words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Monica: Oh my God, sit down! Sit down! How long as it been since weve seen each other?
Phoebe: I dont know. You could tie her up, she could tie you up; you could eat stuff off each other
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
(They start moving towards the bedroom, never taking their eyes off each other. They move past Ross and stop.)
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Monica: Yeah! Roses or Lilies? (Holds up a picture of each.)
RACHEL: No. [hitting each other]
Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that were gonna get married.
Rachel: (starting to cry) Ohh, you guys are so made for each other.
Chandler: Well, she walked in when I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? (Ross and Joey look at each other and go back to watching the game on TV.) Guys? Guys? (Walks in front of them again.)
Chandler: No Im serious, we should tell each other everything. I do not have any secrets from you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are sitting there and not talking to each other.]
Ross: And! We should keep all the stuff uh, we told each other secret from everybody else.
Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
Ross: No Joey! Look why dont, why dont we just let her decide? Okay? Hey-hey, well each go out with her one more time. And-and well see who she likes best.
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
(Phoebe grabs each of them by an ear.) Monica and Rachel: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Joey: (about to cry) Those two only had each other!
Chandler: (frustrated) Okay, for the last time. Its not named for each individual man.
Kristen: Do you two know each other?
Ross: No, but ah, theres coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes. I tell you what, Ill put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.
Chandler: Do you realize you get louder each week?
Rachel: Well yknow, we would umm, repeat everything the other said, or uh, wed jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so theyd put salt on their cereal.
Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction.
Phoebe and Rachel: (to each other) I dont know.
Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
Chandler: Okay, here you go. (He deals out two cards each.) I have two queens, what do you have?
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
Ross: It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!
[Scene: The Hotel, Monicas room, Mr. and Mrs. Bing are staring at each other while Phoebe looks on.]
(Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and place them on each others fingers.)
Ross: (he starts reading directly from his cards word for word very quietly) "There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct "
Ross: (moves closer) All Im saying is, its one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I dont know, like a (turns and puts his face close to Rachels and screams) surprise!!
Monica: Chandler, this is not our problem. We've got each other. That's all that matters.
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica is returning, but before she enters the apartment she stops on the step and changes from wearing tennis shoes to the boots and she moans in pain as she puts each boot on.]
Mr. Franklin: Oh then you know each other.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Phoebe: Umm, look we dont, we dont really know each other so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but there seems to be something between us. And I dont know about you but that doesnt happen to me a lot.
Rachel: Oh we justwe drove each other crazy!
Richard: Oh, Im sorry. (Introduces them.) Lisa, (nodding at each) Monica, Chandler. We used to date.
Ross: Well, we-we havent said that to each other yet, but I guess its okay to say it to other people.
David: We enjoy watching each other. And I settle for watching each others performance, and we like each other.
Ross and Rachel while looking at each other surprised and shocked: Jill?
(They turn to look at each other and suddenly remember that they did in fact get married.)
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Joey: Uh How long have we known each other?
(Monica and Chandler both look at each other and run over to the window to watch the action in Ross apartment)
Phoebe: Oh, great! We couldnt keep our eyes off each other all night and then every once and a while yknow, hed kinda lean over and stroke my hair and touch my neck. (Does that to Monica.)
(They run and hug each other.)
Rachel: How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse, to the point where we cant even be in the same room with each other?!
Phoebe: Isnt it funny how we kept running into each other? Its as if someone really wants us to be together.
Rachel: Well, at least you make each other laugh.
Phoebe: Yeah? I know! I know! Uh huh? Listen why dont we just um, sit and relax? You know just be with each other. Quietly!
Rachel: Umm, our situation. Yknow umm, what we mean to each other. And I mean we-were having this baby together, and we live together. Isnt that, isnt that weird?
Jim: We have. Maybe well be seeing each other at dinner tomorrow night, say around 8 oclock?
(They look at each other and smile for a while.)
Monica: We're gonna see each other naked.
(Ross and Rachel look into each others eyes and kiss.)
Phoebe: Alright you guys, we cant turn on each other, Okay? Thats just what she wants.
Rachel: yeah your both so slutty you don't even remember who you've slept with, you're made for each other.
Chandler: No-no-no-no. (Waves him away as Monica and Phoebe enter whispering to each other.) Hey! (Monica shushes him.)
Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!
David: ...it's uhm... i-it's two on each cheek and uhm... and one on the lips.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. She and David are still kissing each other in the living room.]
Chandler: Okay. Thats better. Now I want you to both apologize to each other and mean it.
(Chandler and Monica look at each other.� Chandler nods.)
(All are leaving, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.)
(They both look at each other, then Phoebe gets an idea.)
Phoebe: You know, it's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so long and I've never heard about you.
Phoebe: Do you not know each other?
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I cant date you or have a hot plate in my office. I cant believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Ross: Why dont they just jump out of an airplane?! Huh?! That-thats a fun date! Or burn each other with matches?! Thats fun too! Whew!!
Phoebe: I don't know. They're so perfect for each other; it's crazy.
(Phoebe and Mike sit next to each other)
Phoebe: You know what? Maybe once they start dating, and they see what's out there, they'll realise how good they are for each other.
Monica: Believe me, Chandler and I have not seen each other in over a week. We�ll probably be the first ones there.
RACHEL: (as herself) "Well, should we just continue to live together and not really tell each other how we're really feeling?"
Rachel: So I thought Joey and I would be okay once we hung out, but its not even like we know how to be with each other anymore.
Joey/Drake: So what about us? Everything we feel for each other.
Ross: Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products. This is amazing, thank you, thank you so much. (he leans in, and they look at each other for a moment) That's a pretty necklace.
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
[Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. The triplets are now sleeping on top of each other on the couch.]
(They kiss each other on the cheek, and Rachel leaves.)
Chandler: Oh, I see what you mean, that's quite nice. (They look at each other, both embarassed)
Monica: Look, guys, you can't do this, it's just going to make getting over each other, that much harder.
(Joey and Rachel continue to look at each other in silence for a while)
(Ross and Mike glance at each other then both suddenly turn to Phoebe who is gone. �They sheepishly exchange glances.)
Charlie: ... is it weird that it's not with each other?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are baby-sitting the triplets. They each have one baby.]
Joey: Yeah! Good night! (they give each other a small kiss on the mouth, and stare at each other for a while)
Joey: (Laughs) Of course we do! Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school. Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games. (To Mike) Hey, remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?!
Rachel: Ill be right there! (to Ross) Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought weve gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?
(They both stare for a while, and then look at each other)
(Monica and Phoebe look at each other and leave the apartment again)
(They look at each other for a while)
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as its a compliment.
Charlie: I'm sorry... (introduces them to each other) Ross Geller... Benjamin Hobart.
(While they are both pushing the painting towards each other, Phoebe enters)
Chandler: Yeah, I miss that too. I tell you what; from now on well make time to hang out with each other.
Rachel: Okay, well you had asked me how long we had known each other, and I said, "Eight years." And the um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half, and umm now here we are.
Phoebe: How-how about you each get five vetoes?
Chandler: Oh yeah! Okay, lets play again. (He deals out two cards each again.) What do you got?