words in movies
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?
Chandler: Ross, just for my own piece of mind, youre not married to anymore of us are ya?
Chandler: You left a shoe here?!
Chandler: Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, Ill be sure to give him your shoe.
Chandler: (not enthused) Yeah, all right.
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa! What?
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna pass. Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on! Itll give us great practice for when(realizes what shes about to say and changes)people with babies come to visit.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are baby-sitting the triplets. They each have one baby.]
Monica: Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, its going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.
Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. Its times like these Im glad Smell-O-Vision hasnt been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When youre done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)
Chandler: See thats where I think that youre wrong. Weve been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
Chandler: Okay, Im a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.
[Time lapse, they have set up a little assembly line for diaper changes. Phoebe wipes, Chandler adds the powder, begrudgingly, and Monica puts the diaper on.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Shocking! Since you still have the keys.
Chandler: What equity investments?
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Chandler: You dont even have a car!
Chandler: And?
Chandler: There you are.
Chandler: (entering) Check it out! Check it out! When the babies wake up, they can meet Krog! (He holds up this Xena-like warrior action figure.)
Monica: Chandler, what are you doing? That thing can put someones eye out!
Chandler: He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe!
Phoebe: No Chandler, they can swallow one of those little parts! And also, look at his smooth area, thats just gonna mess them up.
Chandler: Theyre not gonna swallow anything, you guys are being way over protective. When I was a kid, my mom used to just throw me into a pile of broken glass!
Chandler: Glass, sand, whatever. (Walks out as Monica and Phoebe turn to check on the babies again.)
Chandler: (entering) All right. (Clears throat) I thought about it and maybe youre right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.
Chandler: I swallowed the sonic blaster gun.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
Monica: Damnit! Yknow this whole time we were concentrating on watching the babies and, and no one was watching Chandler! (He does it again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Chandler: But you found the keys to his clothes?
Chandler: That is true.
Chandler: Ahh, I think it just moved. Its really poking me.
Chandler: I think thats gum.
Chandler: Okay, listen this really hurts. Lets go.
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Well, lets just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours.
Chandler: And protected them from a tornado?
Chandler: Was the setting of Phoebes triumph.
Chandler: Is not as important as the fact that Phoebe took care of the babies all by herself.
Chandler: (pause) Phoebe, would you take a look at this mess!!!!
[Scene: Chandlers Office Building, Chandler is walking by the elevators and sees Bob standing there.]
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Chandler: To be fair this one does have nuts.
(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)
Ross: You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff...
Chandler: Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?
Chandler: Was that Emma? Is she up?
Chandler: I don't know! You'll tell us on Monday!
Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?
Monica: No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us (Points at herself and Chandler) We've been complaining the longest!
Chandler: (Yelling) What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! (Phoebe and Joey come out looking shocked)
Chandler: You do know, I can just turn them the other way around, right?
Chandler: Hey! Remember when I had corneas?
Chandler: I'm begging you stop.
Chandler: (Also very excited) That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!
Chandler: Thats a bear.
Chandler: Ok, on your mark... Get set... GO!!!
Chandler: I bought you. How did I forget that that's all you do?
Chandler: They left.
(Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)
Chandler: Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?
Chandler: Me too...
Chandler: Ooh! That's my girl!
Chandler: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?
Chandler: Emma, you even know it's your birthday today? You're one! One-year-old, that's little.
(There's a couple of seconds of silence. Then Chandler looks around...)
Chandler: No, not yet.
Chandler: I was kidding.
Chandler: Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.
Chandler: Let's do it, come on!
Monica: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!
Chandler: Thanks!
(Chandler starts paging through the album.)
Chandler: So excited about your letter!
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
Chandler: That's where people make number two!!
Monica: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom!
Chandler: So you must be going to somewhere fancy to celebrate?
Chandler: Now, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases... fourteen (looks over to Monica).
Chandler: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
Chandler: On every word?
Chandler: Hey Rach! There she is...My perfectly proportioned wife.
Chandler: (reading) I don’t... uh... understand.
Chandler: You know what? You don’t need a thesaurus, just write from here, (points at his own heart) your full sized aortic pump.
Chandler: Well, aren't you a treat.
Chandler: Word!
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
Chandler: Oh, I don't think it was desperate, I think it was amazing!
Monica: I proposed to Chandler! (Phoebe stops herself from laughing) Alright, moving on...
Chandler: She's right! If I were a guy and... (stops himself mid-sentence...everyone stares at him) Did I just say if I were a guy..?
Phoebe: Yeah, that does make sense. Ok, now, would... would you two (points to Ross and Chandler) like that?
Chandler: Sounds good to me... but what would a guy think?
Chandler: Joey, we would've asked you, we just thought you wouldn't be interested.
Rachel: (To Monica, Chandler and Phoebe) Can any of you watch Emma?
(Chandler and Monica look shocked)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is inside, Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Chandler: Can we read it? Can you print out another copy?
Chandler: It's ok, it's ok. You know what? (Takes out his mobile) I'll just call the agency and tell them to throw out the letter. (starts dialing)
Chandler: (Still looks confused) They loved it.
Chandler: They thought it was very smart of us to have a child write the recommendation letter.
Chandler: That sounds like fun.
Ross: Hey guys. Monica and Chandler: Hi Ross.
Chandler: Like war. Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator. Remember? It was in a milk carton but it looked like meat?
Ross: (sees how strangely Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What?
(Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)
Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.
Chandler: (to Mon) So, Zack's pretty nice, uh?
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Chandler: (he enters) Hey honey!
Chandler: Is Monica not here?
PHOE: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment]
Chandler: Oh... I don't know, I really don't think you're right for the part.
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
Chandler: Oh its been going on way to long now. Yknow, I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didnt say anything. And then the next time he said, "Hey Toby, do you want a donut?" And I-I wanted a donut. And now its five years later, the donuts gone and Im still Toby.
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as its a compliment.
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Monica: Uh, Chandler did! What does he want you to give up? Phoebe: A bunch of stuff. And the worst one... he wants me to get rid of Gladys.
Chandler: Joe, I told you, you're just not right for the part.
Chandler: Hey you guys.
Chandler: Joe...
Chandler: Fine!
Chandler: Work, Joe!
Chandler: Hey, I'm sorry, I should have given you guys my black book when I got married! Although it wasn't so much a book as a... napkin. With Janice's phone number on it.
Chandler (to Rachel): What am I gonna do now?
Chandler: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
[Scene: Chandler walks into Joey's apartment]
Chandler: (looks surprised) What!? Of course I did!
Chandler: I'm not lying to you, I watched it!
Chandler: (now yelling) (pretending to look shocked) I did!
Chandler: I watched it!
Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: (following him) I'm telling you, I watched the tape. (Reaches Joey's room and Joey slams the door in his face)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Rachel are talking.]
Chandler: What did I just say?
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).