words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Oh, whats the matter?
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Just out of curiosity did she tell you how youre gonna go?
Chandler: Oh hi!
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
Chandler: Why dont you open with a joke?
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not talking about Chuckles University?!
Chandler: Thats the way I did it til I was 19.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Yes, you got something from the Screen Actors Guild.
Chandler: (opens and reads it) "Benefits lapsed."
Chandler: Okay, its not a check. Theyre saying your health insurance expired because, you didnt work enough last year.
Chandler: All right.
Chandler: Im sorry man, theres never a good time to (pauses) stop catching on fire.
Chandler: Okay, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street.
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Thats great, but shouldnt you be on the toilet right now?
Chandler: Whats wrong with you?
Chandler: This sounds like a hernia. You have toyou-you go to the doctor!
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Chandler: Thats a hernia.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
Chandler: Hey, will you grab me a cruller? (Joey starts to groan and get up.) Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!
Chandler: I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and lets just get that thing pushed back in.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Oh Joeys got a really bad hernia, but thats nothing a little laser eye surgery wont fix!
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey has won the part of dying man and is now able to play the role he was injured for. Chandler is helping to carry him in.]
Chandler: Listen, Im really glad you got the part.
Chandler: But are you sure you can do this?
(Chandler steps away quickly.)
Chandler: Now, is that never talking about it again?!
(Chandler decides to help out.)
Chandler: Im sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why dont you uh, lift up your shirt? (He does.) Take a look at this kiddo. (Alex finally starts crying.) We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
Chandler: What are you doing?
Chandler: Oh, all right.
(Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel and Monica are pretty much telling Chandler what the wedding plans are.]
Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but kicks Rosss foot instead.)
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Chandler: Uh-huh!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place?
Chandler: (entering) Ahh, third base.
Chandler: Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because its romantic, but because I can!
Phoebe: Whats the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandlers!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are having dinner with her parents.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, I should probably call them.
Chandler: Oh, I dont think I ever heard that story.
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
(The guys takes a hockey stick and slips it through the handles then proceeds to take the stereo and Chandlers computer and walk out.)
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Monica: What about when I started dating Chandler?
CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. (Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is examining the broken foosball table as Chandler enters from his room.]
Mrs. Geller: Well it was Chandler! We didnt think hed ever propose!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning from dinner, Rachel is already there.]
Chandler: Honey, its gonna be okay.
Chandler: So he has to be a male who has at least $50.
Chandler: Well, I have some.
Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that were gonna get married.
Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding!
Chandler: Well, youre not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the wedding?
Chandler: Yes, I am!
Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no.
Chandler: Maybe its the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.
Chandler: You are aware that shes not a monkey, right?
Chandler: Okay this is great, but Joey said he didn't want any of us out there.
Chandler: Ehh.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Yeah.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, yknow? Well pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Chandler: I love you so much.
Chandler: Sure you do.
Chandler: You sure?
Chandler: Oh yeah, totally!
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Chandler: Hey, you guys!
Chandler: So, what do you think?
Chandler: No I didnt!
Chandler: No!
Joey: Eyes! No, no. Your eyes! No. Chandlers eyes!
Chandler: Really?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Monica are all there as Chandler enters wearing glasses.]
Chandler: I got glasses!
Chandler: What we want honey.
Chandler: Thats okay Pheebs, were not having a party or anything, so you dont have to get us
Chandler: (sitting down on the arm of her chair) You didnt think I used to wear glasses, right?
Chandler: Hey! Hows the boat?!
Chandler: Our kids are gonna be fat arent they.
Chandler: Well, its good that you finally have a place to do that.
Chandler: Nothing, I just like to go like this. (Does it again.)
Chandler: Do you know what I was thinkin?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are there. He takes off his glasses and starts chewing on the ear piece.]
Chandler: Well, did-did you correct him?
Chandler: Then free as a bird. Whats up?
Ross: (entering from the bathrooms) Hey Chandler, what are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Oh no problem, maybe Ill play with my left hand.
Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and Im sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.
Chandler: Does anybody know me?!
Monica: (To Chandler) This is what happens when you dont register for gifts!
Chandler: Cause its gross.
Chandler: Dont worry about it Pheebs.
Chandler: An old cookie?
Chandler: We cant accept this.
Chandler: Okay, we owe you a present.
Chandler: No, I realize that honey, but Im not gonna spend all of the money on one party.
(Chandler looks over and sees Ross glaring at them.)
Ross: (entering with Chandler) Hey.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are making some sandwiches.]
Chandler: Awful. Awful. Couldn'ta gone worse.
Chandler: Guys?
[Cut to the flashback, Chandlers no longer doing the voice-over.]
Chandler: Why do they put so much steam in there?!
Chandler: I know.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is finished telling everyone what happened.]
Monica: Oh my God Chandler! I cant believe it!
Chandler: I dont want him to tell this story for years.
Chandler: Not that big a deal? There there was touching of things.
Ross: Okay, well be right in. (to Chandler) So ah, did your boss try to slap you again today?
Chandler: Who walks into a room and asks to see a persons hands?!
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to faceAnd by face I dont mean his lap. And by face, I dont mean my ass. (Exits.)
Chandler: (getting up) All right, Im off to see your dad.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey are you getting Monica and Chandler an engagement present?
(Chandler and Joey enter and overhear that.)
Chandler: If that is your father calling to tell this story then the marriage is off!
Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date.
Chandler: No, I don't see anything different other than the fact that the room got so much brighter when you came into it. (Forced laughter)
Chandler: (worried) Hes the headliner of a gay burlesque show.
Chandler: And thats the Chrysler Building right there.
Chandler: So I guess we wear swimsuits in here!