words in movies
[Scene: The Moondance diner, Monica is cleaning up with one of the waiters, with her back turned to him she removes her fake breasts and hides them under her wig.]
Ross: Chandler, what kind of an idiot do you take me for? (As he picks up the fake Ben.)
Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?
Rachel: (fake disappointment) All right. All right Phoebe I will let you have him, but you owe me; you owe me big!
Chandler: Do we have any...(turns around and bumps Monica's fake chest) Do we have any thoughts here?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are there.]
Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts...
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
Fake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish background.
Fake Monica: Hey.
Fake Monica: Oh. Thanks.
Fake Monica: That I was not expecting.
JOEY: [in a fake voice] Uhh, hello Miss Buffay. I know where your dog is. I want you to know that he'll be returned to you, almost as good as new, within, within 24 hours. Uh, goodbye. [hangs up]
Fake Monica: Well, actually, you only got to sing 'Memo-'.
Amanda: (In a fake British accent) It's so nice to see you! Both of you! Look at me. Look how young I look! (gives her coat to Monica as well) Oh gosh! We have so much to catch up on! But first things first: touch my abs (at which point she grabs both Phoebe and Monica's hands and places them both on her stomach) I don't exercise at all! (she pulls them down to sit.) Oh gosh, so Monica, you're married!
CHANDLER: So is he housetrained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. Good, STAY! Good fake dog.
Woman: (Fake Monica) Monana?
Fake Monica: There's nothing to wonder about, Monica. You're gonna go back to being exactly who you were, because that's who you are.
Fake Monica: Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what it is, maybe it's the Amish thing.
Fake Monica: Really? Then why are you like that?
Phoebe: Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why?
Fake Monica: I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my colour. How-how did you know I was here?
Fake Monica: You're kidding! I-I spent three years in Amsterdam. (Asks her something in Dutch)
Phoebe: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake cheery voice) congratulations! This is so exciting!
Ross: Oh yeah, how about you and the, (mimics her fake cry) "Im sorry!"
Tim: Whoops. Sorry. (Looking at it, like a newscaster) This just in. (Phoebe fake laughs.) Oh, its 9-1-1 from the restaurant, that means Monica needs me right away. (Starts to leave.)
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
Joey: Oh, nothing, no. Its an acting exercise, Im practising my fake laugh.
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
Fake Monica: Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?
Cliff: I dont believe this. You got him to pretend he was some fake doctor?
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Ross: Thats okay. Shes still in there enjoying her fake party and uh, its too late to do any of the things I had planned, so
Chandler: (in a fake voice) Hi there.
Monica: Well Id probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice.
Monica: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. (she apes Amanda using an awful British accent) "Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!"
Joey: And its not fake, its totally brutal.
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess its just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
[The One With The Fake Party]
Monica: Because your all gonna make up fake specials and make me cook them like you did the other night?
Phoebe: Have you thought about what you would be giving up? You can't move out of the city, what if you want Chinese food at 5am? Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?
Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.
Ross: (answering the phone) Hello? (Listens) Hey Mon, hows the packing going? (Listens) Ben? Hes fine. Yeah, hes rightOh my God! (He looks over at the fake Ben and notices that the head has fallen off.) Get your head of your shirt there son! (He tries to push the pumpkin through the neck hole.) What? (Listens) Yeah, its a pumpkin. Ill come pack.
Monica: The fake kind!
Joey: (To Chandler) You're fake laughing too, right?
[Scene: New York City Department of Correction, Monica is visiting Fake Monica.]
(Chandler does a fake laugh.)
Monica: Me and Chandler?! (Does her fake laugh.)
Chandler: You know, I don't mind a... male nanny, but I do draw the line at a male wetnurse. (again they laugh, even more fake than before)
MONICA: Joey they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're fake. See [squeezes her breast] honk honk.
Monica: I love the "I forgot the present" fake out!
Monica: Ohh. (Rubs her fake stomach.)
Chandler: How do you feel about the, "I really did forgot the present, please forgive me" not fake out?
Monica: Oh, I know, I never wear fake ones. I just did it so my Mom wouldnt give me grief about me biting them.
Chandler: At a fake game!!
PHOEBE: Well, 'cause, I mean, what if, what if he's not this great dad guy? I mean, what if, what if he's just still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us? You know what? I've already lost a fake dad this week and I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.
[Chandler makes a fake "I know I couldnt believe it either" gesture.]
Chandler: Oh thats right. Its your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?
Monica: I mean this has been like my dream since I got my first Easy Bake Oven and opened Easy Monicas Bakery. I mean I would kill for this job. I mean I can totally do this job, and God knows I paid my dues. (She removes her fake breasts) But Petes just doing this because he has a crush on me.
Monica: You would not believe my day! I had to work two shifts, and then to top it off, I lost one of my fake boobs, (opens her coat revealing a large burn mark over her left breast.) in a grill fire.
Ross: (to the guys) I gotta go make a fake Ben.
Ross: We got honourable mention in the brother/sister dance category! Look, its almost fake midnight, do we really have any other choice?
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think Ive ever heard.
Chandler: Yknow, sometimes that fake out thing is just mean!
Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin)
[Scene: Moondance Diner. Ross, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are sitting at the counter, Monica is working. Monica is wearing her costume, including big fake breasts.]
Joey: Sure, sure. Ok, (clears his throat and starts to read from his script. He starts talking in a fake French accent, making gestures with his hands) "Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu" (Phoebe looks astonished, annoyed and disgusted, Joey seems very proud though) See?
Chandler: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?
Monica: Now you think I wouldn't enjoy that, because it is so fake, (Laughs) but I still do.
Joey: Fine! Do you take Vasa or Mustercard? (He's holding the fake credit cards that come with the bag.)
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Chandler: That fake British woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance... Hey!
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
Monica: They gave us a fake number? Why? Why would they do that?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
Monica: Okay, maybe people give out fake numbers, but they dont give out fake names.
Monica: I still don't get why Greg and Jenny would give us a fake number.
Ross: (with his mouth full) Just a second! (he fake laughs, but turns his head and starts to break down)
Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
Monica: Right there! That was so fake!
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
Joey: Fake? Excuse me? Hello? (Taps the TV screen.)
Monica: Ohh. (Rubs her fake stomach.)
Rachel: I was faking it! Can't you tell when I'm being fake?
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...? (Monica starts laughing, but very exaggerated. Joey realises they also should laugh and punches Ross. Now all three of them laugh, but very fake. Chandler seems happy again.)
Chandler: Sorry, I just cant sleep. Ooh! (Turns on the light and Monica groans.) Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover Im like (Fake snores.)
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
(Joey is sitting in an armchair and wearing a diving mask. He pulls out a grape from a bunch of fake grapes on the coffee table, puts it on the snorkel's breathing tube and blows it out, then giggles to himself)
Fake Monica: There's an open call for Cats. I'm thinking we go down there, sing Memories and make complete fools of ourselves. Whaddya say?
Phoebe: (without moving her lips, wearing a fake smile) Okay, I will. (to Rita) This is my husband Crap Bag.
Ross: Ben, say hi to Aunt Monica. (He holds the phone to the fake Ben he has created out of a pumpkin.) Oh, I guess he doesnt feel like talking right now. Hes smiling though! Okay, talk to you later.
Fake Monica: Monana was very brave.
Phoebe: You got fake numbered.
Rachel: I mean n-not-not fake at all like most famous people.
Monica: Y'know what really bothers me? Isit's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" (Mocks the fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
Chandler: Right on! Oh! Uh, but, dont take to long okay? 'Cause uh, we're gonna test out our fake ID's tonight, right Clifford Alverez.
Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, wed like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, its the one with the fake chocolate. Monica has baked some cookies and Phoebe is trying them.]