words in movies
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?
Chandler: Ross, just for my own piece of mind, youre not married to anymore of us are ya?
Chandler: You left a shoe here?!
Chandler: Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, Ill be sure to give him your shoe.
Chandler: (not enthused) Yeah, all right.
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa! What?
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna pass. Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on! Itll give us great practice for when(realizes what shes about to say and changes)people with babies come to visit.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are baby-sitting the triplets. They each have one baby.]
Monica: Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, its going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.
Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. Its times like these Im glad Smell-O-Vision hasnt been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When youre done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)
Chandler: See thats where I think that youre wrong. Weve been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
Chandler: Okay, Im a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.
[Time lapse, they have set up a little assembly line for diaper changes. Phoebe wipes, Chandler adds the powder, begrudgingly, and Monica puts the diaper on.]
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Shocking! Since you still have the keys.
Chandler: What equity investments?
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Chandler: You dont even have a car!
Chandler: And?
Chandler: There you are.
Chandler: (entering) Check it out! Check it out! When the babies wake up, they can meet Krog! (He holds up this Xena-like warrior action figure.)
Monica: Chandler, what are you doing? That thing can put someones eye out!
Chandler: He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe!
Phoebe: No Chandler, they can swallow one of those little parts! And also, look at his smooth area, thats just gonna mess them up.
Chandler: Theyre not gonna swallow anything, you guys are being way over protective. When I was a kid, my mom used to just throw me into a pile of broken glass!
Chandler: Glass, sand, whatever. (Walks out as Monica and Phoebe turn to check on the babies again.)
Chandler: (entering) All right. (Clears throat) I thought about it and maybe youre right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.
Chandler: I swallowed the sonic blaster gun.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
Monica: Damnit! Yknow this whole time we were concentrating on watching the babies and, and no one was watching Chandler! (He does it again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Chandler: But you found the keys to his clothes?
Chandler: That is true.
Chandler: Ahh, I think it just moved. Its really poking me.
Chandler: I think thats gum.
Chandler: Okay, listen this really hurts. Lets go.
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Well, lets just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours.
Chandler: And protected them from a tornado?
Chandler: Was the setting of Phoebes triumph.
Chandler: Is not as important as the fact that Phoebe took care of the babies all by herself.
Chandler: (pause) Phoebe, would you take a look at this mess!!!!
Chandler: Okay, fine, $300.
Chandler: Flashdance.
Chandler: Damn Rollos!
Chandler: Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick! (Mimics it.)
Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!
Monica: Chandler! (Motions for him to come outside.)
Chandler: Monica. (Follows her out.)
Monica: Oh, it was awful. (To Chandler) I guess some people just don't appreciate really good food.
Chandler: Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room!
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler and Phoebe: Yeah, me either.
Joey: Who cares? You're Rachel! (To Chandler) Who's Kip?
Chandler: Okay, Ross is in the bathroom.
Chandler: Yes that would have made more sense.
Chandler: Kip, my old roommate, y'know we all used to hang out together.
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Yes that was mine.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.]
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's weekend, a hotel clerk is showing them their new room.]
Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: So, I guess this is over.
Chandler: I just came over to drop off nothing. So that weekend kinda sucked, huh?
Chandler: Really? Okay. Great!
Chandler: So, this isn't over?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: (stops her) We're in a relationship?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
Chandler: Yes. Yes. (Lets him up.)
Chandler: It happened in London.
Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
(Chandler pushes him through the door and Monica closes it behind them.)
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
(She goes over and kisses Chandler.)
[They all run to get in the cab, and Chandler pulls out a smoke.]
Chandler: Fun's over!
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Chandler: No, Im afraid I wont be able to make love as well as him.
Chandler: Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.
Chandler: Sorry.
Chandler and Monica: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are making out on one of the chairs.]
Monica: (To Chandler) Rachel's at work.
Chandler: Hello!
Joey: (Pointing at Chandler.) Your different here too. Your mean in England. (Chandler throws his hands up to his head in frustration. They walk away from each other.)
[Time lapse, Monica and Chandler have changed rooms yet again.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]
Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me!
Chandler: (With the covers pulled up to his chin.) Morning, Ross.
Chandler: So you're really okay with this?
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.
Mr. Geller: (To Chandler) God, your hair sure is different!
Chandler: Yeah, we were just talking about that. I can't believe how stupid we used to look. (They both quickly push their sleeves over their elbows.)
Chandler: Okay, there are no famous Joeys. Except for, huh, Joey Buttafucco.
Monica: Does it have to do with-with Chandler and that sock that he keeps by his bed?
Joey: (running and banging on Chandlers door) The stripper stole the ring!! The stripper stole the ring!! Chandler! Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper stole the ring!
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
(They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)
Chandler: Okay, what is in here? Rocks?
Chandler: So, rocks.
Chandler: You're on in 5 Ms. Minnelli.
Chandler: Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel-killer.
Chandler: Yeah I know, we're losing Ross, Joey said hence
Chandler: Look, we just think that maybe she's being a little unreasonable.
(Chandler is completely astounded.)
Monica: Hi, Chandler.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: Kind of? If you just kept this to yourself none of this would've happened.
Chandler: Well, I think it's very brave what you said.
(Monica and Chandler turn and stare at him.)
Joey: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she wont recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and Ill be uh, Mr. Wong.
CHANDLER: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
Chandler: You just, you look so different! Terrific! That dress! That body!
Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
Chandler: Uh, Ross?
Chandler: Yeah, we are so sorry.
Phoebe: (To Chandler) You're kinda stepping on the song. (She gets ready to play but is stopped by )
Chandler: Sorry!
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch-(realizes)-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.
[Scene: A strip club, the girls are there with Chandler, who isnt enjoying himself.]
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: Oh yeah, there-there she is!
Chandler: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon...
CHANDLER: Yup, get ready for the gelatenous fun.
Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.)
Chandler: What?!
Monica: So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner.
Chandler: He thought you said gonad.
Chandler: All right buddy, way to go! (smacks him on the butt)
Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note.
(The guys hotel room. Joeys there. Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
Chandler: Sorry.
Chandler: Love what you've done with the place.
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Yknow what its my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.