words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are going through a bunch of pictures as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Someone on the subway licked my neck! Licked my neck!!
Chandler: What are you guys doing?
Chandler: Oooh, Im afraid that does not exist.
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Chandler: I dont know what it is, I just cant take a good picture.
Chandler: Yeah, Im not in that.
Phoebe: Yeah thats great! Next to that, Chandler wont look so stupid.
Monica: Chandler what do you say?
Chandler: All right, but I should warn you, Im not going. Im going. (Does The Face while saying that last part.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is siting on the couch as Ross and Chandler enter after playing basketball.]
Ross: (To Chandler) Dude, that reverse lay-up! Oh
Chandler: How about those three pointers?
Chandler: And those guys were this (Doing the standard "This Close" gesture) close to lettin us play this time too.
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
Chandler: They have that on the napkins at the club.
Chandler: Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? I mean yknow you cant date him right?
Chandler: Dude that is so sad.
Chandler: Could I play?
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are trying to take their engagement picture. Monica has a beautiful smile, while Chandler isnt.]
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Chandler: Okay. (Does The Face.)
Chandler: No, I am.
Monica: Chandler, listen to me sweetie, I know you can do this. Okay? You have a beautiful smile.
Chandler: I do? (He smiles, beautifully.)
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
Chandler: Okay. (Youll have to see it, I cant describe the face he makes, but it isnt good.)
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are still trying to get the picture taken.]
Monica: I know. Lets try a look of far off wonderment. Okay, well-well gaze into our future and well think about our marriage and the days to come. (Chandler is still not getting it.) Chandler! What is the matter with your face?! I mean this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron!" (The photographer laughs.) Hey! Dont laugh at him! Hes my drowning moron!
Chandler: Aww! (Smiles.)
(Chandler turns to the camera and does The Face.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are going over the picture proofs.]
Monica: They cant all be bad. (To Chandler) Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Ohh, there it is.
Chandler: Oh my God! Those are my bedroom eyes?! Why did you ever sleep with me?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is teaching Chandler how to smile. Chandler is smiling.]
Joey: See? Thats a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. (Chandler immediately does The Face.) Youre changing it!
Chandler: I cant help it!
Chandler: Borrow money from me?
Joey: Okay, firstfirst of all, you want to make it look spontaneous. I look down (Looks down), look down, keep looking down; then I look up. (Looks up and smiles.) See? All right, now you try. Look down (Chandler looks down), youre looking down, keep looking down
Chandler: Why is there jelly on your shoe?
Joey: I had a donut. (Chandler nods.)
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Chandler: (Pause) Im right here!
Chandler: Im still right here!
Chandler: Did you have a crush on me, when you first met me?
Chandler: Can you people not see me?! (He waves his arms around to get their attention.)
[Scene: The Portrait Studio, Monica is waiting for Chandler to make another attempt at taking a good picture.]
Chandler: There I am!
Chandler: Yeah, Joey said I uh, I needed to relax so he gave me an antihistamine.
Chandler: Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is f-far!!
Monica: Chandler, what were you thinking?
Chandler: I dont know, but dont worry, dont worry, because I know how to take a picture now. (They get ready) Okay, see? Look down (Looks down), look down, look down (He falls asleep.)
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: (awakens) Yeah! (Looks up and does The Face.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there as Monica enters with the local paper that has the engagement picture in it.]
Chandler: Ahhh.
Chandler: Oh yeah, that looks good.
Phoebe: You guys make a very attractive couple. (The camera cuts to a shot of the picture and we see that Monica is posing with Joey instead of Chandler.)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Im marrying her.
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is getting ready to sing for the kids. Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are sitting.]
CHANDLER: Hey Phoebs, can I have the milk after you?
CHANDLER: What's this?
JOEY: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
CHANDLER: Well, thanks man. Now I can get my pony.
Joey: Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.
Chandler: (rubbing his temples) Oh, no-no-no-no-no....
CHANDLER: I don't know. It's a bracelet.
CHANDLER: I so am.
CHANDLER: Alright, one of you give me your underpants.
CHANDLER: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
Joey: Dude-dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
CHANDLER: No, I'm alright, thanks.
PHOEBE: Chandler, Chandler.
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
[Chandler rips off the sheet of paper from the printer.]
JOEY: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts.
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
CHANDLER: That's great. All right, I gotta get to work, I got a big dinosaur bone to inspect.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is there. Joey enters.]
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby!
CHANDLER: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.
Chandler: See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!
CHANDLER: I can't believe it.
CHANDLER: Well this one's for you.
CHANDLER: Hey.
PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
CHANDLER: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks in behind him]
CHANDLER: That's what they'll call us.
CHANDLER: OK, I was wrong, that's what they used to cover Connecticut.
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
CHANDLER: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
(Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Chandler smacks him with a newspaper. Joey enters, Ross and Chandler laugh at him.)
CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is up in arms about the Rachel/Julie situation.]
CHANDLER: Work on your music?
JOEY: Ten years I've been waiting for a break like this Chandler, ten years! I mean, Days of Our Lives. That's actually on television.
CHANDLER: [sits down] Ohh yes.
CHANDLER: Congratulations!
CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine?
CHANDLER: [walks over to the woman] I know what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
CHANDLER: I didn't know it was a big secret.
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move]
(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat.)
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe enter.]
CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
CHANDLER: I'll cancel the sodas.
Chandler: Oh, Im taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed dialer.
CHANDLER: So how'd it go?
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: It's the Miracle Wax.
CHANDLER: Listen can you guys uh, speak up, it's harder for us to hear you when you lower your voice.
Phoebe: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping orOh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!
CHANDLER: Phoebs, let me ask you something, were, were these, uh, funny brownies?
CHANDLER: She's one of us now.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
CHANDLER: Well maybe he was nervous.
CHANDLER: Hey. Hold on a second. [shoots a goal] Huh?
CHANDLER: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, with a blanket draped over her shoulders, opens the door to a similarly clad Chandler.]
CHANDLER: That thing, it's a uhh. . . yeah it's, it's a little flashy.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
CHANDLER: Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?
CHANDLER: Waaa-aaah.
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
Chandler: (to Joey) Noo!! I dont care! Im not, Im not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!
CHANDLER: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
Chandler: Ho-ho, so hard we had to throw out your underwear again?
Chandler: But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting, aint that funny? Irony? Not a fan, alright (he sits down). See, heres the thing. I went home and told my wife about Tulsa and she wont go. See, me, I love Tulsa! Tulsa is heaven! Tulsa is ItalyPlease dont make me go there!
Chandler: The abridgment.
Chandler: I know, I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me. You have to let me in.
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is alone as Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Joey enter dejectedly in softball gear.]
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
CHANDLER: Well then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Fine with me.
Chandler: Janice I didnt even know you were pregnant! Whos the unwitting human whos essence youve stolen?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the process.]
Chandler: Listen er..I need to ask you a favor but you can't tell Monica anything about it.
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.