy negligee.� She pours two glasses of wine as Chandler enters with a carry-on suitcase.� He sets the case by the door.)
Chandler: Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.
Chandler: Oh Joeys got a really bad hernia, but thats nothing a little laser eye surgery wont fix!