words in movies
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Phoebe: I didnt know Playboy prints jokes.
Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.
Chandler: I made that joke up.
Ross: Uh, oh-oh, no you didnt. I did.
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
Chandler: Yeah, I guess.
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
Chandler: Nah, Monicas watching some cooking show. Come on, I dont want to miss when they were skinny.
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Joey: No, thats VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . Its like a lotta noise to me. I dont know
Joey: I uh, oh! Because, uh, I havent really paid the bill
Joey: No, Chandler. Look, forget about it, okay? Look, I know things have been a little tight since Janine moved out. Oh, was she hot.
Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).
Phoebe: Oh, I want to look too! (She runs over and sits down and checks out a picture). Yikes!
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, like in the case of this young woman, she has lost her clothes, so she rides naked on the horse, shes crying out, Where are they, where are they?
Rachel: You see, now, I would date this girl. Shes cute, shes outdoorsy, you know, and she knows how to build a fire. I mean, thats got to come in handy
Monica: Okay, Ive got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?
Rachel: (thinks) I dont know.
Phoebe: I dont know. (Pause) Me neither.
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Joey: Oh, you guys, with this joke. I gotta say, I know I cracked up, but Im not even sure I got it.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Ross: Well, I was going to stick it in the ATM, but now I think Ill show the sexy teller that I am a published writer.
Ross: Well, Im not going to go now anyway (he goes to sit down).
Joey: Ah, Gunther, I cant pay for this right now because Im not working, so Ive had to cut down on some luxuries like uh, payin for stuff.
Joey: Uh, I dont know. Ya see, its just, see I was a regular on a soap opera yknow? And to go from that to this, I just Plus, Id have to wait on all my friends.
Joey: Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone?
Monica: (visibly upset) She picked Rachel. I mean, she tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel.
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Joey: (sheepishly) I finished my book. (Chandler and Monica slowly retreat back to bed.)
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
Phoebe: I guess it was kinda funny.
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!
Monica: That is completely untrue. You think Im high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and were going to go through it point by point!
Rachel: What? Wait a minute. What are you saying, that Im a pushover? Im not a pushover.
Rachel: Oh my you think Im a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? Youre not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think thats pretty strong, thats what I think. Come on, Monica, lets go to lunch. (She leaves)
Rachel: I cannot believe her.
Monica: I know. Where do you wanna go eat?
Rachel: Oh, oh, I love that Japanese place.
Monica: Im sick of Japanese. Were not going there.
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink, cause Im heading up there.
Ross: Uh, yeah, Ill take a coffee. Thanks, man.
Joey: Sure. (To Monica and Rachel) Coffee? Cause Im going up there.
Joey: (to a table of strangers) You guys need anything, cause Im heading up there.
Woman: Id love an ice water.
Rachel: Joey, honey, I dont think youre supposed to go back there.
Joey: Okay, but I dont see you asking any other paying customers to put on aprons.
Joey: Its kind of embarrassing, yknow. I mean, I was an actor and now Im a waiter. Its supposed to go in the other direction.
Joey: I mean, the jobs easy and the moneys good, you know? I guess Im going to be hanging out here anyway. I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys.
Rachel: Come on, Joey, I did it and it was fine.
Ross: Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey, can I get some coffee?
Joey: Okay, I guess it doesnt seem that weird.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Joey: Thanks, Rach. Look, you guys are just terrific. Yknow? Now, how about clearing out of here so I can get some new customers. Its all about turnover.
Ross: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?
Joey: Oh, Im sorry, Ross. Ill get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, Ill toss in a free muffin.
Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?
Phoebe: That true, I am flaky.
Monica: Well, then, Im okay with being high maintenance.
Rachel: Yeah, and I am okay with being a pushover.
Monica: I am not high maintenance!
Rachel: I am not a pushover!
Phoebe: Oh, Im flaky. Ill say anything.
Joey: Hey, Gunther. Can you uh, can you cover for me? I just got an audition.
Gunther: No, Im leaving to get my hair dyed.
Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, its a great part. Look, check it out. Im the lead guys best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. Im sorry, that seats saved.
Gunther: Okay, Ill see you in an hour.
Joey: Oh, man, I could totally get that part. Im sorry, that seat is taken.
Joey: No, no, I didnt mean you. But, you believed me, huh?
Patron: I believed you were saving this seat for someone.
Joey: Yeah, its for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. Its a very important issue in this months Playboy. Im sure you all read about it.
Ross: Yknow, I dont think were going to settle this.
Monica: Why do I have to decide?
Monica: I cant be fair. Youre my boyfriend.
Ross: Yeah, but Im your brother. Were family. Thats the most important thing in the world.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Monica: Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?
Chandler: Can I finish my story?!
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.
Chandler: So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steves doctors name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, Doctor Monkey? And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. (He slams his feet up on the table to emphasize his point.)
Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, Im a doctor, and I had a monkey. Im Doctor Monkey!
Chandler: Im not arguing with that.
Monica: All right, Ive heard enough. Ive made my decision.
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think Ive ever heard.
Phoebe: Really? Ive heard better.
Chandler: (To Chandler) Im out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
Monica: Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!
Chandler: Im sorry. Youre not easy-going, but youre passionate, and thats good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that Im pretty good about making you feel better about that. And thats good too. So, they can say that youre high maintenance, but its okay, because I like maintaining you.
Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didnt even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right youre off my list.
Chandler: (happily) Im off the list. (Sits on the couch.)
Monica: (sits next to him) Phoebe, its okay that you dont want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Yknow, suddenly I find you very attractive.
Joey: Not good, no. I didnt get the part, and I lost my job here, so
Joey: Well, I had the audition but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me.
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
Rachel: Thats right, he can have his job back. Im glad we got that all straightened out. There you go, Joey, you got your job back.
Rachel: Oh, Im sorry. (Gets up and moves.)
Phoebe: Hey, I never got to hear who you guys would pick to be your girlfriend.
Monica: I pick you, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I kinda thought.
Rachel: Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?
Joey: Im not answering that.
Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. Im not answering that.
Amanda: (In a fake British accent) It's so nice to see you! Both of you! Look at me. Look how young I look! (gives her coat to Monica as well) Oh gosh! We have so much to catch up on! But first things first: touch my abs (at which point she grabs both Phoebe and Monica's hands and places them both on her stomach) I don't exercise at all! (she pulls them down to sit.) Oh gosh, so Monica, you're married!
Joey: Oh, wow! I'm so sorry, ok? I promise, we'll do better next time!
Rachel: Okay please tell me that this is just one of your jokes that you do that I dont get.
Gene: Well, I will, because I won't be playing with you.
Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe! We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it! You're not working right now, and we have such a great time together!
Chandler: The meaning of the box is three fold. One (holds a finger up through the air hole), it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two (holds up another finger), it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three (holds up a third finger), it hurts!
Missy: Well, Chandler and I used to make out! A lot!
Joey: (smiling from ear to ear) Ah-haah! I win!!
Phoebe: Oh God no, I don't wanna see him take his clothes off!
Ross: I mean, theres no point in spending time with someone if-if its just fun. Its gotta be, its gotta be going somewhere right? So where-where is it going? (Pause) Ah! Thats-thats the real question. And-and the answer is is its going somewhere fun. Now I-I know what youre thinking, fun was fine for you like ten years ago yknow, but youre-youre not getting any younger. No I meanNo not you, not you, youyou are getting younger. I meanyou-you look like youre getting younger by the secondWhats your secret?
Phoebe: Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted.
Monica: Oh, no! I mean, obviously we want to see you take your clothes off! You big piece of eye candy!
Rachel: No, no, no... No, I mean... se-x-u-ally...
Phoebe: This is how I look when I'm turned on!
RACHEL: Well, we're not here to meet guys.� You have a boyfriend, I have a b. . . baby and a Ross.
Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out!
Ross: No-no! Ill-Ill (He takes too much and some falls out of his mouth, which starts him laughing.)
Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?
Rachel: No! Im not! I-I-I just think its wrong! Its-its that ImHere I am about to pop and hes out picking up some shop girl at Sluts R Us!
Phoebe: I don't care. We're not paying you 300 dollars for this.
Joey: (To Henrietta) My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes! (makes a thumbs up sign)
Chandler: I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair. (Ross just stares at him) All right, look, if we're really gonna do this... it's not like you never broke one of the pacts.
Joey: (out of his Monica character) Very good! Drawing on your own experience, I like that!
Monica: You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. How can I lose you? (Phoebe looks very flattered) Now, I don't actually have a ring...
Ross: I didn't.
Chandler: Oh please, and you knew how much I liked her.
Ross: I don't know what... you're talking about.
Monica: I KNOW!
Monica: I clunked your heads together!
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Chandler: O-kay. I'll see if I can find Ross. (Goes off to find Ross.)
Phoebe: Wow, a house for dolls, that is so cool! When I was kid, I had a barrel.
Ross: I didn't know you knew about that.
Ross: (looks disappointed in himself) Man... I... I'm sorry.
Chandler: Well, I think it's great that you're going on a date, you know? I mean, it sounds healthy. I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood!
Joey: All right, Im here, lets ahh, get this over with.
Ross: So, eh. I made out with Adrienne and you made out with Missy. Well I guess we're even.
Rachel: I am sooo drunk.
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh yeah. There is a plan! Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now?
Rachel: (still searching) Oh, I know... I know it's been really hard for you.
Adrienne: Oh believe me, Ross, I won't be telling anybody about this.
Chandler: I know. Gooooood luck with it.
Rachel: (pretends to be stunned) Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world!
Monica: No, I think we should save our china for something really special. Like if the Queen of England comes over.
Joey: (sympathetic) Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know any Spanish words.
Joey: Dude, dude! I think you're losing it.
Ross: (goes over to Julio) Come here, here, come here, come here, (pause) Mrs. Buffay. Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friends mother.
Ross: Because... the night you kissed Rachel was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time.
Joey: (To the rest of the gang) Hey, see that? He just needed his pal to come home. All right, uh, Ive got to go memorise my lines. (Starts to go his bedroom) Me and Charlton Heston bright and early tomorrow morning! Yeah-yeah!
Chandler: I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed.
Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl, and then put her on your bed?
Rachel: Im great! Im great. Ive got a great job at Bloomingdales, have wonderful friends, and eventhough Im not seeing anyone right now, Ive never felt better about myself.
Chandler: What did I marry into?
Monica: Because! Shes my cousin. I mean, we grew up together! Were family yknow? Well thats important to me.
The Hot Girl: No, I-I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. I mean you had just moved in.
Rachel: (on the phone) No, no, no, Im looking at a purchase order right here and it clearly states that we ordered the Rivera bikini in a variety of sizes and colours. And.... (listens) What does it matter, what Im wearing?! Can I please speak to your supervisor? (listens) Thank you. (to Sophie) Were holding.
Mike: All right, that was Kenneth with his much too literal rendition of "I touch myself". Coming up next we've got Monicasinging "Delta Dawn".
Phoebe: Oh, thank you. I hope... I hope you know how much you mean to me.
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
Ross: Yeah, would you please consider moving here? I mean you were gonna move here anyway, why can't you just do that?
Phoebe: Well, I don't care, so you pick!
Monica: Did you just hung up on me? (she hangs up too) All right, look, I need you at the rehearsal dinner tonight at 1800 hours.
Chandler: No stupid jokes. I thought that was for the actual wedding.
Ross: I wanna say it's not looking good.
RICHARD: Oh, no, honey, I mean, don't worry, I like hanging out with those guys. It's fun for me. They're different than my other friends, they don't start sentences with, 'You know who just died shoveling snow?'
Phoebe: Oh! I though the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian!
Woman On Train: I made a bet with myself that you have beautiful eyes. Now that I see them, I win.
Monica: Yeah, I changed them. I-I sent you a fax about it!
Phoebe: I don't have a fax machine.
Monica: Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
Chandler: I know, I hate being left out of things.
Joey: Thats better, now just bend your arms a little more. There you go. Okay, look straight ahead. Now this time I want you to really put your ass into it. (They do a practice swing and she really puts her ass into it.)
Rachel: (laughs) Okay. All right, I see what he's doing! He's not asking me out, because he wants me to ask him out.
Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up)
The Librarian: Well, yes! Just give me five minutes, I just have to find someone to cover my shift.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don'tI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel)
Chandler: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as he is me!
Chandler: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.
Phoebe: I decided to pee.
Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries Oh my God! I cant believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't wanna choose! It's (Rachel is walking by). Oh okay, wait. Rach! Listen I have a very special bridesmaid task for you today.
Rachel: What, what, what, no, I don't wanna do that.
Mike: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
David: (after a while) How do you think I should propose?
Phoebe: Why, do I have a feeling thats not as happy as it sounds? (Joey points out one going into the chipper to her, as this haunty, demonic music starts to play in the background) No! Nooooo!!! (she winces in horror and hides her face against Joeys shoulder, as she sees the tree spit out from the chipper.)
Chandler: No, Im not mocking you, (in a mocking voice) or you beautiful guest room. (Exits.)
Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldnt have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states. So I decided to list the types of celery, and I have one: regular celery.
Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, its still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now its, and now its gone and I dont know why!
Rachel: Barbara! Hi, how are you? (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) No, I understand. Yeah. Oh, oh, come on, no, I'm fine. Don't be silly. Yeah... oh, but you know, if-if anything else opens up, pleaHello? Hello? (hangs up phone, very depressed)
Ross: I like your bow.
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Monica: Mm-mh. I printed them out on my computer.
Ross: (even more shocked) Wha..? I need 6 graduate students.
Ross: I never did anything with Adrienne Turner.
Rachel: Me too. Oh, I'm just sorry I'm not gonna be around to watch you two attempt to handle this! Alright, I can't say goodbye to you guys again. I love you all so much.
Joey: Dont worry man, I get to bring a guest. Well show him.
Ross: Rachel, Ive seen you naked a million times. I ate hot fudge off you naked. Remember, I-I sucked that mini-marshmallow out of your belly button?
Monica: I know.