words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving Joey, Ross, and Monica their drinks.]
[Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.]
Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.]
All: What is it?
Chandler: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.
Monica: Well, what kind of food is he looking for?
Phoebe: Oh, is this the bug lady?
Ross: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum.
Joey: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Marcel is hanging from Celia's hair, and she is screaming, trying to get him off.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.]
Monica: Is it better than the other salmon mousse?
Monica: Yeah, well, is that better?
Chandler: (tastes it) Well.... it is amouz-ing...
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon (the original, not that cruddy Urge Overkill version) is playing. Ross and Celia are kissing passionately.]
(Chandler is completely astounded.)
Chandler: (on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous (Listens) er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! (Listens) I'll see you on Monday! (slams the phone down)
[Scene: Chandler's new window office, he is showing Phoebe around.]
Phoebe: (excited) Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube.
Chandler: This is great! (he presses a button on his intercom) Helen, could you come in here for a moment?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone. Rachel walks in and overhears the conversation.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later. Rachel is waitressing, Monica is cooking. Phoebe walks in with Steve (Crystal Duck winner Jon Lovitz).]
Monica: (to Steve) This is Rachel.
Steve: (from the living room) Is it dry in here? (licks his lips)
(Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve is stoned. She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica thinks she's giving her the 'OK' signal. Then Rachel does it again, inhaling deeply this time. Monica waves it off as though she doesn't believe it.)
Monica: (furious) That's it! Dinner is over!
Joey: Yeah, where the hell is he?
Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!... (Listens) Oh, really, really, really? Well, let me tell you something... you will care about it, because I care about it! You got it? Good! (slams phone down, then leans back and realizes what just happened) Whooooaaaa....
[Scene: Phoebe's massage parlour, she has Steve on the table, and is giving him an extra-painful massage.]
Marc: Julies cervix is dilated a seven centimeters, thats about four fingers. The doctor let me feel it myself.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]
Chandler: Yeah okay, I was just talking to the guys. Just look at them I mean, is it okay if they come visit?
Ross: Uh-uhWow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesnt really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, Im the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is repacking the furniture into boxes to return it.]
Chandler: How is that worse?!
Rachel: Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! (Pause) That isthats greatthat is really great-great news. (Pause) Yknow cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. (Starts to cry.) God.
Joey: Over the line?! You-youre-youre so far past the line, that you-you cant even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Chandler: The reason we havent told them were together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there as Jill enters to start her date with Ross.]
Rachel: Joey, God, your apartment is like a hundred degrees!
Monica: Well, the end table is wrong, The couch looks bizarre and don't even get me started on the refrigerator magnets.
Ross: Yes, yes it is. In prison!
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
Rachel: That is the most ridiculous...
Monica: This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we give, and we give. And then- we just get nothing back! And then one day, y'know, it's just, you wake up, and "See you around!" Let's go, Phoebe.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are there. Rachel is writing something on a pad, and then crumples it up and throws it on the floor.]
Rachel: (deals new hand) Boy, you really can't stand to lose, can you? Your whole face is getting red... little veins popping out on your temple...
Chandler: Yknow, sometimes that fake out thing is just mean!
Rachel: And your horoscope says, "On the fifth a special someone is going to give you a gift."
The Producer: Joey Tribbiani, this is
Joey: (laughs) This is like the temporary robot, right?
MONICA: And, well, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sew? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh my God, am I an oat?
Ross: This isyou(Ross starts laughing.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is entering numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how much hes sold.]
Monica: Yknow, it is so strange seeing Ross here this time of day, cause usually hes got the childrens hospital.
Elizabeth: So uh, Monica is Rosss sister.
Rachel: Oh! Ross is sooo great!
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
Chandler: This is going in your book?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there alone as Paul enters.]
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
Chandler: It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. (Walks out and slams the door.)
Phoebe: Shes made it pretty clear, it is not going to happen.
Rachel: Ross, Joey is not here.
Kathy: (entering) Hey! (sees whats on TV) Oh God, is that Baywatch?
Kristen: But-but this block is like a whole other world.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, scene is continued from earlier.]
Ross: He is my girlfriends father, okay? Its-its, its weird!
Ross: This is weird for me!
Ross: How is that important?
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
PHOEBE: Yeah. Oh, except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Hey, Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross and Rachel are on their double date. Rachel is busy talking Ross up.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, is she going for spring vacation or is she going for spring break? (Does a little whooping/party noise.)
Tour Guide: Op, this is saved. (Joey wonders why) Gift shop.
Joey: Maybe that's okay. You know? Maybe, maybe it is better this way? I mean, now, now you can move on. I mean, you've been trying to for so long, maybe now that you're on different continents.. (Looks at Phoebe) Right?
Rachel: (on phone) What is my sister doing there?! And why are the drapes shut?!
Ross: This is fun. Hey Rach, remember that whole "We were on a break thing?" Well, I'm sorry, will you marry me? (Laughs--whines as he sees that no one is laughing. They're just staring at him in shock.)
Chandler: Oh Im so sorry man! Is there anything I can do?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel is still trying to talk up Ross, not to much success.]
Ross: (exhales) I got it. (He lifts the box and grunts under the strain.) (Calmly) So hi, Im uh, Im Ross and this is my friend Chandler. (He shyly waves.)
Joey: It's not right what Emily wants you to do! She is totally-(The gang enters behind Joey and Phoebe pinches him again.)-Owww!! Stop pinching me! Look, now you guys said I only had to keep my mouth shut as long as Ross was happy, right? Well he just told me that he's not entirely happy.
Chandler: And I think Ross is generous too.
[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joeys acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.]
[Time lapse, Phoebe is still asleep only Joey is now passed out next to her and the cars still moving. She wakes up, sees Joey, and screams.]
Joey: That's it? You're-you're gonna let me do this?! This-this is my career we're talking about here!
Rachel: I mean Ross all that does is remind us that you are interested in fossils.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is watching TV, and hes very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! (Motions to Chandler, "Whats going on?") Hi, Paul is it? (Paul nods yes and still hugging Joey.)
Monica: Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is showing off the entertainment center.]
Monica: Phoebe, that stuff is
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey is trying to get his picture up again.]
Chandler: (who has just entered) Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!
Ross: This place is really beautiful!
[Scene: A Cabin in the Woods, Elizabeth is giving Ross a tour.]
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]
Paul: (To Rachel) Thank you, its my moms. So this is the kitchen.
Elizabeth: Do you know where the store is?
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking along with the diplomat (Sergei) and his translator (Mischa).]
Ross: Okay, okay. Uh, well uh, Rachel is going to need to yell sweet nothings (Paul enters) in his ear.
Nurse: Im sorry, that information is restricted to hospital staff
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Monica rushes in.]
Rachel: No! No I, no Ross is not a geek!
Ross: Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over the neighbourhood. He's gone, he's-he's just gone.
[Scene: Pauls Bedroom, Elizabeth is entering.]
Paul: Ross, let me show you where the guest room is.
Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is going up to the counter.]
Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
Monica: What is wrong with this freezer?! (She jabs her arm into the freezer and a piece of ice flies into her eye.) Ow! Ow!!
Chandler: (on phone) This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! (Listens) Yes, the groomNo! Not the groom!!
Paul: Honey I made a reservation at China Garden, is that okay?
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Monica: Great! Well Rachel, the reason why I wont let you drive the Porsche is because youre a terrible driver. There! That wasnt about the wedding.
Monica: Oh its so cute. I wonder what age it is when you stop being able to put both legs over your head.
Chandler: (choking up) Oh my God thats it, thats the ring! How much is it?
Phoebe: Okay, but, well, before you say no, my friend Susanne is entering her kid and compared to Emma she's a real dog!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is still crying as Chandler enters.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, Joey is walking up to C.H.E.E.S.E. and Wayne.]
Monica: (to her son) Oh, hey handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! (To Chandler, on the verge of tears) Oh, we are so lucky!
Phoebe: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. Its over!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul and Rachel are getting ready to go out. Paul is entering from the bathroom.]
Chandler: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.