words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, he is giving Monica a massage.]
(She starts the massage, only she is doing extremely hard and Chandler is gasping in pain.)
Joey: Oh! Yeah, look there's this play all right? And I'm up for the part of this real cool like suave international guy. A real clothes horse. So I figure that everyone at the audition is gonna be wearing this kinda y'know, ultra-hip, high fashion stuff.
Ross: Is everything okay?
[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Rachel is fixing Joey up with some new clothes.]
Joey: See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
[Scene: Ursula's apartment, Phoebe is about to break the bad news to her sister. She knocks on the door.]
Ursula: Who is it?
Rachel: (entering) Joey, what are you doing with the bag? You're audition is not until tomorrow.
Joey: Yeah, but sandwich time is right now. (Removes a sandwich and starts eating.)
[Scene: Phoebe's Grandmother's memorial, Phoebe is at the door welcoming people.]
Man: Oops, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Is this the umm, the memorial?
(Needless to say, Phoebe is stunned into silence. And one audience member gasps.)
[Scene: The Funeral Home, continued from earlier. Phoebe is returning after looking for her father.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, after the funeral, everyone is there.]
Rachel: Ahhh, I think you look great! That bag is gonna get you that part.
Joey: Y'know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag! Okay? And it's as handy as it is becoming. Now, just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. All right? So from now on you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey, (pats the bag) comes with a bag! (Exits.)
Chandler: (wincing) Yes, he is!
[Scene: Joey's audition, he is with bag.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is poking his head in.]
Chandler: Hey, is Rachel here?
[Scene: Central Perk, Frank Sr. is just arriving.]
Phoebe: Okay. I have just a few questions to ask so I'm going to get out my official forms. (She picks up a couple of crumpled receipts.) Okay, so, question 1) You and uh, you were married to Francis' daughter Lilly, is that correct?
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
Frank Sr.: Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers on backwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more!
(Phoebe is trying not to smile. He moves closer and very shyly holds out his hand and turns his head, hoping for Phoebe to take his hand. She doesn't.)
Rachel: I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag.
Kristen: Well uh, Ross? This is Joey. Joey? Ross.
Phoebe: (muffled through the floor) Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... (I tired but the rest is unintelligible).
ROSS: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.
Rachel: Pheebs, this whole apartment thing is just a nightmare! Every place I can afford comes with a roommate who is a freak. I mean, look at this; (Points to one and starts to read it.) "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." Its just, there is nothing! The citys full!
Joey: Oh wait, before you tell me what it is! (He plays a drum-roll) Okay, what is it?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
(There is no response from Rachel.)
Joey: Come on Rach! Look, turning thirty is not that big a deal.
Chandler: Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with!
[Cut back to Rachels party, everyone is now eating breakfast, except Rachel.]
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
RTST: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?
Joey: Yeah, youre roommate is a soap opera star.
Monica: Well, doing nothing on your thirtieth is better than doing something stupid, like Ross.
Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise, I mean thats, thats, thats just it for us hanging out together. Y'know is that what you want? (they both look away) Can you be civil?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Phoebe is already there waiting for the delievery guy.]
Monica: No! No-no! He is totally incompetent. I called the chef who recommended him to me. He said, "Ha-ha! Gotcha!"
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
PHOEBE: Well, you kind of just did.� That guy is going to call you tonight.� Ross is going to pick up the phone and that's a pretty clear message.
(Joey walks away and Mr. and Mrs. Geller walk up. Mr. Geller is wearing this ancient velvet tuxedo.)
Joey: Francette? What is she? A couch?
Woman: (To Joey) Is this yours?
Phoebe: Well, I never knew mine. Do you remember what it is?
Rachel: Ooh... oooh... (pause) (Rachel is all bah-jiggity about Joey) oh, ah... (pause) (to Monica) Can I ask you a question?
(Chandler walks over to where the rest of the gang is.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is examining the broken foosball table as Chandler enters from his room.]
[Scene: Rachels birthday, everyone is presenting their presents to Rachel.]
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Phoebe how to ride her bike.]
Rachel: (Faking crying.) Yeah, he dumped me. He said, "Rachel, I cant do this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful women. I cant do this. Im married and Im sorry." And then I dont know why but he said, "and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine."
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Chandler: No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you.
Ross: No, God no! That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.
[Cut outside, Joey is catching up with Phoebe.]
Ross: (grabbing back his coffee) If the place you are referring too is being in love, then she is in the same place as me because I am not in that place!
Rachel: Yeah, it is! But youre just a kid! I mean youre 25!
Tag: Rachel, dont do this. This is just because youre turning thirty.
Ross: Yes lets. Yknow what? Uh, its-its not important. What is important is that, is that were having a baby. And its notDoesnt matter who came on to who.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Ross: (moves closer) All Im saying is, its one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I dont know, like a (turns and puts his face close to Rachels and screams) surprise!!
Monica: What is DOOL?
Monica: Do you mind telling us what it is?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same night. There is a knock on the door and Chandler answers it to reveal Emily standing behind it.]
Ross: Thats right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, were dating. And you may frown upon that, but were not gonna hide it anymore.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is pouring Rachel some coffee.]
Joey: Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it?
Chandler: Seriously? Seriously, no! You can play your own age which is 31!
Joey: No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica is cleaning with a vacuum and then she cleans it with a dust buster. The guys enter the room.]
Ross: Oh really. Is that how you felt when you turned thirty?
Rachel: (checking the speed dial) All right, first name on the speed dial is mom.
Monica: What is that?
Chandler: Why is your family Ross?!
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
Phoebe: That is a different phone.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the entire gang is there, eating breakfast. Phoebe is on the couch, fidgeting.]
(Kristen is not enjoying this.)
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is getting shown to her desk by the supervisor.]
Phoebe: (pause as she considers it) Okay, well Ross, what is this really about?
Ross: Oh well, it sounds to me like your family is ready to uh, rediscover its Scottish roots.
Cecilia: Is that supposed to be me?
Ross: Well yeah-yeah the Scottish history is so much more
[Scene: Central Perk, Sergei is teaching Phoebe how to sing American Pie, by Don Maclean.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is being yelled at by her dad over the phone, and hes been going on for so long Rachel is holding the phone away from her ear and reading a book.]
Joey: Here it is! Our last pizzas together as roommates.
[Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes him again, but Chandler covers his eyes, and keeps running. He then runs into a tree at the end of the field.]
[Time Lapse, Paul is now weeping uncontrollably in Rachels arms.]
Rachel: Oh yeah! (She gasps.) Oh my God! That is our friend! (Monica covers her face.) It's Naked Ross! (Monica turns and buries her face in Chandler's shoulder.)
Phoebe: No! Hey, we're not leaving until we get paid! I don't know who she thinks she is! Enough is enough! (Phoebe goes into the living room.) Hey, widow?
Phoebe and Rachel: (simultaneously) Who is it?
RACHEL: I know. And Mom, I realize you and Daddy were upset when I didn't marry Barry and get the big house in the suburbs with all the security and everything, but this is just so much better for me, you know?
(There is a knock on the door.)
Ross: Hey, yknow whats weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people youre gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." Thats weird isnt it?
Joey: That uh, that is my roommate Rachel.
Receptionist: (holds up her handshe is on the phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, breakfast is finished but Rachels still down.]
Joey: Yeah, its okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. Its the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to move Joeys chair and not having much luck at it as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Water it is.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, I noticed that! Is that cause shes so passionate?
[Scene: A Gym, Pete is training for the Ultimate Fighting Championship, with his trainer, Hoshi.]
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
MR. TREEGER: No, the place is not open 'till Tuesday. Am I not saying it right.
Chandler: Well, we're talking about sperm donors and Zack may be the guy! I mean, look, he's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic, I mean, he is "spermtastic"!
Monica: Hey! My first review is out!
Monica: That is true.
Dr. Green: 74?! I ordered the 75! Thats a magnificent wine! The 74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! (The waiters dumbfounded) Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why youre a waiter?
Phoebe: What is it?
Ross: Why dont you call him?! Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is reading and there is knock on the door which she answers.]
Phoebe: Our apartment is ready.
Phoebe: Its amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called?
Monica: Honey? Is that something youre making up?
Rachel: No!! You are getting married! This is all I have.
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting in the chair.]
Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here. (She points to the right side of her torso.)
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.]
Phoebe: (laughs) All I could think of was yknow, "Is he gonna kiss me? Is he gonna kiss me?"